


Áine.

by JoNogueira



Series: Áine - English [1]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II, Dragon Age: Inquisition, Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: F/M, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Miscarriage, Torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-31
Updated: 2018-08-29
Packaged: 2019-01-27 00:53:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 43
Words: 100,049
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12570028
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JoNogueira/pseuds/JoNogueira
Summary: Áine is a mage from Kinloch Tower. She was there during the blight and had Cullen as one of her acquaintances.She fell in love with him but was too shy to say something about it. Nevertheless, he was in love with her friend Amell and didn’t know she even existed.A lot happened in their lives until they met again in Skyhold. And for the first time, the templar saw the mage as a woman and not as a charge.





	1. The beginning.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Amell teases Áine about Cullen, but she refuses to admit her feelings for him.

“Hello!” – Áine dropped the books on the floor with a low squeak of surprise, when her friend whispered in her ear.

“Why do you always have to do this Amell?” – She sighed frustrated, but deep down she was used to her friend’s humor.

Amell looked at her with the most irritable grin she could ever pull while she was helping Áine to gather the books from the floor.

“My oh, my! You see Áine; if you keep staring at him like that, you will end up making a hole in his chest.”  – Her smile had become a loud laugh, drawing the attention of everyone around.

“Nonsense. I am not staring at anyone” – The redness rising from her chest couldn’t be stopped. – “Can’t you see I’m organizing the books in this part of the library? Irving asked me to do it as quickly as possible because he needs me to help with the kids later, and you are making me late.” – She breathed deeply trying to regain some of her natural color.

“Right, right. The fact that you’ve been standing in this exact spot for the last fifteen minutes has nothing to do with it, right?” – With closed eyes, she cursed when she heard the clattering of armor approaching.

“Hello! Are you… do you need any help?” – The young templar asked picking one of the books from the ground.

His gloved fingers brushed on Áine’s, and she felt her heart beating faster in her chest. She turned her back to him so he wouldn’t see her face.

“Hello, Cullen! How are you today?” – Amell gave him a quick smile that he returned. – “You see, my friend here is trying to organize the books, but she’s having some problems. I saw her standing him for quite a while and decided to come and see if she was okay.”

Cullen held Áine’s hand and gently turned her to him.

“Are you alright, Áine? Do you need me to fetch a healer?” – The concern in his voice didn’t help her to calm down; it only worsened the situation.

“I’m… I’m fine, Cullen. You don’t need to worry about me, Amell is just overreacting.” – Shooting her friend a stern look, she restarted organizing the books. Her skin hot with the closeness of the templar’s body.

“Am I, though?” – She pretended to think. – “Anyways, I can’t help her right now, I have to go back to my quarters, but I bet she would be pleased with your help.”  – Áine felt the tightening grip of hands on her shoulders while Amell spoke.

“Sure, I’ll be happy to help.” – Cullen tried to take some books from her hands.

“Oh no, no thanks,” – She turned her body so he couldn’t touch her. – “I was… hmmm, I was a bit confused, but it’s fine now”. – Her cheeks were hot again, and she thanked the maker her olive skin disguised the flush. What was Amell thinking?

“Are you sure you’re okay?” - Cullen gave her a concerned look while examining her from head to toe.

“YES!… Yes, I am fine.” – She tucked some curls behind her right ear without looking at him.

Those five seconds of silence between the three of them felt like they were the longest in her life, but Cullen finally finished analyzing her

“So Amell, can I walk you to your quarters? If it’s… not too much of a bother I mean.”

“Sure. I just need to talk to Áine about something, and we can go… if you could spare us a minute or two.” – She smiled wide at him.

Both mages followed Cullen with their eyes while he walked away.

“What were you thinking?” - They said at the same time.

“Amell, you are my best friend and all, but stop it please, I don’t like him.”

“Áine, stop being such an idiot, you may fool all the others, but I know you do. Why didn’t you take the oppor…?”

“Stop, stop right there. I do not  _like_  him, and even if I did, he only has eyes for you. The difference in age doesn’t help at all too!”

“You fool!” – Amell sighed by her side. – “You are as beautiful and interesting as anyone here. There’s no reason for him not to like you.” – She held Áine’s chin. – “You need to stop being so shy and at least look into his eyes when he is near.” – Her hands on her waist. – “We will continue this later; I have to go now.” – She gave Áine a quick peck on the cheeks.

Áine had three books on her arms, which she held to her chest. She watched her friend happily chat with Cullen before they turned the corner of the library. Biting her lower lips she asked the Maker to be as confident as her friend, but only thinking of Cullen’s golden eyes, she blushed again.

Amell could be right; perhaps it was time to change… or perhaps some other day, today she was still not so sure about herself.

But, how could she? Amell told her to be more confident, well, maybe when she wasn’t around. She was like one of the characters from the books Áine read hidden at night. One of the princesses who always ended up with the knight in shining armor.

Áine sighed and placed the books on the table nearby. She brought a finger to her mouth and bit her nail while comparing herself to her friend.

Amell was one of the tallest female mages in the circle 1,75 cm the least, hair so bright it was almost white, so long it reached her bottoms, eyes as green as emeralds, hands soft like cotton, she smelled like flowers. And Áine? Well… she was the average girl, in fact, she was a bit short, which made her more frustrated, she was 1,57 cm or 1,58 cm tops!

She had raven curly hair, that would reach her bottom if they were soaked, dry they would almost reach her waist, her eyes were hazel – sometimes green when she was in the mood for some trickery –, which was the most exciting thing about her.

Looking down at her dry hands from all the old books she read and manipulated, she frowned; she probably smelled like them too, smelled like the old musty tomes.

She sighed again and hid her hands in her pockets, ashamed of how they looked.

Her thought wandered to the four years difference between them. Cullen was around nineteen years old, and Áine was only fifteen. He, for sure, only saw her as a child, there was no way he would look at her as he looked at Amell, who was the same age as him.

With hot cheeks, the tears started to prickle her eyes in anger. She wasn’t angry with her friend, but with herself. If she at least could look into his eyes, who knew what could happen? He could start to see her more than a charge, more than a child.

Áine took a deep breath and headed to one of the classrooms to help with the children. Stay still and mull over things she wasn’t ready to change wouldn’t help her achieve anything.


	2. A prayer.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Áine remembers the first time she met Cullen.

> These truths the Maker has revealed to me:  
> As there is but one world,  
> One life, one death, there is  
> But one god, and He is our Maker.  
> They are sinners, who have given their love  
> To false gods.

 Áine lifted her eyes from Andraste’s bust in the small chantry they had in the circle. As always, there she was in the silence, in the dark corners of the chantry, praying for the Maker, to make her days easier, asking Andraste for strength and wisdom not to falter from the righteous path, she asked Them to guide her steps and thoughts.

It was a habit she had since she arrived in the circle ten years ago, she was but a child following the templars around, listening to their prayers. Years later she started her own routine; she preferred praying alone, and there was no better time than in the silence of the night, when everyone else slept or did their own thing, when she could listen to the tower’s music, could concentrate on her own breathing.

> Magic exists to serve man, and never to rule over him.  
> Foul and corrupt are they  
> Who have taken His gift  
> And turned it against His children.

One year… around one year before that day. There she was again, praying in the small chantry, while the other fifteen-year-old girls were running around learning the first signs of love, the secrets of stolen kisses in dark corners and the touch of skin on skin.

She always thought those were useless things to be doing; there was so much to be learned, to be feared… deep down she couldn’t blame them, what else could they do? Where could they go?

> They shall be named Maleficar, accursed ones.  
> They shall find no rest in this world  
> Or beyond.

One year… around one year before that day. There she was again, praying in the chantry… She couldn’t even imagine that she would have changed her mind so drastically about those fifteen-year-old girls; that she would so desperately wish for love, crave for stolen kisses in dark corners, ache for skin on skin…. His skin on hers.

>  All men are the Work of our Maker's Hands,

He was – sorry, no – he is perfection, he is the most perfect creation of the Maker. A test perhaps? Was this the way the Maker would test her will?

He entered the small place like he owned it; took his gloves off, kneeled and started praying. A prayer for him, his family, and surprisingly all the mages in the circle; he asked for them to have at least a comfortable life; he asked for wisdom and kindness to deal with them and the other templars. He isso pure-hearted.

> From the lowest slaves

One year… around one year before that day. There she was again … not alone this time, not praying anymore, he had her full attention.

She was watching and delighting in every detail she could lay her eyes on; the way his curls hanged from his head; the movements of his lips when he was praying; the way his hands rested on his thighs or moved to hold each other, his fast and strong breathing… the door opens, Amell enters, and it is as if her world crumbled.

> To the highest kings.

One year… around one year before that day, he first laid his eyes on her, Amell.

She entered the place like an angel; her grace was overwhelming, her steps gracious as a cat’s; her body grown and full in all the right places.

She looks at him and gives him her signature smile, he smiles back, there’s a glow in his eyes, and that’s when Áine knows. She feels her heart tighten; there’s not enough air, her lungs ache, her mouth dries…he will never be hers.

She calls for Áine, he apologizes for not noticing her before, he introduces himself, he stutters, both mages smile ... he grins, they leave.

> Those who bring harm…

One year… one year later. There she is again, praying in the chantry, she lifts her eyes from the bust, and changes her gaze to the person who has just opened the door.

 "Come! It’s time for your harrowing!"


	3. Is he a blood mage?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here we have a glimpse of Aiden's intentions.

“Hello!” – Someone whispered in her ear.

Quill and ink dropped all over her table, papers were scattered all around. A long and deep sigh escaped her mouth before she continued.

“Must you always do that?” – She turned with a deep frown and asked her friend.

“’Oh yes, I do! Because despite the number of times I do it, your reaction will always be the same, won’t it?” – Her laughter was loud and cheerful.

Áine rolled her eyes and tried to save as many pages from her research as she could. She had been studying healing spells for more than a week before she finally understood the intricate spell of soothing laboring mothers.

“’Well, if you choose any other time, besides when I’m concentrated on something, I may have a very different reaction. Like not losing half of my work”

“Okay, alright, that’s fair. If you tell me when you are not concentrating on something I will be more than happy to oblige to your request” – Amell gave her a deep bow.

Áine watched her friend’s big smile and pondered why they were friends and not only it but what kept Amell around when they were so different.

“Amell, you and I are opposite sides of the same coin. We are one, but we face life from different perspectives. You are easygoing, relaxed and carefree, and me… well, I am the good old me! The one who loves books, the one who prefers books than people...” – She was interrupted.

“’I still don’t know why you call me Amell. I have a first name, you know? Do you even remember it?” – With narrowed eyes and arms crossed over her chest she waited for an answer.

“Of course. But... everyone knows it is common sense to address elders by the last name...” – She gave her friend a side glance and a small smile played on her lips.

“What?” – Amell’s surprise could be heard on the opposite side of the library. – “Never! Where did you hear that? And besides that, four years, I am only four years older than you!” – She raised her hand and showed four fingers.

“Old enough! Stop changing the subject. Have you even started your studies? We have to show our progress next week...”

“’Come on! Give me a break, I already have Irving on my back, now you too? Yes, I am studying, mother! Why do you want to become a healer after all? Don’t you prefer books than people?”’ – She poked Áine on the shoulder.

“’Because she likes to help people and has a bigger heart than yours?!” – The boy approached them with lazy steps and a wolfish grin as well as predatory eyes studied Áine up and down.

“’Aiden! It’s not fair. You are obviously taking her side because you like her.”

Amell had warned her about Aiden before. Times and times again her friend told her about the way Aiden looked or the tone of voice he used only with her. Áine felt her skin hot like the summer afternoons in the circle. She didn't even need a mirror to know she was red. Red as a beet, frustrated, and looking for somewhere to hide, she turned her gaze from the duo and restarted rearranging her papers.

“Oh, come now. Don’t be a sore loser Amell, not every guy here thinks you’re perfect. I, myself, prefer the quiet ones, they usually hide a lot behind all those books. No to mention Áine here is not ugly at all.” – Aiden winked at her, and Áine felt every nerve or her body tremble.

“Hey! I am right here.” – She placed both hands on her waist. – “Would you two stop, please?” - She tried to sound confident but her trembling voice made Aiden chuckle.

“Alright, alright. I’ll stop if you take a walk with me tonight, only the two of us.” – He stepped closer to her and touched her elbow. – “We’ve known each other for a long time, but I don’t think we know each other enough.” – A corner of his lip went up.

“Aiden, as much as I wish she would walk with anyone really, I haven’t finished talking here...”

She couldn’t believe it and interrupted her friend.

“Really? Anyone?” – She asked incredulously and continued after shaking her head. – “What is it that you want Amell?” – She didn’t want to sound rude, but her mind was out of control under Aiden’s mysterious eyes, and words were blurting out of her mouth without a second thought – “Do you need me to get you some specific book? Write your essay? You know that it is what I can do, your studies are way more advanced than mine...”

“’No, not that. I needed some... hmmm. Some advice from you.” – Amell was unsure how to word her thoughts.

“Is it love advice? I’m sure I’m more proficient in that than Áine.” – Amell and he stared at each other.

Áine gave him a very distinct look, she had seen him with some girls, even leaving some quarters he shouldn’t be at certain hours, but an expert is not something she would call him. He was a handsome guy, and nothing else, no hidden charm nor humor that she felt attraction to. Everyone knew he had some silver tongue, he could get out of situations just by talking to people, it made him a smart ass, not a love expert.

“’Are you kidding me? You? Aiden, a love expert? You are more like a wild druffalo waiting for a chance to mate. And the worst of it all is that you are lucky!”

“No, not luck. I am good at what I do.” – He gave Áine a sly grin that made her unconsciously flush.

“No, oh no! Stay away from Áine, you dog.”’ – Amell stood between an impossible shade of red Áine and a chuckling Aiden.

“’Anyway, what kind of advice do you need Amell?” – Áine asked trying to stir the conversation from an awkward topic.

“’I will tell you as soon as Aiden excuse us.”’ – She gave Aiden a ‘get out of here’ glance.

Aiden just shrugged, gave Áine a kiss on the cheek, very close to the corner of her mouth and left them laughing. Áine’s skin was once again hot.

“Wh-what did you want to ask me?” - She didn’t want to admit, but she liked the kiss.

“’First of all, stay away from him, he is a nice guy and all, but some mages are talking… rumors only, you see, but nevertheless, watch yourself around him, he has some sort of fixation on you, he is always around, very creepy if you ask me.”’

“’What are you talking about? Blood magic? No, he wouldn’t, would he?” - She couldn’t take her eyes off of him now. She was worried, blood magic was not a light matter, it is the kind of thing that kills you, period, not a chance to atone.

“Just rumors that’s all. So… let’s say that...if one of your friends got pregn…”

“What? You’re pregnant?” – Her voice was louder than she intended – “Maker’s breath Amell I am so going to kill you, I mean, after the baby is born of course.”

“No, not me! Kathleen is pregnant, and the father is a templar, she doesn’t know what to do and asked me for advice.” – Her hands were up and she shook her head.

“She is a fool. I mean, she is a mage, there are ways to prevent it from happening. Did she deliberated let it happen?”

“I don’t know Áine, but even if she did, she regrets it now, they will transfer him and take her baby away.”

“I am truly sorry, but I don’t know what to tell you except for talking to Irving, she should definitely talk to him. Everyone here knows the... “risks” of having sex. Wasn’t he prepared? Didn’t he have a …? Anyways, that’s the most I can do for you both, I am sorry for her.”

“Alright, thanks anyways.” – Amell gave her a small kiss on the forehead and left with a worried frown.

Áine returned to her work, but the thing was, she couldn’t concentrate anymore. She just couldn’t stop thinking about Aiden, could he truly be a blood mage? He was never really in the library doing a lot of research nor in the quarters, well, in his quarters anyway.

She was there for long minutes thinking about it when she felt someone looking at her. She turned to investigate and saw Aiden looking at her with this... mysterious gaze perhaps? Mischievous even.

He was standing near the door, leaning against the wooden frames. She started to stand up to talk to him but he straightened his spine, gave her a small reverence, smiled and left the library leaving her with a weird amount of feelings in her chest. Was she surprised? Intimidated? Scared? Feeling desired? Enraptured? Thrilled?

She didn’t know what it was but a cold shiver ran down her spine.


	4. You are mine.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aiden makes it clear what he wants.
> 
> He wants Áine.

Something seemed off that day. Something seemed very off that day.

She woke up early as usual to continue her studies with the children in the library, but there was this weight, if that is the correct word, in the air.

It wasn’t common for the circle to be filled with mages at this time of the day. They usually started waking up and walking around the tower some time past 7, but now, it was barely 6:30 and the tower was full of busy people. There were no friendly smiles, no laughter… they were just walking, their faces showed anxious frowns, uneasy smiles.

Okay, maybe she was just seeing things, maybe the conversation about the blight had her on edge, but it was not likely to come to the tower, right? No, they were safe! Many saw the circle as oppression, she saw it like that too, but the circles kept them safe from themselves and others.

She heard horrible stories about the different circle towers around Thedas, of how the templar treated the mages. There, things were okay, she guessed. They were fairly treated, she just thought, that maybe, they could go out? The templars could get them to see the cities, the forests, the lake that surrounded the tower, they had the power to stop them if anything went wrong, didn’t they?

Alright, enough, stop it. She had to prepare the library and herself for the activities with the kids, the “we have so much energy” kids, ugh!

She was walking lost in thought when someone grabbed her by the arm and pushed her into a room. She couldn’t help and gasp escaped her mouth.

“Hello there, beautiful! Good morning.” – Aiden brushed his thumb on her cheek.

“Could you please explain to me, what the hell do you think you are doing?” – She was not happy with him.

Aiden looked at her with his biggest confident smile.

“Honestly? I saw you walking, head down, lost in thought. You looked so beautiful, I had to take my chance, it is not always we can be alone…”

“You know what Aiden? You’re right.” – She lowered her guard and looked down at her hands.

“I am?” – He was suspicious of her behavior; it was the first time she agreed with him on those matters.

“Oh yes. We never get the chance to be alone, and we will not get that chance today either, now excuse me ‘cause I have work to do.” – She didn’t want to be rude, but he was always so intense around her. Made her feel things she didn’t understand.

He blocked her way out, placed his hand on her waist and gently pushed her against the wall. Their eyes were locked, she was breathing heavily, her arms crossed over her chest. He slowly got closer to her until he had his body pressed against hers.

“You know what I think?” – He said with his lips almost touching hers – “I think that deep down, you want us to be together. I can show you many things…” – He was now whispering in her ear. His lips touching her skin. – “I can make you smile for reasons you never felt before, one of those big bright smiles that you have” – His slow, warm breath touching her earlobe. She couldn’t keep herself from shivering.

Áine didn’t know when or how, but her hands were now pressed against his chest, she could feel his heartbeat, it was as fast as hers. She could feel his lips curling into a smile of satisfaction.

“Aiden, I… You… We should go back.” – She whispered with trembling voice.

“Are you sure that’s what you want?” – He was facing her. His lips brushed hers when she gasped after his hand slip to the back of her thighs, pushing her closer to him.

“Yes.” – She couldn’t take her eyes off his.

“Show me then, you say you wanna leave, your body says it wants to stay. Which one is correct?” – His left hand was now in the back of her neck, his fingers going up in her hair; his right hand on the back of her thigh, right below her bottom, tightening the grasp, squeezing, pulling her ever so close.

A moan, a quiet, shy moan slipped her mouth; shivers all over her body, making the hair stand on end. He started kissing her neck, her collarbone. She grabbed his robes when he trailed the way up her neck to her chin, aiming her mouth. Her mind was foggy and she couldn’t think properly. He called her name on her mouth and she heard his voice.

“No, I am sorry…” –  She pushed him away trying to catch her breath again. - “This is not right, I can’t.”

What was that she saw in his eyes? Confusion? Hurt? Rage? Hate?

“He will never be yours, you will never be his, you are mine.” – His tone as cold as ice. He calmly left the room and closed the door.

She was trying to gather her thoughts when the door opened, and Cullen came in.

“Are you okay? I just saw Aiden leaving, and he gave me a funny look.” –  The templar laughed light-hearted.

“Yes, I’m fine thanks. It’s just…” – She gave her words a second thought – “Never mind.” – She pretended to clean her robe.

Cullen touched her face, and she shivered from it. It was better, much better than everything that had just happened between her and Aiden.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” – He asked with narrow eyes.

She nodded and left the room in a hurry.

What in the Maker’s will was happening that day? Aiden never ever behaved like that, she never behaved like that. What was she thinking? Almost making out with Aiden in that room, and the worst is that she had liked it. She liked being touched that way, being desired…

“No, no, no, nooo! Stop with these thoughts right now.” – She didn’t notice she was talking out loud,

Áine stopped in the middle of the library, the kids were already there waiting for her, so they obviously heard her.

“Are you okay?” – Colin asked.

“Of course, I am sweetheart! Where is Amell?” – She put on her biggest smile.

“I’m here, I’m here!” – She was panting, of course, she was. She was always late when the class was in the morning.

Áine cracked a loud laugh, her friend could be difficult sometimes, but no one could say she wasn’t kind-hearted, determined, and hardworking, well, when it was interesting enough.

They looked at each other and smiled. Amell gave Áine a tight hug, and she took the opportunity to tell her friend she needed to talk to her about what had happened between her and Aiden.

The activities were over and Amell called Áine to a rather quiet place in the library so they could talk.

“So what is it? Are you okay?” – She looked Áine up and down. Her eyes full of concern.

Áine told her everything, her worries, impressions, what happened in the room with Aiden and Cullen’s touch. Amell’s face was focused, she was trying to understand, to absorb all the information.

“I told you to stay away from Aiden…” – She paced the small place. – “I always thought something seemed off with him, but now? I just want to freeze his face and then punch him! How does he dare to do and say that?”

“Hey, calm down! I agree with the part of saying, he really shouldn’t have, but well, he stopped when I wanted to, he didn’t force me to do anything…”

“He is… if he gets near you again, Maker help me.”

“Okay… if I knew you’d get like that, I wouldn’t even tell you anything. Just calm down, things already are very strange around here.” – Her hands rested on her waist and she studied the sun through the window.

They spent the rest of the day doing their normal duties, but Aiden’s words kept coming back to her head over and over. Did he really mean them? What about that look he gave her? Was he planning something? No. She was overthinking it.

Wasn’t she?


	5. Broken Circle.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aiden shows his true intentions, and they will haunt Áine's dreams forever.

Was it the second or the third? Maybe the fourth? It was difficult to know now, not that anyone was counting the days.

It doesn’t matter how many days she had been there, what about the other mages? Did they survive? Were the templars capable of protecting them? Furthermore, were they capable of protecting themselves?

The atmosphere in the tower went from bad to worse since they were told about the Blight but no one was expecting Uldred's plan.

Blood magic, the ultimate blood mage, that’s what Uldred wanted to become, and to do so, he was willing to sacrifice whatever and whoever was necessary... The elder, the adults, the kids. It didn’t matter, he wanted power!

At the beginning of the madness, Áine was able to at least keep the kids safe with the help of Amell. Once they saw the demons coming from the upper floor they immediately gathered the kids by the entrance of the tower where there were more templars to protect them. After they were sure the kids were safe, they returned to the tower to look for more people in need of aid, but what they saw made their stomachs ache... Bodies, a lot of bodies. Bodies of friends, of demons, of people they weren’t very close.

When things settle down in her mind –  _“They are dead, aren’t they?”_ – she couldn’t see bodies anymore, she saw smiles, broken futures, heard laughter and finally screams, someone somewhere was screaming and they needed to help him or her.

They opened the door to the library, and the first thing they saw was a rage demon killing one of the templars who was trying to protect a group of mages; they were fighting a desire demon and a revenant.

She didn’t want to and she felt guilty, her heart was small, she should be thinking about her fellow mages, they were right there in front of her, but there was only one thing in her mind: Cullen. Was he alive? Of course, he was! The real question here was: Was he safe? Tears started rolling down her face, tears of fear, anger, guilt, despair...Amell grabbed her hand, taking her out of her little stupor and together they helped the group of mages to defeat the demons.

“Wynne?! Are you okay?” – She lowered her staff to talk to her senior mage.

“Yes, my dear! What about you, Áine?” – Wynne caressed her arm.

“I am fine, don’t worry about me! Take these people to the entrance, the kids are there too.” – She started walking further into the tower.

“And where are the two of you going?” – She frowned.

“To help of course! Right, Áine?” – Amell searched her eyes.

“Yes! Just go, Wynne! Please be safe for me, okay?” – She didn’t wait for an answer, she grabbed Amell's hand, and they ran.

One foot in front of the other, faster, run. She couldn’t look at Wynne, not now, she knew what the old woman would say, she couldn’t stop, she was going to be a healer to help people, she could start now, she had to. Wynne was her mentor, she taught Áine from the basics to the life-saving spells. She considered the witty woman her mother and prayed she would be safe.

They were going up the stairs now, the noises, growling, and screams were louder here. She couldn’t stop the shivers, or nausea, or the sudden feeling of dread or anything to be honest. Even in her worst nightmare, she was never that afraid... the tower had fallen.

Rage, desire, fear, pride demons, name it, it was there. How much had Uldred lost of his mind to allow this? The answer didn’t matter, they had to save as many people as they could.

She pulled Amell to one side and shoved her into a room when a rage demon advanced on them. She barely ducked its attack when a templar got its attention and in that moment she realized they were in trouble.

She looked at Amell’s face and the fear expression her friend was giving her was the trigger for her decision. She stood up, closed the door, locked it with a spell and blocked the door with one of Andraste’s statues that had fallen during the battle. She could hear Amell screaming and asking her to open the door, but Áine knew she would be safer there.

“Hey, Áine! What are you doing here? Are you crazy? Come with me.” - Aiden grabbed her by the arm and dragged her to the stairs.

“Aiden, stop! I need to go back. I need to see if anyone needs help!”

“You come with me now. Don’t struggle!” – His grasp was tighter and he pulled her closer.

“What? Are you crazy? We need to go back! I need to check...”

“Enough, Áine! Shut up and come with me.” – His eyes were enraged.

She was speechless. Aiden had never spoken to her like that, he had never treated her that way. His grasp was too tight, hurting. She was scared, deep down she knew something was wrong, she had to get away from him, to run.

Aiden tightened the grasp when Áine tried to flee, he turned enough to look her in the eyes.

“I told you, you are mine!” - His voice, his face, it was all kinds of wrong. She felt dizzy, she was falling, and his laugh was the last thing she remembered.

She woke up there, but where was there? She didn’t recognize the room, it was barely lit, not with candles but with magic. It was someone’s quarters.

At first, her mind was foggy, and it was difficult to think, all she knew was she was lying somewhere cold, but then she felt a sting in her lower belly and tried to reach it with her hands, just to find them tied on the end of the table. Shocked with the discovery her mind sharpened in a second.

She tried to use magic to get rid of whatever was keeping her hands tied, with no success, she tried to move her legs, but they were tied too.

She got terrified when she noticed she was only wearing her small clothes and breast band. Fear started consuming her. Her immediate thought was:  _“I will not die here, not like this”._  That’s when she heard it or sensed it, someone was there with her. Was it a demon? A person?

“Who’s there?” – She called hesitantly. There was no answer., but she knew who was there – “Aiden?”

She looked up and his face came to view. She felt the coldness of his hands on each side of her head until he placed both of them on her cheeks and kissed her lips. His clothes brushed her head and the realization brought some relief to her. He stopped kissing her and walked to one corner of the room, where she couldn’t see him.

“Aiden, what are you doing? Why am I here?” – She fought against her restraints and raised her head to try and see him.

He walked back to the table and brought bread and water for her.

“Eat. You need the strength; you haven’t feed in a few days.” – He broke the bread and brought it to her mouth, but she turned her head away.

“Days? Aiden, are the other mages okay?”

“I don’t know, and honestly, don’t care.”

“What?” – Her voice almost a scream.

He lifted her head and poured some water into her mouth. She gladly accepted it, she was thirsty and starving. She tried asking him questions, but he wouldn’t answer any.

He positioned his body near her feet and looked at her tenderly, she could see love in his eyes, twisted of course, but love.

“Aiden, please! What are you doing?”

“Áine, my love! I know you love him, but he is not the one for you, he doesn’t even know you, not the way I do!” – He pointed to himself. – “I know how you feel when you smell books, the touch of the pages, the knowledge and stories they hold. That you like to play with the kids so they can have a sense of normal childhood because you didn’t have one. The fact that you always smile when you see a mage perform his or her first spell…” – He waved his hands around lost in his words.

“Aiden, I…”

“He doesn’t deserve you!” – She flinched. – “All he sees is Amell, he loves her not you. Can’t you see I just want to make you happy?” – He made circles with his thumb on her calf.

“Make me happy? So explain to me exactly how this is supposed to make me happy Aiden? How tying me to a table almost naked is supposed to make me happy? If you truly loved me, you’d try to make me love you. This is sickness not love and…”

“You’ll see. Just let me finish… you and I will be together and you will love me.” – Aiden looked at her, and his face changed, that person was new to her.

He walked to the right side of the table and started caressing Áine’s belly. She felt a sting and held her breath.

“I am so sorry my love, but this is the only way you will be mine, and I will be yours forever.”

She wanted to say something, but when Aiden lifted a dagger and started to carve something in her lower belly, a loud and painful scream was all that left her mouth. He was saying something, she didn’t understand what, but she knew it was an enchantment. She passed out.

This kept going for quite some time. He would come, kiss her, tell her he loved her, and that he was doing it for them he would then proceed to carve something on her and she would pass out. Every time she woke up, she wondered how many days she was kept there, and how many more days she would still be kept there.

“Oh, my love! It’s almost complete. I just have to finish this symbol and then we can be happy together, finally together.”

He lifted the dagger again, but someone busted the door open. Aiden was thrown to the wall, and Áine heard Wynne’s voice.

“Áine? Maker…” – Wynne placed her hands over her mouth.

“Get out… get out. She’s mine!” – Aiden shouted.

Aiden stood up and stabbed his arm – he was a blood mage after all – Áine couldn’t see what was happening, but she could hear the battle raging in the room.

“Alistair! Come back, he’s gone. The bastard’s fled.”

“But Leliana…”

“We have other matters to attend now.”

Áine didn’t know those people. Who were they? It didn’t matter they saved her.

“Áine, my child you will be fine now!” – The old mage started casting a spell to free Áine.

“Wynne? Thank…” – She didn’t finish, everything she had held inside, the fear, anger, desperation, embarrassment, it was overwhelming, too much, the tears came like a waterfall.

“Hush now! You’re safe.” – She hugged Áine and she felt like a child again, like the frightened child that had just arrived in the circle and Wynne was there to support her, she really did feel safe.

“Thank you.” – Áine managed to whisper.

“Áine these are Warden Grace, Warden Alistair, and Leliana. They are here to help us, to help the circle.”

“Are the other mages alright? What about Amell?”

“Amell is fine, she is at the entrance with the kids and the others, here take this robe, we can’t really walk you there, but the passage is safe. Can you go on your own?”

“Absolutely! What about Uldred? Have you stopped him? Is he dead?” –  Everyone noticed the hatred in her voice.

“Not yet, but we must go…”

“Then go… I will head to the entrance. Thank you! Thank you so much. I will talk to you later, and Wynne… don’t tell anyone, please?” – Áine hugged herself when a shiver ran down her spine.

They nodded to her and left the room. She was there all alone, hurt and miserable. She put on the robe, but before letting it fall she held it around her chest, she was afraid to look.

Five symbols were carved in her lower belly, the last one incomplete. –  _“Fortunately”_  – She thought.

She ran her fingertips on them. They hurt and burned; she knew she would carry the scars for the rest of her life. She let the robe fall and headed to the entrance.

When her eyes locked on Amell’s, they ran to each other and hugged tightly, both cried. She didn’t care about the pain in her lower belly, she was happy, her friends were safe.

Amell asked her where she was and what happened, but all she said was that she was trapped in a room with Aiden, nothing more. Of course, Amell knew something had happened, but she would give her friend time, when Áine was ready she would tell her.

Several hours later Grace, Alistair, Leliana, and Wynne came back, and they brought Irving, other mages, and Cullen with them. Áine never felt more relieved in her life, she wanted to run and hug him, kiss him, ask him if he was alright, hold him tight and say they would be fine, everything would be fine.

“Knight-Commander Greagoir! We need the rite of annulment!”

“Wait! What?” – The words blurted out of her mouth.

“These mages; we don’t know who among them are blood mages! We need to make sure none of the abominations live.”

“Cullen, you can’t possibly…” – Áine tried to say something, to tell him he was wrong.

“Silence! Even you, all quiet, always in the library, who knows if you were not researching blood magic.” – Cullen held the grip of his sword and pulled it from its sheath.

“Now now! Calm down! That is not going to be necessary!” – Alistair placed himself between Cullen and Áine.

Áine was devastated, how could he think she was a blood mage? How could he want to kill all of them? Who was this man? Certainly not the kind man she fell in love with, not the templar who looked at the mages with eyes full of tenderness and kindness.

“Alright now, Cullen. We all saw what they did to you, but these people here suffered as well, some even more than others or yourself.” – Grace placed a hand on his shoulder when she spoke.

Cullen sheathed his sword again, and addressed Knight-Commander Greagoir.

“As I said before, no one ever listens, not until it’s far too late.”

She wanted to slap him, to punch him, to freeze him. She wanted to lift her robe and show him that she was hurt too, that she suffered, but even after everything that happened to her, she didn’t blame the templars, after all, they were there to protect them, to keep them safe, but they were also people with fears and weaknesses. She took a long breath and walked away.


	6. New Beginnings - Old and New Scars.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Áine moves to Kirkwall to flee her past, but the past follows her.

Áine had to move. Kinloch Hold was her home once, not anymore. Too many bad memories, memories that kept her awake at night, memories that made her wake up screaming, memories that gave her panic attacks, memories that she could feel on her fingertips: old scars.

She begged First Enchanter Irving to be transferred for more than a year after the events in the tower. Every night that she couldn’t sleep or woke up screaming, every time she walked near that damned room, every time she couldn’t hold a panic attack, she went to his chambers and begged.

And here she was at The Gallows, and she was terrified. Things here were different from Kinloch. The mages were always afraid, there was always the threat of tranquility. She had never seen so many tranquils in one place. What was wrong with those people? Still, it was a fresh start, a new beginning.

After the tower was saved, the Warden decided not to use the Rite of Annulment, and the tower once again fell under the management of Irving and Greagoir. Many of the templars were not satisfied with the result, but they complied and Cullen was among them.

Cullen was a difficult subject, she rarely talked or was in the same room as him. After she moved she tried as hard as she could not to think about the man, but it was impossible, she still loved him, with her soul and body.

When the Warden defeated the Archdemon, and the Blight ended, she decided to write to the Warden and thank her, Alistair and Leliana for rescuing her, but she never really expected to receive an answer from them.

It was through her letter that she knew they got married and were Queen and King. They had been through a lot and deserved happiness. Their friendship grew, and they would often write to each other. The fact that she moved to The Gallows made things a bit more difficult, but there was a templar who would smuggle letters outside the circle, and they could continue exchanging letters, not so often anymore, but still, they were friends.

Having friends, meant having things to care about, things to lose. She didn’t want to talk to people, and the thought of having a friend again was heavy on her mind, after all, she had left her friend, or rather sister, back in Kinloch.

It was not easy to leave Amell behind, but she needed for her own sake. The way she viewed, she had 2 options: leave or become tranquil. Obviously, the latter was out of the question. As much as she wanted to get rid of those terrible memories, she cherished her life more. Opting to become tranquil was, to her, similar to giving up on life. There was a lot in life bigger than her fears: smiles, laughter, joy, love…

“Urgh!”– She shook her head reprimanding herself for thinking about him. – “Maker, please!” – She threw the book on her bed and turned to leave, but was stopped by Nina, her roommate.

“Difficult reading?” – The woman asked sitting by her side.

Nina was a talkative mage, always smiling, laughing and gossiping. Áine liked her, she was fun to be around.

“Not really, just can’t concentrate.”

“Ghosts from the past?”

“Definitely, but only one.” – She sighed and ran her finger through her hair.

“Only one? I see… Are you finally gonna tell me who he is?” – Nina tucked a curl behind Áine’s ear.

Áine liked her, but she didn’t want a friend, she couldn’t… She never told Nina or anyone about what happened to her, including Amell, just that she came from Kinloch and what happened there. There wasn’t a reason not to… people already knew it, so better tell the truth than creating stories.

“Sorry Nina, I…”

“Is he at least alive? Was he a mage or a templar? The way you act it makes me think he was a templar, of significant rank by all the secrecy… It doesn’t matter, you know I’ll understand if that’s the case!” – The mage pleaded with her eyes.

It was true. If anyone would understand it would be her. She was in love with a templar, she was actually in an intimate relationship with him. Áine was happy for her, at least Nina was an example that love could flourish between templars and mages.

Áine pondered if she should tell Nina about Cullen, but a knock on the door interrupted her thoughts.

“Who is it?” – Asked Nina.

“It’s me, Paul.”

Nina’s eyes sparkled, she stood up and ran to the door like a child in Satinalia. She stopped and rearranged herself before opening the door. The templar came in and grabbed her in his arms planting a rather lustful kiss on her lips, which made Áine blush furiously.

“Hey, Paul! Stop! We are not alone…” – She said between giggles.

“Oh, I’m sorry! How are you today Áine?” – He looked at her but didn’t let Nina go.

“I’m fine, thanks for asking. I have to… hum… return this book, it will take a while so... hum… make yourself comfortable?” – The redness of her cheeks and intonation made the couple laugh.

“Thanks! Oh! I hope we can finish our talk later, I’m very curious to know the name of your sweet templar.” – Nina said while holding Paul and planting kisses on his face.

Áine tripped on her way to the door and heard Paul about this templar story before she closed the door behind her. She would definitely not tell her about Cullen.

She was still leaning against the door when she heard a familiar voice in the distance.

“Knight-Commander some of the templars…”

“Cullen.”– She tensed and started breathing heavily.

Fuck! She was paralyzed, she didn’t know Cullen had been transferred there too. She thought the Maker was punishing her for not being able to endure staying back in Kinloch, he was punishing her with the one thing that terrified her the most. Yes, terrified. She loved him, she wanted him, she needed him. Him, Cullen, the young templar with kind eyes, easy laughter, with a smile that touched her soul. The young templar that loved reading, playing chess and chatting with the mages freely not warily, who saw mages as people, not demons.

How many nights had she dreamed about him? Dreamed that she was comforting him after the events in the tower. Running her fingers through his hair, letting the tips of her fingers wander his jawline and stop at his lips, just to hear him shouting “rite of annulment,” feel him grabbing her arm with one hand and unsheathing his sword with the other. For more nights than she could count, she woke up screaming his name. She felt luck was by her side, because every time she woke up screaming his name, no one was around, but apparently, she was running out of it.

Not knowing why, she felt the need to run and hide; her body was tense, she felt the muscles in her legs and arms getting ready to flee. They were almost in her field of vision, talking about something her brain was incapable of absorbing when she felt her legs’ muscle contract, and she started walking in the opposite direction.

Wanting to go unnoticed she kept her head down, and that was stupid, she was living in The Gallows for more than two years now, but she didn’t know anybody besides Nina, she bet no one knew or cared about her either, but the fear of being seen by Cullen was bigger.

She had been walking for a few minutes before she realized she was heading to the templar’s training yard. The presence of the Qunari in Kirkwall had a direct effect on the templar routine, they were training more and longer than before.

Áine stopped to watch them, they seemed tired and frustrated, some recruits had a hint of fear on them. Something was up, but Áine didn’t know what, she really didn’t want to know about what was happening outside the circle, not because she didn’t care, but because she was trying to shield herself from more things that could hurt her.

Amell used to say that she was like a sponge, absorbing all the emotions around her, more than once, well, a lot more than once, Amell would call her a crying baby, she would say Áine was a big receptor of emotions because she would be happy when people were happy, sad when people were sad and so on, but especially because she could feel more than others.

It was there lost in thought that she heard a scream. A recruit was injured, and there was a lot of blood. The senior templar was carrying him towards the healers when he spotted Áine and came running to her, the healers were far, and the recruit wouldn’t have time to spare.

She asked him to lay the recruit on the floor and immediately started pouring magic on his wound. It looked bad, really bad. The sword had entered near his navel and went all the way through, exiting his right side. Deep down she knew he wouldn’t survive, but she had to try anyway. The senior templar had gone to look for more help, leaving her there alone, bloodied and with what would become a corpse in a few seconds.

A couple of minutes later she heard fast and heavy footsteps coming her way, and she prayed it was the senior templar, she knew if it weren't him, that scene would be almost impossible to explain.

If she thought she was running out of luck, she knew now it had run dry a long time ago, Cullen turned the corner of the building and the expression on his face…

“You, mage!” – His face was contorted in anger.

Áine stood up very slowly, her fear was so great she could hear the blood pumping in her ears, she held her hands high in a non-threatening stance. Cullen’s grip on the sword was so tight, she could see his hand shaking.

“Step away from him blood mage. I have seen too much to know how this ends.” – He approached her with his finger curled on the sword hilt.

He was coming closer, and with every step he took, Áine studied him. He seemed so old, so tired. The curls that used to hang on his head were cut short, he had dark circles around his eyes, there was no more kindness there… just something else she wasn’t sure. Hatred? Fear? It didn’t matter, whatever it was it was not kindness.

“Cullen, please listen. This is not what it looks like.” – She tried reasoning when he raised his sword to her face.

Cullen stopped watching, studying, never lowering his sword. It was close to her face; she could feel the coldness of the steel on her chin.

“Do I know you? You seem familiar.” – With narrow eyes he searched her face.

She didn’t blame him, she had changed in the last 3 years, she was a 16-year-old child, now she was a 19-year-old woman. She had a full form, her body had grown in all the right places, she had cut her hair as well, now she had it short, her raven curls barely touched her shoulders.

“It’s me Áine, from Kinloch.” – Her voice a whisper.

“Áine? What are you doing?” – His hands were shaking – “A blood mage? Why Áine? I had hoped…” – There was disappointment in his eyes.

“No Cullen, I’m not…”

“She’s here!” – The words startled Cullen that made an arc with his sword when he turned to see who was approaching.

“She’s here. I hope she was able to save him.” – The senior templar told to the other healers.

“Save, him?” – There was doubt in Cullen’s words. He turned to look at her, and there was shock on his face.

Áine was standing with her hands high, her eyes shut; she felt pain above her jawline, there was blood on her face. When she opened her eyes she saw Cullen looking down at his sword, there was blood on it too.

The other templars kneeled beside the recruit’s body just to tell her what she already knew, he was dead.

“I tried…” – Áine said at the same time Cullen apologized. – “I’m sorry…”

“Knight-Captain I’m sorry. He suffered an accident during training, and I’ve seen her around with the healers, I hoped she could help, so I let her here with him while I went to get more help, I knew the lad was in bad shape, but I couldn’t… I had to…”

“It’s alright, you all did what you could. Now please take him from here and make sure his family is notified and well treated.” – He sheathed his sword.

Áine watched the way Cullen spoke to the others; the way he relaxed his shoulder, rubbed his neck and took a deep breath.

“Maker Áine! Put your hands down. I’ve cut you, can you heal it?”

“Yes, of course.” – She nodded.

She placed her left hand on the right side of her face and started pouring magic into it. She felt the pain subsiding until all she could feel was a tingling sensation, but she knew it would become a scar. She never had to heal herself, she wasn’t quite sure how to do it, all she could do was pray for the better, but as it seemed with her luck… In the meanwhile, Cullen watched her, he was standing there until she was finished.

“Done. But I should see a proper healer now.” – She cleaned her hands on her robes.

She was aware that there was blood on her clothes and hair, but when Cullen approached and touched her cheeks… She instantly remembered the first time he had touched her, right after Aiden left the room all those years back, and the memory of Aiden brought tears to her eyes, and she felt her face redden with rage.

“I am so sorry Áine, I didn’t mean to…”

“It’s alright Cullen. I should go.”

Áine turned and started walking at a fast pace, she didn’t want Cullen to see her crying, to see the rage in her eyes. Somehow, she knew he was standing there watching her leave.


	7. Canticle of Trials - Prayers for the despairing.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What was Áine doing when the Chantry was blown up?

Around three years ago, the Arishok fought Hawke in a battle that led the mage to be known as the Champion of Kirkwall. Everyone thought that, as the Champion was a mage, things would change for the circle. Fools, all of them.

As Knight-Commander Meredith stepped in and assumed control of Kirkwall after the death of Viscount Marlowe in the First Battle of Kirkwall, she oppressed the Circle more violently than before. When Áine first arrived here she thought the number of tranquils was high, but now with Meredith in control of everything…

Áine never wanted to make friends here, but with each passing day Nina was gaining her heart, and the two of them became almost inseparable, of course it would never be like Amell. They traded stories and looked after each other. Nina always asked her for advice, and she always tried her best to answer. Despite their growing friendship Áine never told Nina about Aiden or Cullen, it was too much, too painful.

“Is everything alright Áine?” – Nina asked from the door.

The face, the body and the voice was the same, but the Nina that stood there wasn’t and would never be the Nina she once knew. The life that once could be seen in her eyes had faded, the simple laughter, the familiar smile, it was all gone; what stood there was but a shadow of what once was an amusing mage.

“No, nothing is fine.” – She stood up and paced.

Áine was angry. No, she was feeling guilty. Guilty because she had left Amell behind, she knew Kinloch was nothing like Kirkwall, but she had left her there alone. Guilty because she left everyone behind, she ran away. Guilty because she couldn’t help Aiden, she should have seen he was suffering, and she could have helped. Guilty because she let him do that to her. Guilty because she couldn’t help Nina, she should have told her to stop seeing Paul, even though, she knew they really loved each other. Guilty because she still loved Cullen, and often would go to the training yard to watch him. Guilty because she was afraid, she loved Cullen so much, and now, looking at tranquil Nina, she knew what would be waiting for her if anyone found out, and she wouldn’t deny it; she couldn’t.

“Is there anything I can do to help?” – She took some steps in Áine’s direction.

“Thank you, Nina, but I just need to be alone.”

She watched as Nina left the room and closed the door, she wished she could go back in time, go back eight years to when she was fifteen, and all she worried was about books, spells, and learning. When her life was much simpler.

She didn’t notice, but all this time she had been stroking her scar, it wasn’t particularly ugly, but it was visible against her light brown skin, a thin white line starting at her jaw and finishing at the chin, a reminder of what she was and would always be to him. One more painful scar, another painful memory.

After all the sleepless nights, the shed tears, the prayers, the suffering, the depression that insisted on being lurking in the corner of her heart, she wondered what else the Maker had planned for her. It didn’t matter what happened to her or would come, for she knew the Maker was by her side, and that all she was going through had a purpose. As many times, days and nights before, she kneeled and prayed.

> Maker, my enemies are abundant.
> 
> Many are those who rise up against me.
> 
> But my faith sustains me; I shall not fear the legion,
> 
> Should they set themselves against me.

Her voice was but a whisper. 

> In the long hours of the night
> 
> When hope has abandoned me,
> 
> I will see the stars and know
> 
> Your Light remains.

Tears crept to her eyes. 

> I have heard the sound
> 
> A song in the stillness,
> 
> The echo of Your voice,
> 
> Calling creation to wake from its slumber.

Her breath was deep and slow. 

> How can we know You?
> 
> In the turning of the seasons, in life and death,
> 
> In the empty space where our hearts
> 
> Hunger for a forgotten face?

Hurt could be felt in her voice.

> _You have walked beside me_
> 
> _Down the paths where a thousand arrows sought my flesh._
> 
> _You have stood with me when all others_
> 
> _Have forsaken me._

Her gaze was high. 

> I have faced armies
> 
> With You as my shield,
> 
> And though I bear scars beyond counting, nothing
> 
> Can break me except Your absence.

Her face was wet with the tears. 

> When I have lost all else, when my eyes fail me
> 
> And the taste of blood fills my mouth, then
> 
> In the pounding of my heart
> 
> I hear the glory of creation.

Her fingers were covering her eyes. 

> You have grieved as I have.
> 
> You, who made worlds out of nothing.
> 
> We are alike in sorrow, sculptor and clay,
> 
> Comforting each other in our art.

Her voice was loud and full of emotion.

>  Do not grieve for me, Maker of All.
> 
> Though all others may forget You,
> 
> Your name is etched into my every step.
> 
> I will not forsake You, even if I forget myself.

Her hands were placed on her chest.

>  Maker, though the darkness comes upon me,
> 
> I shall embrace the Light. I shall weather the storm.
> 
> I shall endure.
> 
> What you have created, no one can tear asunder.

She was rocking her body back and forth.

>  Who knows me as You do?
> 
> You have been there since before my first breath.
> 
> You have seen me when no other would recognize my face.
> 
> You composed the cadence of my heart.

The room was getting warmer. 

> Through blinding mist, I climb
> 
> A sheer cliff, the summit shrouded in fog, the base
> 
> Endlessly far beneath my feet
> 
> The Maker is the rock to which I cling.

She was grabbing her robes.

> I cannot see the path.
> 
> Perhaps there is only abyss.
> 
> Trembling, I step forward,
> 
> In darkness enveloped.

Her palms were on the floor.

> Though all before me is shadow,
> 
> Yet shall the Maker be my guide.
> 
> I shall not be left to wander the drifting roads of the Beyond.
> 
> For there is no darkness in the Maker’s Light
> 
> And nothing that He has wrought shall be lost.

She wiped the tears from her face.

>  I am not alone. Even
> 
> As I stumble on the path
> 
> With my eyes closed, yet I see
> 
> The Light is here.

She was standing tall with a smile on her lips.

>  Draw your last breath, my friends.
> 
> Cross the Veil and the Fade and all the stars in the sky.
> 
> Rest at the Maker’s right hand,
> 
> And be Forgiven.

 She heard an explosion.


	8. Áine flees.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anders blows up the chantry and Áine flees her tranquil destiny.

“No, please Maker! Not again!” – Her knuckles turned white when she clenched the doorknob.

Someone had blown up the chantry.

Templars and mages were running up and down. Some mages were trying to go back to their quarters; some were trying to flee. Some Templars were trying to contain the situation; some were going to the chantry. It was chaos.

Áine stood there, she didn’t know what to do. Images and thoughts from Kinloch overran her mind and blocked her senses.

“Please, please, please Maker not again.” – She prayed with closed eyes.

There was no response from her body. She tried to run, to scream but nothing. The only thing working was her mind, and there she found the strength to act, she felt it. She knew she was not alone, the Maker was with her.

> Maker, though I am but one, I have called in your name.  
> And those who come to serve will know your glory.  
> I remembered for them.  
> They will see what can be gained.  **  
> **And though we are few against the wind, we are yours.

There was fire somewhere, she smelled it before she could see it, and that’s where she went. The closer she got, the tighter her heart got, it was coming from the library.

“O _f course, it is coming from the library.” –_  She thought. – “ _Wait a sec. Aren’t the kids supposed to be in there now? Why always the kids?.”_

She ran, she had to help, but on her way, she saw so much. So much desperation, agony, blood, blood magic, and death.

Áine believed that some mages were born evil, as was everyone else: elves, dwarves, humans. What she didn’t believe was that every blood mage was evil. Some of them were desperate or weak. Magic is all a mage circle knows, they have no contact with the outside world, with the ‘normal’ people, so when they are in a bad spot, they turn to the only resource they have: magic. Some of them are strong enough to refuse blood magic and resist the demons’ temptations; some of them aren’t. 

What does a ‘normal’ person do when they are in a bad spot? They turn to the resources they have, may it be speaking, running or fighting. It’s in everyone to defend themselves. And that’s the reason why she always thought mages should do some kind of community work so they could see the outside and the outside could see them. Nevertheless, those were thoughts for another time, another place. She couldn’t just be there, watching.

She heard screams, laughter, growls. Kinloch all over again. She tried, Maker she tried, but every sound around her evoked images she wished she had forgotten. The bodies in the library, the rage demon killing a templar, Amell’s face, a dagger, Aiden, scars, Cullen. With Cullen’s face in her mind, she stood still. Where was he? She searched among the templars, even among the dead, but she didn’t find him.

 _"At least there’s hope." –_ Feeling relieved, she continued on her way to the library, occasionally helping a mage or templar.

As soon as she arrived at the library, she noticed the kids were safe and being protected by two templars and tranquils. She offered help to protect them from the fire and any other kind of danger. She was a talented mage; she could do it.

“Hey! I know you. You helped me with that recruit that day, right?” – The templar addressed her and stood by her side.

“Yes, I remember you. I’m here, and I’ll make sure everyone here is safe. Where do we need to go?” – Magic sparkling from her hands.

“We just need to take them to the other building, but as far as I can see, the way isn’t safe.”

“I agree. Just passed through there. Let me go with you. You and the other templar go ahead, I’ll stay behind to watch your backs and heal if needed.”

“Alright. Take your position we are leaving.”

After they fell into formation, they headed outside without problems. They didn’t have a lot of trouble on the way to the other building, at least not something the templars couldn’t deal with, she barely had to heal them.

“Alright, all of you stay here. You will be safe.” – He started leaving but was stopped by Áine.

“I’m sorry, but I should go with you. I can help you and the others, you saw that I can be helpful.” – She held his arm.

After thinking for a few minutes and discussing with the other templars, he accepted her offer but told her to always stay close to him and obey every order. She accepted his terms, and together they headed outside the circle.

Áine thought things in the circle were bad, but things just got worse as they entered deep in the Gallows’ courtyard. The qunari that had remained here after their Arishok was defeated by Hawke were causing all sorts of trouble around town by engaging mages, blood mages, templars and even murdering civilians. The templars were having a hard time trying to stop blood mages, apostates, and mages who were trying to flee from the circle. The city guard was there too, but without proper training against mages, they were struggling.

There was only one word that kept coming and going from Áine's mouth.

“Fuck.”

She had a tough time there too, but she obligated herself to keep up with the templar ahead of her. At the same time, she watched the streets to see if they could help, and there were a lot of people asking for help, but the templar wouldn’t stop and help. 

 They were in the docks and going to the Viscount’s Keep. People here were desperate to get into a boat and leave the city, as it seemed to her, they would do anything to escape that hell.

They were turning a corner when they faced a desire demon on top of a mage, but as always, the templar was just ignoring the scene. It was enough for her, she froze the demon and stonefisted it, the demon on its part flew a few meters away from the mage, and when she went to check him, he was already dead. She was furious, she grabbed the templar’s shoulder armor and obligated him to turn and face her.

“What in the Maker's name do you think you’re doing? There are a lot of people here, now, that need our attention!” – She shouted.

“My daughter!”

“What?” – His words took her by surprise.

“I am sorry, but I need to reach my daughter! If you want to stay and help, be my guest, but I need to go.”

She didn’t know what to do, staying and helping was the right thing to do, at least she could make a difference in someone’s life, but staying here without a templar would be dangerous. Going with him meant safety, but she wouldn’t be helping anyone.

“I’ll stay, please be safe.” – She loosened her grip on his shoulder.

“You too!”

She watched as the templar ran and vanished into the streets. She turned to run the opposite way when she felt a cold hand grab her by the neck.

“I can give you anything your heart desire. I can give you him, exactly like he used to be. I can make him love you. All you have to do is say yes. I know you love him with all your heart. You’ve always loved him and always will. You are the only one for him, only you can make him happy.”

The demon’s voice was gentle and soothing, it made Áine feel that the decision was easy, that it was correct about everything… Except, she didn’t want to force him to do anything, of course she wanted him, but she wanted him to love and want her on his own. She wanted to conquer his heart, not his mind. She wanted to look into his honey colored eyes and see admiration, not emptiness. She wanted to feel protected when he hugged her, not coldness. She wanted to feel love when he kissed her, not nothingness.

“I want… I want you to disappear into the fade, demon!”

She caught the demon’s wrist and poured ice into it. The demon screamed and let her go. She tried to freeze the demon again, but it was faster and as it tried to engage in combat, it advanced to her left side with its claws intended for her arm, she dodged to the right with a leap and blocked with her staff, but tripped on the mage’s corpse and fell on the floor with her hands first, but it wasn’t enough to hold the impact and there was a metallic taste in her mouth. She didn’t have time to think because the demon was already on top of her, she used rock armor to protect against its attack, and when the demon backed to prepare for another one, she took the chance to use petrify followed by chain lightning.  Of course, it didn’t kill the demon, but it gave her time to think of a strategy. 

When the demon was ready to attack again, she tried using stonefist, but it dodged and was on her in a matter of seconds, giving her no chance for protection. The demon punched her chest, and she flew a few meters away, she landed on top of some junk and cut her left arm. She knew she had to kill the demon fast or she would be the one dead.

She decided to use the environment to help her kill it, so she checked her surroundings, and spotted rubble on the roof of a destroyed house, all she needed to do now was lure the demon in that direction. She ran there and waited for the demon to catch up, as soon as it caught up, and she was clear of the way, she stonefisted the roof’s support and watched as it buried the demon. She thought she had already killed it once, so to make sure the demon was dead and stayed dead, she froze it with winter’s grasp and then used chain lightning again, which ended up shattering the demon’s body.

Panting and bloodied she heard someone yell.

“You! Mage!” – The voice was loud and clear.

“No! Why does he always have to appear at the worst moments?” – She asked in a whisper.

She slowly turned around to face him. He had his sword unsheathed and steady on her neck.

“Hello, Cullen. Here we are again!” – She gave him a tired look.

“Áine?! Maker… what is happening here? Why all this blood?” – He looked her up and down.

“I just killed a desire demon, please believe me. I fell on a pile of junk and cut my arm, but that is it, I swear.”

He studied her face for a few seconds and examined her arms and clothes.

“Where’s the demon’s body?” – His eyebrow up.

“Everywhere! I froze it and then used chain lightning which caused it to explode into several pieces.”

Cullen looked at the scene, and after several seconds of ponderation, he seemed to accept her answer. However, his sword never lowered a centimeter.

“And what are you doing here? You were supposed to be in the circle.”

“I came with a templar, the same templar that asked for my help that day, but he left me here and headed for the Keep, he was worried about his daughter.”

Cullen had a strange look, one she wasn’t able to understand. She threw her staff away.

“Cullen, have I ever lied to you?” – She motioned to herself and then to him.

He wasn’t expecting that; she saw the surprise in his eyes.

“Alright, I believe you, but I’ll have to take you back to the circle, and then Knight Commander Meredith will decide what to do with you.” – He sheathed his sword.

“What? You know very well what she is going to do with me! She will make me tranquil Cullen!”

“I am sorry but as a templar…my duty demands me to…”

She couldn’t allow it, she wasn’t going to end up like that, not after everything she had been through, she wasn’t listening to his words anymore.

“… all mages of the circle.”

“I am so sorry too, Cullen.”

At the end of her words, she used mind blast to knock him back as he wasn’t expecting it and she ran. She ran back to the docks, and lost herself in the crowds, in the ocean of people.

She was an apostate now.


	9. Haven.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Áine arrives in Haven after years as an apostate, only to discover the Maker isn't going to make it easy for her.

> Blessed are they who stand before  
>  The corrupt and the wicked and do not falter…

 Áine’s eyes were heavy, it was hard to move, her bones were cold and being there crouched in the snow with her hands crossed over her chest wasn’t helping her situation.

“Maker please, I’m hungry, hurt, tired and alone. I can’t go on without You. Please, guide me at this moment. Give me Strength, for this new path You have led me is a long one. Give me Wisdom to know what You wish of me. Give me Knowledge so I can perform my duties well. Give me Understanding so I will help others with my heart and my mind… Guide me so I can use my magic to serve man.” – She whispered her prayer and saw her breath in the air.

She stood up and looked down at the gates of Haven.  She heard that an ‘Inquisition’ had been established and that they have allied themselves with the mages from Redcliff. At first, she didn’t want to come, she was afraid it would be some kind of circle all over again, some twisted idea of it, but here looking down, seeing everyone together and free? All the weight she’d been carrying was lifted, her shoulders were suddenly lighter, her stomach less nauseated.

Since the day an apostate named Anders blew up the chantry back in Kirkwall, since the day she last saw Cullen and stunned him so she could escape, she’s been on the run. For about four years, she’s been an apostate.

Going from one place to another, living one day at a time, not knowing what lies ahead of her. Learning to hide her magic, combat skills, hiding, blending in the crowd, having friends she called family was her life.

Her family… thinking about her family made her stomach nauseate again, she absent-minded rubbed her thumb against the shortbow in her hand, her chest was tightened, a lump formed in her throat, a shiver ran through her body. She looked down to it and noticed her hands were trembling. They were always there for her when she needed, she just wished she had paid them in kind.

“I’ll see you all again someday.” – Her voice was low and thick, her breath created fog in the wind.

When she ran away from Kirkwall, she had no idea where she was going to, she entered the first ship she could, she had no money to pay the fare. The ship was going to the Storm Coast, and from there she headed to Crestwood with the help of strangers. When she arrived there, things were difficult, she didn’t know where to stay, what to eat, basically, she didn’t know how to survive.

One day, hiding from a storm inside a cave, weak and hungry, she was found by a group of thieves. They helped her, fed her and welcomed her to their group. They taught her how to use the bow, to hunt, to survive, they became family.

She made sure the shortbow was hooked to the backpack and started walking towards Haven. On the way down there, she started laughing at herself.

“What will they think of a mage that fights with a bow instead of staff? And one that has no arrows?” – She smiled when her brother’s face came into view.

When she stunned Cullen that day, she left her staff behind, and acquiring another one was no simple feat. She couldn’t just go to a merchant and buy a new one for two reasons:

First: She didn’t have any money.

Second: Anyone buying staff back then was suspicious, and with all the apostates around, it was understandable.

She was approaching Haven’s gates and she made sure to look the soldiers in their eyes, maintain her head high and keep a straight up position. Even shaking because of the cold, or maybe fear, she had firm steps.

“Excuse me! I want to help. How do I join in?” – It was a stupid question, but she had already asked, so she better own it.

The guards looked at each other, one of them raised an eyebrow, the other one checked her from head to toe.

“You’ll need to speak with Sister Nightingale.”

“All right. Where do I find her?” - She cleared her throat and hoped it didn’t sound as wobbly as she thought.

“Continue on the path until you reach the entrance of the chantry, ask for her there.”

“Thank you.” – She walked past them. –  _“So far so good.”_  – She thought.

On her way to the chantry, she noticed that they had built trebuchets as if they were expecting trouble, and she felt uneasy about it. They also had a small but considerable army, not mentioning the high number of mages walking around with templars, as equals. That brought happiness to her heart, and for the first time in years, she truly had hope. Somehow it wasn’t that cold anymore.

As soon as she reached the chantry’s door, she asked around about Sister Nightingale’s whereabouts and was directed to a nearby tent. The woman in the tent was praying when she entered and so she turned to leave.

“Can I help you?” – The voice that reached Áine was like a punch in her guts, and she even flinched. – “Are you okay?” – The woman inquired.

Áine stood there, lips slightly apart. She closed and opened her hands, took a step forward to flee, but turned to face the woman.

“Leliana?” – She tried.

“Yes?”

“It’s me, Áine.” – She pressed her lips together, tucked her hair behind her right ear, looked at her feet and even kicked an imaginary rock.

She wasn’t expecting it, but Leliana hugged her. And Áine finally looked her in the eyes with blushed cheeks.

“You look different ‘Sister Nightingale’.” – She chuckled.

“So do you! You were a child the last time I saw you.” – Leliana squeezed her hand.

“I was a young woman, not a child.” – Áine had a finger lifted. – “Besides, it was more than 10 years ago, a lot has happened since then. If I recall correctly you helped kill a tiny, tiny dragon,” – She lifted her left hand and had her thumb and index finger almost touching. – “in fact, I think it was a mabari. Then a mage in Kirkwall decided to throw a party but exaggerated in the fireworks, and now the sky has flu and is sneezing demons… “ – Both women were laughing. – “I’ve grown, and you have changed, I can see it in your eyes.”

“We have all changed.” – Leliana walked to her desk while speaking.

“Leliana…” – Áine walked to stand beside her friend.

“I imagine you are here to help, yes?” – Áine understood it was time to change the subject.

“Maybe. Is it true? Are the mages here free?”

“Yes. The Herald offered a full alliance, and Fiona accepted. They are here on their free will, they aren’t under any official supervision, but you can imagine Cullen would never let them go without ‘any kind’ of supervision.” – Leliana chuckled light-hearted.

Áine couldn’t believe it, again, walking in circles. It was the Maker, had to be. She believed they were kilometers apart; Kirkwall was on the other side of the Waking Sea.

She was pacing; big steps, hands clasping, eyes unfocused in the chantry, a sudden halt.

“He’s… here?” – She asked, her voice sounding frail in her ears.

Leliana’s smile disappeared when she heard Áine. Her voice was low but firm.

“He is the Commander of the Inquisition, responsible for our troops. He’s not a templar anymore Áine, he’s changed. I could arrange a meeting if you want.”

“No!” – Her voice was harsher than she meant. – “No, thank you.”  – She was hugging herself. – “I hoped this could be a new beginning, but it seems we can never escape our past. My ghosts keep coming to say hello and give me a warm hug.” – Despite the jokes, she didn’t have a smile on her lips, instead, she had her hands on her frowny face.

Áine wasn’t going to cry, not again. She was taught to be tough, by life and her friends, she could, and she would endure it if it were the Maker’s will.

The awkward silence between the women was cut short by a question.

“How have you been? I haven’t received a letter from you since Kirkwall.”

“Ah... the same old.” – She started running her fingers on the tent’s fabric. – “Strolling through moonlit gardens, visiting family in our castle, shopping in Val Royeaux, going to spas”. – She ran her trembling fingers through her hair. – “To tell you the truth, all very boring, so, yeah, I’m in, maybe I can get some excitement here.” – They were looking at each other and Leliana chuckled while Áine hid her shiver with a laugh.

“Oh, I don’t know Áine, you might get disappointed.” – She winked at her friend.

“We have a tavern, The Singing Maiden, that is run by Flissa. Adan is our apothecary. Harritt is the blacksmith. Minaeve is the head creature researcher. And then we have Threnn, the quartermaster, who I try to have a minimum contact with, you see, she is not a big fan of Alistair and Alma, she says Loghain was innocent.”

“I’m sorry, what?” – She turned her head in Leliana’s direction.

“Yeah yeah, I know…” – They chatted about the last years, and Áine told her everything, she knew it was Leliana’s job to investigate new incomers.

“I am, definitely, introducing you to Josie later, she is our ambassador, you can talk to her inside the chantry near the war room. If you have problems with nobles, she’s your woman. We also have what we call the inner circle.”

“There’s Madame de Fer or The Iron Lady Vivienne, she is a powerful mage that has interesting views about mages and circle towers, I am sure you two will have lovely conversations. She is inside the chantry to your left, the one with impeccable fashion, mind you.”

“Solas is also a mage, he’s an elf, you’ll find him near Adan, he carries a wolf’s jaw as a necklace. If you are interested in the Elven culture, you two will spend wonderful afternoons together.”

“Dorian is a mage too, but not an elf, he is an Altus from Tevinter. He is also near Adan, with impeccable fashion like Vivienne. He loves reading like you, I’m sure you will have a lot to talk about.”

“Sera is a rogue, you’ll find her in the tavern, she’s a blonde elf with short straight hair, she’s prone to pull all kinds of pranks. She uses a bow, maybe you can help each other.”

“Then there’s Varric, he is a rogue and storyteller, he can tell you the funniest stories. He’s from Kirkwall, I believe you will have a lot to discuss. He usually is near here, he's a dwarf, you’ll know him when you see him.”

“Outside we have the warrior The Iron Bull with the Chargers near the stable and Harritt. He's qunari, impossible to miss. He loves a good drink with his friends, he might try to teach you how to drink and even convince you to join him.”

“We have Warden Blackwall with us, he is near Harritt too, you can’t miss him, he is a strong, bearded warrior. Don’t ask him anything further about the Grey Wardens, you know they are a secretive order, but he will share his adventures if asked.”

“To finish we have Seeker Cassandra with us, please do not ask about her full name. She is the one who started the Inquisition and recruited Cullen, she is also a warrior, you will see her destroying training dummies all the time, you can ask to join her if you wish.”

“Cullen is usually outside to your right, training the recruits. Any questions?”

“Plenty?” – Áine's frown and gaping mouth seemed to amuse Leliana.

“Good! With your stealth experience and abilities, I believe you are better suited to work directly for me, but there will be times you will be under the command of the others. Is that okay with you?”

“Will I have to murder people in cold blood, or just gather information?” – She was looking at the mountains, biting her thumb’s nail.

“Yes.”

She turned to Leliana.

“Yes?…” – She shook her head slightly and raised her left eyebrow.

Leliana couldn’t maintain a straight face any longer.

“Just gather information Áine. Knowing you the way that I do, the mission would be half complete, because you wouldn’t kill anyone in cold blood, you are too kind to be an assassin, and I prefer you keep that way.”

“Thanks, I guess.”

“Now, follow me, please…”


	10. In your heart shall burn - The truth?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Misfits are curious about Áine's nickname.

She always entered the chantry and immediately turned right; staying behind the columns meant staying out of view. The days she felt particularly confident, she would have a lazy walk, a big smile in her eyes, her head would be high. But in days like today, she just wanted to reach her destination as quickly as she could. 

She knew the Herald was discussing with her advisors the last-minute details for their assault on the breach, and so, Cullen could come out any minute. She had avoided him so far, by ‘stalking’ him. She knew where he would be so she could go on about her day without worrying, which basically meant being in the small library.

She noticed that, despite the fact she was confident or in a hurry, she always had shaky hands when she entered the chantry, she also clenched her jaw, which led her to a light jaw pain later. That day was no different.

As usual, she turned right when she entered, but was greeted by Bull, who was going to the tavern.

“Hey, Blue! Going to the library?” – The man blocked her way.

“Yes. I want to try and relax before marching to the temple.” – She took a deep breath.

“Come on! Let’s have a drink then.”

“Bull, I don’t…” – Too late, he spun her and was leading her by the shoulders, and by the pressure he was putting into them, she knew there was no escape.

“All right! All right!” – She threw her hands up then put her head down showing defeat.

There were a lot of busy people outside, they were gathering the gears, armor, and lyrium; they were also training, chatting, smiling, laughing, and at the same time, they were fidgeting, rubbing their necks, running their fingers through their hair, crossing their arms. It was amusing to watch the scene unfold, whatever happened, she knew they wouldn’t back down.

The inside of the tavern was no different from outside. It seemed as if half of Haven decided to relax with a drink that day, just the odd little thing was their mugs and tankards, they were all full, and none of them left the tables.

Bull, who was still holding her shoulders, led her to a table near Maryden. Varric was telling Dorian and Sera a story about Hawke and Isabela finding cursed pirates turned to statues by a maleficar captain but stopped as soon as they arrived.

“Hey! Talking about crazy stories, when are you going to tell us why your nickname is Blue? As a storyteller, I’m sure it will be funny.”

Áine raised an eyebrow and placed a hand over her mouth as if she was offended before laughing.

“You sure? Maybe not, maybe it is something sad and tragic, blue is, after all, a reference to sadness too.” – Dorian said while giving Bull a side glance.

She looked at them and nodded confirming Dorian’s theory while pretending to wipe a tear away and faking a snuffle.

“Come on Sparkler, I’m sure it will be interesting. What do you think Tiny?”

Blackwall was coming to the table with two ale tankards on his hands and handed one to Bull while he sat.

“Humm…” – He thanked Blackwall and stared at the tankard. – “I think it will be both, but…” – He took a big gulp – “she’s not telling us the sad part.”

“What’s going on here? Are we sharing sad stories now?” – Blackwall asked after a quick glance around.

“Pffffft! Just sit your arse down and let’s hear it, yeah?”

They were watching Áine waiting for her answer.

She looked around the tavern, watched the soldiers, templars, and mages for a bit then looked at Maryden who started beautifully singing ‘Enchanters’. The tavern was warm, there was a mixture of soap, perfume, and alcohol in the air; sounds of mugs against table tops, chairs being dragged, a soldier ordering a drink, people laughing, a couple flirting, a kiss on the cheek.

She looked down at her hands on the table, repositioned herself on her chair, played with one of her curls, and took a deep breath.

“Bull is half correct.” – She looked at them.

“What? About being funny and sad? Or the not telling part?” – Sera was waving her hands in an inquisitive way.

“Buttercup, please.”

“Sorry…”.

“You see, my family and friend Amell would say that I’m being naïve, but I don’t know. I’m going to tell you the truth”. – She intertwined her fingers, placed her hands on the table and lowered her eyes. – “The only person that knows this in its whole is Leliana, so, not telling around, okay? It’s very, very personal.” ­– She glanced around. – “Have I stressed enough how personal it is?”

Everyone nodded.

“After I ran from the circle in Kirkwall, I didn’t have many places to go, so I ended up in Crestwood where I joined a group of farmers that knew nothing about farming.” – She chuckled and crossed her legs. – “They were honest people trying a new life in a new place. Anyways, there we were in Crestwood, in a piece of land that Mayor Gregory gave us to start,” – She shrugged and raised the left corner of her lips – “it was near a mountain, and the soil was not fertile, so we had to find a way to produce ‘anything’. Francis, who was well read at the time, told us he read somewhere that druffalo manure is a great fertilizer.” – She stuck her tongue out and made a puking sound – “So as good farmers, we started gathering manure from the ground.”

“Ew! No way, druffalo shit.” – Sera's face was all twisted.

Varric, Blackwall, and Bull were laughing, while Dorian had both eyebrows up, and his lips were slightly apart.

“Yep, knee deep in shit. Well, it ends up that our crops started to grow and Agnes, our lovely neighbor, started sabotaging it.” – Áine had her right hand resting on her left arm, and she started squeezing it while looking away, to the nothingness. 

“One day we told her that we found this blue mushroom that mixed with the manure was even better for the crops, but we never told her exactly where.” – The corners of her mouth were reaching her eyes. – “Of course, she asked us where, but we didn’t tell her. Later that night Francis sneaked into this cave where we had prepared a trap, and on his way, he made sure Agnes was following.” – She shifted in her chair, leaned forward, and had a smirk on her face. 

“Inside the cave, there was this hole in the wall where he hid, she didn’t know about it, so she continued walking into the cave where I was waiting with a bucket full of blue pigment; the thing is, it was really dark, so I, as a mage, decided to light a little ball of fire. Biggest mistake ever.” – She planted both hands on the table and leaned back on the backrest. – “A bunch of bats started flying around the cave, Agnes started screaming, and I fell with the bucket in my hands, I think you can imagine what happened.” – She banged her head on the table and made a strange noise. – “It took me a whole week to go back to my normal color.”

Sera was punching the table and laughing hysterically, Blackwall spilled some of his ale, Dorian chuckled and patted her arm, Varric was laughing and had his right hand in front of his eyes while shaking his head, but Bull… Bull studied her and nodded before finishing his ale.

“Good story Blue. Now, why don’t you tell us the real one?”

Áine gave him a side look.

“Don’t know what you’re talking about.” – She cleared her throat and ordered a mug of strawberry juice.

“Right.” – Bull slouched in his chair.

She took a long deep breath with her eyes and hands closed. When she opened them again, everyone was looking at her.

The tavern was getting hotter and hotter, the voices too loud, the air was getting thicker, making it difficult to breathe, she wiped her forehead, and tucked her hair behind her ears. She had to clear her throat a couple of times before she could say anything.

“Okay! I'll tell you everything after the assault on the breach. A story full of demons, mages, templars, apostates, tranquils, Wardens, Blight, Kings and Queens, Champions and love. So, you better get your asses back here.” – She stood up and stormed out of the tavern.

“Now we are going to listen to the real story.” – Bull winked to Varric.

Maryden started singing…

 [♪](https://youtu.be/7Ja3nxXGqn4)

_♪_ _Once we were  
In our peace  
With our lives assured._ _♪_


	11. In your heart shall burn - The beginning of the truth!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Áine keeps her word and decides is time to tell the MIsfits the truth about her past.

The assault on the breach was a success both for the Inquisition and Áine. She was able to avoid Cullen on their way there and on their way back, of course, she had to take some actions for it to be possible.

First: she was in the middle of the mages, blending in the crowd

Second: she walked with her head low, her hair a curtain covering her face.

The mages marched in the middle of the soldiers who guarded their front and backs, some ex-templars were strategically positioned among them to prevent any risks, also known as, possessions and abominations.

After the Herald closed the breach, a massive green scar could be seen in the sky from Haven, not only there, but from many other places, just a small reminder of what it once was.

When they arrived at Haven, the people who were left behind were already celebrating. Dancing around the fire, having drinks, laughing their lungs outs, some were quiet, alone, crying. Áine was calm; looking at their faces, their smiles, frowns, tears, somehow had a soothing effect.

She did what she always did, she went to the library. She had spent many hours there before, reading in the company of Dorian. Most times discussing the theories of magic, or how one or two spells were better cast; it was her heaven There was the smell of old and new books and mold; sometimes her hot chocolate smell lingered in the place, she sat in comfortable chairs, it was quiet, calm and amusing. The small library was in the Chantry’s cellar, where they also kept their prisoners, it was a place of knowledge and transgression.

On her way there, she had to stop a few times to hug, greet, even dance a bit with the people who made this an important victory, they had yet so much to do, but a victory nevertheless. The Maker decided to grant them pleasant weather for the festivities, no chilly wind nor rain nor snow, it was a warm night, that got warmer and warmer with the happiness around.

She walked looking down, not because she wanted to hide, but because she wanted to remember everything she had left behind to be part of that moment; her friends, her family, her fears. She had conquered many small victories of her own too, she made friends, shared memories, helped others, became a healer, was slowly overcoming her fear of closed spaces, the dark, being touched…unconsciously she touched her lower belly, but withdrew her hand sharply.

“No, you’re not going to ruin this moment or any other again.” – She whispered to herself.

Aiden had always been in the back of her mind, lurking, chasing her in the dark, grabbing her with bloody hands, ruining conversations, parties, dances, whispering in her ears… mine, Mine, MINE; she felt her blood run cold. She looked up and saw the Chantry’s doors, she tied her hair and touched her jaw’s scar while closing her eyes.

“You are fine, you will be fine, you are safe.”  – That was her little mantra, every time she was scared, insecure or whatever bad feeling she had, she would say those words aloud. The words couldn’t stop the shiver down her spine this time, she opened her eyes and took a step to the chantry, but she didn’t feel her legs. – “Stop it! You are fine, you will be fine, you are safe.”

She tried entering the chantry again but was spun around by Sera who was laughing and holding a mug of beer.

“Hey ya! Forgot you had a date with me tonight?” – The elf laughed freely.

“How could I? Someone charming like yourself, it’s impossible to forget.” – She forced a big smile while messing with Sera’s hair.

“Shite! You know that I hate when you do that. I’m not a kid.”

“You’re younger than me, so…” – Áine chuckled.

“Come on, the guys are sitting and waiting.”

She thought they were going to the tavern, but instead, Sera led her to the house outside of Haven.

“What are we doing here?”

“Well, the tavern was full, and we thought we’d need some privacy.”

“Well, Flissa is not here…”

“Nah, don’t worry Bull took care of the drinks.”

Sera opened the door and shoved Áine inside. The house was hot and smelling like bread and meat. They were sitting around a table playing Wicked Grace, and by the looks of it, Blackwall and Dorian were losing. Bull had quite some silver on his side, and Varric was telling stories as usual.

“Finally Buttercup, we thought you got lost out there.” – Varric smiled at the two.

“What? Can’t a girl have some fun?” – She held Áine’s hand and led her to a chair next to Dorian.

“So, story time Blue?” – Dorian asked.

“I am particularly curious about the King and Queen part. Are they Alistair and Alma? Maybe you will give me some useful information for my next book. The Champion is Hawke I’m sure of it!”

“I want to know about my fellow Wardens and the blight. It’s a fascinating topic.”

“Let’s just hear it, ya? Or I will shove this mug up your…” – Sera spilled some of the mug’s content on the table.

“All right Sera, we got it. Let’s hear the real story, okay?”

“Wait a minute! How did you know I was lying Bull?”

“I’m a spy, remember?” – He shrugged and drank from his tankard.

“Are you all serious?” – Áine looked at them and laughed.

After some yeah, yeps and nods she slouched on the chair and started playing with her curls while looking at the fire. They were right, she told them she would tell the truth, she even trusted them. One thing that she valued was her word, she couldn’t go back now, so the only way was forward.

“Alright,” –  She sighed –  “no interruption you all hear me?” – She looked at every single one of them in the eyes and waited until they nodded to move on to the next.

After they all nodded, she took her coat off, placed both elbows on the table and rested her head on her hands.

“Get comfortable, you bunch of misfits, it’s going to be a long story.”


	12. In your heart shall burn - The whole truth!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Áine tells the Misfits her whole story. From Kinloch to now.

“When I was fifteen years old, I used to live in a circle tower, obviously. All my worries were books, spells, the harrowing, the normal circle tower mage stuff.” – She raised her head and rolled her eyes. – “I wasn’t a socially adept person, didn’t have many friends, only one to be honest, Amell is her name.” – Her right-hand index finger was tracing circles on the top of the table, while she rested her head on her left hand. – “Anyway, she was older than me and sometimes she would tell me about her little adventures with the boys, nothing really intimate.” – She waved her right hand above her head. – “I couldn’t care less about any of that, boys were the least of my worries.”’ – Her left hand started playing with a curl while she looked at the fire. – “But then, a templar came and I fell in love with him. I caught myself thinking about him several times a day.”

“The thing is, he had a crush on my friend. I don’t blame him, she is gorgeous.” –  Her eyes were wide. – “Tall, blonde, emerald green eyes, feminine; well you get the picture, and to make things better or worse, she was his age.” – She slouched in the chair.

“I never confessed my feelings and Amell would bug me all day long to, not because he would laugh at me, but he would give me one of those looks he had… He was so, so… kind...” – She stood up and rubbed her left arm with closed eyes and a big smile. – “…and intelligent, and charming, and not afraid of mages, and friendly. He would just stop and talk to us, help us with our problems…” – She sighed and stopped in front of the fireplace.

“There was this other mage.” – She returned to the table and sat – “His name is not important, he liked me, but I never cared, sorry, I never realized he did.” – She was fidgeting. – “I was too busy with other things to notice. We weren’t besties, but we were friends. He knew I liked the templar.” 

“One day he pulled me to one of the quarters,” – She held herself. – “and we almost kissed, but I pushed him and…” – She was looking at Varric, but her mind was far. – “he said in the coldest voice: ‘You are mine’, that alone sent shivers and shivers down my spine.” – She visibly shuddered and gave them a sad smile.

“That day in Ostagar when King Cailan and the Wardens were betrayed by Loghain, our Senior Enchanter was there. When he came back he told everyone what had happened, and everyone got scared.” – Her arms were crossed on the table and she leaned on it. – “I think that’s exactly what he wanted because later he attacked the mages and started slaughtering everyone to fulfill his desire to become the most powerful blood mage.” – Her head was down, and she took a few minutes before taking a deep breath and continue.

“During all the confusion, I was dragged to one of the quarters and tied to a table. I woke up sometime later, don’t know how long, but I was… I was…” – She stood up and had her back to them – “The boy I told earlier was there with me, he was… doing something to me, nothing sexual if you mind… he was… you see, he had a dagger and was…” – She untied and tied her hair several times. – “carving symbols. These symbols…” – Her hand was rubbing her lower belly. – “he said it was to make us together forever, that I would love him as much as he loved me.”’ – She started pacing.

“I was in that room for days and days. When only one symbol was left, Warden Alma, Warden Alistair and Leliana, yes Leliana our sister Nightingale, arrived in the tower with their friends.” – She was looking out of the window. – “We were unaware of it, so he just continued until Alistair knocked the door down; my mentor at the time threw the boy on the wall and came to rescue me. The boy stood up and tried to fight them but was outnumbered and fled.” – She sighed and rubbed her neck. – “’I don’t know what happened to him but he disappeared and the thought of it…” – She was visibly shaking.

“They rescued me, the templar I was… am… anyway, in love with, was rescued too. He had been trapped and was tortured by demons. When we were all finally together in the entrance of the tower, he just got there and demanded the Rite of Annulment.” – She was clutching her clothes and kicked an imaginary rock. – “If you don’t know, it is the permission to kill all mages in a circle tower; he claimed no one knew who there was an abomination, and so the risks were too high.” – She stopped talking for a few minutes, walked to the bed and sat on its edge. She ran her hands over the bed sheet as if she were straightening it before continuing. – “He unsheathed his sword and pointed it at my face and said that even me, who was always in the library surrounded by books, could be a blood mage…” – There were little water markings on the bed sheet now. – “I just wanted to punch him, I wanted to rub my wounds on his face … Warden Alma said no, the tower was clean and everyone was safe, so they didn’t use the Rite.”

“Things got pretty bad for me after that.” – She was lying on the bed. – “Panic attacks, waking up screaming, couldn’t sleep alone or in the dark, the door had to be open all the time… every time I had to get near that freaking room I started shaking and crying uncontrollably. I begged and begged for the First Enchanter to be transferred, and so I was after long months.”

“I went to Kirkwall, a new beginning; I tried, oh I tried, to forget everything, to forget him.” – She sat on the bed and crossed her legs. – “I had a friend there that was dating a templar, and they were so in love, it filled my heart with joy when I saw them together, but that just hurt me more, because as much as I tried to forget the templar I couldn’t, just couldn’t.”

“Well, lucky me, who was transferred there too?” – She threw her arms up – “Yep, him! I was walking to the library to continue my studies, I wanted to help, to become a healer, and one of the recruits suffered an accident, the templar who was accompanying him, brought him to me for healing and left to get more help. The sword went through and he was bleeding profusely, he was going to die and there was nothing to be done. There I was, bloodied with a corpse on my arms, when who arrives? Exactly the templar I was trying to avoid, he comes near me with his sword nearing my face.” – She placed her hand near her face to show how close the sword was. – “I could taste the steel. He started talking to me, demanding explanations, I explained everything.  I slowly stood up with my hands high,” – She did the same, mimicking her words. – “I was showing I was no threat, but he was different, his eyes were… I told him who I was, he didn’t recognize me, I was different, I was a woman not a child anymore, I had changed, grown, I think this made him back down a little. I remember his face, his expression of disappointment, I told him I wasn’t a blood mage and that’s when the other templar arrived and he yelled: “She’s here!”, we were both startled and he cut me.” – She put her hand on her jaw scar. – “The other templar explained everything and he turned to me… he lowered his sword when he saw what he did and apologized, I healed it as best as I could and left.”

“A few years later, everything was horrible again. Remember my friend who was dating the templar? She was made tranquil, and some months later Anders destroyed the Chantry. Everything was chaos, people dying here and there, mages and people fleeing, blood magic, demons.” – She stood up and started pacing.

“The templar that brought me the recruit before, needed my help, so I followed him around, but he just wouldn’t stop to help anyone. When we arrived at the docks I saw a desire demon on a mage and I stopped to help. I froze and then stonefisted it, and demanded him to help too, but he said he was worried about his daughter and that he had to go. He gave me two choices: to go with him or stay there; after thinking about it, I decided to stay, not to flee I would go back I swear, but I am a freaking healer, I am supposed to help people…” – The flames of the fireplace increased.

“When he left, the demon I thought was dead attacked me, he tried to possess me. All they say about desire demons is true, they are so appealing, they read your most precious hidden desire and promise you to make it true.” – She let her tears fall. – “it was so tempting, it promised me the templar would love me and want me, and all the things that I wanted.” – She grabbed the sides of the shelf above the fireplace. – “And the thing is, I really wanted that, I still do, but I want him to want it, not to be forced into it… I fought the demon and killed it.” – She straightened her spine and a resentful laugh came out of her mouth. – “But the Maker has a wicked sense of humor, or he has plans unknown to me, because as soon as I killed the demon who comes? I am not lying guys; he just comes walking with determined steps.” – She took a few steps to show them. – “I thought that was that, I was alone outside the circle, bloodied and a corpse was a few meters away, now that I think about it, most of the times we met I was bloodied.” –  She chuckled nervously and untied her hair.

“He came and his face was unreadable, he asked, not demanded an explanation. I explained the best I could, but I don’t think he believed my words. I just turned to him and threw my staff away, I also asked him: Have I ever lied to you?” – She stood there her lips slightly apart, her left hand on her chest – “I think it got him surprised because he lowered his sword and started saying he was sorry, but as a templar, his duties demanded him to bring me back to the circle tower and to Knight-Commander Meredith.” – She started laughing. – “Of course, we know what she was going to do; she was going to make me tranquil, and I wouldn’t accept that; I couldn’t!” – The flames in the fireplace subsided, a thin layer of frost formed on the window, Sera shivered. She ran her fingers through her hair and the room was warm again. – “I had been through so much. I blasted him and ran, got on the first ship I could and ended on the Storm Coast.”

“I joined a band of thieves who taught me to hunt, defend myself, to survive; they became my family.” – She curled up in bed.  “After years on the run with them, we got separated a few months ago, and that’s when I heard about the Inquisition; that it had gotten the mages from Redcliff and they were allies, not prisoners. I was alone, tired and hurt, I decided to give it a shot and came here.” – She shrugged. – “To my surprise, Leliana was one of the heads of the Inquisition; I hadn’t talked to her in years since I left Kirkwall. I used to exchange letters with her, Alma and Alistair until I became an apostate, which obviously didn’t allow me to write to the royalty and say: Hey! Remember me? I’m an apostate now, how are you?” – She stood up and started pacing again, but faster this time, touching everything that was within her reach. - “Anyway, there I was talking to Leliana, I told her everything, and she starts telling me about the Inquisition, the Herald, her inner circle, and advisors.” – She was crying and sobbing. – “To my surprise, I discover that the man I’ve tried to forget, to leave behind, the man that I care, crave, miss and love is the fucking Commander of the Inquisition” – She sat in front of the fireplace with her back to them.

No one moved or said anything for a couple of minutes, the only sounds inside the house came from the fireplace, the festivities outside and her sobbing.

“To answer your question about my nickname. In one of our jobs, I mean my family and me, we had to go disguised. I was supposed to distract the guards, the guys dared me to dye my hair blue and seduce them, daring was our internal joke, and so I tried and failed miserably, of course.” – Laughter mixed with sobbing were all she could do. – “Never had to do it before, so… In the end, we stole the money, and as usual, half of our profit went to buying food for the town’s poor and forsaken. The guys started teasing me about my lack of ability in the matter, and said that it was so sad I should keep the hair color as a reminder, and so I did. I had my hair blue for many years. The day I finally reunite with them again, I will dye it, but until there…” – She crossed her arms over her legs and stared at the fire while hers tears soaked her clothes. 

“Was it sad and funny enough?”

The place was silent as a grave until bells were heard everywhere.

They were under attack.


	13. A beautiful night.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Áine is tired from the journey and decides to have some alone time, but is interrupted.

After Corypheus attacked Haven and the Inquisition barely escaped using the old passages Chancellor Roderick remembered from his summer pilgrimage, they still had a long way ahead. The fact that the Herald of Andraste was missing, caused her advisors to start discussing, without ever reaching a common goal on what they were to do next, and it was not easy on everyone’s mind. When the Herald finally arrived at the makeshift camp in the middle of the mountains, the emotions changed from despair and fear to hope.

If Áine ever doubted the Inquisition was the Maker’s plan, what happened that night washed all her fears away. All the survivors, recruits, soldiers and the whole camp started singing a chantry hymn that gave Áine the certainty she needed and was visiting her mind over and over again. One day she caught herself singing while healing a soldier.

 [♪](http://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fyoutu.be%2FAgYxMVRtJr4&t=ZWE3ZGUzYjg3MzZiMjdlMDgwY2U5NTIwYzRmYzczYjg1OTc4NzEyMSxmd2huZk82Qg%3D%3D&b=t%3A0Cz9UJcPHhqAsP4Mhx6v1w&p=https%3A%2F%2Fjonogueira.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F163134246877%2Fa-beautiful-night&m=0)

_♪_ _Shadows fall  
And hope has fled  
Steel your heart  
The dawn will come_ _♪_

Of course, things were not paradise after the Herald came back. The Inquisition still didn’t have a place to call headquarters, Corypheus was still around, and Thedas was still in chaos.

The day after she came back, the Herald told the advisors Solas knew a place that could be the new home of the Inquisition, but it would take around two weeks to get everyone there; the advisors started working as soon as she told them.

Leliana’s agents were dispatched with Josephine and Cullen’s letters, Cullen organized the soldiers to provide protection on all sides in the Inquisition’s journey, and Josephine was planning and trying to put in words a story about Haven’s attack and how they could use it to their advantage. 

The healers, including Áine, were working nonstop to help the wounded. In the end, the Inquisition truly was a force to be recognized, wherever it was, it was doing good.

Áine was sitting among the pine trees thinking about their journey so far. They were traveling for almost two weeks and were probably arriving at the fortress. She had made many memories from that troubled time. She played Wicked Grace with some soldiers and the Misfits – Varric, Sera, Dorian, Bull, and Blackwall – even Cassandra and Leliana joined some nights. As a person that doesn’t drink, she was the judge in a drinking game and there were also archery and fighting competitions, but moments like those, when she was alone, she could think about everything and…

“Hello!” – Someone called from the shadows, yanking Áine from her thoughts.

“Maker’s breath, Leliana! You scared me.” – She let the magic in her fingertips go back to the fade.

“Sorry.” – The spymaster chuckled.

“Where did you come from? I didn’t hear you.”

“Of course, not. Let me guess, thinking about a Lion?”

Áine looked at her and hugged her legs.

“Not really, just the last couple of weeks.”

Leliana took a deep breath, took off her hood and sat beside Áine.

“It has been trying days, but we will survive. We have both been through difficult times, and yet here we are.”

She looked at Áine and gave her a small smile. Her eyes were tired, and there was tension on her shoulders.

“Leliana I know your position in the Inquisition is sensitive, but you can talk to me, we don’t need to talk about anything in particular.” –Áine gave her a one arm hug.

“I could go on a shopping trip now, go to Val Royeaux and buy some exquisite shoes, you know?”

“Food. I would buy food.” – She said removing her arm from Leliana’s shoulder and gathering small kindling to start a fire. – “Chocolate to be exact, a mug of hot chocolate would be good right now.”

“A fireplace and a comfortable bed would also come in hand, no?” – Leliana pulled her legs to her chest and rested her head on her knees.

“And books, I would kill to have a book now! Not really, really kill, well, you know what I mean, right?”

Leliana gave her a surprised look that made Áine blush and stammer.

“Relax Áine, I’m just jesting. So… chocolate, a book, a fireplace, a comfortable bed and…?” – She was side looking Áine with a wicked smile.

“And… that’s it. Would you like to have something else?”

“Many things,” – Leliana’s eyes didn’t move from the fire – “and I believe you would like some ‘body’ next to yours?”

“Oh no! A corpse would just make me colder,” – She faked a shiver and a disgusted face ­ – “although a mabari would come in hand.”

They were both laughing.

“Don’t be silly, you know very well what I’m talking about.” – She was standing up – “He is in his tent if you want to talk to him.”

“Where are you going? You just arrived!” – She stood up as well.

“I have work to do but think about what I said. I’ll see you tomorrow.” – She walked away while adjusting her hood.

Áine put out the fire and walked in the opposite direction, farther into the trees. After about five minutes of walking, she reached a small clearing. It was a beautiful night, there was a crescent moon and the sky was full of stars. 

In the center of the clearing, she let her body relax and leaned on her left side. Hands clasped on her back, lips a little apart humming a song, and eyes on the stars, somehow, she wasn’t so worried anymore. A cool wind brought a shiver and the familiar smell of oakmoss, she closed her eyes and honey colored eyes looked back… a sudden noise behind her made all her muscles tense, she stopped humming but didn’t move.

“I’m sorry! I didn’t want to interrupt you. You seemed so at peace, calm and lost in thought.”

It seemed Cullen was waiting for a reply, but she was tired, so tired she didn’t have energy to do anything; those days on the trail had finally taken their tolls. She changed her body instance and leaned on her right leg. She looked at the stars and started humming the song again.

Cullen took the final steps that separated them and quietly stopped by her left side, so close that if she leaned to her left, they would probably touch. They watched the stars until Áine finished her song.

“This song… it’s familiar. What’s the name of it?”

Áine stood straight, never moving her eyes from the stars, she tucked her hair behind her right ear, tilted her head to the left and spoke in a low, soothing voice.

“I don’t know. Someone close to me used to sing it before bed when I was a child. Alone and scared.”

From the corner of her eye, she saw him change his instance. His right hand moved to rest on his sword pommel, he let his shoulders down and run his left hand through his hair. He looked at her with lips apart, ready to ask something, but gave up before starting and watched her. His eyes moved to the stars again.

“It’s a beautiful night. It’s very quiet and calm here, a good place to think, don’t you agree?”

They watched each other through the corner of their eyes. Áine was quiet.

“Do I know you? You seem familiar as well. You’re obviously a healer. Have I needed your services?”

She let out a long breath, looked down at her clothes and saw some blood on them, she couldn’t hold the corner of her lips; a smile from the thought that she was always bloodied when she met him.

Áine extended her right hand and produced a small transparent ice daisy on her left hand. She kept her palm open exposing the cute little flower, they were close enough, which meant Cullen could see it.

“Perhaps from Kirkwall.” – She said.

“Hmm… perhaps.” – He turned to her and was ready to say something again.

“It seems to me you need some time to collect your own thoughts.” – She interrupted him before he started asking questions she didn’t want to answer.

Áine turned to him with her head down, took his hand from the pommel and placed the flower on it. The clearing was dark enough to conceal her face behind her raven curls. She turned and walked away from the place.

“Goodnight Commander.” – Her voice low and calm.

“Wait! I don’t know your name.”

Áine never stopped, she clasped her hands on her back and started humming the song again while leaving.

Cullen watched, then looked down at his hand and put the flower in his pocket. He watched the stars for a little longer before going to his tent, humming a song.


	14. Satinalia - Áine.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Áine decides to make a little something for Cullen.

The sun was barely visible in Skyhold; the fortress was bathed in the morning shadows. The main hall walls were still dark, but some candlelight could be seen in the windows. The sounds of swords against swords and good mornings with their correspondent acknowledged grunts filled the place.

The foggy breaths against the chilly wind and the snow-covered ground were, for her, part of the decoration. She felt her chest lighten, she couldn’t see, but she was sure her eyes were gleaming, and she heard herself humming.

Satinalia had always been her favorite holiday, with all the festivities, gift exchanging and the decoration.

Josephine, once more, did an excellent work with it, especially because they had just arrived in Skyhold, but she decided to have a small celebration to boost the morale. There were some charcoal gray, crimson and red ornaments on the trees, reminding the Inquisition colors.  A few wreaths and garlands were hanging here and there around Skyhold, as were mistletoe strategically placed. In that moment, she couldn’t see them entirely, but later, with the sun high in the sky, she knew she would have her heart racing.

Áine woke up with an adrenaline rush, a huge desire of hugging everyone and wishing them a wonderful Satinalia. She straightened her spine, and when a long yawn escaped her mouth, she stretched and had an idea. She changed her clothes, putting on her hottest coat, and left her tent greeting and shaking everyone’s hand on her way to the fortress, and there, as much as she tried, she couldn’t take the smile out of her lips.

Bouncy determined steps led her there, to the kitchen’s door. She was going to cook.

She wanted to give Cullen a present, but with her lack of money, she had to resort to creativity. She wasn’t the best cook, but she managed.

She pushed the kitchen door and was greeted with… nothing. The kitchen was empty; it was still early after all. Entering the kitchen her heart sunk, she had been there many times, well not there ‘there’, she had walked through the place many times on her way to the old library, but never really did or made anything ‘there’. Spices, fruits, meat, grains, ingredients were all over.

“It’s gonna be an adventure.” – She heard herself saying.

She closed the door, started the oven fire and leaned on the table trying to recall the recipe.

“Flour, salt, sugar, melted butter, and milk.” – She reminded herself.  

She looked for them and found the flour near the oven, the salt and sugar on top of the shelf near the door and the butter among the spices. By now the kitchen was warm enough that she took her coat off and hung it on the doorknob, she also remembered the song Maryden sung the day before and started singing.

[♪](http://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DMfznzR-N2J0&t=NWVhNmI5N2I0MGUyMjVkZDliZjc2NjczNzE1MzIyNWZkNDJjMGQwMyx6UkloVFJvWQ%3D%3D&b=t%3A0Cz9UJcPHhqAsP4Mhx6v1w&p=https%3A%2F%2Fjonogueira.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F163212216757%2Fsatinalia-%C3%A1ine&m=0)

_♪_    _Find Me  
Still searching  
For someone  
To lead me  
Can you  
Guide me  
To the revolt inside me _  _♪_

She looked at the table, and a bliss sensation filled her chest, she was light. She washed her hands and placed a bowl on it.

 _♪_   _Promise  
Surviving  
The Breach _  _♪_

She placed the butter to melt in the oven while she mixed the flour, salt, and sugar with a wooden spoon. The milk was in a bottle near the grains on the opposite wall of the oven.

 _♪_   _Promise  
Surviving  
The Breach  
In the Sky _  _♪_

She added the butter to her dried ingredients and mixed with her hands, the milk was added in small amounts. She took two steps back and gasped when she turned to take the pie tray and saw Cole standing near the door.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.” – The boy tilted his head right.

“It’s alright Cole. Can I help you?” – She cleaned her hands on a cloth.

“No.”

“Is there anything you need?” – She frowned.

“No.”

“Is there a problem?” – Her body tensed up.

“No. I came because I heard you. ‘ _Bouncing, singing, giggling, golden curls, honey-colored eyes, biting lip, deep breath, circle, demon, scar, tight throat, pacing, shaking head, stupid, bad idea, so naïve, shouldn’t have fallen in love, he’s not for me_ ’. But he doesn’t know, how can he know?”

“Oh, Cole… it’s too complicated.” – She didn’t look in his eyes.

“’ _Scar, not yours, his, not in body, but in mind, soul_ ’. You think you will remind him of bad memories, you think you are nothing but a bad memory. ‘ _Magic, mage, blood mage, abomination_ ’…”

“Cole, please…” – She lowered her head and played with her fingers.

“You’re wrong… he’s changed, he’s a different man. He’s not a templar anymore, mages are not the enemies, they are both victims and villains, as is anyone else. He doesn’t want the blue, but the song is loud, too loud sometimes, louder than him, duty, life. He’s trying, he’s hurt, he’s suffering, but he’s trying. He’s strong, stronger than you think, but frail, fragile, lonely. He may surprise you.” – His soothing voice made her look at him.

Áine was trying to absorb the information. She wet her lips with the tip of her tongue, and pressed them together, her hands were in front of her body, she took a hard swallow, she stammered trying to give him an answer, to say something. She cleaned the table, and organized the ingredients back to their places, she glanced at the half-finished pie dough and the pie tray. Her heart was racing, but…

“You want to try. I’ll help.” – The boy offered her an honest smile.

Áine lips were curved, she took a small amount of dough and stuffed Cole’s mouth with it.

“I was thinking…”

“Honey. Yes, he will like that.”

Cole found the honey and poured into the bowl while Áine mixed it. She placed the pie in the oven to bake and started looking for the other ingredients.

“Chocolate and strawberries.”

“Chocolate and strawberries Cole.”

Áine cut the chocolate into small pieces and melted it while Cole continued the song.

 _♪_   _Templar  
Igniting  
Fire inside me _  _♪_

“Cole, I want this to be our secret, okay?”

“Why?”

“Because I’m not ready. Don’t know if I will be one day, but it’s a start.”

“Yes.”

“Thank you.”

The kitchen was bright and hot, the smell of pie was everywhere, Cole was sitting in a chair near the table, Áine was taking the pie from the oven when they heard footsteps. She placed the pie on the table and grabbed the cloth with all her strength, her head was high, and her eyes were locked on the door, but nothing happened.

“’I made them go away. Now you can finish his pie.”

A loud noise erupted from her chest, and she realized it was laughter.

“Thank you, little helper.” – She lifted his hat and messed his hair.

“But I am taller than you.”

“Yes, you are! Yes, you are.”

She filled the pie with chocolate and decorated with the strawberries she had cut and some grated chocolate on top.

She clutched her pants and sighed.

“To finish, a note. What do you think Cole?”

“Yes.”

“I’d like to do this alone if you don’t mind.”

“Okay. If you need anything call me.”

Áine placed a kiss on his cheek and watched him shrug and leave the place. His reaction made her laugh.

She finished the note and folded it carefully. Now that everything was done she needed to find a way to sneak into his office. Easier said than done. She couldn’t just walk through the lower courtyard or the throne room with a pie on her hands and not expect people to notice. She needed a box to hide the pie, but she didn’t have… a box was on the of the table.

“Thanks, Cole.” – She didn’t see him but she knew he could hear her.

She took her coat and left the kitchen. The wind was so cold she felt all her bones freeze, her nails were turning into a bluish hue, but she walked on.

“Well, at least the cook will be happy to enter a hot kitchen.”

The sun wasn’t high enough yet to shoo the shadows away, so there was almost no one outside.

“I can do this. I can totally do this.” – She paced in front of his door for five minutes, placed her hands on her sides three times, walked away seven times, placed her ears on the door twice trying to listen in, and opened the door once.

There she was with the box in one hand and the doorknob in the other, the place was dark and quiet, she listened for any sounds, nothing, it was cold and empty. She remembered Cullen usually exercised before his morning routine, and that he was probably running somewhere. She glanced back, produced a small ball of light and made sure no one saw her enter.

This was the first time she entered his office. There was a bookshelf filled with war, chantry and other kinds of books, his chess pieces were fondly kept in a row of the shelf, which made her chuckle.

 _“_ He really loves chess. _”_  – She whispered while tracing her fingers on them.

She noticed there was decoration here too, the minimal, probably on Josephine’s insistence. She smiled to herself when she noticed there were no mistletoes. 

There was an upper floor, she figured it was his private room, where he slept and… Her eyes shut close, her hand clutched her coat, and she took two steps back from the ladder, thinking about him and other women nauseated her.

She moved to his desk, it was neatly clean and organized, there were columns of papers on it, letters ready for dispatch, letters recently arrived, letters unfinished and others. She was tempted to look for the letters he refused to answer, but she stopped herself, she could find something she regretted. Would there be marriage proposals? Love letters? He was the Commander of the Inquisition, the Lion of Ferelden, of course there were. She shook her head, and let the thoughts slip away.

Áine gently placed her pie on the table and moved to his fireplace, it was empty, there was no log there. She tilted her head and raised an eyebrow, in fact, it seemed it was never used, she knew they had just finished some renovation in Skyhold, and she knew they added fireplaces in the quarters around, but why he never used it intrigued her. She gathered some logs and started the fire, she lit the candles around his office too. 

She turned her attention to his table and placed the note on the top of the box, she hoped the pie would be warm by the time the Commander came back, she was turning to leave when she noticed something she hadn’t before. A little ice daisy was placed on top of some books, she took it and examined it near the fireplace, it seemed Cullen held it dear enough to keep it.

She wondered if he knew it was her magic that created it, it didn’t matter to Áine, her heart was full of joy, and it was the best present she could have asked. She placed it on top of her note, left his office behind and headed to the valley.


	15. Satinalia - Cullen’s gift.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cullen receives the gift, but doubts pop in his mind.

It was still early when Cullen came back from his morning exercises, it took him a lot longer than usual due to ‘Satinalia’s spirit’. Everyone wanted to wish everyone an excellent day, and after everything they had been through the last weeks, he was glad the Inquisition was in high spirits.

He picked up some reports from Josephine’s table before going to his office. He turned and closed the rotunda’s door behind him, but before continuing, he lifted his eyes from the reports and noticed smoke coming from his office’s fireplace.

“That’s odd.” – He said aloud creating fog with his breath.

He stopped on the small bridge between his office and the main building and looked around to see if he was late and if the Skyhold’s workers were already around, but saw none of them, only a few people scattered here and there.

Snow was piling up around his shoulders and head, he looked to the sky, closed his eyes and chuckled.

“It’s going to be a snowy Satinalia. I have to remind myself to give the soldiers and recruits some time off today.”

He stretched and rubbed the back of his neck while going to his office. When he opened the door, a wave of hot air engulfed his entire body; he hurriedly entered and mentally thanked the person who lit the fireplace. He took his coat off, hung it near the door, and turned to his table, only to find a box on top of it.

He lifted his right eyebrow and calmly walked there. He placed the reports next to it and ran his fingers on the box. There was a note on top of it, and his small ice daisy was on the top of the note.

He didn’t know why he kept the little flower, but he had acquired the habit of running his fingers on its petals while thinking. It had a calming effect on him. One stressful day, with lots of reports and letters to read and write, he caught himself looking outside his window, to his troops in the valley while rubbing his gloveless fingers on the petals and humming a familiar song, his mind returned to the night in the clearing with the mysterious woman. After that, he always kept it within arm’s reach around his office.

As the memory of the night returned to him, Cullen started playing with the little flower and made himself comfortable in his chair, his eyes traced its petals, and he was amazed by the fact it was still intact.

He, somehow, knew her. On those sleepless nights, when the withdrawal hit him hard, her song came to his lips. He closed his eyes and remembered her in the center of the clearing. She looked so peaceful and strong like she owned the little space and he was a trespasser in her domain.

He had read enough reports that day and needed some alone time to think about anything but their situation. He was walking aimlessly when he saw something among the trees. He quietly approached the person, right hand holding his sword grip and heart racing, but heard her before he actually saw her. 

She was standing there, watching the stars, her body language was relaxed, she didn’t have a care in the world, he was even envious of her. How could she be so calm in such situation? He remembered asking himself. He watched her for some time, and the song she was humming was familiar, soothing.

She stopped, and her body tensed up when he made noise. She stood there still, waiting… he tried to engage her in conversation, but she didn’t say anything, just started humming again. He approached her, he didn’t know why but he had to see her, to be closer to her.

He asked about the song’s name, she didn’t know. He wanted to ask her about herself if she was okay or needed anything but changed the conversation.

She made the small flower and ended up telling him they might have known each other from Kirkwall, but left before he could ask about her name. He knew they had history, they were connected.

He shooed the thoughts away and changed his attention to the box in front of him. It wasn’t a big box, but bigger than his hand.

He thought it was a gift from Josephine and smiled, she had, against his will, decorated his office for the festivities with wreaths and garlands, a gift didn’t seem impossible. The next thought was Sera, was this another of her pranks? He backed away a little, but it wasn’t likely, there was a note. Maybe a gift from Leliana? She had shown her worries about him the last couple of days. Or was it the Inquisitor’s? People had talked about them, how the Commander and the Inquisitor would make a powerful couple, even after he had denied anything between them. The fact that the Inquisitor seemed to fancy him didn’t help at all. Maker, he didn’t know what to do, if she truly did, he would have to find a way to say no to her, she was a beautiful, powerful and brilliant woman, but he couldn’t see her as anything but a friend.

“Maker’s breath…” – He muttered under his breath.

He sighed, and suddenly the room got hotter. He was unsure of what to do first, open the box and find a prank from Sera, or read the letter and find out it was from the Inquisitor.

curiosity winning, he carefully opened the box, and both eyebrows went up.  He sat at the edge of the chair and had his mouth watering at the sight of the beautiful pie in front of him. It was a chocolate and strawberry pie, something he hadn’t eaten in a long time. His hand reached for a strawberry but stopped midway when he remembered Sera.

He inspected the pie, and when he found nothing wrong, he shrugged and ate it. A knife and a fork were inside the box too. He removed everything from the box and cut a slice for himself. He took a bite and slouched back in the chair. He was chewing the pie with the fork on his right hand, arms on the armrests, legs apart, eyes closed and head arched back on the chair’s top rail. He couldn’t stop smiling.

“Maker, this is del…” – He suddenly sat up, a funny thought occurred him. What if the pie was not for him?

He placed the fork on the table with shaky hands, sat straight on the chair and grabbed the note.

> Cullen,
> 
> I wish I could give you more than just a pie, but it is all I can give you.
> 
> No, that’s a lie and I am sorry about it! I could say I can give you my heart, thoughts, days and nights; my saddest tears or my happiest smiles, but I can’t, because I have already given them to you. I have already given you everything I am.
> 
> I am physically far from you, but be sure that my thoughts and soul are near. You are, let me correct it, you have been the first and last thought of my day for many years now. In fact, you’ve been in my thoughts more times a day than I dare say, and it always brings a smile to my face, lightens my day and calms my heart. I was sure I was happy before you showed up, but I see now how wrong I was. Although I cannot have you near, and it saddens me, I must admit it’s how I think it should be.
> 
> I am not and never will be, anywhere near suitable for you. I’m not beautiful, strong, intelligent nor respectful enough to be by your side.
> 
> My skin is not smooth or soft. I do have scars and I’m proud of some of them.
> 
> I’m broken and some pieces will never be put together. However, those same experiences that broke me, have made me who I am, and I wouldn’t change it.
> 
> I have made some stupid decisions and have regrets because of them, but they are lessons I will cherish for the rest of my life.
> 
> I am nothing but an Inquisition pawn, one more soldier trying to make a difference in people’s life, and it is good for me, I love helping people, that’s one of my life’s goals.
> 
> Please, don’t think I do not like myself because I do. I’ve been through a lot and learned to value and to respect myself. It’s… I know you, more than I can admit here. I know you’ve been through a lot too, and thus, deserve the best there is out there.
> 
> You deserve someone who steals your breath away every time you look at her, and makes you feel the luckiest of man. Someone who can help you through your worst times, who won’t let you fall, even when you think you will. Someone who, you can talk to about work, and will help you come up with brilliant solutions. Someone who won’t embarrass you when you go somewhere. Someone to add and not subtract.
> 
> I wish you find this someone soon because I know it will bring a smile to your lips every time you think about her, just the way it does when I think about you. Every night you spend awake in the darkness you will remember her, and it will seem like a lantern was lit, like you are the beacon in my darkness.  Every time you wake in coldness, the thought of her will make you warmer, like you are my fire in the cold nights. Before bed she will be the reason you pray to wake up the next morning, like I pray and beg for one more day, just to have a chance to see you, even if from afar.
> 
> I wish you find someone who will hug you and hold you near and tight when your days are long and stressful. That eyes are so honest, you will see everything you need and without a word, you two will understand each other. Whose touch will give you strength to conquer the world if need be, whose kiss will burn your doubts to the ground.
> 
> A partner who will make mistakes and learn with you, who will allow and contribute to make your lives an adventure. A wife who will make you feel the man I know you are and will be, who will always stand by your side, no matter what the world throws at both of you, and that you will do the same for her. Mother to your children, because I know you will be the best father a child can have. When you are both old, will still make you laugh, because you deserve to be happy now and ever.
> 
> I wish I could be this someone, but I’m just… I just make chocolate pies.
> 
> I’m sorry I made you waste your time reading this stupid letter, I hope the pie is better.
> 
> And I also hope that somehow, I was the reason for a smile this day.
> 
> Please be safe! I am anxiously waiting to see your smile today!


	16. Satinalia- Cullen’s doubts.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cullen is surprised by the letter. What will he do now?

Cullen sat back on his chair with both eyebrows up, his mouth was open, he also felt his cheeks hot, and his ears were red, his back was straight, and both elbows were placed on the chair’s armrests, the letter he held with both hands was the object of his full attention. 

He read it twice before placing it on the table, he moved to the window and watched the soldiers in the valley, he noticed he had something in his hands and looked down at it, just to see the small flower between his fingers.

He leaned on the wall with his left arm on it giving him support and crossed his legs. His eyes were closed, and he was taking deep slow breaths. The only thing on his mind was the woman in the clearing.

He cursed himself for not knowing her name, he should have insisted. It didn’t matter at that moment, he wasn’t sure it was from her or was it? The flower was from her, wasn’t it? And it was on the letter…

He took a deep breath and looked to the valley again; he ran his fingers on his curls and turned his back to the window, he looked at the pie on his table and sat. With the flower still in his hand, he reread the letter, trying to find any clue to who that person was, but the only thing there, was the mentioning of her knowing him deeper than others, there wasn’t a signature. She implied she knew the things he had been through, and it amazed him that even that didn’t keep her away, didn’t scare her.

He placed the pie in the box again and finished his slice, he was surprised with how it made him feel good, he relaxed on the chair and wished he could at least thank the person who made it for him. As soon as he finished it, he bathed, changed into his armor and went to the meeting at the war table.

On his way there, he couldn’t stop thinking about the letter. How could someone have such feelings for him? How could someone think he was too much for her? He who, Maker was his witness, was a broken man himself. Whose past decisions haunted him in his dreams or when he was awake.

How could anyone look at him and see someone who deserved such a woman as described? He was a man who used to view mages as less than people. A man who often used to treat them with far less respect than they deserved, just because he had been through a lot, but hadn’t they been through a lot too? It’s true he was a different man, he knew he was wrong and was trying to atone, but …

“Commander? Is everything alright?” – Josephine’s familiar voice reached his ears.

He was already in the war room and didn’t notice, he focused his attention on the matters at hand.

“Yes, I’m sorry. We can continue.” – He reached for a reported and started reading it.

Leliana looked into his eyes trying to read something, after she was satisfied with the answer she turned to the Inquisitor.

The meeting was long, but they reached plans for almost all the topics. When it ended, he excused himself and planned to go straight to his office, he had a lot of reports to read and write, not to mention that a pie waited for him.

“Commander, if you have a moment.”

He was almost outside the room when Leliana called him. He closed his eyes and turned to face her. Leliana was analyzing him, he had to admit, these moments he understood why people were afraid of her.

“Of course.”

Josephine looked at them with an expression of curiosity, excused herself and left the room closing the door behind her.

Leliana crossed her arms over her chest and looked at him, she was standing on the opposite side of the war table. Cullen positioned himself to be across from her so they could look into each other’s eyes. He rested his right hand on his sword pommel and waited for her questions, he knew there was no escape now, but they never came.

“Was there anything, in particular, you wanted to discuss?” – He asked at last.

“I don’t know. Why don’t you tell me?”

Cullen looked into her eyes trying to find anything there, but her blue eyes were, once again, a mystery to him. He sighed, rubbed the back of his neck and moved to one of the windows.

“I actually wanted to… I was wondering if you…” – He rubbed the back of his neck again. – “Have you seen or heard about anyone entering my office this morning?”

“No. What happened?”

“When I got to my office this morning, there was a box and a letter on my table. At first, I thought it was a gift from Josephine, then from Sera, and then you, even from the Inquisitor. I opened the box, and there was a chocolate and strawberry pie in it.”

“Oh!” – Leliana’s interest peaked.

“As I said there was also a letter, but no signature.”

“Hmm. What kind of letter was it?”

“Private.”

“So… you’re telling me there was a pie and an unsigned love letter for you in your office when you arrived this morning.”

Cullen’s face and ears were red, he looked at the floor, pressed his lips together after wetting them with the tip of his tongue and answered in a whisper.

“Yes.”

“And you want my help to find out who this person is?”

“No. I want to know if you know this person. I want to thank her for taking her time to make me such a delicious pie.”

“And that’s it?”

“If she wanted me to know who she is, she would have at least signed the letter.” – His head and shoulders were down. A long breath escaped his mouth. – “Of course, I’d like to know her, so maybe, after meeting me, she will see that the man she thinks I am is not real. I am not worthy of what she wishes…” – He threw his head back and kept his eyes closed.

“How can you be so sure it’s a woman? It could…”

“I think I might know who she is, but I’m not completely sure.” – He turned to face her and moved to be near the table again.

“If you tell me I might help.”

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, letting his lungs be fully filled before breathing out the air. He leaned on the war table and picked up one of the pins and started fidgeting with it.

“On our way here I met, I don’t know if met is the correct word, a mage on a clearing, she told me I might know her from Kirkwall and made a small ice flower, which I keep on my table, this same flower was sitting on the top of the letter, that’s why I think it’s a woman. I asked her name, but she didn’t tell me, all I know about her is that she is a mage from Kirkwall, is shorter than me and has curly hair.”

“Would you mind if I checked the letter? I might know the handwriting, and for my services, a slice of pie will be more than enough.”

Cullen chuckled, and both advisors went to his office. Leliana started reading the letter while he cut her a slice.

“Thank you, Cullen. Well, I will be honest with you, I do know this woman,” – Cullen’s eyes were wide. – “and no, I’m not telling you who she is.” – He sat on his chair and rested his elbows on the table with his fingers intertwined. – “This is a very private subject for her, and I must admit, this was a bold move.”

“What do you mean?”

“She is very… this is a sensitive subject for her. Please, don’t take this letter lightly, everything in it is true. Despite everything she’s been through, she’s overcome it all, well at least she is trying.”

Cullen studied Leliana for a few moments and then nodded. A clenched jaw and the serious expression his eyes showed, made the words he spoke have more meaning.

“I never, not even for a moment, took it lightly.” – He sat straight in his chair.

“Good. Have a good day.”

Cullen watched her leave, took the little flower in his left hand and started reading the letter again, and all he could do was smile.


	17. This girl is something else.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Áine and Cullen finally meet face to face.

Áine was awakened by a very loud Sera that morning and then dragged from her bedroll with promises of laughter. As far as she understood, Sera had everything planned and only needed a partner to put her plans in motion. Of course, she could say no, but Sera reminded Áine of her “brothers,” their joy of living was contagious.

Áine was sitting on the battlements beside Sera, with a stiffened body and a smile; they were looking down at the people who were coming and going to the tavern. Sera couldn’t contain her laughter and Áine had to elbow her in the ribs all the time.

“If you don’t stop laughing, they will get suspicious.”

“They will get suspicious anyway, It’s a sunny day. You worry too much, now give me another.”

Sera was looking at the people down the path and biting her tongue, she had her left eye closed and an open hand to Áine. Áine had to admit she was right, it was indeed a sunny day, one of the few they had in the last weeks, a perfect day to go out and around, a fact everyone noticed too. Skyhold was full of life, people coming and going, the tavern itself was crowded, she could hear the sound of music and people talking and laughing.

“You know what? For someone who hates magic, you seem pretty okay right now.”

Sera looked at her and stuck her tongue out.

“Pfffftttt… I don’t hate magic; I don’t like it. It’s not natural, and abobinations…”

“Well, I’m a mage…. I could become an ‘abobination’ …”

“Nah, you’re cool. Besides, snowballs!” – She looked at the people, started swinging her legs and extended her hand to Áine who produced a small ball of snow.

“Two silvers I can hit the arse-biscuit noble wearing green pants by the tavern door.”

“Oh no. I know your abilities, but if you wanna bet I can hit him, I’m on.”

Sera let out a loud laugh, looked at Áine and poked her.

“I bet five silvers you will miss.”

Áine stopped swinging her legs, straightened her back, closed her left eye, leaned and aimed. She threw the ball in a perfect arc, and it hit… Krem, who had left the tavern and got in the way.

Sera was laughing so much, she fell back on the floor, and everyone started searching for the source of the noise; Krem looked up at a pale Áine with a confused glare, and she was looking to the sky trying to cover her face with her right hand.

“Of course, it’s the two of you! You could at least have invited me!” – He chuckled.

“I’m sorry Krem, I wasn’t trying to hit you… specifically.”

The people who were standing around left and the ones walking started hurrying their paces. Krem laughed and continued on his path.

Sera was still laughing on the floor when Áine came down laughing and red-faced.

“Oi! Very good, you left me there alone. You’re lucky Krem knows you were there too. Now you owe me three silvers.”

“What now? Three silvers? Why?” – She stopped laughing, but didn’t stand up, she leaned on her elbows and looked at Áine who had her hands on her hips.

“I was going to hit the noble, but Krem got in the way, that’s why three silvers not five, but you can pay me a mug of juice, and we can call it quits.”

Áine started walking to the tavern without waiting for Sera who caught up moments later. They both had drinks and shared funny stories. Bull, Krem, and even Varric joined after a while.

“I have to go to the infirmary and check on the wounded, unfortunately, this is a never-ending job, but I will be more than happy to join you later for a round of Wicked Grace.” – She winked at them and smiled.

“I’ll be leaving with you too; I need to finish some business letters.”

They left the tavern and Áine hugged herself, a chilly wind made both shiver.

“So Blue, have you talked to him yet?” – Varric asked, making Áine close her eyes and chuckle.

“Oh, haven’t I told you?” – Varric’s eyes were semi-closed peering at her. – “I talked to him last week, and he confessed his undying love for me too.” – She closed her eyes, clasped her hands and held it in the crook of her neck. – “And now we are engaged.” – She showed him an imaginary ring. – “He wants to marry here in Skyhold, with a big party, a lot of guests, with as many nobles as possible.” – She gave him a toothy grin and waved her hand to show Skyhold.

“You know what Blue? I don’t even know how your missions for Leliana work.  I’m impressed with the intel you get back with this attitude. How does it work exactly? You get to the targets and make them laugh until they spill all the info you want to know or you just show up with your naïve face and then freeze them in place?”

“A bit of both, you know, sometimes I try to seduce them with my charm.” – She stood up in front of him, placed her left hand on her waist, grabbed some hair with her right hand and slightly lifted it above her head while crossing her eyes.

“Yep, I can totally see it.”

They were laughing and talking when they arrived in front of the infirmary. The sun was hiding behind some clouds, and Áine was looking at them when she saw a soldier bringing another one. Apparently, he had some kind of sword misconduct.

“Maker, come in! Let me take a look at you.” – Her healing aura already in effect.

She supported the other shoulder and helped them inside. Without a word, Áine poured healing magic onto the wound while other mage took his armor off. She stopped to clean enough blood from his wound and clothes to see how much damage was done.

“’You’ll be alright, don’t worry.” – She calmed him.

The soldier opened his eyes, and when he understood what was happening, he demanded her to stay away.

“Stay away from me with your blood magic, abomination. Commander, don’t let her kill me, please.”

As soon as the word Commander reached her ears, Áine lifted her hands from the soldier and started shaking.

“Please do not stop, he is in shock and doesn’t know what he’s talking about. And you recruit, you should be grateful we have a mage to take care of you, even after clearly disobeying me. I think I won’t even need to stress how much it is important not to go around playing with real swords. Maker…” – Cullen addressed the soldier from behind her.

Áine restarted her healing and heard Varric ask Cullen to give them space and wait with him outside. After quite some time, energy and mana later, the recruit was stabilized and sleeping; the soldier who brought him was sitting by his side crying, and Áine was having an internal crisis.

Should she go outside and talk to Cullen or send the other mage? Would he recognize her? Would he be mad at her after she stunned him? After minutes and minutes, she decided to send the other mage, but he was nowhere to be found. She started shaking and pacing, her fingers never leaving her jaw scar and a sour taste filled her mouth.

“Are you alright Serah? Is everything alright with him?” – The soldiers asked concerned.

“Yes, you don’t need to worry about me. And you? Are you okay? Do you need anything?” – She thanked the Maker for the brief distraction.

“’I need him to be alright. Is he going to be alright? Mother will kill me if anything happens to him.”

“So, he is your brother?!” – The soldier nodded – “He will live, and I hope he will have learned an important lesson. You should go talk to the Commander.”

The soldier sat on the floor beside his brother’s bedroll, leaned back against the wall, lowered his eyes and hugged his legs. Áine knew how he was feeling, she was, after all, feeling the same. She turned her back to them, looked at the door and took a deep breath, she didn’t notice, but she was biting her lower lip.

She walked to the door but stopped with her right hand on the doorknob, and with her left, she caressed her jaw scar and arranged her curls. It took her a big amount of will to turn the knob and open the door, and when she did, she was greeted by a red Commander and a laughing dwarf.

“’Come on Curly! You know it’s true. You can come and see for yourself, we are playing Wicked Grace tonight.”

“It doesn’t… It does, but…” – Cullen was looking to Skyhold’s main doors with his back to Áine and had both hands on his hips.

She was standing not more than two meters away from them, and Cullen’s presence was so strong it made Áine take a few steps back, she could hear and feel her heart beating; she opened and closed her hands trying to gather enough courage to talk to him, in the end, she looked away.

“So Blue? How’s the recruit?” – Varric asked, preventing her to flee the place.

Cullen turned to face her but she lowered her head and pretended she was cleaning her pants, he approached her and was ready to ask a question when she looked into his eyes.

“’Is he… Áine?!” – His face and tone were heavy with surprise.

“Hello, Cullen!” – She pulled her biggest smile, tucked some hair behind her right ear and they locked eyes. – “Long time no see. I’m sorry all the blood,” – She motioned her hands to her clothes. – “but I guess you’re used to it?! Every time you see me I’m bloodied.”  – She chuckled. – “How are you?”

She had dreamed about this moment; How would he react? How would she feel? Nervous? Nauseated? Anxious? But looking in his honey colored eyes, all she could feel was calm, happy and lost. Not lost in no escape, but lost in ecstasy, joy.

She wanted to take the few steps separating them and hug him, caress his cheeks, feel his warmth against her, feel his lips with her fingertips, close her eyes and let him embrace her, let his elderflower smell fill her lungs and soul.

Cullen, on his part, couldn’t stop looking at her. Was this the child he always saw around the library back in Kinloch? Was she the young woman he threatened in Kirkwall? How can she seem so different but similar at the same time? How can she be a woman but have the same bright, brilliant green eyes she had as a child? How could this woman, who had been through so much, still have the same beautiful, peaceful smile? And why is she not mad at him after what he had done?

There he was with his mouth open, eyes wide and closed hands on his sides and there she was with a smile, head tilted to the left and fingers intertwined in front of her body. And there was Varric watching everything with a smirk.

“Yes, I am… I mean, I’m fine. You?” – He rubbed his neck, and his face was red, he continued when she giggled and nodded. Maker why was he feeling so… insecure? – “Good, that’s good.”

Áine suddenly started having a familiar feeling, that thing which started on her toes and slowly raised, filling her body with… mischief and boldness.

“You know,” – She started taking a couple of steps in the throne room’s direction. She stopped by his side, looked up and then to him, placed her left hand on her waist and scratched her chin with her right one – “I would be much better if you could stop interrupting me.” – Her frustrated tone made the men raise their eyebrows.

“I’m…sorry?” – He looked at her with his face reddening.

“Do you have any idea how difficult it is to use blood magic for resurrection?”

Cullen and Varric’s body stiffened, Varric’s mouth was open, and Cullen’s hand was slowly going to his sword. She turned her back to them and went back to her prior spot, where she tied her hair in a bun with a few curls loose on her face. She had a little smirk on her lips when she said looking at Varric:

“I mean… I’ve been trying to resurrect Mr. Magnificent for years.” – She threw her hands in the air. – “but Cullen is always interrupting me.”

She pointed a finger to Cullen who had his hand on his sword grip and a disappointed tone in his voice.

“Who?”

Her toothy grin was so big it narrowed her eyes.

“Mr. Magnificent?! My pet spider!” – She crossed her arms over her chest. – “I can’t believe you don’t remember him, Cullen!” – She had a small smile when she winked at him.

Cullen couldn’t stop the chuckle, and his body relaxed again. He ran his finger through his hair. Varric was laughing audible by his side.

“Blue, this is the biggest shit I’ve heard. You’ve got me worried for a few seconds there. Now I know why you work for Leliana.”

Cullen crossed his arms over his chest too and spoke in a firm, commanding voice.

“You are well aware blood magic is unacceptable. I will have to take matters at hand myself.” – He looked at her, his eyes open like they could see her soul, she looked back and held his gaze with the same intensity.

“So Commander, Ser Templar, tell me what is it you are going to do?” – She closed her eyes, slightly opened her mouth and pressed her hand on her forehead with the palm facing the men.

“I will have to get you another spider, of course, you can name it Mr. Magnificent The Second.”

The trio started laughing, and Áine watched Cullen through the corner of her eyes, she didn’t remember the last time she heard him laughing light-hearted.

“Anyways, the recruit is stabilized and will live. I just don’t know if this will be a good thing, surviving a fatal wound and being thrown at Cullen after disobeying orders is almost as bad as the alternative.” – She looked at Varric and smiled.

“What? You think? Nah, Curly is such a relaxed man, I’m sure everyone knows it.”

Cullen opened his mouth to say something, but Áine interrupted him.

“I have to go back and check on the others, I’m sure you kids will behave?” – She turned and headed to the infirmary with hands behind her back.

“Hey, Blue? Will I see you tonight for that Wicked Grace round?”

“Sure thing, Varric!” – She untied her hair, letting her curls fall.

“This girl is something else, right Curly?”  – Varric had a mischievous  
smile and was looking at him.

Cullen watched her leave, he noticed the way she swung her arms beside her body, how she moved her hips when walking, how her curls bounced on her back, and he remembered the woman in the clearing. Was it her? If it was, then the pie and letter…

“Are you alright, Curly? If your eyebrows get any closer, they will become one.”

“Yes… I’m fine.” – He let out a big breath.

“So, I guess I’ll see you tonight too.”

Cullen stood straight and crossed his arms over his chest again; everything he remembered about Áine came to his mind. The child had grown to be a full woman, a beautiful woman. If she was responsible for the letter… Cullen felt lost, what was he going to do? He stretched his neck and shoulders, rested his hand on the sword pommel and sighed.

“Maker, help me.” – He whispered and turned to give Varric a reply, but the dwarf was gone.

“See you tonight… both of you.”


	18. I will protect you!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Áine and Cullen find themselves alone among the horses and she makes him a promise.

The sky was full of stars, there were no clouds in it. The moon was almost full, illuminating the fortress’s ground and walls. It had been a sunny day, but now people were trying to shield themselves from the chilly wind.

Even though it was a cold night, Skyhold was not deserted, people were coming and going, tankards in hands, laughter, chatter, kisses.

Cullen closed his eyes and took a deep breath, deep enough to completely fill his lungs and then he slowly let out the air while watching the moon and stars. He had been there for some time thinking if he should go or not.

It was a surprise for him to see Áine there that morning; it had been years since they last met, and things didn’t end up very well.

“Maker’s breath!”– He had done so much for her to hate him but even so, she greeted him with a big smile and warm eyes, and Maker, she was beautiful.

His body warmed up as the memory of her face came to his mind.

Since their encounter earlier, Cullen couldn’t stop thinking about her. Was she the woman in the clearing? Did she send him the pie and letter? Cullen had pondered about asking her but dismissed the thought because he couldn’t simply approach her and ask the questions. If it wasn’t her how would he explain the situation?

“Maker…” – Cullen took a deep breath and rubbed the back of his neck.

He was sure she was the woman in the clearing. There were too many similarities to be only a coincidence they both had the same way of walking, height, hair, voice, and they were both healers; it had to be her.

The only thing bothering him was the fact that she hadn’t identified herself. Was she afraid of him? Of course, she was. He wasn’t the friendliest person the last times they met; he had threatened, cut and then threatened her life again.

“One more mistake coming back to haunt me.” – his right hand covered his eyes and his left hand rested on his sword pommel.

With his arms over his chest, he watched the valley below. The small fires and tents down there represented his role in the Inquisition, his new opportunity.

He rubbed the back of his neck and turned to face the fortress’s walls. He leaned on the parapet and looked down at the courtyard, and that’s when he saw her walking in with a soldier. He heard her laughter, and the corner of his lips swiftly turned up, he didn’t notice the chilly wind blowing his hair and the fur in his coat. He watched her say goodbye to the soldier and meet Dorian near the throne room door and head to the tavern.

They were going to play Wicked Grace and Varric had invited him too, which reminded him that that was the reason he had been on the battlements for the last minutes mulling over the decision to go or not.

Cullen straightened his body, closed his eyes and counted to ten trying to calm himself down. Why was he feeling so anxious?  

In his way to the tavern he took the time to plan out how he was going to apologize to her; he had to, no matter what.

He was near the tavern and could hear the people inside, the laughter, the shouting, and the music. It wasn’t Maryden playing, there were other instruments as well.

He was about to open the door when someone called him.

“Commander Cullen, going to have some time off?” – Of all the people who could meet him there at that moment she was the last one he wanted to see.

“Inquisitor! I was…” – He was what? Going to have some drinks? Play cards? Meet a woman? Maker, what would the Inquisitor think of him?

“Calm down, Cullen. You don’t need to be formal, we are friends, right?” – She placed her hands behind her back and leaned her body forward.

“Yes, of course. I am sorry Inq… I mean Alessa.” – He tried to hide his blushing.

Alessa laughed and walked closer to Cullen; she touched his shoulder and gave him a big smile. One of the soldiers who were near them and behind the Inquisitor giggled and gave both thumbs up for Cullen who returned with a stern look and straightened spine, which made Alessa turn to see what was happening.

“Relax Cullen! Care to join me for a drink?”

“Actually, I was going to join Varric and the others in a round of Wicked Grace. Would you like to join in too?”

“Gladly!” – Alessa held his arm, and they entered the tavern.

If the chilly wind outside invited them to wear as many clothes as they could, the tavern’s interior greeted them like the sun in a hot day.

The place was full and people helped the musicians by bashing their tankards on the tables and clapping their hands to the music’s rhythm. A lot of people were pressed against the walls giving more space for, what Cullen assumed, were the musicians.

It was difficult to walk, but they managed to find the table where Varric, Dorian, Bull, Sera, Blackwall, and Krem were sat. On their way to the table, everyone looked to the Commander and Inquisitor with smiles and nods and as soon as they arrived there, Cullen helped Alessa to sit, took his coat off and sat too.

“Hey Curly, you finally showed up. Are you joining in this round?” – Cullen shook his head. – “Your Inquisitoralness?”

“Sure, why not? How do we get some drink around here?” – She asked no one in particular.

“I’m on it, Boss.” – Bull stood up and people all around gave him space.

“What is happening here? There’s a party, and no one told the Inquisitor?” – Alessa laughed.

“If I knew your southerners’ parties were like this, I would have come sooner.” – Dorian addressed Cullen.

“Unfortunately, this isn’t a party. Those musicians were passing through Skyhold, and they joined Maryden for the night. They were playing the common songs when she arrived and created a havoc!”

“Let her be, Varric. Boss your drink.” – Bull gave a tankard to Cullen too, who thanked him – “She is finally having a bit of fun.”

Cullen and Alessa looked at Bull with a curious look, and everyone at the table laughed. The music suddenly stopped, and everyone was shouting and cheering. Bull stood up and raised his tankard.

“I think one more dance would be more than appreciated. What do you think Blue?” – He winked at her.

Áine looked at him and blushed. She was standing in the center of the tavern near the musicians, her arm was entangled with a soldier’s, she released it and tucked her hair behind her ear, looked down and kicked an imaginary rock.

“Oh no, I’m sure people want to hear something else and…” – She was cut when people started asking for one more dance.

The soldier who was dancing with her bowed in her direction, stretched his right hand for her to take and waited for her response. She never felt so exposed with all those eyes on her, so she raised her hand with a smile and took his, as soon as their hands touched the musicians started to play a famous melody, it started slowly but increased the rhythm with time.

“I think you and Alessa should see her dancing it is… inspiring, Curly.” – Cullen was sure that was the biggest grin he had ever seem.

Alessa stood up and dragged him with her to a place they could watch the dance. He rubbed the back of his neck and accompanied her. Her grasp was tight on his arm and she kept his body close to hers.

He watched Áine dance. Her feet were bare and she was wearing black pants and a blue blouse which covered only one shoulder; it was not a tight blouse, but it lightly showed her curves. Her curls were hanging freely, and she had a big warm smile on her lips.

The soldier held her waist, and they moved around the circle, he spun her, and they stopped. They climbed on a table, started stomping their feet with the music’s rhythm, then she held his arm, and they spun bouncing around the tables; the music got faster, and so did they.

Cullen noticed small droplets of sweat on her bare skin, and he heard her laughter despite all the noise. With her head tilted back she kept her eyes closed and she emanated an aura of happiness, and he couldn’t contain himself, he smiled watching her.

Everything happened too abruptly. One minute the music was loud, everyone was laughing and smiling, the music was going faster, she was happily dancing but the next minute: silence.

Áine joined her left hand on the soldier’s right one, she turned around to do the same with the other side when she saw the Inquisitor. Her smile vanished, her lips parted, she stopped moving. The soldier held her hand and pulled her, but she didn’t move which made him turn to see what she was looking at.

In the end, everyone noticed Alessa and Cullen and they got quiet. Her eyes traveled from the Inquisitor to Cullen, and her face reddened, she got off the table and apologized, but her eyes never met his.

“Please, do continue, it was wonderful” – Alessa approached them, held their hands and put them together.

Áine looked straight into the Inquisitor’s eyes, but she averted Cullen’s. The gesture did not go unnoticed by him.

“Perhaps you would like to dance in my place?” – She asked placing Alessa’s hand under the soldier’s.

“What? Me? I can’t dance.” – The Inquisitor took a step back and tensed up.

“It’s a nice evening to learn. Besides, I think it would make everyone happier to see you are one of us.”

The inquisitor looked Áine up and down, smiled and held the soldier’s hand.

“What’s your name soldier?”

“Wi… Willem.” – He had a small bow and kept his head down.

“So dear Willem, will you teach me how to dance?”

The soldier smiled and held her hand, leading her to the center of the tavern. The place erupted with shoutings and cheers. As soon as the musicians started playing, Áine lost herself in the crowd and Cullen couldn’t find her.

After searching for her in the tavern, but failing, he excused himself and returned to his office. He promised himself, he would look for her in the morning.

He decided to pass by Josephine’s table to pick up some reports. Crossing the bridge between the rotunda and the tower he saw Áine going to the stables, he watched her to be sure she was going there, left the reports on his table, took the ice daisy and followed her.

What was he doing? She clearly didn’t want to talk to him, not that he blamed her.

“Maybe I shouldn’t…” – He whispered to himself but set his mind with a shake of his head.

He rubbed the back of his neck and ran his fingers over the small daisy. The cold night didn’t help at all to cool his nerves, the closer he got the crazier it seemed. He was among the horses but couldn’t see Áine, he turned his back to leave when he heard humming, a peculiar one. It gave him enough courage to go talk to her.

“ _This is madness, Cullen._ ” – He thought while walking in her direction. – “ _You are the Commander of the Inquisition and an ex-templar, you don’t need to feel_ …” – What? Afraid? Nervous? No. Definitely insecure. Why did he feel like that when around her?

He took one of the horse’s brushes and approached her with light steps not to startle the horses.

“Hello, Cullen! Having a good evening?”

He chuckled and got closer, of course, he wasn’t going to surprise her, he was a warrior, not a spy. He started brushing the opposite side of the horse to be able to see her.

“Hello, Áine? How are you?” – She sighed and continued humming. Cullen fell silent and resumed his work on the horse.

Áine was humming the same song which visited him every sleepless night, the same one from the clearing; he joined her. Alone there with her, humming and brushing the horses, he felt calm, his shoulders weren’t heavy, and breathing came easy. When the song was finished, he positioned himself beside her.

“So, Commander, what can I do for you?” – She stopped brushing the horse, looked at him and smiled.

The moonlight illuminated her face and he could see her big eyes and lips. She looked so small, the top of her head barely reached his eyes, but somehow, he knew it was a mistake to think this way, the fact that she was there working for Leliana sure was proof enough she could probably kill him if he were careless.

He studied her face, he tried to think about something, but his words escaped him, nothing came. Why did she have this effect on him?

Áine was looking at him waiting for something, anything; t could be a word, a sword, but he gave her none, just stood there staring at her. His hands were closed by his side, and she saw his eyes analyzing her.

“ _Maker he is gorgeous._ ” – She thought while analyzing him.

His lips full and apart, his scar inviting her to kiss him, his golden stubble begging her hands to caress his cheeks.

“ _Maker I’m in trouble_.” –  She giggled then raised her right eyebrow. – “Commander, you like to come in the most inappropriate of times you know it, don’t you?”

It took him a few seconds to register her words. He blinked several times before addressing her with both eyebrows up.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know you were busy. Can I assist you?”

“You are a templar, I don’t think you will want to assist me, I think you’d rather stop me.”

Áine was looking at him with a smirk, her hands on her hips and head tilted left. Cullen remembered the morning and chuckled.

“I’m not a templar anymore.”  – He crossed his arms over his chest looking at her with a smile on his lips – “And why would I want to stop you, mage?” – He tried and failed to stop his lips from curving up.

“Here I am hidden among the horses, trying to perform my blood ritual to bring Mr. Choochoo back…” –  She waved her hands explaining.

“Mr. Choochoo?” – His eyebrows joined in confusion.

“Yes! I can’t believe you’ve already forgotten about him! I told you this morning, for years I’ve been trying to bring Mr. Choochoo my pet nug back!”

Áine stood there a few steps away from Cullen with her mouth open, hands resting on her hips and shaking her head.

“Alright, I’m confused now. Wasn’t it Mr. Magnificent your pet spider?” – He scratched his head.

Áine looked down, tucked her hair behind her ear and spoke without looking up.

“Yeah, I just said it, Mr. Magnificent, my pet spider.” – She stared at him and smiled – “What do you think I said?”

They laughed, and she started brushing another horse. Cullen took the steps separating them and reached for her hand, but she withdrew it quickly and looked away. He took a long deep breath.

“I’m really sorry Áine! I know how you see me, but I need to say I’m not that man anymore, I have made mistakes, and I’ve learned from them, I am here to try to atone. The things I did and said…” – He rubbed the back of his neck and positioned himself in front of her, who was looking at him now. – “The things I did and said to you…” – His face was twisted, contorted and he took a few steps from her.

Áine couldn’t believe she was hearing it, what was he talking about? She was the one who stunned him on purpose and fled.

“Cullen, I…” – Now she was the one who positioned herself in front of him. – “I don’t know what you are talking about. I was the one who attacked you and then fled, you did nothing!”

“Nothing?” – His tone was harsh. – “I tried to kill you twice, and I… and I…” – He was whispering and looking down.

She could sense the pain in his words so she placed her hand on his cheek and obligated him to look at her.

Cullen felt her warm hand on his face and looked at her with curious eyes while all she gave him was a big warm smile. Why was she so calm? Why wasn’t she mad? He took the glove out of his right hand and traced her jaw scar with his thumb. Her body was tense, and she closed her eyes.

“I cut you Áine, I am the reason you have this scar.”

He continued tracing her jaw, she wanted to kiss him, Maker how desperately she wanted him. If he continued touching her, she was sure she would grab him right there. She took his hand in hers and moved it away from her skin but it was too little and too late, she could still feel it.

“Cullen, my word is my most precious thing, when I say something it’s because it’s true, I only lie at my job. You are not a job, so I need you to carefully pay attention to my next words, can you do that?”

They were close. Áine had her right hand on Cullen’s chest armor, and with her left, she held his chin in a position, so he was obligated to look her in the eyes. She could smell him and Maker it was intoxicating, she forced herself to pay attention too.

Cullen could feel her warmth through his armor, his chest was rising slowly with his deep breaths.

“ _Maker, what is happening to me_?” –  He thought.

Deep down he wanted to run his fingers through her hair, his thumb on her lips, hold her closer, but he stopped himself and nodded to her.

“I understand what you are trying to do, but you don’t need to apologize” – He tried to protest but she gave him a hard look, and he gave up. – “I know you’ve been through a lot, I was there, such experience changes a person. I’ve changed, why wouldn’t you?”

She put her hands in her pockets and pondered her next words. It was difficult to express her feelings without giving too much away.

“The things that happened between us, they were just things. They are in the past, and they must continue there, no need to bring them to the present. I know what kind of man you are. You are a good man, never doubt it, but you were lost, and so was I.”

Cullen heard her words and wondered if one day he would be able to put things in the past without constantly revisiting them.

She glanced at him to make sure he was paying attention and started pacing before continuing.

“Being lost is the worst that can happen to a person because we lose sight of ourselves, there’s nothing to direct us to the correct path. But here you are, and here I am; we are both survivors, we are trying, and we will succeed. If you ever need anything, I want you to know you can talk to me, we are friends, right?” – He nodded – “Friends take care of each other. Don’t worry, I promise I will protect you!” – Áine winked at him and walked away with a smile.

He laughed light-hearted.

“I like it when you laugh this way, you should do it more often.”

“Well, I don’t have a lot of moments to laugh, besides shouldn’t it be the other way around? Shouldn’t I be protecting you?” –  She narrowed her eyes at him and giggled. – “Not that you need any.”

Cullen observed the floor and approached her, he could feel his cheeks and ears hot.

“I wanted to ask you if… I mean, I met a woman in a clearing some time ago…”

“It was me.” – She chuckled and continued brushing the horse. – “Do you still have the daisy I gave you?”

He showed her the little flower and she examined it before giving it back to him.

“Why?” – She studied him out of the corner of her eyes.

“Why what?” – He was surprised by the question.

“Why did you keep it?”

“I… I honestly don’t know.” – They were looking at the flower in his hand. – “Áine, there’s something else I wanted to ask.” – He looked at her with a smile – “On Satinalia, there was…”

“Commander? I am sorry to interrupt! I didn’t see it was you. Are you here with the Inquisitor?” – Cullen turned to the person talking to him.

“Good evening, Jim! No need to apologize. No, I’m here with…” – He turned to introduce Áine, but she was gone. – “Well, I was here with a friend, but apparently, she left without saying goodbye.”

“I am so sorry Commander, if you don’t mind, I will be leaving now.”

Cullen nodded and watched him leave. He wasn’t surprised at all Áine had vanished without a word, he actually thought it was amusing how deftly she did it.

He returned to his office reminding himself of the crazy day he had. He took his armor and clothes off and lay on his bed. The only thing on his mind was Áine, she was indeed the woman in the clearing, but she left before he asked her about the letter, and that question was lingering on his lips.

He took the flower from the nightstand and played with it. He closed his eyes and saw her curls and lips, he forced himself to remember every detail from her face, her peaceful smile, and big bright eyes.

The little girl from Kinloch had grown; she was a woman, a smart, witty woman, and she made him feel different, strange but in a good way, a way he definitely liked. He rolled to his side and groaned. His eyelids were heavy with sleep.

The last name before sleeping was Maker and the only name in his sleep was Áine.


	19. A difficult day for Cullen.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cullen's withdrawal is acting up, and Áine tries to make things better.

It had been a long, tiring and difficult day for Cullen. His lyrium withdrawal hit him hard from the moment he woke up.

Feeling his body aching and the headache coming stronger than ever, he rolled to his side and groaned loudly on his bed. Rubbing his temples didn’t help, and the thought of the incoming war table meeting awarded him a long moan. 

He sat on his bed and reached for his Elfroot, Deep Mushroom and Foxite potion. He drank the entire flask and laid down again waiting for the effects; minutes after minutes passed and he was still not up.

Forcing himself to stand up and go exercising like he did every morning was a failure, the pain was too much, he decided to take a hot bath before starting the day instead. He filled the bathtub with water and waited for it to get warm.

He slowly took his clothes off, being extra careful around his shoulders, grabbed some Elfroot to chew and entered the bathtub. As always, the taste was awful but the warm water was a relief, he stayed there until it got cold then got dressed and went to the meeting. Before leaving, he took the little flower.

“Cullen, are you alright? I can have one of the healers…”

“Thank you, Josephine, but it won’t be necessary. Is the Inquisitor already here?” – He entered Josephine’s office rubbing his temples.

“No, she is going to be a little late, but I think we can start without her.”

Cullen nodded, and they headed to the war room. He took his position, closed his eyes and stretched his neck and shoulder. Leliana as perceptive as she was, noticed how downcast he was the moment she entered the room.

“Cullen?” – She stopped in front of him.

He was staring at the report on his hand, but his mind was blank. Leliana had to call him two more times before he heard her.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t hear you. What was it?”

“Maybe we should cancel today’s meeting. You are visibly not well, and I’m sure the Inquisitor won’t mind, she’s also…”

“Thank you for your concern, but I’m fine. Besides…”

Alessa entered the room, and her face wasn’t different from Cullen’s. Her hair was a mess, and her clothes were all wrinkled; her nose was remarkably red, and she had a handful of tissues on her hand. She approached the table, leaned on it and greeted the advisors with a sneeze.

“You should be resting and hydrating Inquisitor. I think we should cancel today’s meeting and rearrange it for another time when we all feel better.” – Josephine glanced at Cullen. – “Alright, I will have a healer summoned to your quarters Alessa.”

Cullen wished her a fast recovery while Leliana and Josephine left the room with her, but before leaving Leliana told him to take care of himself too.

He shook his head, stretched his back and went to the training grounds. He thanked the Maker not many people wanted to talk to him. Supervising the soldiers would make his headache worsen with all the metal against metal noise, soldier grunts, and screams but he had to, it was his job to make sure the Inquisition army was able and ready for any and all circumstances.

Cullen walked among his soldiers correcting body stances, sword grips, and shield posture. A few times he would tilt his head forward and rub the back of his neck, the sunlight was worsening his headache, so he made sure to have his back to it at all times.

As if his soldiers knew something was wrong they tried their best not to make any unnecessary sound and concentrate on training right and hard, effort Cullen noticed and appreciated.

Positioned in a way that he could watch most of the recruits he saw Josephine approach with a noble. Not being able to contain his annoyance he crossed his arms over his chest and gave the noble a grim nod when she introduced the Commander to him. She explained the noble had insisted on checking the soldiers and apologized for the interruption. He turned to watch his soldiers again and saw Áine coming with Sera, for the first time that day he smiled.

“Alright, Sera! Teach me everything.” – Áine’s excitement could be seen in the way she walked.

“Riiight, why don’t you show me what you can do first?” – Sera sat on the floor.

Áine lifted her new longbow, which was a present from Bull, took a deep breath and held it, she aimed at the target and waited for Sera to analyze her posture and correct it.

“Come on Sera! This thing is heavy, my shortbow was much lighter.”

“Shut it, yeah. The posture is good, now let’s see you loose an arrow.”

Sera reached for one in her quiver, but Áine smiled, produced an ice arrow and released it hitting the border of the target. She lowered her bow and smiled for Sera.

“Shite! What was that?” – Sera had both arms up and her eyebrows were pinched together in disproval.

It wasn’t exactly the reaction Áine was waiting, okay Sera didn’t like magic, but she thought she would at least be perplexed not angry.

“What? You wanted to see me loose an arrow and I did.” – She glanced at Sera pointing to the target. – “Look, I even managed to hit it on my first try.” – She was so happy she gave small jumps and did a funny dance around Sera.

“No no no. That is not an arrow! If we are going to practice you need to use a real one, not that, that… thingy.” – Sera pointed at the target and stuck her tongue out.

Áine stopped dancing and faced Sera, they both had their mouth open, but Sera was scowling.

“Alright, fun crusher. Do you have any idea how long it took me to learn this trick?”

“Don’t know and don’t care. Here, have a real proper one.” – Sera gave her an arrow.

Áine lifted her bow again but was having trouble adjusting to the new arrow, she glanced at Sera asking for help, but she said it was practice and Áine needed to get used to it. When she finally got the hang of it, she aimed and loosed it, which hit the wall and broke in two. Shrugging, she stared the floor, kicked an imaginary rock and cursed, Sera, of course, was laughing loudly.

They kept at it for a long time, and Áine never hit the target with the normal arrows, she sometimes used the ice ones just to feel better about herself and make Sera as frustrated as she was. When they ran out of arrows, Sera went to the armory to get more, and Áine saw Cullen watching her.

Cullen had been watching all the scene unfold ahead of him, he was holding the grip of his sword and had his hand in his pocket playing with the flower. When Áine produced an ice arrow, his eyebrows pinched together in surprise, and he opened his mouth; when she released it and hit the target, he smiled, but when she started doing the funny little dance around Sera, he laughed.

He could see how tired and frustrated she got after every arrow she loosed, but her will kept her going, and it made Cullen happy. In the small scene, he understood how Áine was able to get there after everything that had happened, and he was proud of her.

His heart raced when their eyes met and he noticed she was also watching at him. He rested his hands on his sword grip giving her a smile and a nod. He noticed how embarrassed she got by the way she tucked her hair behind her ear and kicked an imaginary rock.

He had seen her do it before, even in Kinloch, but never considered it as a sign of shyness. This small realization was amusing to him, he found it alluring. He chuckled which caused her to turn to the targets again, and he continued supervising his soldiers.

Cullen was demonstrating how to properly block an attack with the shield when he felt a sting in his head, he lowered the shield by a centimeter, and the soldier was almost hitting him He corrected his position by taking a step back, and using his opponents own speed against himself. When he was ahead of Cullen, he hit the soldier in the back with the shield, causing him to fall to the ground. The soldiers watching, smiled at their Commander and praised him for his abilities.

Cullen started another round of exercises, and when the soldiers were engaged in it, he sighed, tilted his head back and closed his eyes.

“Impressive recovery, but it wouldn’t be necessary if you were okay.” – Her voice was loud enough only for him to hear.

Cullen kept his eyes closed and smiled, he peered down at Áine who had her arms over her chest watching the soldiers. She seemed shorter among his troops.

“Hmm?”

“I said…” – She was watching him who was smirking – “Urgh, I said you are an idiot!”

“Was it? All I heard was you saying I was pretty good.”

They observed each other, he was smiling, but she was serious. He lost his smile and frowned, he didn’t like the way she was looking at him at all.

“I’m still waiting…”

He scanned around and saw some of the soldiers watching them out of the corner of their eyes.

“And waiting…” – She had her hands on her hips and was giving him a mortal glare. – “I don’t care why just tell me what.”

He looked at her and was surprised at how someone so small made him feel so unsure. He answered her with closed eyes and a low, shaky whisper:

“You don’t need to…”

She narrowed the space between them, placed both of her hands on his chest, and spoke with soft words.

“Right now, I’m not a healer nor a soldier I’m a concerned friend. I really don’t want to know the why, I want to know the what and be able to help you, but I can only help you if you let me.”

He studied her big eyes, and they held the gaze for a moment before she sighed and started turning to leave. He held her hands on his chest, his voice was low and hoarse. Maker, why couldn’t he resist her?

“I have a headache, and my body is aching all over, I…” – He released her hands and turned to the soldiers, who were still watching them, some more discreetly than others.

Áine placed her right hand on his cheek and forced him to turn to her, she gave him her warmest sincere smile and was already with her healing aura in effect. She asked him to close his eyes, and he did as asked. She started humming and massaging his temples and after a few minutes Cullen smiled and reached for her wrists, she thought he wanted her to stop, and she did.

“No. Please, go on.” – His voice was a low unrestrained plea.

Maker, he seemed so relieved and calm. She kept massaging him, her fingers traveled to his ears, cheeks, jaw, neck and the back of his neck; she had to restrain herself from staring and touching his lips. He never let go of her wrists nor stopped smiling.

When she stopped humming for the third time, Cullen started it again, and when he was done, Áine stopped massaging, and he opened his eyes. The first thing he saw was her beautiful big smile, then he looked up to her eyes.

“Thank you! It was… amazing.” – His cheeks were red.

“You’re welcome! But next time, you should ask for me when you start having a headache like that. I will have someone bring you a potion I’m going to prepare for your body pain and for the head too. Now if you would only…” – She glanced at her hands.

“Of course!” – Cullen’s face and ears reddened when he noticed he was still holding her wrists.

She gave him a last smile, picked her bow and went to the infirmary.

Cullen sighed and rubbed the back of his neck, his headache was almost imperceptive, and his shoulders’ pain had significantly subsided.

When Áine entered the infirmary, he turned to his soldiers who were more looking at him than practicing, some were smiling, and some had curiosity written all over their faces.

“Do I need to remind you that focusing on training might save your lives?” – He watched the soldiers start the exercises and with a big smile, he played with the little flower again.


	20. Forget-me-not.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dorian makes Cullen reflect on Áine and what he discovers causes him to act.

Áine was away for more than a month, she had been on many missions for Leliana, but the last one was too much for her. She investigated a small village that in the end was the place where a blood mage decided to make it his personal playground. 

He had been careful, but with his increasing madness, he became more and more reckless. When she arrived there with the rest of the small team, they encountered one-third of the place inhabited by demons, one-third of the people dead and the last one-third fleeing or being tortured. But what shocked Áine was the number of children’s bodies around the place. 

They had to fight the demons to catch the mage, who in the end, was able to flee because they had to choose between him or the people. 

She was a mess on their way back to Skyhold, no laughter, no smiles, nothing. Every night she distanced herself from the others and cried. Her team tried to engage her in conversations and jokes, to raise her spirits by saying she was different from that mage, but all she could do was remember the child running from her and calling her a demon.

The first thing she did when she arrived was bathing and then bathing again. She felt filthy because she knew magic had caused all of that pain. Somehow and illogically she felt responsible for what happened in the tower, no, not tower, the village.

Áine tried to report to Leliana, but she was in a meeting with the Inquisitor, so she had to wait. She absent-minded walked to the war room and waited outside.

The meeting wasn’t long, not that she would have noticed the time passing. She was sitting on the stone bench with her back to the war room door; she had her hands on her lap, curved spine looking at the wall with a blank expression, her hair was freely brushing her shoulders and her clothes were wet from the water droplets of her hair.

The moment the doors opened, and they left the room, Áine jumped from the bench and looked at Leliana and her only. They were all watching her with curious eyes, but Leliana was the one who broke the silence.

“Here to report?”

Áine lowered her head and nodded; she tucked some hair behind her ear.

“Follow me, please.” – She held Áine’s arm. – “We continue the party security plans later Cullen.” – She spun Áine on her heels and started walking.

“Are you alright?” – Cullen’s voice was loud but soft.

She looked over her shoulder and gave him a small smile. She went with Leliana to the rookery where they talked about the mission and Leliana gave her a long tight hug. She made sure to remind Áine that she wasn’t responsible for what happened in the village nor the tower since she always referenced the tower.

She decided to pray and went to the small chantry in the garden, she had her head down all the way there and thanked the Maker for finding the place almost empty.

Cullen had promised to play chess with Dorian that afternoon, and he saw Áine walking to the chantry. She seemed devastated, and Cullen started standing up to talk to her when Dorian interrupted.

“You seem very close to that mage Commander. Worried about her?” – It was his time to play and he took the opportunity to cheat.

Cullen who was half sitting and half standing looked at Dorian with eyebrows pinched.

“We are friends; of course, I am worried.” – He followed her with his eyes.

“Hmm. I see.” – He waved his hand to show Cullen the board.

Cullen sat again, leaned forward resting his elbows on his knees intertwining his finger near his mouth.

“What do you mean ‘hmm’? Don’t you worry about your friends? She seems very distressed today. Clearly, something went wrong with the mission. Aren’t you her friend? Shouldn’t you be worried too?”

“You are right and then right again. She is a very stubborn woman Cullen; I’m sure you already know this. She will talk to me as soon as she feels like, she knows I will be there whenever she needs me, but I’ll give her as much space as she wants.”

Cullen changed his gaze from Dorian to the chantry’s door.

“We have…” – He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair.

He sat back with arms over his chest, but then leaned forward to the same position again. Meanwhile, Dorian looked at him with legs crossed and hands on his knee.

“You… have?”

“There are things… we’ve been through some things…”

“Yes, I know.” – Dorian waved his hand as if shooing a fly.

“You… know?” – Cullen’s grip on the armrests was so tight his knuckles were white, his lips were shut together, and his eyes were narrow.

Dorian sighed and placed his hands on the armrests; it was his turn to lean forward and intertwine his fingers near his lips. He closed his eyes and took a long deep breath before finally asking.

“What do you think about her, Cullen? Better yet, what do you know about her?”

Cullen was taken aback by his questions.

“What do I know about her?” – He opened his mouth to answer.

“Ah, ah! Think before speaking.”

Cullen leaned back, but his eyebrows remained together. What did he know about her? He thought about Kinloch, the library, and Amell. He thought about Kirkwall and how he had treated her; he remembered the day they finally met at Skyhold and the night among the horses. He felt his body warm with the memory of her touch.

What did he think about her? She was a wonderful woman, strong, and independent. 

She was a powerful mage, resourceful, creative, a great friend, and someone who understood what he had been through. He liked the way she tucked her hair behind her ear and kicked imaginary rocks when she was embarrassed. She didn’t notice, but she bit her inner mouth when she was thinking. 

She always had a warm smile on her face; it could be one of those small, shy smiles or those in which her lips almost touched her eyes. It didn’t matter because he loved the way she smiled with her big hazel eyes. 

He thought about how it was amusing the way she could make him feel calm and nervous at the same time; confident and insecure. The way she made him smile with her witty comments and humor, or when he was alone, and he remembered something she had done or said. He also remembered the letter he received with a pie, and he thought that the woman described there could easily be Áine…

“Maker…” – He closed his eyes and sighed.

“That’s what I thought.” – Dorian chuckled.

Both men kept looking at each other, thinking, waiting. Cullen had a thousand questions on his lips, and Dorian was waiting to answer them as much as he could.

“And what do you know about her, Dorian?” – It was his turn to ask.

“I know that she is as strong as she seems, but she is also extremely fragile. She hides her hurt behind sarcasm and jokes, but her eyes never lie. Why do you think she is always looking in people’s eyes? She says that you can do whatever you want but they will never lie, one just needs to know how to read them. I think that’s the reason she never looks at us when she is trying to hide something. Don’t you think this is adorable?” – Cullen nodded and chuckled.

Dorian looked around the garden, watched people come and go. He sighed one more time and turned to Cullen who was waiting for him to continue.

“Does the name Aiden ring any bells?”

“He was a boy back in Kinloch tower, I think they were seeing each other, but I’m not sure.”

Dorian laughed loud, and Cullen leaned forward.

“What’s so funny?”

“Oh, Cullen! If it wasn’t so tragic, it could be hilarious.” – Dorian’s face changed, he studied his own hands, took a deep breath and looked at the well. – “No, they weren’t seeing each other, well he wanted to, but she didn’t, she had eyes on someone else.” – He gave Cullen a mischievous smile.

“I… What? No…” – He shook his head in disbelief.

“And why not?” – They were opposites, Dorian’s chest slowly going up and down, his eyes on Cullen. Cullen’s chest was matching the speed of his mind.

Cullen tried to say something, to prove Dorian was wrong, but his words had left him. He remembered how she would react every time he was around her, blushing and averting his gaze, barely talking to him.

“Cullen, you need to understand something. You were not the only one who suffered that night. Aiden was a blood mage, and he was obsessed with Áine. I think you get what happened.” – Dorian’s voice was low and full of sorrow.

He watched the mage, the way he was calm, the confidence in his voice, his posture. Cullen knew he was close to Áine; it was logical she would have confided to him. 

Cullen stood up turning his back to Dorian. He tilted his head back, closed his eyes and ran his fingers through his hair. He took his gloves off and observed his callouses, he was an experienced warrior, he had been a more than capable templar, but had he been a good man?

He thought about the tower, how he had demanded the rite, how his vision of mages was disturbed and full of prejudice. For years he wanted them to be controlled. All should pay because of the errors of a few?

“Is she…? Does she…” – There was a lump in his throat; he forced the words out on a faint wobbly voice. – “Does she still think of me like that?”

“Commander… that is something only she can tell you. Besides, I think you already know the answer, and so, another question would be more appropriate, don’t you think?”

He was quiet watching the bird flying in the clear sky, pondering which of the questions in his mind would be the correct one.

“What question would it be?” – He said at last.

“What do you truly feel about her? Of course.”

Cullen felt Dorian’s gaze on his back. He shifted in his place and watched a butterfly flying around the flowers. The garden was colorful, and Cullen looked for Daisies, but couldn’t find any.  

“I resign.” – Cullen said while walking towards the flowers.

“Smart move, Commander.” – Dorian’s smile touched his eyes.

Cullen searched for a flower that most resembled daisies and gathered a bunch of blue ones, he saw fit as her nickname was Blue, he didn’t know why, and he made a mental note to ask later.

He was crossing the throne room with his head high, a small smile forming on his lips, his grip on the flowers soft but firm. He stopped at the doors thinking about the places she might be, and Maker there were many. She could be working in the infirmary, talking to Bull, Sera or Cole in the tavern, in the training area practicing with her bow, in the mages tower, she could be in a number of places.

“Going somewhere?” – He could see the grin on the dwarf’s face even without looking.

“Varric. Would you, perhaps, know where Áine is?”

“Well, she did pass here in a hurry and didn’t seem well, to be honest. In this situation she prefers to be alone, so she will probably be in the old library near the kitchens.”

Cullen thanked Varric and crossed the throne room again; he was going downstairs when he froze in place. What was he doing? What was he going to say? Was he even the right person to talk to her in that situation? What if he stumbled on his words?

“Maker, help me.” – His grip on the flowers softened.

His confident steps turned into wobbly ones. He felt like stepping in mud; every step forward seemed like lifting hundreds of kilos. What if she didn’t like him that way anymore? Nevertheless, he continued, there was only one way to find it out. 

He passed the vault’s door and went to the library. He knocked on the door and waited for an answer that never came. He slowly opened it to find her sitting on the floor hugging her legs with a book hanging from her hand, her head was nestled on her knees, and he could hear her long deep breaths.

He entered the room and closed the door; she didn’t move, so he shifted closer to her. He crouched in front of her and touched her hand, an act that made her turn to him in surprise.

“Cullen?” – She cleaned her eyes with the back of her hands – “What are you doing here?”

Cullen examined her; her voice was low and shaky, her eyes were red and somewhat swollen.

“Are you alright?” – She gave him an almost imperceptible nod – “Áine… I’m here, what happened?”

She watched him sit by her side and felt his hand making small circles on her back.

Áine told him about the mission and how the child ran from her calling her a demon, she wanted to cry but not in front of him, she told him she was sorry for what happened in the tower and that she should have done more but Cullen interrupted her by giving her a one arm hug and bringing her body closer to his. He said with his lips touching the top of her head that there was no way she was guilty of anything that had happened and that he knew what kind of person and mage she was.

They were sitting there for quite a while when Cullen took her hand and placed the flowers on it.

“There were no daisies, but these are blue and reminded me of you. I know they aren’t similar to daisies but I thought…” – His cheeks and ears were red. He rubbed the back of his neck with a smile and she studied his eyes.

“Cullen, I… you didn’t have to… I mean…” – She felt her cheeks warming up. She tucked some hair behind her ear, looked at the books and then at him with a big smile – “Thank you.”

Cullen took one of the flowers from her hand and tucked it behind her right ear.

“I don’t know if they have any medicinal value, but I hope they make you feel better.”

“Do you know what these are?” – She played with the petals.

He shook his head, so she took one flower and placed on his right hand, their fingers brushed against each other, and he smiled at her.

“They are forget-me-nots.” – She watched his eyebrows lift and his lips part. – “Do you know what they mean?”

“No. But I’d like to.” – He sat in front of her so he could see her better.

Cullen was taller than her, and she had to lift her chin to look in his honey colored eyes. She remembered the day they met back in Kinloch and the first time she saw his eyes, they were kind and gentle. Now looking at them again they had changed, they were more experienced, but they were still soothing.

She looked down at the flowers and wished he meant to give her the flowers for their true meaning.

“They are gifted for remembering a person after death or farewells; they are an indication that people will still be together even after a long, long time. They represent fidelity and loyalty in a relationship, it being romantic or not. They reminisce memories of time spent together.” – She paused before resuming her line of speech. – “They are the representation of growing affection between two people as well as true and undying love.”

She changed her gaze to the books on the table and started biting her inner mouth; she couldn’t look at him. She felt her eyes sting and tightened her grasp on the flower stalk.

Cullen touched her face and kindly turned it so she was facing him. She noticed how the scar made his smile even more charming and the way he looked at her with his kind eyes. She closed hers and leaned her head on his hand, she opened her mouth to say something but heard his gentle and firm voice.

“Áine, I’m sorry for the way I treated you, I was not…”

She opened her eyes, reached for his hand and intertwined her fingers with his. Holding his hand on hers, she took his glove off and traced every and each of his fingers with her own, then slowly moved his hand to her lips and gave it a soft kiss.

She watched him. His eyebrows and eyes, the curves of his eyelashes, his nose and stubble, his scar and finally his mouth. She listened to his breathing and Maker, he was perfect, too much for her.

Cullen was feeling the warmth of her hand on his. He watched her watching him, her eyes traveling on his face, observing his features. He noticed The way her lips were almost closed and her scar, the scar he was responsible for. How could she still want him?

There was a subtle and fast change on her face. She leaned forward and kissed his cheeks, her hair brushed his nose, and a faint scent of mint was present.

Áine stood up in a swift fluid motion that left Cullen confused; one second she was there with him, the next she was leaving. He watched her walk to the door and called her name, she had her hand on the doorknob but turned to him.

“The letter is still true. I will never be enough or worthy of you.” –She opened the door and was about to leave when Cullen called her with a loud firm tone.

She felt it in her chest, and her limbs stopped responding to her commands. He approached her and turned her to him.

Cullen was like a giant facing her and she could see why the soldiers respected him. His grip was firm but delicate against her skin; it gave her goosebumps. She never felt so breathless before.

“Being enough or worthy of me is my decision to make and only mine.”

He moved his hand from her arm to her cheeks and shifted closer. Their foreheads touched, and lips were centimeters apart. She lifted her hands and reached his.

“Áine you are more than I could ever have wish…”

His words were cut off by a loud noise which startled them. Cullen immediately reached for his sword, and Áine was ready to freeze whoever the person was when they saw Cole carrying empty bottles, rocks, and some rope. Áine was laughing loud, and Cullen was scowling.

“I’m…sorry?!” – Cole had his head tilted and was still.

Áine smiled and walked to pick the bottle up, but Cole took it and left. Sera came from the kitchen sticking her tongue out and ran to Áine as soon as she saw her.

“Sorry!” – Was the only word she said after grabbing Áine’s arm and dragging her upstairs.

She looked at Cullen and gave him one last smile before vanishing. She still heard Cullen saying they weren’t finished before Sera led her to the throne room.

They spent the whole day pranking and then she went to the infirmary. A few moments later a scout arrived claiming he had been looking for her all afternoon and handed her a note from Cullen.

In his note, he made it pretty clear that they had not finished their conversation and that despite that, his door was always open to whatever it was she needed from him.

She was thrilled and scared, she had spent the afternoon with Sera, but her mind was back in the library. The memory of his hands on her, his lips so close… She left everything and headed to his office.

The sun was setting, but the sky was already dark. She could see candlelight flickering around Skyhold’s windows, the small fires and tents on the valley and the battlements braziers being lit. With every step she took, she could feel her heart beating in her chest, it was so fast that it seemed slow. Her belly was cold and her hands sweating. She had to take deep breaths otherwise she wouldn’t make it to his office.

His door was ajar, and she could see him leaned against his desk with arms over his chest laughing and talking to someone. She took three steps and halted, she saw Alessa approaching Cullen; she was far, but she could see Alessa’s predatory behavior, the way she was swinging her hips, the slow steps, her fingers slowly reaching his arm… too much, she turned and left.

Alessa approached him with a sly smile on her face and the way she was walking in his direction, he knew what she was trying to do, and he had to find a way to turn her down without hurting her feelings.

His mind was racing when she touched his arm, and he saw something on his right and turned in time to see Áine leaving. He abruptly stood up startling the Inquisitor and called for her, but too late, she was gone.

“I guess it already belongs to someone.”

Cullen looked at Alessa and apologized.

“I’m sorry Inquisitor… I mean Alessa.” – He rubbed the back of his neck and looked outside, where Áine was a moment ago.

“It’s alright. Is she the one?”

Cullen grinned at her.

“Yes.” – It was all he said.

“I had heard the rumors but nothing concrete so I thought that maybe…”

“I’m sorry, Alessa. It took me more time than it should have, she’s been waiting for me for so long, and now that I finally see her… I just hope she will accept me.”

Alessa smiled at him, kissed his cheek and wished him good luck.

“I’m sure you two will be really happy together, you deserve it.”

“So does she.”

She nodded and left his office.

Áine didn’t know what to do, she was ready for him, ready for anything; well, apparently not everything. She knew it; the Inquisitor, the Herald of Andraste wanted Cullen, and who was she to get in the way? They were both powerful, gorgeous people. Everyone had always talked about them, so why did she even let herself hope?

“Fuck!”

She wanted to hide, no, she wanted to vanish and leave nothing behind, not even a little trace of her pathetic existence. She went to the only place she knew no one would look for her, the dungeon, more specifically the crumbled part of it.

She ended up falling asleep in one of the farthest cells watching the waterfall. She woke up and was covered in dirt and dust, she looked up at the sky, and it was dark, full of stars. She stood up groaning and returned to her bedroll in the upper floor of the requisitions tower. 

She bathed and tried to sleep, but her mind had other ideas, she couldn’t sleep. She went to the kitchen to steal something since she hadn’t eaten dinner that night. She took a basket with fruits, a bottle of water and left the kitchen wandering around Skyhold.

When she noticed where she ended up she stood still, Cullen’s office door was in front of her. She had the basket in her left hand and a pear on her right midway to her mouth, and that’s the position she was for several minutes pondering if she should go inside or not.

The tower was dark, but there was a dim light on the upper floor; she approached the door and pressed her ear against.

She opened the door and called him, but all she heard was his low moaning, she felt her cheeks hot; he had company. She turned to leave when his low moaning turned into loud pained groans mixed with unrecognizable words. She didn’t breathe, think or blink all she knew was that she was already at the top of the ladder and magic was ready on her fingertips.

And there he was alone curled up on the edge of the bed. His sheets all messy, his blanket thrown across the room, his breathing labored, and his skin wet with sweat. She approached him but stopped a few meters away to call out his name, in response, he lay on his back and placed his right hand on his bare chest.

She set the fruit basket, that somehow was still with her, on his nightstand, grabbed his blanket from the floor, folded it and placed on his bed. She sat beside him, touched his cheek with her left hand and started pouring magic while humming. After several minutes, she watched his face become softer. His eyes weren’t chasing dreams anymore, his breathing was easier, and his muscles were relaxed.

She was humming, looking at his lips and biting hers when she felt his fingers on her wrist and a gasp escaped her mouth. His grip was firm, he pulled her to him and then rolled over her. He ended up on top of her with each of his knees beside her hips; holding her hands above her head partially paralyzing her.

She panicked. She panicked hard.

She struggled, kicked and send a wave of shock through his body, but Cullen held her in place and called her name several times until she opened her eyes and saw him.

“Áine! It’s me, Cullen.” – His face was near hers, his voice low and soft. – “It’s alright. I’m sorry I scared you.”

“Get off of me!” – She ordered with tears running down her face.

Cullen nodded, released her hands and stood up. She quickly rolled out of bed and went to the window.

She was hugging herself and shaking, she breathed the cold air in long deep breaths, and then hid her face between her hands. Cullen approached and touched her shoulder, but she uttered a yelp and averted him.

Cullen pulled and hugged her. He leaned on the window with her on his arms, between his legs; his left hand on her lower back and his right on the back of her neck, her curls around his fingers.

The room was quiet only Áine’s sobs broke the silence. Cullen could feel her wet face against his chest. His chin rested on her shoulder, and he heard her breathing.

He cursed himself for causing her such distress. Dorian was right, there between his arms, he understood what he meant by fragile, he wanted to protect her, he needed to kiss her, Maker he desired her.

His thoughts were cut by something she said, but her voice was so low and hoarse he didn’t understand, but he heard her clearing her throat to speak again and felt her running her hands on her face.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”

He shifted and looked into her eyes. What was she talking about?

“Áine…”

She silenced him by pressing her forehead on his lips.

“I shouldn’t have come, but I heard you… I came up, and you needed help, so I stayed, and in the end, I ruined everything. I should have woken you, or at least shouldn’t have taken so long. It’s just that… the thing is… Now that you’re so close I can’t stay away.” – She looked at him and with her right hand caressed his cheek. – “Maker have mercy on me because I feel like running and running and I never seem to get close to you, even now, we are finally free and reunited but you are hers, and he will never leave me. He was right; we will never be together…”

Cullen listened, and when she was finished, he pulled her even closer into a tight hug.

“Áine…” – He kissed the top of her head and sighed. – “I’m really sorry for whatever happened between you and Aiden” – She tried to look at him, but he held her in place – “I don’t know the details I only know something happened, but he is not here, he can’t hurt you anymore. He will never get close to you, I promise I won’t allow it. You mentioned I am hers and I know you are talking about Alessa, I saw you leaving this afternoon when she was in my office, but nothing happened. I made it very clear that you are the woman I want beside me.”

Cullen felt her mouth open and close again, and then a smile form. He kissed her forehead, and they spend a long time holding each other.

She had her right side of face and hands on his chest, feeling it come up and down, making her eyes heavy with sleep. He had his hands on her lower back and his left cheek pressing the top of her head.

He felt her slowly falling asleep, he could hear her breathing. He carefully stood up and held her body up in his arms, took her to his bed and lay her there; he covered her with the blanket and sat by her side. He watched her sleeping while drinking the water from the basket and eating some fruits. 

In the end, he slowly lay by her side afraid of wakening her. She called his name in her sleep, and he answered pressing his body against hers and saying that he was there in her ear. She reached for his hand and when she found it, she pulled it under her cheek and slept again.

He smiled thinking about all the things they would do together and fell asleep feeling at peace for the first time in ages.


	21. About lions and horses.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After confessing her feelings, Áine wakes in Cullen's bed.

For a split second his body tensed, then he felt her against his back. Her arms around his chest, her fingers intertwined with his near his chin, and his body relaxed; he grinned listening to her breathing.

He remembered the night before, and he was sure he was holding her, but the positions had changed; a funny thought crossed his mind, she said she would protect him, and there she was being his protector and shield, his new beginning.

He turned to watch her, and she complained with a low groan. Her hair was on her face and he tried to tuck it behind her ear so he could see her better, but as soon as he touched her, she woke and sat up straight. She cleaned her face with the back of her hand and her eyes with her fingers, she yawned and stretched making funny, weird noises.

“Good morning.” – He said with his hands behind his head.

He saw her body tensing and then relaxing. She looked at him with a smile, her curls were wild and pointing in all directions. She scratched her head and reached for a pear. She bit it and anchored her elbow on the bed beside him, resting her head on her hand.

“Good morning.” – She bit the fruit again and the juice ran down her chin. Cullen absent-minded cleaned it with his thumb, licking it afterward. – “I can see now why they call you lion.” ­– She was running her fingers through his hair while giggling.

“Well, you are not far behind…” –  He chuckled and pulled out one of her curls and watched it come back to its original spring format.

“What? I am really far ahead, I mean, my mane is longer and has a lot of more volume than yours.”

She sat again and started pulling her curls while he laughed leaned on his elbows.

She was about to bite the pear again, but he reached her waist and pulled her closer to him. He took the fruit from her hand and gave it a big bite, earning a scowl and a grunt in return. She lay on her back, pulled a curl to her eye and frowned.

“I am a woman so I cannot, technically, compare myself with a lion. Therefore, I don’t have a mane, what other animals can I compare my wild, free and self-aware hair to?” – She turned to him, who was watching her with attentive eyes and mouth full of fruit.

He was concentrated and chewing the fruit. His eyebrows were pinched together when he remembered something and smiled at her.

“Horses have mane too.” – He cleaned his mouth with the back of his hand. – “They are also wild and self-aware, they have strong personalities and are very well respected. People have always admired them.”

“Are we talking about horses or my hair?” – She laughed rolling on the bed to watch him.

He lay down with his arm under his head, so they were face to face, their noses were almost touching, and his hand was on her hip.

She caressed his cheek and looked into his eyes. She never ceased to marvel at his beauty, his strong features, and gentle eyes.

His hand slowly traveled from her hip to her curls. He took his time to feel her under his fingers.

She could feel his touch even through the fabric of her clothes, on her hip, her waist, on her naked arm, his fingers leaving a hot trail on their path.

He couldn’t stop the smile to form when the caress of his fingertips caused her to bite her lips and slight arch her body nearer to his. He had her curls wrapped around his fingers when he broke the momentary silence.

“I’m talking about none of them.” – He pressed his forehead against hers and closed his eyes. – “I’m talking about you. You are wild; you do whatever it is you want as long as it doesn’t disrespect anyone. You want to live your life to its full potential. You do what you think is right, no one owns you, you are yours and no one else’s.”

Cullen touched her face as if it was made of porcelain and he was afraid to break it.

“You have a strong personality, and that’s why people come to you, your willingness to help without question, to scold or comfort when needed, people know they can count on you.”

Áine traced his lips with her fingertips. 

“You keep your word, and people respect you for it. People admire you, they see the way you lead your life, trying to always be on the right side, the good side. Even though you’ve seen a lot and been through a lot, you have not strayed from your path.”

“You’re right in almost everything.” – She changed their position to lay her head on his bare chest. – “I am not mine in a long time.” – He tried to move, to say something. – “Just let me finish, please.” – He relaxed and held her with his left hand on her hair and right hand on her back. – “I was mine a long time ago, but after the tower …then I was his. I thought I wasn’t, but he owned my thoughts, my dreams… I made myself his until I learned I was mine, and he was nothing, no one. “

She sighed and Cullen massaged her lower back, paying attention to her every word.

“By the time I was free from him, I noticed I wasn’t mine again because I had already willingly given myself to someone. I realized I hadn’t been mine since the day you arrived in Kinloch, the first time I saw you, I knew. But then you saw Amell, and your eyes sparkled, and I knew you wanted her like I wanted you. Since that very night, I have waited for you, and I would wait forever if needed.”

Áine rested her chin on his chest and played with his curls while looking at him.

“It’s true that when I’m at my worst, I feel like I’m back there, in the room with him, but then I think of you, and everything is fine especially now because you’re here, I’m here, we are here together **.** I just ask for one thing and one thing only. Will you give me time?”

She sat on the bed with her back to him.

“I mean, this, right now; you have no idea how many nights and days I’ve dreamed, wanted, wished, craved for this. But I’m not ready; there are things… I…”

He sat by her side,  held her chin and lifted her head to see her face.

“I’ve made you wait for me, for way more than you deserved, not that you deserved any waiting. I was a fool for never noticing you. Maybe the man I am today is not what you deserve. I will give you all the time you need, and not only it, but I will also give you my best. You deserve no less and far more than I can ever offer you. Here now I can only hope you will accept my meager offer.”

He was caressed her face and she smiled at him and kissed his hand.

“You are everything and more than I could have expected or wished. Maybe if we were together before things wouldn’t have worked. I guess we both had to grow, to become who we are today for this” – She pointed at her and him. – “for us to work.”

She kissed his cheek and rolled out of bed and tried to tame her hair, but gave up with a long sigh and tied it. Cullen, who was watching Áine from the bed, laughed which caused her to turn to him and give a sly smile.

“Now, now Commander, if you don’t get out of bed, you will have to go to work with your mane free and wild. I, at least, can tie mine and you?”

He groaned and threw a pillow at her who grabbed it and threw it back. He stood up and prepared his bath. Turning, he caught her looking at him and biting her lips. She tried to cover it up by turning and kicking an imaginary rock.

“Well, I really should be going now. Leliana wants me to check something in Haven, so I better get ready…”

He held her waist and turned her to him, lifting her chin to be able to see her big hazel eyes. His face was too serious to her liking, so she stuck her tongue out, and he chuckled.

He kissed her chin, cheeks, forehead and the tip of her nose; he made her promise she would come back to him alive.

“And miss the opportunity to see my lion again? Never!” – She lifted her hand and ran her fingers through his hair.

He didn’t want to let her go. Why did she have to go? Now that everything was perfect, she had him, and he had her. 

“ _Maker preserve her. Please, please, bring her back to me!_ ” – Little did he know she was also praying for the Maker to keep him safe while she was gone. – “ _Maker I beg, keep him safe, I just want to see his smile again!_ ”

Both internally struggled to let the other go, and before she left, she stood at the tip of her toes and wrapped her arms around his neck in a tight hug.

“Just for the record, I prefer your natural curls.” – They laughed, but then her voice was firm– “I’ll always come back for you. I promised I’d protect you and I never break my promises.”

She let him go leaving him there with his thoughts and Maker, he already missed her.


	22. 34 days.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Áine went on a mission leaving the Commander behind with his thoughts on them.

Thirty-four, that was the number of days he had last seen her, he had last held her. He didn’t want to, but he was counting the days.

He had thought about her more often than not. Her smile, her curls, her scent; she was the only thing he thought at night before bed. 

When was she coming back? It was one of the many questions on his mind, several times a day. Was she okay? Was she alive? He knew working as a mage and a spy for the Inquisition was risky, that danger lurked in every corner, but he couldn’t stop the questions.

There were nights when sleep didn’t come as easy as he’d like to, that he went to the stables where they had their first official conversation and he brushed the horses thinking about her warmth until sleep found him. In other nights he went to the old library where without words she told him she cared deeply for him, in some, to the garden, where he watched the blue flowers.

They haven’t even kissed yet but maker he missed her, he ached for her. All he wanted was to see her smile and hear her laughter again. How could someone do all of that to him? Make him feel things he thought he would never feel again? He knew they hadn’t been together for long, but he knew she was special.

After all this time without a word from her, he was getting quieter and more withdrawn with worry, everybody noticed his usual frown had intensified.

One day, playing chess with Dorian, his friend threw his arms up, stood up and told him that if he was so worried about her, he should write her a letter and be done with it. He remembered being sat there looking at the chess pieces wondering if he should write to her or not, and what he would say if he did.

A few days later, he spent the entire day thinking about it and at night alone in his office he had parchment and ink ready on his table waiting for him, but the only thing he had written was Áine, which he thought was too formal, so he crossed and wrote Blue, which he illogically thought was too intimate and crossed replacing it by Áine again. He was looking at the parchment and laughing at the thought that Blue was too intimate, everybody called her that, why couldn’t he?

He was in the middle of the thought when Varric entered his office apologizing and handed Cullen a letter. He explained it had been given to him by mistake a few days back and he only had time to look at it now.

There was no seal, stamp or label, just a small C., and a thin blue and golden string was rolled up for almost its entire length. When Cullen saw it, his heart raced and his eyes widened. Varric also assured him he hadn’t opened it. Cullen thanked him and watched him leave with a sly smirk on his face.

He had it in his hand and it was like everything had changed, suddenly his chest was lighter, his breathing easier and shoulders weren’t rigid anymore. He knew it was from Áine, and before opening it, he slowly ran his finger over the strings and tried to imagine her writing for him.

It was the first time he heard from her in almost a month. He placed the scroll on the table, held the strings’ ends then carefully undid the bow and knot.

> Cullen,
> 
> I want to start this letter by saying I wasn’t really sure if I should write it or not, but then I remembered the proverb: “Fortune favors the bald”, well I’m not bald, I do have some hair but… anyways, it didn’t really sound right, so I was saying it aloud when Finn asked if I was okay, because I was saying it completely wrong; it’s not bald but bold, which I admit, makes a lot more sense. So… do not laugh. I know you’re laughing. Stop it. Now. Did you stop? No? Do it now, I’ll be waiting in the corner of shame. Done? Good!
> 
> He couldn’t contain and he released he rambling that started at his chest and left his mouth in a laughter.
> 
> I’ll stop jesting. I just wanted to make you smile at least for a bit. Maker, I miss your smile… your laugh…. and touch and… Let’s go back to the task at hand Commander, stop messing around and concentrate! 
> 
> Sorry, sorry I promise I’ll stop. The real one starts below, I would clean my throat if we were speaking face to face, but imagine I’m cleaning my hands, alright?! Thanks.
> 
> He smiled imagining her writing the letter and biting her lips unconsciously.
> 
> My Lion,
> 
> Can I even dare say ‘my’? I will be honest and say I was really nervous with the idea of writing this letter. I mean, Maker, here I go again. I told myself I wouldn’t doubt it, it’s not like this is the first time I write to you, it’s just, this is the first time ‘I’ write to you. The last letter was not signed so it was easier to say what I wanted, but now? Are you going to open it, knowing it was me who wrote it? Or are you tossing it away? It doesn’t matter I’m going to write it, I’ve promised myself I would, so here it goes.
> 
> That morning was, it was… I have no words to express what it meant to me. I hope I showed you that what I feel for you is real, I wish we were together for a little longer before I had to leave.
> 
> Cullen, you’re… Maker, why is it so difficult to write the things I want to say to you? I think I’m going to make a list if it’s okay? Well, it is not like you can say yes or no, so here it goes, I guess.
> 
> I miss you, oh how I miss you. If I could only see you now, even from afar, and know you are fine, I think I would be able to breathe normally again.
> 
> You might think this is a jest but it isn’t, I want to feel your hair with my hand, see the golden curls wrapping around my fingers.
> 
> Feel the tingling sensation your stubble causes on my skin.
> 
> Hear your breathing near my ear with my arms around your neck.
> 
> Lay down with you and place my head on your chest, feel it rising and falling, lulling me into sleep.
> 
> Oh, and your scent, it was on my clothes, and it was such a shame I had to bathe. When I come back, I’m going to hug and kiss and nuzzle on you until it is all over me again! I mean if it’s okay with you, of course…
> 
> I don’t want to drag this on, so I’ll try to be brief now.
> 
> I wish I could be there with you every night, so I could curl up with you, and caress your hair until you fall asleep in my arms.
> 
> And to make sure you are feeling well, no more of those headaches or whatsoever.
> 
> And resting, because I know how much you work and sometimes forget to rest!
> 
> And eating, I know sometimes you skip meals. Don’t do it, please!
> 
> Laughing, I know how difficult it is for you to let your guard down and have some fun time. I’m not talking about chess here, just to make myself clear.
> 
> What I wish with all my heart is to see you well and happy, even if it means I have to keep myself away from you. The memory of that night will have to be enough, but if it is the price to see your happiness I will pay double if need be.
> 
> There are so many things I want to say, but unfortunately, the parchment is ending, so to finish.
> 
> There’s no one else in the world for me. I knew it since the first moment I saw you and I promise I’ll do my best to make you happy if you allow me to.
> 
> I’ll always be there for you, no matter what. You can count on me for anything, from middle of night conversation to letter exchanges.
> 
>  I hope this letter reaches you soon, I’d be the happiest woman if you wrote back, even if to say you’ve received it.
> 
>           P.S.: Just know I’ve been yours and will always be.
> 
>                P.P.S: I’ll be back to Skyhold in 2 weeks’ time, I hope we can talk when I arrive?!

 Cullen was still with her letter in his hands, and his body tensed, his stomach burned and his eyes closed by themselves.

There he was doing the math. She was away for almost a month, her trip to Haven would take a week, she would probably take a week in the mission and take one more week to come back to Skyhold, what means the mission would take less than a month. In the letter, she said she would be back in 2 weeks, he assumed she wrote from Haven, so she was about to arrive any minute to Skyhold.

He was happy and desperate at the same time. She wanted an answer, but he couldn’t write to her, it wouldn’t reach her before she arrived in Skyhold.

He stared at the letter for a long time until he cursed and decided to write to her, even if she got the letter from his own hands, but he would write to her and sent it the next morning at the first possible opportunity.

>  Áine,
> 
> I have just received your letter, it was handed to Varric by accident and he took some time to see it was not for him. I will explain better when you arrive.
> 
> I am sorry, I had debated for a long time if I should write to you or not, and in the end, I really should have. You will probably receive this letter by the gates of Skyhold… Maker, I am sorry.
> 
> There are many things I would like to say to you as well, but now I will have to say that in person, which I prefer anyway.
> 
> Know that I have not stopped thinking about you.
> 
>           P.S.: Forget-me-not.

He had sent the letter two days before, and now here he was, sitting in the garden admiring the flowers. It was still early, but the sun was already illuminating them, it was a pleasant beginning of day, the birds were singing and flying around, some people were chatting, and the chantry sisters were praying.

Cullen was sitting near the well when something caught his attention; someone was coming from the mages’ tower. He couldn’t see the person from where he was sitting, but he saw a glimpse of raven hair, then curl. He stood up so suddenly, he scared a passerby.

For thirty-four days she was away, but now… she was finally home with a big smile on her face and Maker, he somehow had forgotten how gorgeous she was.


	23. Dessert.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A party is being held in Skyhold and Áine alongside Sera decide to join in.  
> Cullen is supposed to keep them away, but they have a plan and nothing will keep them from the candies.  
> Áine challenges Cullen and he gets his prize.

Since she arrived in Skyhold they haven’t had much time to spend together because Alessa was hosting a party to celebrate her first dragon slain, the Fereldan Frostback.

Cullen, as head of the soldiers, was responsible for the security as was Leliana and her spies, Josephine was taking care of the party’s details and Áine, alongside Sera, was trying to come up with a plan to steal desserts.

Sera had tried to bribe the kitchen staff into smuggling some candies to her for many days until they told Josephine, who asked Leliana and Cullen for help to get her out of the way.

Áine will never forget the day she was in Sera’s room planning their assault to the party when they heard intense and resolute steps on the wooden floor leading there. They sat looking at the door, waiting for whoever was interrupting their hard work, when Cullen appeared into the door frame.

He opened his mouth to say something with a scowl when he saw Áine. His jaw dropped and eyebrows went up, prompting Sera to snicker and earn a small punch from Áine.

“So, what do you want Cullen?” – Sera was trying really hard to repress her laughter.

He looked at them, adjusted his position to his Commanding stance, took two steps into the room and spoke in his firm, but surprisingly brotherly tone.

“I was told you were harassing the kitchen staff into smuggling candies to you Sera.”

“What? Me? Pffffft.” – She raised her feet and rested them on Áine’s legs.

“But I am sure this is not just because of the desserts, am I right?” – He turned to face Áine who was thinking how amusing the scene ahead of her was.

She was caught by surprise and stammered an incomprehensible answer looking to the window.

“Maker, what am I to do with both of you?” – He sounded defeated.

“We aren’t doing anything. I’m just here with my friend Sera, planning what we are going to do tonight, as we are being left alone, when our friends are partying and eating delicious foods, seeing beautiful people and having nice chats…”

“Nonsense, you know very well this is more about politics than fun…”

“And that’s why I should be there! Watching the nobles to make sure they are behaving, and besides, you know my friends from the Red Jenny will be there, right?”

Cullen let out the longest sigh they have ever heard.

“I know it and so does Leliana, all I am asking is for you to behave. Please, can you just give me a break Sera? I already have to deal with all the nobility…” – He turned to Áine, put his left-hand fingers on his temples – “And you too?”

Sera stood up and saluted the Commander, giving her friend no chance to answer his question, so she just smiled.

“You know what? You’d make an excellent friend of the Red Jenny, if you weren’t so, so… uptight.”

“Why do I have a clear impression that coming here just made things worse?” – He watched them with narrow eyes.

Sera tilted her head while Áine tucked some hair behind her ear and Cullen left the same way he had come. They heard his footsteps fading into the tavern’s noise.

“Alright, now we have everything in motion, he will be focusing on me, and you go in and get us some sneaky-snacks, but remember no raisins.”

“Okay, just… please take it easy on him, right?”

“Nah, it’s good yeah. I’ll take care of your Cully-Wully.”

“Haha, I’ll hold you to that promise. I have to go, see you in a bit.”

She left the tavern with her heart in her throat, she didn’t want to cause Cullen any trouble, but she really wanted some desserts, and besides, she had been planning with Sera for quite some time, no way to back down now.

She went to her shared quarter to bathe and change clothes. Sera had ‘borrowed’, and she had laughed loud when her friend said the word borrow, one of the soldier’s uniform, but before she arrived there, someone stopped her with a message from Cullen, which she hesitantly opened, waiting to see his face of disapproval.

 A word in my office, please.

Yep, she could see his face of disapproval, his eyebrows pinched together, his hands on the table supporting his body and her heart broke. She groaned and spun on her heels. She thought about all the possible excuses not to tell him of their plans and also all the excuses to tell Sera she couldn’t go on with the plan; she was torn. She was whispering her excuses when she arrived at his door.

She knocked and waited for an answer, none came, so she knocked again. She waited for some time and debated if she should enter or not, she had been summoned there and was confused by the amount of time he was taking to answer. She knocked one more time and opened the door, he was on the upper floor; she could hear him walking there.

“Cullen?” – She tried to sound confident, but her tone was hesitant.

“Up here, Blue.”

She closed the door behind her and started going up the ladder. When she heard the sound of his armor being taken off she felt her body warming up and knew she had blushed.

She saw his fur coat on the bed, and his armor was still on, missing his left arm vambrace. She smiled at the view, he had his back to her and didn’t hear her approach. When she ran her fingers through his hair, he sighed and leaned his head on her hand.

“Let me help you with it.” – Her fingertips traveling down his neck to his shoulder. She walked around and stood in front of him.

He opened his eyes and allowed her to take his arm and she started removing the piece of armor. It was a simple thing, and it impressed her, how something so important was so easy to be removed.

Cullen watched her work, her deft fingers on the strings; she took mere moments to take it off.

Her eyes were focused on the task, she shifted to his shoulder plates biting her lip on a particular difficult knot but stopped when noticed he was watching her and smiled at him with a wink.

With his arms free from the equipment, he took his gloves off and caressed her cheeks, felt her hair around his fingers and fought the need of kissing her. She took his hand in hers and kissed his fingers, she started unlacing his cuirass and he watched.

It was something different for him, he didn’t remember when it was the last time someone had taken his armor off for him, much less someone he had such strong feelings for, and it was as terrifying as it was delightful.

He noticed she was taking her time to take it off, she was probably concerned, so he stopped her hands and asked if she was okay but received a loud laugh with a smile as an answer.

When she finished, she placed it on the bed. She stood in front of him and he held her in a long tight hug.  The last time they had each other in their arms without him on his armor was a few days back, in one morning when she stumbled across him during his exercise routine.

Cullen held her close to his body, his hands wandered her back, arms, and anything not too intimate. He trailed her skin with his whole hands, he wanted to feel her warm skin against his. He kissed her forehead, her left eye, cheek, chin, neck, collarbone and moved to the other side, going up to her right cheek and eye to end on her forehead again. She let him, and she wanted him, and she needed him, and Maker… she took a step back because she didn’t know what would happen.

“I believe you were going to take a bath…” – She sounded breathless, and Cullen secretly enjoyed it.

Áine watched him, with her cheeks and ears reddened, take his t-shirt off. She internally cursed him for teasing her with his slow movements, the way he held the back of his clothes and pulled up showing his firm abdomen muscles, and defined chest… she cursed again when he turned his back to her displaying his strong back while folding the t-shirt and putting it away.

“You are right. I need to be at my best, and this was Leliana and Josephine’s words. Believe me when I say, I would rather stay here with you.” – He suddenly looked at her and saw her turning, trying to hide her blush.

He smiled mischievously, walked and stood in front of her, the way she looked at him was worth anything.  

“You asked to see me, and I don’t think you needed help with the armor.” – She poked his shoulder, but he knew she was trying to change the situation.

“I wanted to ask you one thing.” – Her color disappeared, but she was ready, she had a good excuse in the tip of her tongue. – “Just be careful alright, I know you and Sera are not going to give up so easily. I wish Sera would not drag you to this kind of situation… No, I am sorry, I know you dragged yourself into this. You are as much trouble as is Sera, so be careful alright? Josephine is having… trouble due to the Inquisition first official event. I don’t even know what she is going to do with those who get in her way right now. She got mad at me three times so far, not that I blame her, I have not been… cooperative.”

Áine laughed loud, she could see Cullen not being cooperative when a party with nobles and Orlesian politics were involved but was cut when he pressed his body against hers.

“You think it is funny? Good, let us see then. I will make sure to keep many eyes on you and Sera tonight.”

“ _Shit_ ” was all she thought. Now things got more… complicated, he was supposed to keep an eye on Sera, not on both of them. But she smiled and poked his naked chest.

“Oh, Commander… two can play this game.”

“Is this a challenge?”

“Yes! I cannot leave the party with candy, if I do, I win and you owe me, but if you win, you can ask me anything.” – She regretted it the moment the word came out of her mouth, she saw his eyes darken with the word…

“Anything?”  – He had a big smile.

“First, you have to catch me.” – She tried to leave but heard him laugh and stood still.

“I am a very competitive person, Blue. Just wanted to let you know.”

She left his office smiling, a plan brewing in her mind. She stopped by Sera’s room, and they discussed their new plan, Sera couldn’t stop laughing and agreed with the changes.

The night came fast, it was warm, and she thought it was fitting with the fire-breathing dragon skeleton hanging in the throne room hall.

There were many soldiers patrolling the area, even though there were only two entrances to the party; the main doors, and the garden.

The nobles were scattered throughout Skyhold making their plans work just fine. Two soldiers were standing on the first steps and two on the last steps leading to the main hall door and there were soldiers blocking the way through the rotunda, kitchen and the mages’ tower.

Their plan was simple, trick everyone inside using magic of course. Sera had again ‘borrowed’ some clothes for Áine to use, this time a noble’s black dress. It was a little tight, but she could manage, she tied her hair in a bun and used an indigo mask they had bought from the merchant a while back when they had a different plan, but came in handy now.

The time to put the plan in motion had come, many guests were still outside talking to the Inquisition soldiers or whoever they could lay their hands on. Cullen, Leliana, Josephine nor Alessa could be seen from the place Áine and Sera were hiding near the tavern.

She prepared herself and felt the magic on her fingertips, she let it loose making a huge ball of green light in the night sky. Everyone outside looked up. Some laughed, some squeaked and some cheered. She let another one loose, this time blue, a few minutes later a red one, by this time most nobles were outside enjoying the show. She prepared a last one, a dance of colors. When everyone was focused on the night sky she slipped inside the throne room.

On her way there, she made sure to pass by Cullen who was being harassed by a mob of noblemen and women near the door’s first steps. She waved and sent him a kiss from the entrance and stepped in, the last thing she saw was his face of surprise.

He couldn’t believe how bold she had been, he excused himself almost pushing the mob around him and chased her into the fortress hall by skipping two stair steps at a time. He entered the room in time to see her almost reaching the table with desserts, she looked over her shoulder and saw him, which caused her to change her direction to the stairs leading to the upper level’s gallery.

He tried to reach her, but the people kept stopping him to ask questions he didn’t want to answer, by the time he got to the door she was looking at him from the gallery and laughing. They were enjoying the chasing game.

He was looking at her from down the room, and Maker he was gorgeous, his crimson and gray uniform praising his body in all the right places. Of course, his sword as his signature could not be left behind, it was attached to his side.

She leaned on the parapet with her left elbow and started tapping on it with her right fingers, showing him a sign of boredom. She stood and started walking slowly to the garden’s balconies, tracing the parapet with her fingers.

Cullen would not let her win, she had in fact, already lost. She had no dessert with her and was leaving the room. Nonetheless, he would not let her go without getting his reward.

He ran up the steps and stopped before opening the door to readjust his clothes, he opened it and saw her waiting for him on the opposite side, with her hand slowly opening the door.

Áine peeked over her shoulder and sent him a kiss. She was almost out of the place but he called her over and she waited for him to get closer.

Cullen walked with confidence, like a man who had all the time in the world and not a car. He looked down to the throne room, passed Vivienne’s daybed and when he was in the final steps, she laughed and started fleeing to the garden, he didn’t wait, he ran after her.

She tried to reach the garden balcony, but the damned high heels were killing her, all she could do was walk faster. Her plan of getting as far as possible didn’t work because he grabbed her arm two steps from the final door and spun her on her heels.

“I think I won.” – His smirk was huge.

“Are you sure Commander?” – Áine laughed loud confusing him.

“I don’t see you carrying anything.”

She laughed again, but he pressed her against the wall with his body. With his hands on her waist, he kissed the top of her head, the tip of her nose, then her earlobe.

“If I remember correctly, I can ask for anything.” – He whispered with a silky low tone in her ear.

She shivered when his hands left a hot trail on her body on their way up to her cheeks. He cupped her face with his hands and leaned forward touching her lips with his nose.

He slowly traced her left cheek with his right hand and down to her neck, collarbone, waist, and lower back. She closed her eyes and moaned when his left-hand fingers went up to her nape. He closed his eyes and smiled, his lips were almost touching hers. He was pure desire. but she said something he didn’t understand.

“You’re… you’re wrong.” – It was all she could say. She couldn’t think straight.

“Am I?” – He chuckled.

She opened her eyes and saw Cullen looking back at her. She reached for a hidden pocket and took a bonbon from there. She lifted it so he could see it and he smiled at the sight.

“I said I couldn’t leave with any candy. And this…” – She was breathing heavily. He was still too close, his scent all over her. His hands on her skin, even gloved she could feel his warmth. – “this is a bonbon.”

He couldn’t believe it. She had won the bet. He took a step away from her, removed his gloves and took the small candy from her hand. He unwrapped it and was about to eat when she protested.

“Hey, that’s mine! I worked hard for it. Besides, I win, and you owe me.”

He still had the melting candy on his fingers.

“Alright. What do you want?” – He smiled when she smiled satisfied.

“You will take two candies of each type and bring them for Sera and me! And no raisins.”

“So,” – He pressed her body against the wall again – “you want me to do the dirty work, which means, smuggling for you?”

“Yes.” – She tried to hide her arousement with a giggle.

He nodded and was about to eat the candy when she grabbed his hand. She put his fingers in her mouth along with the candy and ate it, after swallowing it she licked one of his fingers clean, and he pressed her body even further while moaning with closed eyes.

She had never caused this effect on anyone and was further aroused by his reaction. She slowly licked his other finger and saw him bite his lip trying to repress another moan.

“Maker’s breath.” – He managed to say in a low guttural voice.

He opened his eyes and saw her looking at him. Cullen untied her hair and watched the curls fall on her shoulders.

He kissed her fingers, her palm, the back of her hand, slowly trailed her arm with kisses and the subtle touch of his lips. He felt her shiver once then twice. He saw her chest going up and down with deep breaths.

Kissing her neck, he heard her moan his name, and it was his turn to shiver. He felt her arms around his neck when he kissed her jaw and her fingers on his hair when he kissed her ear.

He could make love to her right there, he was ready for it, but he wanted their first time to be special, she was precious, she deserved time, to be kissed, and touched and worshiped.

The mint scent of her hair filled his lungs and he decided to separate from before things went any further but she pulled him even closer.

Cullen lifted the mask of her face and threw it on the floor as soon as it was off. He then proceeded to kiss her temple and jaw. He tightened his grasp on her waist when he kissed her shoulder, both moaned when he kissed her neck. Áine shivered when he kissed her collarbone, and he heard her call his name when he kissed her neckline.

She pulled his head up to have his lips on hers, she couldn’t wait any longer, and he answered her silent plea.

At first, he brushed his nose on her lips, then used his own lips just to feel hers on his; he bit the lower one gently and restrained a moan when she gasped and lifted her chest closer to him. He shifted his left hand to her lower back allowing his fingers to brush her bottom.

“Cullen, I…” – He licked her upper lip and bit the lower one again, and she couldn’t contain her shiver nor her moan. She tightened her arms around his neck and sighed on his mouth. – “I’ve never kissed; I don’t know how…”

He kissed her.

He opened her mouth with his, and she welcomed him. The taste of chocolate invaded his mouth. He tilted his head so he could have more space to taste her.

Cullen wanted her, he needed her, Maker she was making him crazy.

He kissed her deeper, but when he brushed his thumb over her lips, and she bit it, he let out a loud moan. He didn’t care anymore where they were, he only cared for her, them, the moment.

Áine pulled and kissed him, their teeth hit each other, making them laugh, but only for a moment. She kissed him deeper, it was her time to do the biting, and she did; she bit his lip, his jaw, and his neck. He moaned, groaned, squeezed and called her name.

Cullen made sure to pay attention to her body language. He took his time playing with her lips and let their tongues circle each other. He trapped her lower lip between his teeth and felt her legs wobble. She smiled on his mouth, and he held her by the waist.

The small place was filled with their moaning, their names on each other lips, the sound of hands traveling on fabric and kisses being planted on skin and mouth.

He heard them mere seconds before her, and he felt her body tense. People were coming.

“Shit!” – They spoke at the same time.

She laughed, and he smiled at her. He wished he could always see her that happy.

“Don’t stand there Cullen, your uniform is a mess.”

“And why is it?” – He looked at her with inquisitive eyes. – “You should start adjusting yourself too. Wait a minute! Whose dress is this?” – He asked giving her the mask back.

“No time for questions.”

They barely finished when the door swung open, and they saw Leliana and Alessa on the other side. Both women giggled.

“Alessa, I think we interrupted something. Maybe we should talk to the Commander later?”

“I agree. Is it just me or is this place hotter than the rest of the Skyhold?”

Áine tucked some hair behind her ear and Cullen was red from the top of his head to his toe.

“And here I thought Cullen was having a hard time with the nobles. Leliana, I think we were both mistaken.”

He tried to say something but was cut by Áine.

“Well, that’s not… you see Inquisitor…” ­– She could be mistaken for a tomato.

“Of course, it was you Áine. I should have guessed, and I’m dying to know the story behind this.”

“Ladies if you give me a moment I can explain everything.”

The three women looked at him, and he stammered because the way they looked at him didn’t help at all.

“Well, Cullen. It isn’t necessary to be Leliana to know exactly what was happening here. You two were making out.” – Cullen’s eyes widened, and he rubbed the back of his neck. Áine felt she could dig a hole and fall on it. – “Well, let’s see. Both of you look like teenagers who just got caught doing something naughty. Your mouths are red and swollen, the clothes are out of place, Áine’s hair is a mess… Do I need to go on?”

The women laughed, and Cullen looked defeated. Leliana and Alessa left saying they could talk later because there was no rush.

Áine turned to him and started adjusting his uniform and he helped her with her hair.

“Remember your task Commander. Two of each kind.” – She smiled at him.

She gave him a quick kiss on the lips and turned to leave, but he spun her and gave her a sweet long one; he needed to taste her again. She still had her arms around his neck when he started planting kisses all over her face, making her giggle.

“I would ask you to come sleep with me tonight, but I don’t think it would be very wise right now…” – She blushed. – “Oh, there it is, there’s a long time I don’t see you turn this shade of red.”– They chuckled. – “Besides, I will have to write a lot of reports after the party is over.”

“Always work and no fun. If I promise to behave, will you allow me to spend the night with you? I can wait you finish work…” – She was averting his gaze and tucking a loose curl behind her ear.

He lifted her chin to see her eyes.

“Don’t ever ask if you can come up and be with me, just come. Anytime you need, and even if I am busy, I will look for you later. Did I make myself clear?” – She smiled and nodded. He kissed her lips, and they left.

She went to the tavern to change clothes and talk to Sera while he remained in the throne room with the mob of nobles.

Around thirty minutes later a scout arrived with a box full of candies making them laugh loud and celebrate their excellent plan. Sera ate most of her candies, but Áine kept the large majority for later, to eat with him.

They talked, joked and schemed their next prank, of course, Sera teased her all the time about her Cully-Wully, but she didn’t mind, there was no stopping Sera, and besides, she was right.

The night dragged on, and she decided to go to Cullen’s office.  She arrived and found the place still empty, she went up the stairs, put her share of the candies on his nightstand and lay on his bed. She fought her heavy eyelids, but in the end, sleep overpowered her will to wait for him.

A couple of hours later he arrived and called for her, there was no answer so he put himself to work on the reports. It was late into the night when he heard something moving on the upper floor. He rested the report he was reading on the table and went to check the noise. He found Áine sleeping all over his bed and so he decided it was time to join her.

He removed his uniform, washed his face, ate a bonbon with a big smile, and licked his fingers before he brushed his teeth. He lay by her side trying not to wake her and watched her sleep.

He tried to tuck some of her curls behind her ear, but she groaned and he gave up. He lay there by her side listening to her breathing when she suddenly reached him, intertwined her legs with his and nuzzled in his shoulder before falling asleep again.

He felt her skin on his and tried to match his breathing with hers before his own eyes shut heavy with tiredness, but he made sure to be holding her before falling asleep.


	24. I will not let you go.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cullen jumps into action when he hears a loud noise in his bedroom, where Áine is sleeping.

> She was running for what seemed an eternity. A never-ending corridor.

“With Caer Bronach under our flag, we are going to need to protect it and Crestwood as well. What is the information we have about it?”

> “You are mine… Together forever… never his…”

“Ser, the Inquisitor’s report states that…”

Cullen and the soldiers looked up when they heard a loud noise coming from the upper floor, but when he heard her screaming, all of his muscles and years of training jumped into action; he never climbed that ladder so fast.

She was curled up on his bed, her hands on her belly, and he could hear her soft sobs and unrecognizable words.

> He was in front of her, he lifted his arms and his hands were almost touching her. Magic was on her fingertips, ready like a trap waiting for a rabbit…

Cullen gently stroke her head, but she used mind blast and sent him flying to the wall.

> “You belong to me… no one else loves you like I do…”

“Commander, do you need…”

> She ran in the opposite direction, for the first time she saw something, someone, far away, but there.

“Bring Solas here. Now!”

> “You think you’re loved by… him?”

She was still whimpering in the same position when Cullen stood up and went to her side.

> “I am the only one that loves you!”

The room temperature started dropping and Cullen didn’t know what to do, he kept calling her name over and over.

> “You will never be his and he will never be yours!”

“Áine, I am here.”  – Cullen’s breath was foggy.  – “Wake up. It is just a dream.” – He was by her side, caressing her shoulder.

He wiped away her tears and kissed her cheeks.

> Every time he spoke she felt pain, her robes were soaked in blood, her cheeks washed by her tears.

She was shivering, she was so cold under Cullen’s touch. He covered her with blankets and his fur coat.

> He was suddenly in front of her again, she felt his fingers around her arm… She was lying on a table, hands, and feet tied up.

“Áine, please… I want to help you, but you need to tell me how.”  – Cullen was shivering, but he ignored the cold and cupped her face with his freezing hands.

> She felt the cut and screamed.

Her loud and painful scream sent fog into the freezing air, Cullen’s chest tightened, and his breath was cut short.

“Let me go, stop Aiden…”

Everything was still when Cullen heard Aiden’s name on her lips. Every little thing seemed frozen in place.

> “Swear you are mine and I’ll let you go.”

Cullen took her in his arms. He held her close to his chest and sat under the window. He called for her while rocking their bodies back and forth. There was no more fogginess in her breath.

> “You can do whatever you want. Cut my flesh, mark my skin, but my love you will never have.”

Cullen rested her head on his left arm, with his right hand he touched every part of her face. He touched her fingertips and then intertwined their fingers.

> “Cullen is more than you are or ever will be. He doesn’t need to hide in the shadows.”

“Come back to me Áine, you promised me we would play chess today remember?”

> “And you’re wrong Aiden…”  – She lifted her head, looking in every direction.  –  “because Cullen likes me for everything that I am and he is waiting for me…”

“Wake up and give me one of those big smiles, please. Don’t scare me like that, I promise I will give you all the candy in the world.”  –  He nervously laughed and kissed her cold motionless hand.  –  “I need you, Blue.”

Áine opened her eyes and saw him looking at her, his cheeks were wet just like hers. She lifted her hand and touched his smiling lips.

“Hey there, my Lion…”

Cullen kissed her, a deep, passionate, yearning kind of kiss. He needed to feel her, to taste her, to know that she was there with him.

“I will give you two some privacy. I can come back later.” – Solas was at the top of the ladder watching them.

They smiled at him, watched him leave, then heard him close the door.

Cullen was still holding Áine under the window, and she had her arms around his neck, his curls wrapped around her fingers.

“Are you okay? You were having a bad dream about Aiden and…”

She kissed his lips, cheeks, eyes, and hand.

“It doesn’t matter. I’m safe and here with you again.”

“And I will not let you go.”


	25. Family.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aine feels that something is different.  
> She is reunited with her past.

The snow piled up in small mounts around their camp, she closed her coat tightly and crossed her arms over her chest trying to stop the unrelenting wind to freeze her.

One more day at work, one more day until she reached Skyhold. Her only comfort the knowledge she would be in Cullen’s arms in less than twenty-four hours.

She caught herself counting the minutes, and smiling more times than she remembered since they started seeing each other. Their first kiss still lingered on her lips sending shivers down her spine and making her feel warm in all the right places.

Time passed fast, and she found herself in front of Skyhold’s gates in the blink of an eye. She tried to ignore it, even to suppress it, but the feeling that something was different, something was there, well, she couldn’t shake it.

Her first stop was the rookery, as a spy, she had to report to Leliana, but then a hot long bath. She wanted to see Cullen, but she thought it would be better to take the mission’s dust off of her first. She headed to her shared quarters above the infirmary, took her clothes off and thoroughly cleaned herself, from her hair to her fingernails. She felt her muscles relax and the tension go away along with the water.

She finished up and ran into Jim on her way out, he handed her a small note, excused himself and left.

> I heard you had returned and wanted to greet you in person, but my obligations take me elsewhere. We are having a war table meeting about the information we are receiving from Caer Bronach and I am not sure when we are to finish.
> 
> A few days ago some musicians arrived and I’ve heard they are very good. I would love to watch you dance again, it seems ages since I last saw you dancing. I hope to see you tonight with one of those big smiles.
> 
> I missed you.
> 
>                                                                                                                                            Cullen.

The window view portrayed an orange-reddish sky, all she could do was to wait.

Closing her coat and hurrying her steps, she closed the distance to the tavern and opened the door.

She looked to her right and saw the Misfits present as always; she wondered what Cabot would do if Bull and Varric stopped being regulars. Would he thank the maker if Sera left? Since Dorian started dating Bull, he had been seen around the Herald’s rest more often than not. Blackwall was talking to Sutherland and his crew on the second floor and greeted her with a nod. Krem was on a mission with the rest of the charges.

She didn’t have time to analyze the rest of the tavern nor close the door because someone roughly hugged her pulling her inside. Her first instinct was to push the person away, but the scent was almost balmy… familiar.

She felt the woman’s chest rising and falling, her hands grabbing every inch of her back and neck, she heard her sobbing and then her laughter.

“Mother?”

The woman cupped her face with her hands, stared at her and kissed her forehead.

“Mother!”

Áine hugged her and felt like a little girl again. Everything was finally right, every piece of the puzzle had fallen into its correct place. She didn’t try to stop the tears, it was like standing in the rain, having her soul being washed. She cried, she laughed, she yelled.

Suddenly, in that wistful hug, more hands, arms, and laughter.

“Áine!”

“Blue!”

“Hey, silly goose.”

She looked at them just to see her entire foster family. The boys were older and taller, and mother was exactly like she remembered: old.

“Silly goose your ass, Finley.” – She punched his shoulder.

She took her time to hug each of her four brothers. Finley the oldest and closest, Dudu and First the twins and Nevan the shy young one. She couldn’t believe they were really there; it was the reason for that unrecognizable feeling.

She asked Maryden to play for a while and dragged them to sit with the Misfits. The introductions were full of compliments and stories for both sides. Everyone laughed and enjoyed themselves until the brothers re-started playing. Finley asked her to dance with him and she accepted.

“So, Lady. What should we call you?” – Blackwall asked while giving her another tankard.

“You can call me Mother, my dear.” – Everyone looked at her. – “Or crazy old lady, it will do just fine too. Names are things given to you, sometimes they have meanings that you like and sometimes not. My given name reminded me of dark times, then I rescued those brats and they started calling me, mother. I know it may seem weird at first, but you’ll get used to it. Everyone does.”

They were still talking when Áine came to drink some juice and rest for a bit before returning.

“I’m so, so happy you are all here. I was worried I’d never see you guys again, I…”

“Don’t worry child, we are here now. They told me you work for the Inquisition, as a spy? Is that right?”

She blushed and tucked some hair behind her ear looking away.

“Yes, but I’m careful. ‘Never get in more than you can handle’.” – She quoted the old woman’s words.

“Oh no, no! Look at me. Let me see your eyes.”

Áine had a mini panic attack, she knew she was in trouble.

“What? Why?” – She almost drank the juice in one big gulp.

“I knew it! Your eyes are green!” – She forced Áine to look at her.

“What about it?” – She blinked several times trying to maintain a serious face.

“You have hazel eyes, child. They are only green when you are doing something you are not supposed to do or …really excited to do something you are not supposed to do.” – Mother chuckled.

“Mother, it’s my job…”

“It’s okay, I understand. Go dance and have fun, we can chat tomorrow.”

Mother and the Misfits chatted while Áine twirled around the tavern. They could hear her laughter from the other side of the place.

The meeting ended and Cullen headed straight to the tavern. He wanted to feel her in his arms again.

“Hey, Curly! It was about time you showed up. Are you up for a round of Wicked Grace?”

“Thank you Varric, but I am here for…” – He fell silent the moment he saw Áine.

She was leaning against the tavern’s counter with a tankard in hands, chatting with Cabot about something impossible for Cullen to hear over the music.

She had her back to him, but he knew she was laughing because she threw her head back and had her hand over her mouth. He smiled and stood up to greet her, but felt his muscles tighten and stopped to watch the scene in front of him.

A tall, muscular man approached her and placed his hand on her lower back, she turned to him and smiled, he moved his hand to her hair and played with her curls. She was comfortable with his presence and touch it seemed. He caressed her cheek and whispered something funny in her ear. He knew it because she was all laughs and smiles.

Cullen stood there, he could feel his cheeks, ears and neck reddening. He wanted to go there and take her away from him. So many days far from her, thinking, imagining… just to have her finally here with another man.

What was he thinking? Of course not, there was a very good and reasonable explanation for what was happening.

He took his coat off, adjusted it on the chair not taking his eyes from them and was about to go greet her when a woman appeared in front of him.

“Hello!”

“Oh… Hello!” – He tried to concentrate on her, but he couldn’t take his eyes off the man and his funny hand.

“I’m Mother, and you are?”

“Mother?” – He looked at her and tried to process the information. – “Mother of whom?”

She chuckled and extended her hand to him who held it and shook it.

“My name is Cullen, and you are?”

“Ah yes! The famous Cullen. It’s a pleasure to finally meet you!”

He barely heard her, his attention was again on the man, who was now inviting Áine to dance.

“I am sorry, but you will have to excuse me for the moment. I will be right back.” – He smiled at the woman and walked to Áine, who had the man’s hand on her waist.

She was talking to Finley about the color of her hair and remembering the time she tried and unsurprisingly failed to seduce the guards in an attempt to distract them in a job they had years back when she saw Cullen coming in her direction.

He walked tall, and she saw how his muscles were tensed.

“ _A difficult meeting_ ” – She thought.

She smiled at Finley and fondly took his hand off of her waist, heading in Cullen’s direction.

That smile was capable of washing all of his fears and insecurities away. Her alluring swaying hips, the way she tucked some curls behind her ear, the way she looked at him and intertwined her fingers behind her back… these small details were always present in his thoughts when she was away. But that moment he felt odd, he looked at her and saw that man. He stopped when they were getting closer and waited for her, he wanted her away from him.

She noticed his tensed jaw and his commanding position. It was strange to see him without his fur coat when he had his templar presence. It was as if something was amiss.

She approached him, placed her hands on his chest plate, stood on her toes, put a hand on his nape and the other holding his shoulder.

“My Lion…” – She said on his lips while smiling.

His forehead touched hers and he held her by placing his hands on her lower back and bringing her closer; they never broke the eye contact until Cullen kissed her. It was soft and deep, there was so much they wanted to say through the kiss and they did. He wanted her away from there, in his office, where he could bite her lips, deepen the kiss. She wanted the same thing, to be alone with him, to feel his body close to hers.

She broke the kiss, but he leaned his forehead on hers, not wanting to let her go.

“I missed you.” – He whispered so only she could hear.

“I missed you too. And I have good news.” – She bounced.

She noticed only Maryden was singing and turned to see where her brothers were, only to find them sitting and smiling. She intertwined their fingers and guided him to the table.

“Cullen this is my family; guys this is Cullen.”

He didn’t know what to do. He felt his cheeks so hot his words got lost before reaching his dry mouth.

“I, hm…” – He rubbed the back of his neck.

“Yes, we’ve met. Not that we exchange a lot of words; he was eager to catch up with you.”

“I am sorry. Let us try again, shall we?”

Áine chuckled and the twins looked at each other with a sly smile on their faces…

“Alright, let me introduce you properly. These are my baby brothers and Mother. This is the shy but highly intelligent and cunning Nevan, he may be the youngest, but you two are going to spend hours talking and playing chess. These ones here are Dudu and First, the terrible twins, if you need to get some revenge they are the ones to talk to. This here is Finley…”

“Let me cut you here and say I am not a baby…” – He stood from his chair and pinched the bridge of his nose.

“Alright, old man. He is the funny one of the group, always jesting and fooling around. And this lady here is Mother. Yes, her name is Mother.” – The boys laughed. – “They are not my blood family, but they are my family.”

He greeted everyone with a steady handshake, but he and Finley put some strength on it.

“I must admit.” – Cullen ran his fingers through his hair. – “When I saw you with Finley, I thought he was flirting with you.”

“What? No!” – Finley shook his head laughing.

“It’s what you say now…” – Dudu had a smirk on his face.

“Come on! We are nothing more than friends and siblings.”

Cullen gave a knowing stare to Finley and helped Áine to sit.

The night was young, and the conversation went on for a long time before Cullen and Áine left for his quarters.


	26. Buttons.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cullen has some alone time, and he only thinks about Aine.

“Inquisitor, I’m sure they can easily fit in the Inquisition.”

“How so?”

“They have survived on their own, and for years they have protected and helped many people. I didn’t want to say anything but I know Áine for a long time, and I know that the ability to bring such relevant and important information back to Skyhold, was gained while she lived with them.”

“Leliana might be right, Inquisitor. We need as many skilled people as we can put our hands on. Besides that, they can play, and we can send them to the Winter Palace as the Inquisition band, we can have them infiltrated at the heart of the ball, distracting the guests while you and the others look for clues to what is happening. What do you think, Commander?”

“I think this is pure nonsense. We do not need to send people to entertain the nobility, I am sure they already have a lot to entertain themselves with. I do not want to send anyone there to act like mere pawns, whose only goal is to distract and be the target of whatever it is they have in mind. What we need to do is to send as many soldiers as possible, to protect the Inquisitor and our own people.”

There was a knock on the door, and they knew the group they had summoned had arrived.

“Alright, I agree with all of you. Now that they are here I’m sure Áine will make an even better job, we can transfer her to their team, but first… we need to know if they want to join us. I do not want to have people working for us if they were forced to do so.”

Cullen lowered his eyes to the report on his hand while Leliana opened the door to let the group in. Everything was fine until he heard Josephine gasp. He looked at her, and she had a smirk on her face, he turned his attention to the group, only to have himself breathless.

Áine had dyed her hair blue, although the hair was a dark shade of blue, some of the curls were dyed in much lighter tone. But the color wasn’t the only change, she had cut it to her shoulder length, some of her front hair was longer, highlighting her mouth.

His eyes lowered to her outfit. She was wearing… he didn’t know what it was called, but it was arousing. Her white blouse had buttons ending on a kissable neckline, there was no trace of a bra, the waist that he had held many times, was shyly marked, but there. Her black pants hugged her legs in perfection.

Even though they had spent many nights together, they never had any kind of sexual intimacy. But at that moment the only thing he wanted, was to carry her to his bed and kiss every part of her body that he could lay his fingers on, and only stop when both were lying there, exhausted.

Finley had a satisfied smile and arms crossed over his chest. Dudu elbowed First, who let out a muffled laugh followed by some indiscreet cough. Mother kept moving her gaze from Áine to Cullen, only to go back to Áine again. Nevan watched the scene unfold with curious eyes. And Áine? She intertwined her finger in front of her body after tucking some hair behind her ear and kicking an imaginary rock.

Cullen cleared his throat and addressed the group in a tone he hoped was as professional as he wanted.

“I am glad you all could attend the meeting, we were just discussing how exactly we could use your abilities, if, of course, you are willing to join the Inquisition.”

“Of course, we are” – Dudu high-fived First.

“Hold your horses there. We need to see exactly what it is they want us to do.”

The twins tried to argue with Finley and a loud chaotic discussing issued. Áine apologetically looked at the perplexed group and shrugged.

“Sorry. This is us.” – She whistled, and the boys stopped arguing. – “Alright, crying babies…”

Cullen wasn’t listening. His focus was on Áine’s lips. The way she swayed her hips when she walked from one side to the other. How she put her hands on her hips or tucked some hair behind her ear while explaining an idea she had, and also how she looked at the others with that concentrated focus listening to them. The way she waved her hands explaining something and then ran them from her nape to her collarbone. She had his full attention when she leaned on the table with one hand revealing more skin through the cleavage, making that tingling sensation on his crotch intensify.

“I think it is an excellent plan. What are your considerations, Cullen? Cullen?”

“I, ah… I am sorry, I was somewhat… distracted. Would you mind backtracking the thought?”

“Well well Commander, it looks like something here caught your attention.” – Alessa chuckled.

Everyone looked at Áine, who turned an impossible shade of red and started rubbing her left arm. Cullen, for his part, wasn’t much different, his cheeks and ears were as red as hers.

“I apologize again. As you were saying.”

His eyes lingered on Áine’s body when she left the room, leaving him there thinking of anything but her shape. Although the group was dismissed and their plan was decided, Cullen still had other topics to discuss, before looking for her.

At the end of the meeting, he gathered his reports, notes and went to his office.

He closed the door behind him, set the papers on his desk and started working. He reached for the Venatori report and found the little daisy instead, his thoughts immediately turned to Áine.

He remembered her blue hair and how stunning it was. He asked himself how difficult it would be to open the buttons and have free reach to her breasts.

Cullen relaxed in his chair and undid the laces in his trousers. His thumb lazily rubbed his erection reaching its tip, where he made circles, damping it while his other hand toyed with his sack.

Their first kiss came to his mind, that night when playing an unspoken chasing game he had her in his arms. The mint scent present in her hair, a little detail he started to enjoy more than he admitted. Her soft skin under his touch and the taste of chocolate.

He adjusted himself, his hand never stopping. He stroked it with firm hand and closed eyes. He revisited the taste of her mouth and skin, he felt her hot hands on his neck again. Cullen imagined them in his office, pinning her against the wall, kissing and biting her lips. Her hot breath against his ear while he made his way to her collarbone with the tip of his tongue.

His hand moved back and forth according to the buttons he opened in her blouse, his desire increasing with the urgent way she pronounced his name. He heard her moan when he finally freed her breasts and slowly trailed her belly with his fingertips only to reach her delicate nipples.

He kissed her and circled her hard nipple with his thumb just like he did to his erection. Breaking their kiss, he focused his attention on her breasts. He brushed his lips on one nipple along with his fingers, he cupped the other breast in the other hand and caressed it, he felt her shudder under his touch, and he placed it in his mouth.

At first, he just sucked it with his lips, but when she encouraged him by murmuring his name and pulling his head even closer, he indulged her request, licking and softly biting. He savored the moment and sucked one after another. When she started writhing, he trailed down with his lips and gentle bites. He undid her trouser’s laces and started stripping her of the unnecessary clothes.

Pulling it down, he made sure to look her in the eyes. He undressed one leg after the other, and squeeze as much of them as he could. He gently parted her legs and advanced up, indulging in her skin.

The image of his hand on her naked hips, made his erection throb in a desperate plea. He moved his hand back and forth in rhythm to her breathing.

When he finally arrived at her clit, she grabbed his hair and moved his head forward. He licked and sucked it, and he found out that she was already heavily wet, he explored her with his tongue and tasted her.

He imagined her rolling her hips on his face, and he did the same with his hips. He grabbed the armrest and threw his head back.

When her moaning became louder, he moved to her clit again. She moved her hips back and forth according to the way he played with his tongue. He grabbed her hips with his hand and forced her to stop, by pinning her against the wall, with the other hand, he penetrated her until he heard her moan his name, her muscles tighten and then relax.

He waited for her to find her balance again, and made his way up tasting her skin. He found her mouth with his, and let her hug him. He ran his fingers through her blue hair and deepened the kiss. 

He lifted one of her legs and caressed it with his hand. He bit her neck and then her chin, she arched her body when his hand stopped behind her knee but gasped when his erection rubbed her clit.

He turned her, and she planted her hands on the wall, he started kissing her neck, and she reached for his head, running her hands through his hair. His hand was teasing one nipple while the other was massaging her clit. She stood on her toes so he could have better access to her. He guided his erection to her entrance, and he penetrated her, resulting in a loud gasp he muffled with a kiss. She was wet and hot, his first thrusts were steady and gentle, but when she reached for his ass, grabbing it and urging him to quicken and deepen the pace, he held her hips and reacted accordingly.

Cullen was holding the edge of the table and started moving his hand erratically, imagining Áine moan his name while he penetrated her, was driving him crazy. He felt his body tingling, and he had to bite his lips to suppress the moan, he thrust his hand a couple of more times and came. He sat back and felt his muscles relax, his lips involuntarily went up. 

He felt satisfied but anxious. Would he be able to give Áine the same amount of pleasure he just had? He promised himself he would worship her, and focus only on her, if and when she ever trusted him enough to let him pleasure her.

With this question in mind, he stood and cleaned up, laced his trousers and went back to work.

Áine’s mouth never left his thoughts, and he spent the rest of the afternoon counting the minutes to have her lips on his again.


	27. Therinfal Redoubt Demon.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leliana receives a message from Krem and assigns Áine and her brothers to the mission.  
> Cullen makes decisions that do not please her.

Leliana sent her an urgent message; she was supposed to see her immediately, something about a demon.

“Blue, I’m glad you could come so swiftly. We’ve received a raven from the Charges, and I would like you to take a look at it.” – Leliana handed her a small piece of parchment; it was torn and worn out. 

> _Inquisitor,_
> 
> _The demon that fled Therinfal Redoubt left signs of its passage. It appears to be some sort of shapeshifter. Witnesses have described incidents of friends acting strangely or being in two places at once, that sort of thing._
> 
> _The Chargers have experience hunting demons. Say the word, and we’re on it._
> 
> _Lieutenant Cremisius Aclassi_  

“When should I leave?”

“I would like to have it investigated before going to the Winter Palace. I know you are supposed to go to Crestwood, but hold this one for later. You are leaving tomorrow morning. I’m sure there will be a lot of action, get ready.”

“How do you want me to handle this?”

“As fast as you can. Take this thing down at any cost. It will do good for the Inquisition’s reputation…”

“Are you serious? It would benefit the Inquisition? We are talking about people here, not… mere objects, Leliana!” – She crumpled the paper in her hand.

“I understand, and it is why I’m sending you. I trust you, not only for the job but for the people. If anyone can help, it’s you!”

“Okay. I’ll make sure to have everything prepared. Who’s going with me?”

“I’m sending you and your siblings. Let’s call it a field test for them. I need the Charges elsewhere at the moment.”

“Fair enough. See you in a few weeks. Please keep an eye on the Misfits for me, okay?”

“Áine, listen to me. This demon… It is different from everything we’ve seen so far. It is more dangerous than we’ve anticipated. He takes the shape of others and uses it to its advantage. It has mentally tortured people by using their biggest fears against themselves… The only reason I’m sending you is that I trust your abilities and I know you can beat it at its own game, please remember that.”

“I promise I’ll be careful. I recognize how dangerous it can be. And besides… I always come back, don’t I?”

They exchanged knowing glances before Áine left.

She hadn’t seen Cullen since the meeting in the war room, where he was behaving… oddly. She knew he was busy with the reports, but she wouldn’t take long, maybe a hug or a kiss, besides, she had dyed her hair and wanted to know his opinion.

His door was wild open; she could see him having a heated discussion with someone who was out of view. She debated if it was the right time to pay him a visit when he turned and saw her. His frown didn’t tone down, in fact, she noticed it had intensified.

Cullen stood up and walked in her direction. He placed his hand on the door, and for a brief moment, she thought he was going to shut it on her face, but he leaned on it and wiped his face with his other hand, trying to clean his tiredness, moving it to his neck and stretching.

She heard the Inquisitor’s voice and took a few steps in their direction before Alessa came into view, studied her and squeezed Cullen’s shoulder. She said something only for him to hear and left.

She crossed the battlements with wavering steps. Cullen was waiting for her with arms crossed over his chest, sending shivers down her spine. She tried to remember if she had done something wrong that day, but her mind went blank. She approached him with a small smile, tucked some hair behind her ear and placed her hands behind her back.

He watched her coming his way, and his determination only increased. He had to, he wasn’t going to back down. His spine was straight, his breathing deep and chin high.

She was near him now, and his body was towering hers. He moved his right hand to the sword pommel, and they were looking into each other’s eyes. The way he was observing her, she was sure she had done something wrong, just couldn’t remember what.

“ _Maybe it’s the color of my hair...” –_ It crossed her mind.

She looked stunning in the last rays of sunlight, her new hair color and cut suited her. Her sharp eyes were analyzing him; the muscles were tightened. He let his gaze linger on her lips… No.

“Áine, may I have a word with you? In private?” – He moved out of the way, giving her space to enter.

Alright, she had definitely screwed something up. She took a few seconds to answer, and after forcing herself to blink and taking a step forward, she entered his office. She knew the conversation wasn’t going to be a walk in the park, it was business, Inquisition kind of business.

Cullen closed the door and followed her inside. She thought he was going to sit, but he moved to the window and quietly stared out at the valley.

He was going to break up with her, she knew it. They had discussed missions, training and everything related to their jobs before, but never like this.

“I am sure Leliana has already debriefed the Therinfal Redoubt demon with you.” – He turned to look at her, and she nodded in confirmation. – “And she assigned you to this mission?”

He waited for one more confirmation, and after receiving, he walked to her; he wanted to seem as confident as he could. He stopped in front of her and studied her features. He could see her mind working, trying to fit the pieces of the puzzle. He didn’t mean to stare at her, not for too long at least. His thought was interrupted by her steady voice.

“Commander?”

He reached her face with his left hand and caressed her cheek, she leaned into his touch and closed her eyes. He let his hands wander down her arms stopping on her waist, he leaned on the edge of his table and pulled her closer. She ran her hands up his arms, stopped the left one on his chest and with the right thumb, trailed his face’s features. All he could do was close his eyes under her touch.

“Cullen…”

His name on her lips was the relief he had been looking for and didn’t know. He pulled her closer, he needed to feel her body against his, and then he kissed her. The softness of her lips on his, the hot breath. Her hand on his hair, pulling him closer, her fingernails on his skin. He explored her hot body with his fingertips; he squeezed her then he deepened their kiss.

She forgot what they were talking and where they were, he had this absurd habit of doing it, and she couldn’t say she didn’t like it.

She kissed his lip’s scar and then his jaw. She felt his hands tightening the grasp and trailed his neck down with her tongue; he shivered and moved his hands.

He grabbed her ass and pulled her even closer between his legs. While squeezing it, his other hand went up her nape holding some of her hair, gently obligating her to throw her head back, giving him access to her neck, where he kissed, bit and licked. He went further down, to her neckline.

He let her hair go and grabbed her ass with both hands, making her moan his name and lift her chest. He opened one button and pulled the right shoulder of her white blouse down and kissed the crook of her neck and bit her shoulder.

He noticed only a thin layer of fabric separated his mouth from her breast, the same breast he had imagined himself sucking a few hours back. He saw her nipple hard and brushed his thumb on it feeling her body shake.

He saw the desire in her eyes, and it only made his own intensify, making his next move harder.

She looked at him, wanting, needing, but his eyes played a different tune to the music they were dancing. His hold on her, the atmosphere… Everything had changed.

When he pulled her blouse up and buttoned it, she asked herself if she had done something wrong and her face must have shown it, because he smiled at her and his words were soft and reassuring.

“There is no one more beautiful or desirable than you. No one.”

She took a step back when he stood up and went to the window. She followed his steps and stopped by his side.

“Cullen, what is wrong?” – She hugged herself.

“I’m going with you.” – His chin was high, his eyes on the horizon and his voice authoritative.

“No.”

He saw Áine walking back, and without moving, he told her of his plans.

“My decision is not open for debate, I have already made my mind and informed Alessa of my plans. The Inquisition army is under Knight-Captain Rylen…” – He turned to look at her, but all he saw was an open door.

She heard him calling for her but didn’t stop. The soldiers on the battlement were shadows out of the corner of her eyes. She kept a fast-paced stride, her fists were closed by her side, and she could feel her fingernails going in her palm. Her lips were shut close, and she was squeezing her jaw so hard she already felt pangs in her head.

He grabbed her arm and obligated her to turn to him.

“Blue…”

“Don’t you dare ‘Blue’ me! You knew exactly what was going to happen Cullen, and it’s why you were behaving like that. So, do not…”

“I am this Inquisition’s Commander…” – He let go of her arm, set his jaw, and held his sword pommel. His next words were blurted out of his mouth, without a second thought. – “And as your superior Áine, there is nothing you can do but comply with my orders.” – He regretted his words the moment they left his mouth.

He saw her eyes narrow, hands close and open and, her chest rising and falling.

She opened her mouth to say something but just saluted.

“I have to get my equipment ready for our departure tomorrow morning. Are there any further instructions?”

Cullen took a deep breath and loosened his arms.

“Blue…”

“Are there any further instructions, Commander?”

That’s not how he wanted things to go, he imagined she would be angry, but in that moment, he could feel cold air emanating from her; it wasn’t a good sign. It would be better to let her cool her head, and when she returned to sleep, he would apologize and explain his decision.

“Dismissed…”

And she was gone. She turned so fast he dared to say she used fade step, the way she slammed the door indicated she wasn’t going to be back anytime soon.

He too had to get ready for the mission. He turned around and started walking back to his office. With his mind working non-stop, he barely noticed the soldiers staring at him.

She couldn’t believe him. “ _What is he thinking_?” He knew exactly what her reaction would be…

“No, no and no.”

She was furious. He was taking a foolish risk, and for what? To prove a point? What point? He had already been through an unpleasant experience with a demon, and he knew the risks involved in going with her. He didn’t have to go. If anything happened to him…

She walked aimlessly and ended up in the chantry. She sat in the back row and stared at Andraste’s statue. She wanted to pray, but her mind wasn’t responding.

She leaned forward with her elbows on her knees and rested her head on her hands. She took long deep breaths and tried to match them with her heartbeat. The moment it started slowing down the prayer started pouring out of her mouth in a shaky whisper.

> _The first of the Maker’s children watched across the Veil  
> _ _And grew jealous of the life  
> _ _They could not feel, could not touch.  
> _ _In blackest envy were the demons born._

_“Furious, angry, chest moving up and down, heart pounding like the sounds of a horse stampede. Afraid, fear, what if I cannot protect him? What if I’m not there for him again? Him, he, me, us. What about me?” –_ Cole’s eyes were clear and calm. – “What about you? _Protect, safe, this time will be different. I will not let her down. Circle, demons, templar, mage, magic, blue, blue, hair, mint, chocolate, lips…” –_ He turned to her and smiled – _“_ He cares for you, more than you know, more than he knows. _Almost there, reaching, trying._ You both want, but the words slip away _, from inside, chest, heart, choking, blocked by the mind, logic.” –_ He tilted his head right, lips pressed together – “Why do you let the brain stop the words the heart is fighting to scream? _No, not now, later, a little more, arms, legs, hands… ah tomorrow, tomorrow I will.”_

 _“_ Cole, I’ve told you before…” – She tried to explain.

“But tomorrow has come and gone.”

“… things are complicated.”

“No.”

“What do you mean?”

“Things are things. People make them complicated and difficult. You are not going to hurt him, or you. You should try, there are good surprises when we try. You told me that.”

“Yes, I did.”

“Talk to him, just talk. Listen to him, he knew you would be mad, he didn’t want to make you angry. He wants to help, and so do I.”

“Thank you, Cole. I promise I’ll try.”

He smiled and left the place leaving her alone with her thoughts. “‘ _Words that slip away_ ’”. She stood up and went to the tavern, she was sure her siblings would be there.

He was laying there alone, the place was silent and dark, the only light was coming from the night sky. He was sure she would come, and they would talk, but no, apparently she had other plans that clearly did not include him. He turned and moved, closed and opened his eyes until he finally cursed and left the bed.

He opened the door, and the cold wind hit him like a punch, he returned and took his coat. Skyhold was deserted, he glanced up, and the moon was high, only the soldiers on duty were walking around the fortress’s ground. He crossed the Tavern’s tower and continued on, he had a place to go and a person to see.

He opened the door, trying to be as quiet as possible not to wake the people inside. He went up on the creaky wooden steps only to find her bedroll empty. He stood there thinking where she could be that time of the night and decided to look for her in the old library.

“Hey! Looking for Blue?” ­– Nevan whispered from the darkness. – “She left a couple of minutes ago, you almost bump into each other.”

“Do you know where she went?” – It was his time to whisper back.

“No clue, but she sounded pissed.”

“Yes, I am working on it.”

After looking for her in the old library and the garden, he went to his office. He opened the door, and the hot place was a blessing. His hands and nose were freezing, one more reason he wanted her there with him.

He went up the ladder and smiled at an asleep mess of blue hair on his bed. He took off his coat and silently lay by her side. He watched her sleep, he liked doing it, she looked so peaceful, even on the nights when her eyes didn’t stop moving, chasing dreams. She was never completely still, sometimes swinging her feet and others tapping her fingers. Sometimes watching people and sometimes biting her inner mouth focusing on something.

Cullen watched her, from her jaw scar to her lips, down to her chest and waist. She always slept with an old long t-shirt that had a fading animal on the chest, sometimes a black cat or a mabari even a nug and shorts, this was the first time she wasn’t using her sleeping clothes.

He was covering her with the blanket when he noticed something on her lower belly. He reached for the blouse, but she grabbed his wrist stopping him midway.

“No.”

“I am sorry. I did not mean to…”

“It’s alright.” – She adjusted her blouse. – “I was waiting for you and fell asleep.”

“I was looking for you. Listen, I don’t want to make you mad, I only want to be there with you.”

“Why? Why do you have to be there with me?”

“Because I have to.” – He was sitting on the edge of the bed, staring away.

“I don’t understand; I’ve been on many missions. Why this one? You know it’s dangerous, this demon, it is a desire demon, I’m sure of it. I don’t want you to go.”

“Blue please, just let me… I need to accompany you.”

“The last time you faced a desire demon, you know how they are…” – She moved near him and placed a hand on his shoulder. – “I can’t let you go through that again.”

Cullen abruptly turned to her.

“Can’t let me? I am not that templar anymore, I wasn't capable of protecting you then, but I can now, and I will not allow anything bad to happen to you. Don’t you understand? If anything happens to you… I… Blue…” – The words were stuck in his throat – “I cannot lose you. You are the best thing in me, without you, I am lost.”

He hugged her, and she felt his despair and pain. She ran her fingers through his hair and started humming while rocking their bodies back and forth.

How could she want him? This old question popped into his head. He who had wronged her many times, he who had scarred her physically and emotionally. He wasn’t worthy of her, but still, she remained. She remained with him, despite his flaws and mistakes, and he was going to be there for her, with her.

Cullen felt the vibrations on her chest, and they were soothing, melting his worries away. With every tune, his determination increased, he had to protect her, he couldn’t lose her, not now that he had found her and him, he felt stronger with her.

The humming stopped, and they lay on his bed. She placed her head on his chest, and he played with her curls.

“I’m not going anywhere. My place is beside you, it always was and always will be. Now, you should get some sleep. Otherwise, I don’t think you will be able to keep up with me tomorrow.”

He chuckled and kissed the top of her head.

“Is that so, mage?”

“You bet, Commander.”

He felt her smile and listened to her breathing. Her hair was all over him, and he loved the smell.

“Áine?”

“Yes?” – She mumbled half asleep.

“You look even more marvelous with blue hair.”

She cuddled up to him and fell asleep with her head on the crook of his neck.


	28. Unspoken promises.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The time to chase the Therinfal Redoubt demon has come.  
> They get ready to leave.

They lay there afraid to move, to go. This mission was full of memories for both. A demon, a powerful demon was causing havoc in a village.

> _Magical walls forming an unescapable cage, the whispers in the back of the mind, insinuations, seductive propositions. The only sanity came from the screams in the other room._

> _A tall tower, surrounded by blue outside and full in its interior. Walls blending with the grey clouds heavy with rage. The bright hot red contrasting with the pale cold faces resting on the floor. Opinions, thoughts and ideas magic on fingertips couldn’t bring back._

With a final deep inhale the body obeyed what the mind had commanded minutes before, contracting the muscles necessary to sit on the edge of the bed. Body letting armor wait.

> _The childhood dream of the holy order became nightmare. Long cold fingers around wrists, yellowish eyes with slit pupils._

> _The boring normalcy broken by insane hunger. The curse that kept them inside, was also the cause which was tearing the foundations down._

Observant eyes studying dust particles in the morning rays of sunlight. The ear listening to the music of nature outside. The vast outside, that first was scary, but now is an everyday blessing for those condemned to live inside suffocating walls.

Rough white fingers curling around bed sheet, making sure this was real. They were real. Turning head to let eyes watch the movement of chest under the blanket.

Looking down to allow their gaze to meet under crushing feelings of fear and will. The idea of not seeing golden hair or not hearing that chuckle again was overwhelming enough to blur the vision and have a sudden pressure on chest.

Hands grabbing edge of mattress and chin touching chest. The desire to feel the burning sensation of the damned blue liquid, granting strength to protect what the Maker had mercifully given and that was cherished at every possible moment.

Silent prayer on lips, begging for mercy and wisdom to stop the loved one from being harmed. Using skills, the Maker decided to grant for those who could shape the Fade to their will.

Burning sensation creeping up scarred abdomen, stopped when olive arms held naked torso, and hot hands were planted on cold chest.

Lips planting small kisses on top of sun-like hair.

Shaky calloused hand, bringing small fingers to kiss soft skin. No words could describe the feeling of having delicate, small and yet, combat tested body leaning against battle marked back. Nose pressed on nape, and breath sending shivers of desire down the spine, getting goosebumps and leading to an unrestrained moan.

Fingernails slowly traveling down chest, leaving rosy markings on skin. Partially open lips on the neck, reaching earlobe and closing there with teeth pressure. Cold magic on fingertips trailing open-mouth lips, chin and down to the neck.

Strong hand reaching back to mint scented curls, diving fingers in softness. Tilting head sideways, to give hot lips better access to skin. A primal sound coming from the chest when teeth are sunk into flesh. Raw desire throbbing on laced trousers.

Flushed skin on hot body. Changing position to be able to lock eyes on eyes, and lips on lips. Strong legs between feminine ones. Knees anchored on mattress. Palms on straight back. Skin taste on tongue.

Hands under warm thighs, pulling body closer. Hand on nape pulling for a deep kiss. Tongues circling each other. Unspoken promises being renewed through unspoken words.

Skilled fingers in search of stubborn laces, going down rigid abdomen. Shivers under determined will. Honey colored eyes open wide in surprise. Questioning mouth being shushed by lustful kiss.

A wave of pleasure washing tensed body when laces are finally undone, and hot magical hand circles the now free and fully rigid desire.

Inexperience clumsy working under tensed mind. Big hand grabbing small hand and teaching it how to use its full potential. Throaty moans among deep kisses.

Gentle hips rolling under lip bites. Fingers pulling blue hair back, to free space for tip of tongue. Pleasant bite on curve of neck when a wave of pleasure hits entire body. Strong hands going inside shorts to hold firm thighs. Fingers leaving shivers on their way to unexplored flesh.

A sudden halt of breath followed by a loud moan when finger finds wet clit. Eyes shut close to enjoy the moment.

Warrior’s eyes study the way the spy’s body writhe under playful finger. Templar body trembles under mage’s touch.

They lose themselves in the moment. They let their primal desire come to surface. Their only goal is to watch the other melt under their touch. The teeth bite the lip, one tongue chases the other, small hand works more vigorously, finger works faster and with more pressure.

Blue curls fly when head is jerked back. Fingernails are driven into shoulder skin. The eyes shut, and the mouth bites the lip but welcomes the other mouth. The body enjoys the newly found pleasure.

The erection is wrapped on confidant fingers. Hand works back and forth. The nape feels hot hand pressed on it. Fingers move to grab the sides of rolling hips. The kiss is broken when the body feels the wave of pleasure coming. Masculine hands squeeze waist, and delicate fingers run through yellow curls. Muscles tight before the final throb and a loud moan is heard in the room. The whole body trembles and they rest in each other’s arms.

A gasp escapes feminine mouth when the body is lifted from the lap; arms encircle neck to give balance to the couple.

They smile in each other’s mouth but laugh when fall to bed. They lay there in silence for a few moments, listening to each other’s breathing.

Mage fights heavy eyelashes while templar cleans the mess. Their foreheads are pressed together while fingers caress cheeks.

Commander pulls soldier from bed receiving an angry puff in response, followed by the gentlest kiss. A kiss that seals the promises they made each other months back. Promises of care, devotion, and protection.

The boy from Honnleath holds the girl from Kinloch. 

“Cullen…”

“Shhh!” – He hugged her and felt the blue curls wrap around his fingers. – “We’ll be alright.”

She nodded on his chest, and they started getting ready for the mission.


	29. Blue is the saddest color.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cullen has decided to go with Áine in this mission. Now he regrets the decision.

Cullen was staring at Áine, his sword pierced through her body. He could feel her fingers on his and the warmth of her blood on his naked hand. Blood started dripping from her chin when she called his name.

He watched her fall to her knees and then give him a toothy smile.

“You did it. You finally killed me!” – Her laughter was loud and high pitched. – “Giving me a scar wasn’t enough.  I knew this was your deepest desire.”

He thrust the sword deeper into her body until she stopped moving. He withdrew it and watched her body fall to the dirty ground.

He felt a hand on his shoulder turning him away from her, and that was when time slowed around him.

The villagers’ screams or the sound of wood burning coming from the houses never reached his ears. The chilly touch of the first snowflakes on his skin was unfelt. He didn’t see the gray smoke rising toward the sky. The smell of smoke filling his lungs was matched by the metallic one.

He didn’t notice the sword falling off of his hand, or the tears on his face. Gravity pulled him down, nailing his knees to the ground and his fingers brushed the blood-stained earth.

* * *

 

Leliana assigned Áine and her brothers to this mission; their goal was to find and kill the Therinfal Redoubt Demon. They had a lot of experience in tracking things down so this would be nothing unusual. But this time, things weren’t as they usually are, Cullen decided to join them, and her mind was working non-stop.

The trip there was more than pleasant, everyone was getting along fine, and Cullen even let his guard down around her brothers. In one of the nights, Cullen, Finley and the twins played some rounds of Wicked Grace, until she had to drag him to their tent. In the days he wasn’t discussing battle tactics with Nevan, he was teaching the boy how to use a sword and a shield.

The nights were dedicated to her, for them.

After what happened on their last morning in Skyhold, Cullen told her he thought they should slow things down. She asked if she had done something wrong, but he chuckled and assured her it had been more than he had wished and that he hoped he hadn’t scared her, but he was afraid things would progress too quickly, and he wanted her to be sure she wanted that, she wanted him. She opened her mouth to say that he was all she wanted, but she remembered the scars on her lower belly and anxiety spoke higher.

Their evenings consisted of her reading cheesy novels with him and them laughing at the ridiculous clichés; Cullen telling her about his childhood memories or simply lying there, silently in each other’s arms.

She once feared the silent moments between them, but now she knew the silence was another way of communicating. It meant they were comfortable enough with each other to speak through fingers, eyes, and lips.

One night in their tent, Cullen felt her leaving his arms, and he asked in middle sleep where she was going.

“Oh, sleepy head, I’m just going to perform a blood ritual to bring back…” – She bit her lip. – “Mr. Pudding, my pet fish, now be a good templar and go back to sleep.” ­– She leaned on his naked chest and kissed the tip of his nose.

He couldn’t contain the smile, and before she left the tent, he stated.

“You know blood magic is not allowed mage,” – He yawned. – “and I’m not a templar anymore.” – He turned to the other side and dove back into sleep.

She smiled before letting the fabric fall and close the tent behind her.

They found a place to sleep in the small village where she gathered everyone and together they devised a plan. Áine’s nerves were almost failing her, and when Cullen walked away to order them food, her brothers assured her everything would be fine.

“Don’t worry silly goose. I’ll watch his back.” – Finley winked at her.

“As if he needed your help.” – Snorted Nevan.

Finley stood up and approached Nevan, but was stopped by Dudu.

“Alright, this might sound a little strange coming from me, but we need to get serious about this, to do this together for her. Am I clear?”

The brothers nodded, and she thanked them with a big smile.

For three days they looked for the demon, but all they had was the evidence it was there, but not its location.

Áine was feeling more and more anxious, looking over her shoulder at every corner. She told Cullen and the others something was wrong; she knew the demon was close, she could feel it.

That evening Áine bid them goodnight and went to the bedroom, the boys decided to stay up for a few more minutes to review their new plan. She bathed and wore her old nug t-shirt and shorts. She lay on the bed and let her eyes rest, diving in light sleep.

She heard the door open and called for Cullen who answered with an “I’m joining you in a second.”

“Finally remembered I’m here?” – She felt the bed sink and dressed arms embrace her. She suddenly opened her eyes.

Cullen turned her to him and kissed her forehead, her smile always warmed his heart.

She placed her head on his bare chest, and he let all the tension and tiredness take over his body and fell asleep listening to her breathing.

When he woke up, she was standing at the foot of the bed, studying him with a big smile. He looked at the partially open window and noticed that the first rays of sunlight were yet to become fully visible.

“Good morning, Commander. Did you sleep well?”

He smiled back at her and chuckled.

“With you by my side, I always sleep well.” – He gave her a big smile. – “What are you doing up so early?”

She tilted her head left and looked out of the window. She started crawling on the bed in his direction, and Cullen adjusted his position. She sat on his hips and lay her hands on his bare chest, he tried to say something, but she silenced him with a lustful kiss.

As much as he wanted to continue whatever it was she was doing, he held her shoulders and broke the kiss.

“What…? I thought we had talked about it… Áine...” – He breathlessly whispered in her mouth. One more second and he didn’t know if he would be able to stop.

“Of course, I only wanted to give you a proper greeting.” – She rolled out of bed with a grin and left the room saying she needed to talk to Finley.

Cullen was alone sitting on the bed, fingers on his lips and a frowny face. She had never kissed him like that.

He tried to go back to sleep for a few more minutes but his mind was already working on their plan; he reminded himself this wasn’t time off, but a mission.

He wrote Leliana a letter explaining their situation, wore his clothes and went down to meet the others. His stomach was complaining about the lack of food, but he knew Áine would probably have gathered fruits and bread for him as she had been doing the last days.

He met with the boys at a table near the door, but Áine was nowhere to be seen.

“Finley, do you know where Áine is?”

“What? Why should I know? Aren’t you the one who spends the nights with her?”

“Are you sure you haven’t seen her? She said she was coming to talk to you.” – He was too worried to care about the way he spoke.

“No, I haven’t seen her. Are you sure she said she was coming to talk to me?” – He searched the place, the muscles in his face tightened.

Cullen stood up analyzing the place with attentive eyes, and the boys did the same, their bodies tensing up. All their eyes shifted to the person opening the door, and Áine entered the room with head down but smiled when she saw them.

She went in their direction, her hips swaying a little more than usual, she had a slow walk, but full of purpose; her eyes locked on Cullen’s, there was something about her that morning, but he couldn’t tell what.

With heads turning in her direction, her eyes glowing with satisfaction, and a sly grin on her face, she approached Cullen and whispered in his ear.

“I have a surprise for you. Come.” – She turned and walked away.

Cullen was speechless. Bewitched by her actions, he followed.

She led him around the village’s narrow streets. They crossed the cobblestone bridge over the crystal-clear river, their fingers always intertwined. She looked back over her shoulder to look at him with a smile. She stooped under an old oak tree; its leaves long gone with the arrival of winter.

On the ground near its roots was sitting a basket. She sat down, never letting go of his hand. Cullen had a smile on his face, and he let her sit between his legs with her back on his chest, she brought his hands to her belly and caressed his fingers. She took both of his gloves off and wore them.

“It’s freezing; I’ll borrow them for now.” – He helped her wear his gloves, and then he chuckled because they were big on her delicate fingers.

“Do you think we are going to catch this demon?”

“Of course I do.” – His voice was firm. – “Don’t doubt it.”

She chuckled and shifted her position.

“If the Commander of the Inquisition says it, it must be true. Tell me, what is it exactly you do for the Inquisition? Does the Inquisitor truly trust you?”

He frowned and tucked some of her hair behind her ear; the mint scent he liked filling his lungs.

“What’s it with all these questions?”

“Nothing, I’ve been thinking… Never mind, don’t I get an answer, Ser Templar.”

He laughed freely and held her close, resting his chin on her shoulder.

“I’m responsible for the soldiers, the Inquisition’s war planning and tactics. Where we should deploy them or not, the best training and equipment. And yes, I think the Inquisitor trusts me; otherwise, I don’t think I would be in this position any longer. Now tell me what were you thinking, mage?”

She looked at him and gave him a long kiss.

“I was thinking, that maybe… I could take you somewhere for some time, away from there, those responsibilities. Isn’t this nice?” – She exclaimed opening her arms to show where they were. – “You and I here, no obligations.”

“Yes, this is perfect, and I wish we could stay a bit longer…” – He sighed – “But we are here on a mission, and we should head back.”

“Always work and no fun. This job will end up killing you.” - She laughed.

She stood up and waited for him. He spun her and kissed her lips, a quick soft peck. He took the basket, and they went back to the tavern. Her brothers weren’t there, so they decided to leave and get on with their plan. She was supposed to mingle with the villagers while he looked for signs of suspicious activities.

Cullen went back to the places he knew the demon had been to check if they had searched in every last centimeter and discovered all the clues. His head turned up when he heard the first scream, and his eyes widened when he saw a lightning bolt coming from the clear sky.

All those years training as a templar came in handy when he needed his endurance the most. He ran in the opposite direction of the crowd, which was pulling him back every time someone bumped on his shoulder in the rush to be as far away from the scene as possible. He didn’t blame them, what he saw made his reflexes come to action and his sword be pulled out of its sheath.

The twins were in a tight spot. Dudu was slicing the calf of a terror demon, and First was evading an ice spike coming from a despair demon, but a fear demon was sending fearlings in their direction.

Finley was trying to thin out the number of corpses around the square, and Nevan wasn’t anywhere he could see.

When he didn’t see Áine, his eyes sought the heavens in a temporary thank-you, she was, as far as he could see, in no harm’s way.

He approached the fear demon from behind and sliced it; using shield bash on its back, he sent the demon flying a few meters away. He was ready to engage it again when he heard First screaming at him.

“What are you doing?! Help her. Now!” ­– He pointed to a place among the mist.

Cullen slowly turned his head and saw electrical sparks in the mist. All his hair stood on end, the cold shiver that ran down his spine delivered extra energy to his legs muscles and he ran.

He ran not for her but for him; she was more than capable of protecting herself. He came to protect her; he told himself he wouldn’t allow her to get hurt; if anything happened to her, he didn’t know what would happen to him.

If she died there, he would spend the rest of his miserable life blaming himself and for a good reason. He had failed her when the circle fell, he failed her again when the chantry was blown up, he couldn’t, no, he wouldn’t fail her this time.

Cullen was afraid like he had never been before, the mist was almost gone, and he could see her blue curls and a figure on the floor.

His legs stopped abruptly. Áine used the bottom of her staff to strike… Nevan. He was lying on the ground with his hand on his side and a cut on his chin, when he saw Cullen his eyes widened, he tried to say something, but she struck his head, and he fell unconscious, at least it was what Cullen hoped.

Cullen stood there a few steps away from her; her clothes were soaked in blood, her hair was a mess, and there were blood stains all over it. She was holding her left shoulder, and her staff was hanging loosely on her fingertips.

He could hear her brothers still fighting the demons in the distance when Áine turned around and grabbed his hands, pushing him in the opposite direction of the fighting and not looking back.

“What happened to Nevan?” – She didn’t answer. – “Blue, we need to help your brothers.” ­– Cullen tried to stop, but she continued pulling him.

“Come, I know where the demon is.” – Her grasp was so tight his hand was starting to tingle. – “We need to catch it whatever it takes.”

Cullen halted, and her body lost some balance. She looked back at him, and for a second he saw her eyes darken.

“Cullen, what’s wrong? We need to go; they can take care of themselves…”

He was studying her eyes when he interrupted her.

“Why did you want to perform a blood ritual?” ­– He asked her while caressing her cheek with his left thumb. His mouth was dry, and his heart was racing.

“What?” ­– He could hear in her voice how ridiculous his question was.

“The blood ritual, why did you want to perform one?” – There was urgency in his voice.

“Cullen this is not the time for these games.” ­– She watched him, and when he didn’t say anything, she lowered her eyes to her hands and took his gloves off, now torn and dirty with blood.

“Just tell me why, please.” – He closed his eyes, tightened his grip on the sword and ran his thumb over its leather.

“Fine.” ­– She placed her hands on her hips and smiled. – “I wanted to bring back Mr. Pudding, my pet fish. Can we go now?”

He sighed, took a deep breath and placed his hand on the back of her head.

“I’m sorry…”

Cullen sank his sword into her.

He saw her eyes widen and he remembered all the times he had seen them smile; how they shifted to a green color when she was about to do something she wasn’t supposed to.

He lowered his eyes to her open mouth, and their first kiss came to his mind; his eyes burned when he realized that he would never feel her soft lips on his again.

When she laughed and accused him of wanting to kill her, he thrust the sword deeper into her body. He didn’t want to hear her voice because he knew he would never have his name on her lips again nor hear her humming for him.

When he withdrew the sword, and her body fell on the dirty ground. His chest tightened, and his breathing was labored. He would never feel her body next to his again. He wasn’t going up the ladder and see a mess of blue curls sprawled on his bed, their bed. The thought of never seeing her again brought a sour taste to his mouth.

When he felt a hand on his shoulder turning him from her lifeless body, there was a roaring in his ears, and he couldn’t bear the weight of his body any longer, the weight of his action, so he just let go of everything. There was nothing else for him, nothing holding him whole.

He looked at Nevan, and the boy had his hand covering his mouth, tears were rolling down the boy’s face and dropping from the cut on his chin; he wanted to say something, but it was difficult to swallow, impossible to speak. The boy turned his gaze to his brothers and kneeled with his face between his hands.

Cullen turned to Áine’s body and held her in his arms; her body was still hot against his cold hands. He wrapped some of her curls on his shaky fingers and tucked some of her hair behind the right ear like she did many times before.

His tears fell on her face, and he cleaned them away only to see her scar, the scar he had given her. A physical evidence there for everyone to see what he had done to her. And despite it, she never stopped caring for him.

He cursed himself; he knew the demon wanted him and used her to reach him. He should have known better with all the question and strange behavior.

He should have stayed away from her since the beginning; if he had, she would still be around and well, far from his touch and kisses, but alive.

She would be laughing with her family and friends, pranking with Sera, studying with Dorian and playing cards with Varric and Bull. Talking to Blackwall about horses, gossiping around with Leliana or discussing missions with The Chargers. He knew she loved being around Cole helping him.

He closed her eyes and held her closer to him. He didn’t want to let go. She had taught him so much about himself, his weakness and his strengths, how to enjoy the little things, the moments.

If he could go back in time, he would never have gone after her in the old library. He wouldn’t have given her the flowers nor his heart because now that she was gone, his heart was broken in little pieces, and he knew he would never be loved as he knew she loved him and he wouldn’t, couldn’t, love anyone again.

Love.

He looked at her face again and kissed her eyes, cheeks, the tip of her nose and her lips. It took him all this time; she had to die so he would allow himself to admit that he loved her.

He. Loved. Her.

He loved her and now he couldn’t tell her, couldn’t let her know that he was hers; body, mind, and soul.

He felt his eyes sting and he let the tears fall. He wasn’t the Commander of the Inquisition or a templar of the Chantry; he was a man, a broken man with his love’s lifeless body in his arms and she never heard his lips confess his love for her.

He could no longer contain his feelings, and then he let them go. They came in the form of a scream.  A loud scream, which took all the air from his lungs. A scream coming from his soul.

He held her, and he cried.


	30. Don’t forget to live, my love.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Áine fights the envy demon alone.

Áine moved to stand up but her right foot was stuck under debris, she tried to remove it, but a piercing pain rose up through her ankle and went up to her knee. She started pouring healing magic, but her eyes lost focus and the world started spinning around her.

She leaned back on the wall and counted to ten; she had no time to lose, that demon took her appearance and wanted Cullen. The things it said it was going to do to him before killing him and assuming his identity…

“You will not have him.” ­– Her breaths came in a ragged manner. – “Not even after I’m dead.”

The image of a tortured Cullen; his arms tied on his back, his face swollen and blood dripping from his mouth made Áine pour every last drop of her magic into the wound.

She remembered his boyish chuckles, and the times she held him close breathing in his smell and teasing him about his curls…

“No! You will not have him, even if I die killing you.”

She was drained but ignored the pangs in her head and left the crumbled house.

The day in the cave when the boys found her shivering from the cold and weak from the hunger came to her mind. All the lessons about hunting, fighting and surviving were carved in her soul, and so were the ones about friendship, living, enjoying life and family.

“If you so touch a hair of my brothers. Maker forgive me!” – She growled through clenched teeth.

She took two steps and leaned on the wall with her right hand. Blood was running down her cheek, and she cleaned it with the back of her hand. She searched for her staff but remembered the demon had taken it in the fight. No matter, she didn’t need it.

The demon was standing there, watching her every move. It paced from one side to the other; a mocking smile on its face. She straightened her spine and walked in its direction.

“ _Strange_.” – She thought. – “ _Fighting a copy of myself_.”

She took the bow from where it landed after the demon teleported behind her and threw her against the already broken wall, checked if it was usable and adjusted it on her back again.

“What is it? Which battle tactic are you going to use now? Kneel and beg?” ­– With a big smile the demon tilted its head left, and the blue curls covered its face.

Áine laughed placing her hand over her eyes and took the opportunity to survey the area; she needed her lyrium, and she needed it now. She spotted her satchel and her quiver near the well and went to its direction.

“Do you mind if I drink some water? I’m a little thirsty.” – She pointed to the well.

“Sure.” – She saw herself shrugging.

Her feet hit the dirt with purpose. Her left eye was impaired because of the swelling, there was an uncomfortable pain in her back, and her ankle was tingling.

Áine reached the well, drank some water and washed her face; the bucket’s water soon was full of blood, and she threw it away on the dusty ground; she took a deep breath and studied the demon.

“Why don’t we even this fight? My arrows are there. May I take them?” – She pointed in their direction.

The demon silently studied her, its eyes traveled from her toes to her head; the pacing stopped, and it turned to her. Its fingers hugged her staff, and the thumb lazily drew circles in its length. She saw the demon shrug and start pacing again.

Making sure she had her back facing the demon, she took the quiver and quickly drank her lyrium potion. The blue liquid flowed down her throat leaving a bitter taste in her mouth. The coldness of the fluid helped her body regain some energy. She felt her magic slowly coming back to her fingertips.

She noticed some people were still around, watching through semi-closed windows and doors.

“ _Do they think this is a normal fight? Can’t they feel_ something is wrong?” – Her thoughts were interrupted when the demon grabbed her hair and threw her face first against the ground.

“You think I don’t know what you’re planning?”

She tried to stand up but the demon kicked her left side and the pain traveled through her already sore body. She turned on her right side and saw the demon’s dark eyes close to hers when it took her by the neck and lifted her from the ground. It laughed, tightened the grasp and pulled her close to animatedly whisper in her ears.

“I’ve seen the way he looks at my body, like a predator watching its prey; the way he kissed me;” – She heard the demon moan – “his experienced tongue inside my mouth; his hands on my hips…”

Áine froze the demon’s hands, and it let her go clashing on the ground hurting her hands and knees she heard the demon mocking her.

“Don’t worry little daisy. I’ll make our first night really special.” – She felt the irony in its voice.

She stonefisted the demon who took several steps back and looked her with murderous intent in the eyes. There was blood oozing from its head. She painfully stood up with her hand on her throat and created a fire mine under the demon who avoided it at the last minute.

It tried to teleport near her but she used energy barrage, obligating it to teleport somewhere else, but Áine anticipated this move and cast lightning bolt, leaving the demon wheezing on the ground.

She took the opportunity and started loosing arrows on it, who lifted a barrier and stood up.

“I will crush your brothers’ skulls one by one, but not before breaking every joint in their wretched bodies.” – It said cruelly.

She heard a loud scream and then she saw the villagers running and fleeing the place.

Áine ran in the demon’s direction and cast winter’s grasp, freezing it in the place followed by lightning bolt; she saw the blue electric bolt travel through its frozen body and the freezing spell collapsing.

The demon shrieked and summoned an anger, a terror, a despair and a fear demon to the fight. She watched in shock the anger demon burn houses and the fear demon send fearlings to chase villagers. The despair demon ran into an alley, and the terror was paralyzing victims with horror leaving them vulnerable to the fearlings.

She looked around, and there was so much blood, so many victims. This was exactly what she came here to avoid, and yet…She felt her anger fueling her resolve. She directed her attention to the anger demon and heard herself laugh in the distance.

Ice. Her specialty had been ice since she could remember. She recalled all the times Mother told her to always be calm and use logic in all kinds of circumstances; she shouldn’t let her feelings surface in dangerous situations, and Maker, right now if she allowed them to come, she would help the demon turn the village into ashes.

She circled the demon and loosed an ice arrow hitting the back of its neck; it stopped burning the houses and turned to her. Its lava eyes were impossibly cold.

The demon advanced on her, and she loosed as many ice arrows as she could to draw him away from there; when they were far she used winter’s grasp, and the demon was reduced to a rocky crust.

She took the knives from her belt and threw on it, they penetrated the demon and even paralyzed she could hear his roars. The spell was fading, and the demon’s arms were becoming lava again, but she grabbed her daggers from her boots and sliced its arms; they fell on the ground and formed a puddle of living fire. The demon shrieked and shook its body, getting rid of the remaining crust.

It enlarged its body and attacked her using flame blast, but she raised a wall of ice and fade stepped aside just in time to see the wall melting. She took advantage of the fact that the demon couldn’t see her, because he had his vision obstructed by the flames, and positioned herself behind it; she went for its neck with both daggers in hand intending to cut off his head and so she did, but in the last minute the demon turned to her and growled tilting its head right, and when she slashed its head, her left arm touched the flowing hot liquid rock, and she felt it burning through her olive skin.

Áine landed with a roll and felt her eyes sting; she poured healing magic in the wound, torn her t-shirt and wrapped around it; she reached for the last lyrium potion in her belt and swallowed in one big gulp.

She had to support herself on one knee before getting up. Her eyes locked in her other self, who was leaning on her staff and watching the scene unfold with a smirk on her face.

She watched it slowly clap hands and walk in her direction. It suddenly teleported near her, but she was aware and deflected the blow directed to her head by rolling to her side. The demon yelled in anger and kicked her arm. She fell on the ground but used her own momentum to stand up and throw a knife in its direction, when the demon ducked she fade stepped to its side and pulled it by the shoulder throwing him on the floor head first.

The demon turned its bloodied head in her direction, and she didn’t give it a chance to react because she loosed arrows on it, hitting its shoulder. She took the staff from its cold fingers and summoned a small blizzard, and the place was soon enveloped by a thick mist.

She could see the demon’s silhouette and cast energy barrage based on electrical spells on it. The demon groaned, and she approached it, but that was when she heard her name in the mist.

“Nevan?” – She nervously called. – “Get out of here.” – She screamed her lungs out.

The demon took the opportunity and kicked her in the stomach causing her to bend on all fours panting.

It had her staff in hands.

“You will pay for that.” – The demon stroke her temple with the staff and she fell seeing the world spin around her – “I’m here Nevan.”

She heard her brother call her once more and leaned on a knee to stand up; she couldn’t stop it, and all the content of her stomach was spilled on the ground. She cleaned her mouth with the back of her hand and stood up. She washed the sour taste in her mouth with her last healing potion, but the effects of the concoction take time to be effective, and her body was already feeling the results of the fighting.

She had no vision in her left eye; breathing was accompanied by excruciating pain; the arm she uses to hold the bow was compromised by the burn. But she pressed on, she had to do something; her brother was in the mist with it. Her mana was almost depleted, and there was no potion nearby; she would have to use her body and mind to win the fight. Even if she died, she was going to take it down with her.

The mist was subsiding, and she saw it approaching Nevan. The boy hugged it, and it spun him around making him have his back to her. She was less than four meters away from them, and she reached for the knife in her back. The demon gave her a cruel smile, and she watched as magic started emerging from her staff. Her eyes widened when she realized the demon not only took her appearance but some of her abilities as well.

The demon cast stonefist, hitting Áine in the chest, and she flew a few meters away, going through the half-burned house’s door, only stopping when her back clashed against the wall.

Her lungs suffered to draw air, there was a metallic taste in her mouth; she tried to move, but the pain was so intense her body was refusing to obey.

“I’m sorry I failed you; I’ve failed you all.” – She allowed her tears to fall.

There was the smell of smoke in the air. The smiling faces of her brothers, Mother, and Cullen came into view like painting in a beautiful frame.

She felt someone drag her by the shoulders and before closing her eyes, she heard herself saying.

“Don’t forget to live, my love.”


	31. The nothing.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cullen is back at Skyhold. Everything reminds him of Áine.

Cullen had the small daisy in his closed hand; so many times he tried to throw it away.

That night in his office when he didn’t light the candles or the fireplace, where the cold wind came through the open windows, he leaned on the wall after reading her letter for the seventh time, and stared at the valley below where the small spots of light indicated that he still had to stay.

He felt the petal in his palm and swung his arm, but again failed to open his hand letting the little flower fly away from him, getting lost in the ocean of snow. He sighed and turned his back, his hand on his chest with the most precious thing he had in it.

When the demons had been slain, and her brothers finally reached him and Nevan in that terrible scene, her body in his arms and blood spreading across the ground, none of them said a word, and her brothers didn’t stop him when he carried her body away.

They all knew she believed in the Maker, and as good Andrastians, they cremated her body. Cullen made sure to cut the wood himself, to lay her body there and set it on fire. He said goodbye and stayed long after there were only ashes. He picked and scattered them in the villager’s garden. It was a shame there weren’t many flowers, it had a white blanket making it difficult to see the ground. A sad smile reached his face when he realized his life would be like the small place; voided of flowers and color, just a big nothingness.

His life had been one shade of cold blue, but when she arrived, she brought along a rainbow, and the color had other meaning, other tones; it turned to a warm hue, like the life she had given him, blue like the ocean and sky, blue like the forget-me-nots.

The forget-me-nots with the blue petals surrounding a yellow center, protecting it. Blue like her curls and yellow like his. She said she would protect him and she did until the end.

When he gave her the flowers, he didn’t know their real meaning, but now he did, and he hated it. To know he had her, and he let her go. He had all he would ever want but was stupid enough to ruin everything. She told him not to go, she asked him; he didn’t listen, and now he had to live with the consequences. She died because of him.

At first, he thought her family would hate him, wrong again; they were closer than before. Always around to check on him; Mother would often bring him food in the office, the twins never quit calling him to a few rounds of Wicked Grace, Finley was present in the training ground every day, and Nevan always played chess with him. None of them demanded an explanation or judged him because the pain he was feeling they were feeling too. He wanted them to hate him as he hated himself, but in mutual pain and emptiness, they went on existing.

Existing because, without her, food didn’t taste, the sun wasn’t bright enough, the nights were waking nightmares and the days dragged on. He continued functioning because he had a job to do, a self-proclaimed god to kill.

When they arrived in Skyhold Leliana was waiting for them by the gates. She looked Cullen in the eyes and hugged him.

“She is fine.” – She said in a matter of fact whisper only for him to hear – “She has to. She promised me she would always come back from her missions, and she never breaks her promises.”

He tried to argue, to tell her she was wrong, but the small bird flew away; the spymaster didn’t give him the opportunity; the Chantry’s sister started to pray.

She always talked about her as if she was still alive, like she would walk through the gates at any given moment, and he hated her for it. There was a discussion in the war room, but she was set in her beliefs. He told her every little detail from that day, how he killed her, how he killed him. Leliana listened, and with those piercing blue eyes she saw him, she saw how deep his guilty went and scolded him for that, she told him he should have faith in Andraste, the Maker, and Áine; she swept his tears away.

He questioned her times and times how could she still believe she was alive, and if she had any news and her answer was always the same.

“I don’t have any news, but I believe in her, and so should you.”

And one day there in the training grounds, in the first rays of morning Sera joined him in his training routine. She arrived without announcing and stood there by his side. He saw her take an arrow from her quiver and aim with precision. She was just there, still; he knew she was thinking about the times she was helping Áine, teaching her how to use her new longbow. He remembered the funny dance she did around Sera when she hit the target with an ice arrow, and how the elf got angry.

He swung his sword once and then again, and again, and again until he cut the dummy in half. In the corner of his eyes, he saw arrows being loosed one after another and hit the big red circle. When there were no more arrows, he saw the small elf take her dagger, and sank it repeatedly in the dummy near his. He didn’t know how long they kept at it, all he knew is that somehow he hugged Sera and they silently lamented into each other’s arms. She held him tightly by the waist and cried. She sobbed in his arms, and he understood.

Varric, to his surprise, was always around. He never let Cullen have a moment alone, not during the day at least. He often dragged Curly to eat with him in the tavern, not that they ate anything, but they would just sit there and drink. Varric advised him to talk to someone, but he snorted and said that he was fine, and after the hundredth time the dwarf asked him, and he finally gave up, he told Cullen to at least try writing what he was feeling. And he did try, but all he could do was write her name, over and over.

Dorian placed a chair in Cullen’s office and would often go there with a book in his hand; never saying anything, never questioning, just sitting there leaving Cullen to wonder what was it he wanted. And when the Commander finally asked, he merely stated that when he was ready, he was going to talk to him, not before and not after, but at the right time. Cullen got used to the mage’s presence and even secretly thanked him, the blue liquid on his shelf more tempting than ever, and the man’s presence kept it away.

The Inquisitor had left to the Lost Temple of Dirthamen a few days after they left to their mission, and she had taken with her Blackwall, Cole, and Cassandra. They didn’t know what had happened and Cullen was grateful, he wished to postpone as much as he could to meet with them, he couldn’t handle more people pitting him. Iron Bull was sent to the Storm Cost along with Solas to meet with the Blades of Hessarian two days after they arrived, but both warriors showed their sympathies and promised a round of ale when they returned. Krem nodded in acknowledgment.

Josephine tried to take some work from him, but she then understood that keeping his mind busy was the solution, so she helped by not letting any noble bother him. She would also send a lot of little notes between the reports saying that he had friends, and they were there for him.

He spent many awaken nights in the garden, not for the flowers because there weren’t many, and yet, he thought it was quiet and reserved, different from his bed where it was loud and scary. Her scent and her touch, her laughter and her voice, her smile and her eyes, her curls and her warmth haunting him. No matter what he did, the many times he tried, but he just had to close his eyes, and he could feel her warm blood on his hands, he could hear her mocking laughter.

It was the sixtieth day since she had died, and all he wanted was to be alone in his office, to hold the small flower and think about her, maybe try to write something, send his sister the letter he had been avoiding since she last wrote to him. But he couldn’t, the Inquisitor had arrived three days before; Alessa, Cassandra, and Blackwall showed their support, but the spirit Cole was nowhere to be seen.

And there they were, in the war room discussing their strategies to go to the Winter Palace. They had to re-plan a few things since Áine’s presence was required to move on with their older plan, and without her, they had to find a substitute, and they all agreed Maryden would be perfect.

And when the meeting came to an end, and he was standing there alone with the small ice flower in his hands, his fingers caressed each petal, like they were one of her curls. The gesture reminded him of the dream he had that same night.

That precious night he dreamed of her, not a nightmare but a dream. They were young in the tower, he a templar and she a mage, before the chaos and everything that changed their lives. She was exactly like he remembered with her smiling eyes, the same way of biting the inner mouth, and the humming, always the humming.

They were alone in the barely lit library, the moonlight illuminating the books on the shelves, the sudden flash of lightning and the sounds of thunder filled the place. He approached her with wavering steps and raised his shaking hand to touch her cheek but stopped midway, afraid it was a dream. She laughed, and when he felt the warmth of her hand in his, he closed his eyes and took a deep breath, he saw her smile and lean on his touch.

“Silly templar,” ­– She said while giggling – “don’t be afraid!”

He held her close and felt her arms around his neck, her breathing on his skin.

“Don’t leave me alone, please. I’m nothing without you. You are my everything, and I’m so sorry, I should…”

She silenced him with her fingertips on his mouth.

“I will always be with you. All you need to do is call, and I will come.” – He tried but failed to stop them, and the tears rolled down his cheeks. – “No, don’t cry.” – She cleaned his tears with the tip of her thumbs while humming. – “Don’t cry silly templar. Can you promise me something?” – She studied his honey colored eyes.

He wrapped her curls around his fingers and nodded while breathing in their scent. She held him, and he heard her saying “ _don’t forget to live_.”

He woke up calling her name and noticed he was alone in his dark room, in his cold bed, with a wet pillow.

He swallowed hard, tucked the little memento away and left the place with a stack of reports in his arms. He turned to close the door behind him and saw the orange clouds through the stained-glass windows, and he let the words slip through his lips.

“I miss you Blue. I wish you were here.”

He didn’t need to look to know where he was going, Skyhold’s architecture was engraved in the back of his mind, so he let it wander, and he asked himself what would they be doing tonight if she was still there.

He opened the door to Josephine’s office, and the warmth coming from the fireplace reminded him of the day he saw her dancing for the first time; and although he didn’t dance, he wished he had danced with her when he had the opportunity.

He walked to the ambassador’s desk to retrieve more reports, and he remembered the first letter Áine sent him. In which she wished he could find someone that could make him happy like he did her happy with only one smile, and he wished he had written her more letters, telling her how happy she made him feel, how complete he was with her.

He closed his eyes and sighed. He filled his lungs and held his breath, letting the air out with trembling chest. He took the reports and turned to leave the place but stood in front of the fireplace; she always made sure his office was warm when she was in Skyhold. She lit all the candles and the fireplace. At night she would bring her body next to his claiming she was cold and then she would entwine her legs in his, but she was also the first to move away because it was too hot. The memory brought a smile to his lips, and he ran his fingers through his hair.

He slowly backed away from the fire, and with a last glance he headed to the door, but when he was a meter away, Cole appeared in front of him with a smile on his face.

“Everything is going to be alright now.”

And just the way the boy appeared he left, leaving Cullen alone with his thoughts.

How could he say that? How could he claim everything was going to be alright when she was dead? Cullen felt his lips tremble and took a deep breath.

With two big steps he reached the door, his shaking fingers turned the knob. Pulling the door, he felt a gulf of cold air hit him. He entered the throne room with head high; he was, after all, the Commander of the Inquisition, he couldn’t be seen like that, feeling sorry for himself, shaken, broken.

When the noise of the hinges stopped, and Cullen had fully entered the place, he noticed everyone was looking at him. Josephine was standing by the Inquisitor’s side near the throne, and they had teary eyes. Leliana was giving him the biggest smile he had ever seen on her face. Dorian and Varric, who were leaving the undercroft, nodded at him.

Cullen was standing there, eyebrows pinched together and lips slightly apart when he heard laughter, and that was when he noticed the place was in silence. He turned his head in the sound’s direction and saw Finley, the twins, Nevan and Mother in a mess of arms. Dudu looked at him and whistled, and that was when he saw them.

Blue curls.

The mass of arms retreated, and he saw her. She was standing there, near the garden’s door, and Maker she had the most beautiful smile.

His feet moved without being commanded. At first, they were slow, like walking in water; he traced her body and noticed the burn scar on her left arm. Then his feet were normal, and he saw her tucking blue curls behind her ear. The reports fell from his hands when he started running in her direction; she laughed with her hand over her mouth.

His body met hers, and he lifted her off the ground. His lips locked on hers and he felt her fingers in his hair. At that moment he made sure to breathe her in, to taste her, to feel her against him, her touch on his skin. He could feel her smile against his lips.

He put her down and saw himself kneel before her, his fingers grabbing her clothes to keep her near. His cheeks were wet, and he gazed into her eyes.

“Is this real or is it a dream?” – He didn’t care about anything else but her; he ignored the nobles, the soldiers, the people. He cried – “Are you really here?”

She crouched near him, and he saw her wince when she bent her right ankle. She kissed his lips again and whispered in his mouth while they studied each other’s eyes.

“Oh, silly templar! Can I not leave for a few days?” – She hugged him and whispered in his ear. – “You know how much I miss my pet butterfly, Ms. Rocky. And if I remember correctly blood magic is not allowed around here.”

He laughed, and it was a laugh of relief, of longing, of guilt.

“Áine…”

He touched her wet face with the tip of his fingers, but she interrupted him.

“I have something for you.” – She gave him a package. – “I hope you like it.”

He looked at the package and her. She was biting her inner mouth, and he smiled at the little gesture.

He opened it, and a pair of new gloves were in front of him. He raised his eyes, and she was smiling.

“I found your gloves on the ground. I knew they were yours, I would recognize them anywhere. So, I bought new ones. I hope you liked them.” – She was blushing.

And he was there looking at her. Why? Why was she like that? After everything she had been through because of him, she still cared, she still wanted him.

He kissed her again and thanked with a smile. He stood up and took her in his arms; they left to his office and none of them looked behind.

“Everything is as it should be!” – Cole whispered with a big smile.


	32. Reunion.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With Áine finally back, Cullen discovers some things from her past and wonders why she still wants him.

She had her arms around his neck and her face nested in the crook of it. None of them said a word on the way to his office. She wanted to breathe him, remember every detail of them. He wanted to feel her, to know she was real.

He managed to open the door without letting go of her and closed it with his heel. He looked down at her face just to be greeted with a big smile, a smile he missed with all his soul. She tried to move but he tightened the grasp, and when she looked at him he kissed her.

The kiss was deep and full of meaning. It wasn’t passionate or hot, there was no hint of desire in it, but there was care, devotion, and deep down love. Their tongues moved slowly; they had all the time in the world. He wanted to feel her warm lips on his, so he bit the lower one, and then let it slide between his teeth. He kissed them softly and felt her smile on his mouth. She ran her fingers through his hair, letting her fingernails trail his skin; she tilted her head to have a much better space to kiss him.

He was the one to break the kiss, and she saw a smile on his lips. Now he was ready to let her go, and he did it slowly, trying to delay the fact that her body would be far from his. When her feet touched the ground, he saw her flinching again when she took a step with her right foot. He reached her arm, but she dismissed his help with a wave.

“Don’t worry, Cullen. I’m fine.” – She addressed his concern. – “It hurts a lot less now, and the pain will disappear in a couple of days. I just need to remember not to put pressure on it.” – She turned her back to him and placed her belongings on the floor.

“I’m sorry…” – The words came in a shaky whisper.

“What?” – She asked incredulously.

“I’m so sorry…” – He started but was interrupted.

“I heard the first time.” – Her tone was harsh. – “Cullen, look at me.” – He turned his face away.

She approached him and grabbed his chin, forcing him to look at her.

“Pay attention to my words. You have nothing to feel sorry for.” – She meant to continue, but he held her hand.

“Are you insane, Áine?” – He loudly asked. – “Have I nothing to be sorry for?” – He grabbed her left arm but made sure to have a soft grip. – “Are you really trying to say this wasn’t because of me? Or that whatever happened to your ankle was not caused because of me?”

She pulled her arm from his grip and caressed her new scar. She was silent for a moment studying the engravings on the door while Cullen heavily breathed by her side.

“I wasn’t…” – Her voice was a whisper, so she cleared her throat. – “I wasn’t strong enough to stop it. It was too powerful for me. I’m sorry I failed you.”

Cullen let out a loud laugh. He couldn’t believe she was apologizing for not defeating the demon.

“Maker, Áine. I don’t care about the demon.” – He grabbed her arms and turned her to face him. – “I don’t care about any of that. Don’t you understand? I thought you were dead. I killed you!” – He was crying now, and through his blurred vision, he saw her widen her eyes.

“What?” – She gasped.

“I sank my sword in you. I saw you cough blood. I heard you accuse me of wanting to kill you, I thrust my sword even deeper, and then you died. I carried your body away; I cremated your body, and I said my goodbyes. I killed you that day; I lost you! Do you understand now? Do you think I care if you defeated that demon or not? Do you think I care if you failed or not? Can you honestly tell me I hold you responsible for anything related to that demon?” – He hugged her tightly, and he buried his face in her hair. – “I should have known when it started asking about my role in the Inquisition. The odd way you were behaving all day. I was the target all along, and it used you to reach me. I’m the one who failed.” – He was on his knees, his face between his hands. – “I failed you! I went there to protect you, and all I did was to put you in danger. I mourned for you!” – The room was filled with his sobs.

She was in shock; she didn’t know any of that. She thought she got lost and somehow was left behind. She knew there was another explanation for why she was still there in that village, but she lied to herself. And now hearing him saying that she understood.

“Cullen.” – She gently whispered while removing his face from his hands. – “Look at me.” – She dried all his tears and sat in front of him, with his curved body between her legs. – “I’m sorry, I didn’t know that. I’m here, and I’m not going anywhere if you don’t want me to.” – She took his hands in hers and placed it on her cheeks. – “But I sure need a bath…” – She wrinkled her face.

He looked at her and laughed. He embraced her, and they stood up, he couldn’t stop admiring her personality. He knew she wanted to change the subject, that this conversation wasn’t done, but it could wait.

“You can go up and bath while I finish some reports.” – He was caressing her hair and tucking some of it behind her ear. – “And no, don’t even start giving me excuses, you are not leaving this place anytime soon. I will keep my eyes on you.”

She giggled and nodded with a salute.

“Yes, sir.”

He watched her climb the ladder being careful with her right foot, and every time she winced his heart skipped a beat.

He sat at the table and didn’t bother to try to stop his smile. He was the happiest man in the world; she was alive, she was back, she was with him.

He tried to concentrate on the documents ahead of him, but the sounds of clothes being dropped on the floor above him made his mind wander. He heard her walk from his bed, no, their bed to the bathtub. The sound of her body in the water was accompanied by her humming. He leaned back in the chair and closed his eyes.

He paid attention to her bathing, and the sound of water splashing on the bathtub led his mind to picture it running down her arms and naked skin. The sponge scrubbing her thighs and down her legs. He got goosebumps and his hands trembled. He opened his eyes and sat straight again in the chair with reports in his hands.

“Cullen!” – She yelled, and he stood up in a start, knocking his knee on the table with a loud thud – “Oh, sorry, it came out wrong. Why do you have a mint-scented hair soap here? It’s like the one I use!”

He leaned on the table and smiled, his body relaxed, and he tried to contain his laughter.

“Mage! Why do you like to scare me that way?” – He shook his head – “I wanted to have your scent on my bed. So, I washed my hair with it and then I’d have a small part of you with me every night.”

The silence in the place was interrupted by her question.

“Does that mean you are going to stop styling your hair? Do I get to see more of your beautiful curls?”

“Hmmm. We can arrange that. If you stop scaring me.” – She heard his loud chuckle and smiled

“Well, I can’t really promise that now, can I?” – He heard her laugh and start humming again.

He sat and started massaging his knee. This time he forced his mind to focus on work. After several minutes he heard her leave the bathtub and again his mind changed focus to her naked body just a few meters up.

“I forgot my things down there! Do you mind if I wear your clothes for now?”

“Sweet Maker!” – He whispered running his fingers through his hair; he could feel his face and ears reddening. – “Of course, you don’t need to ask.” – This time he had to think about swords and demons to stop his ever-intensifying desire.

She yawned and lay on their bed, and he heard the shuffle of the bedsheets. He decided it was time to join her. He went up, and his heart began to race, there was a funny feeling in the pit of his stomach. By the end of the ladder, he let out the breath he was holding.

She was lying face down on the bed with one of his books in her hands, her legs in the air rocking back and forth. He noticed that she wore a white t-shirt and brown trousers, both too large for her small figure. She turned to him and leaned on the right side of her body, with her left arm she invited him to join her.

He smiled and walked over to the bed and, before anything else, began to remove the pieces of his armor. She stood up to help him, and he had to take a hard swallow. Her hard nipples were poking out on his white t-shirt, and it was sliding down her shoulder. Her hair was loose, and some curls were wet; water was rolling down her naked skin.

She approached him with a smile and kissed him softly, his trembling hands squeezed her waist, and she smiled at his mouth. Her hands wandered down his neck, moving to his arms, her fingers unlaced the vambrace’s laces, and she moved to the other side.

Cullen watched her with a smile, and when his arms were free he pulled her for a kiss, he ran his finger through her hair and down her nape. He rested his hands on the small of her back and slowly traced her arm up to cup her face. He felt her trembling and pulled her body closer to his.

Her eyes were focused on his shoulders, and she removed the fur coat, that silently fell to the floor. Her fingers met his pauldrons, and soon his shoulders were free. He hugged her and kissed the top of her head, taking the opportunity to fill his lungs with her mint smell. He traced the left side of her face with his nose and kissed her jaw, the crook of her neck and her shoulder getting a giggle in response.

The cuirass was finally tossed to the side, leaving Cullen dressed in a thin layer of a brown t-shirt. Her fingers traveled from his chest to the ends of his t-shirt; he let out an unrestrained moan when her hands reached his lower abdomen. Áine kissed him slowly, and at the same speed, she pulled his t-shirt up making sure to brush her fingertips on his skin.

Cullen had his hands on her jaw when she started stripping him of his t-shirt and didn’t notice his moan because her kiss was his absolution. He felt her fingers on his skin and trembled. He mentally cursed when he had to stop kissing her to get his t-shirt off.

Now free of the fabric layer, Áine took the opportunity to feel him with her whole hands. She used the palms, the tips of her fingers, the knuckles and traced every inch of his torso. When he deepened the kiss pulling her closer, she used her fingernails to leave rosy markings on the white skin of his back. She felt him arch his body under her touch and take a deep breath on her mouth.

He studied her eyes looking for permission, and noticed they had an impossible shade of green; her smile was the answer he was looking for.

He dove his left fingers in her hair and kissed her jaw, his right hand traveled down her back and stopped on her ass, where he squeezed it with all his desire and then felt her press her body against his. He kissed her neck and with both thumbs massaged her hips. His hands slowly went up, momentarily stopping to caress her waist before going to her nipples.

He smiled when his thumbs found her hard nipples, and he played with them while she moaned on his mouth. Laughing, he suddenly took her in his arms, and she circled his hips with her legs. He took them to their bed, but didn’t lay her there, he sat on it, and she had to sit on his lap with her knees on each side of his hips.

For a moment they just stood still looking at each other and smiling.

“Sir Templar. Is everything all right?” – She searched his eyes.

“How many times must I say I’m not a templar anymore, mage?” – He laughed and kissed her again.

He held her t-shirt and started taking it off when she stopped his hand to a halt. He looked at her and saw he lower lip trembling.

“Áine? What’s wrong?” – He traced her lips with his right thumb.

“Back in Kinloch…” – Her voice was shaky, and she looked away, but he held her face in front of him. – “You know about Aiden… that he did something to me?!” – He nodded and cleaned her tears. – “He tied me to a table and… you see, he…” – She was visibly shaking.

“Blue, I’m here. Tell me; I won’t say anything if you don’t want me to. I’ll just listen if that’s what you wish.” – He touched her forehead with his.

She took several deep breaths before continuing.

“He said I would be forever his, and he had this enchantment.” – She was holding his shoulders – “He engraved symbols on my belly,” – She saw Cullen’s eyes widen. – “If Leliana and the others hadn’t arrived he would have finished the enchantment, and I don’t even fathom what might have happened.” – She took a long breath.

Cullen was staring at her, that day came back to his mind. The way he demanded the Rite, The Warden’s words, her words and her face… now a lot made sense. He felt his eyes sting and then there was a burning sensation in his stomach.

He took the t-shirt up a little and looked at the symbols. The skin was scarred like it would be when a person drew on the skin with a dagger and shaky hands. It looked as painful as it probably had been when they were being carved. His face changed, and he had a deep frown, his lips were pressed into a thin line.

“It’s alright, I know I’m disgusting.” – She started to stand up, but he held her in place by the waist.

She looked at his face, and he had those eyes; the gentle eyes she loved so much. There was no pity, disgust, nor cruelty just kindness. She saw tears beginning to form, and she kissed them.

“Áine…” – He started crying. – “How? How can you still want me after everything I did to you?” – He questioned in a plea.

“Cullen, hush. You haven’t…”

“I couldn’t protect you then, nor in Kirkwall, nor now.” – He was squeezing her hips – “I tried to kill you in the tower and in the Gallows, and I managed to do it in that village.” – He touched his forehead to hers. – “I don’t deserve you.” – He sobbed between tears.

He was waiting for a slap or a punch, but not laughter. He looked at her, and she was laughing loud, her head was hanging back, and her curls were flying. She had her hands over her mouth trying to suppress it but failed miserably. She cupped his face in her hands, and her momentum made him lay on his back; she took the opportunity to kiss every centimeter of his face. She tousled his hair with her fingers and sat up watching his face go from surprised to confused.

“Oh, silly templar! Can’t you see that nothing you do or say; nothing that can ever happen to me, even if I become tranquil,” – His eyebrows were lifted and his eyes completely opened. – “there will never be anything stopping me from loving you!” – He smiled when he heard her saying she loved him – “I chose you, and unless you say so, I will never leave you! Now stop it and kiss me, unless…”

She never finished that sentence because he met her mouth with his, and her lips parted to welcome his tongue.

This kiss was different from the ones they have had; it was a hungry kiss. His left hand was on her nape with his fingers in her hair while the right one caressed the back of her thighs. Her nails in his skin pressing her body against his.

He held her and rolled on the bed, laying her on it and having his hips between her legs. He kissed her neck and trailed her shoulder with the tip of his tongue. She giggled when he slid the t-shirt off her shoulder to bite her naked skin, and he laughed at it. With her still wearing the t-shirt, he kissed her breasts and sucked her hard nipples, but kissed her mouth again while stripping her from the white fabric.

He slowly took it off brushing his fingers on her skin, and when she was naked, he started marking her body with small kisses. He kissed her chin, her neck, he made sure to kiss her scarred arm and tell her many times that she was gorgeous. He moved to her breasts, he sighed on her nipples, and he felt her body shaking. He placed one in his mouth and kneaded the other. His tongue made circles around it, and she held his head with her fingers in his hair. He shivered when he heard her moaning, asking him not to stop. He moved to the other nipple and sucked it. At the same time, his tongue made circles, his thumb brushed it.

She pulled him up to have his mouth on hers, and he took the opportunity to press his body against hers.

“I’m glad someone is excited.” – She grinned when she felt his erection.

“Well, I can’t help it, can I?” – He pressed his body against hers again and laughed when she moaned.

She felt his fingers entering her pants, and a jolt traveled her body when he reached her clit. She bit her lower lips when he started massaging it.

He saw her arch her body and heard her call his name, his cock throbbed with the tone she used. He bit her lip and started licking her nipple again. She rolled her hips on his finger, and he took his cock in his hand.

He carefully and slowly slid one finger into her, and the wet feeling around it almost made him come. He stopped masturbating, and with his now free hand, he pulled her hair back to kiss her neck with more freedom. He slit his finger in and out of her and paid attention to her breathing. When he was sure she was comfortable, he added one more to their dance and watched her close her eyes and bite her tongue. He was going faster now.

“Cullen, slower, please.” – She requested looking at him.

He stopped and kissed her. He kissed her neck and chin, then down to her breasts and made sure to bite one nipple before going further down. When he reached her lower belly, he felt her body tense and heard she call him.

He looked at her and smiled. He lifted his head so he could see her whole body.

“You are the most beautiful being I have ever laid my eyes on. I could study every curve of your body all day long, and I would never tire or stop being amazed by it.” – He slowly used his fingertips to trace every part of her body; he paid extra attention to her scars. He took his time kissing them and telling her how beautiful and desirable she was.

“You know templar, we shouldn’t be doing this. It’s against the law.” – She had laughing eyes.

“I’m glad I’m not a templar anymore, mage. But to be honest, it wouldn’t stop me from breaking any laws for you.”

He saw her smile and kissed her scars one more time before pulling her pants down. He trailed his way up with his tongue and the touch of his lips, and when he parted her legs, he heard her holding her breath.

“I won’t do anything you don’t want me to, so please, tell me what you want.” – These were his last words before he started sucking her clit.

She couldn’t contain the loud moan that escaped her mouth when his hot tongue touched her clit. Her hand flew to his head, and her thighs pressed his ears. He played with her, and all she could do was let him. His tongue flicked from one side to the other, his lips left kisses, and he sucked in patterns she gave up understanding.

She felt his hand squeezing her thigh and the other kneading her breast, he pinched her nipple, and she jerked her head back. She had her fingers in her mouth, sucking them as he was sucking her. She thought things couldn’t get better than this when he moved to her entrance and she felt his tongue inside of her, she shivered from her head to her toes.

He breathed her in, and he lost himself in her scent. He had dreamed about these and Maker it was much better than he could have ever imagined. He was desperate for her, but he was patient, her need came before his.  He started stroking his cock back and forth in the same rhythm as his tongue.

He moved to her entrance and when his tongue reached her, and her taste filled his whole mouth he almost finished, and he had to stop his hand. He felt her closing her legs around his head, and he smiled on her.

“Tell me what you want, one word and your wish, I will do.” – He said between her legs.

When his breath reached her clit, she cried his name and started rolling her hips on his face.

“Don’t stop.” – Was all she could say.

He nodded between her legs and intensified his licking. He felt her writhing on his tongue, and her moaning was getting louder and then louder, her breathing deeper and even deeper until her legs trembled around his head and she yelled his name.

He let her enjoy her pleasure until the last of it; she pulled his head and met his mouth with hers, she tasted herself on his tongue. She reached for his cock and started stroking it while they kissed. She heard him moan and knew that there was no other place she’d rather be; no other man she’d rather love.

She helped him adjust himself between her legs, and before penetrating her, he searched her eyes one last time for permission, and she granted with a smile.

He slowly let the head in and saw her take a deep breath, he slid his cock inside, and she bit her mouth. For a brief moment he had to close his eyes, she was so hot and tight, his cock twitched in excitement. He looked at her, and she was smiling back.

She smiled and kissed him before he slid it out. Cullen was inside again, and he took a moment so she could get used to him. She trailed his back with her fingers and kissed his neck.

“Áine. Are you okay?” – He inquired in her ear.

She looked at him and locked his hips with her legs. She pulled him to the side, and in surprise, he rolled on his back.

She started riding him. Her hands on his chest and her eyes on his. His cock sliding in and out was odd at first, but she got used to it with time. He squeezed her thigh with one hand and the other he kept on her nape. When she was confident enough, she sat on his hip and rode him faster. She liked it, there was somewhere deep in her, a spot that he hit that made her legs shake.

Cullen watched her on top of him, with her breasts swinging according to her speed, the way she grabbed her hair and pulled it up. She cried out his name, and he started massaging her clit again. She looked at him in surprise and smiled.

He heard her moaning, and his cock in her wet cunt drove him crazy. He was moaning too, calling her name. She rode him, and he watched her writhing on his cock, when she started calling his name louder and louder he knew she was nearing her pleasure, and he sat on the bed to kiss her.

He moved his hands to the back of her thighs and started pulling her body ever so close. He grabbed her waist and started fucking her harder, his cock going deeper and stronger. The sound of her hip meeting his blended with their moaning and groanings. He pulled her hair back and started biting her neck, he grabbed and squeezed her waist again.

“Is this good enough for you?” – He saw her smile and nod. – “Do you have any idea how much I wanted this?”

“Not as much as I.” – She bit his lip, and he let a loud moan through clenched teeth. – “So many nights I had to pleasure myself thinking of you. Your hands in my pants, making my head spin.” – He was frantic fucking her now, sucking and licking her nipples. – “How many moans I had to suppress so the others wouldn’t hear me.” – He felt her fingers in his hair. – “How many times I whispered your name in the night, letting the creatures hear I wanted the Commander between my legs.”

“You won’t have to dream about it anymore, nor will I.” – He affirmed with his face between her breasts and his arms around her body.

When she drove her fingernails in his shoulders, and then on his scalp, he knew she was almost there, and so was he.

“Cullen, whatever you do, don’t stop”. – She ordered.

He laughed and kissed her, soon after she jerked her head back, and he felt her walls closing around his cock and heard his name on her lips.

He rolled her onto her back and kept on. With her legs locked on his, and her hands pulling his ass closer, he started feeling his body tingling, and he made sure to gaze at her eyes before coming. And when she looked back, and he saw her smiling, he stopped.

“Tell me one more time.”

For a quarter of a second, she frowned but then understood.

“I love you.” – She said with a smile.

He kissed her with teary eyes and thrust a couple of more times before she felt his body tensing and his cock twitching inside her.

She ran her finger through his hair and kissed his sweaty skin. He leaned on his elbows, being careful not to crush her under him, and peppered her face with kisses.

“Áine, I want you to know that there’s no one else for me, and I love you…”

She kissed him, a deep and long kiss.

“I know. I’ve known for quite some time now.” – She caressed his cheek with her thumb.

He kissed her face again, and at last her lips. He stood up and took a piece of cloth to clean them up. He then lay on their bed and pulled her to him, and she nuzzled his neck while intertwining their legs, and he covered them with a thin bedsheet.

He heard her falling asleep and whispered an “I love you” in her ear, getting a yawn and an “I know and I love you too” in response. With that knowledge and her in his arms again, he held her and smiled before sleeping.


	33. One step at the cliff's edge.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cullen wakes up with Áine near him, and he is the happiest of men.  
> As the day goes on, he realizes how much he loves her.

Cullen woke up when the first rays of sunlight reached his body. He didn’t need to open his eyes to know he had overslept, but at that moment, he couldn’t care less about it because the weight on his chest was worth anything.

With eyes still closed he let the smile form on his lips, he reached for her hair and wrapped her curls around his fingers. He gently pulled some curls and filled his lungs with their scent. His right hand wandered her naked back and rested on the small of it. Her hot skin under his fingertips was a blessing. He mentally thanked the Maker for giving him one more opportunity to be with her, one more day to tell her he loved her.

“Morning.”

He stretched moving his arms above his head and yawned. He cleaned his eyes with his thumbs and leaned on his left side, feeling her body sliding off of his.

“Hey!” – He heard her disapproving call, but rested his head on his arm and covered his head with the pillow.

“Commander Cullen Rutherford, do not turn your back to me!” – He felt her poking his back. – “So that’s how it’s gonna be, huh?”

Her fingers traced his nape and trailed his skin down his back; she did it painfully slow. She used her fingernails on him and stopped on his right buttock; he was smiling imagining what it was she intended when he felt a jolt of electricity there. He jumped and noticed her leaving the bed, but he was quicker and held her in place.

He pinned her on the bed and started peppering her face with small kisses. He was delighted to hear her laughter and to witness the most beautiful smile in all Thedas.

She tried to get away from his grasp, even knowing it was a lost cause but she wasn’t a quitter, and she had a card up her sleeve.

She circled his hips with her legs and pressed her hips against his, surprised, he looked down, and when he looked at her, she made sure to look him in the eyes and bite her lower lip with a small smile on her face.

She felt his body relax, and he lowered to kiss her, but she was still under his grasp, so she let his hips go and locked his legs with hers. She caressed the back of his thigh and calf with her own. She let his name slip her lips in a low throaty voice and arched her body, so her breasts touched his chest.

“Cullen.”

He intertwined their fingers and kissed her; she felt how happy he was. She circled his hips again and started rolling hers when he broke their kiss; she heard him take a deep breath followed by a shy moan and she smiled. He traced her skin with the back of his fingers, and now free of his grasp she gently rolled him on his back. She kissed him and placed her hands on his nape.

“Bad templar.” – She whispered in his ear and let a cold wave through her fingers.

He gasped, and she quickly rolled out of bed.

“Hey!” – He was still feeling the shiver running down his spine. – “Bad mage.” – He frowned at her and shook his head with a smile.

She started dressing in his white t-shirt and his small clothes while he watched sitting on their bed.

“That is what happens when you don’t behave.”– She narrowed the space between them swaying her barely covered hips, and he held her between his legs, holding her by the waist and resting his chin near her breasts.

She studied his honey colored eyes and traced his features with her fingers.

“Good morning, beautiful.” – He smiled at her. – “I love you!” – She saw him sigh.

“I know…” – She continued tracing his face. – “And I’ve loved you for a long time…” – She pressed her lips against his and rested her forehead on his. – “I will love you until the end of my days.” – She felt him encircling her upper body with his arms. – “Promise you’ll never forget it.” – She opened her mouth and welcomed his tongue.

“I promise.”

They smiled in each other’s mouth, and she went down to gather her things. He prepared a bath and started stretching while waiting for the water to get warm. She made the bed and watched him. She studied the scars on his back and chest, and somehow the memories of Kinloch came to her mind.

He turned to face her, and she saw his lips moving, but the sounds didn’t reach her ears.

“I’m sorry. You were saying?”

“I said that we should spend some time in the tavern tonight. I’m sure your family wants to talk to you, and some of the others are eager to hear from you as well. Sera really missed you.”

“That’s an excellent idea. I will talk to Leliana, and then we can gather everyone and play some rounds of Wicked Grace.”

She took his t-shirt and small clothes off and started dressing hers when he took her in his arms and entered the bathtub. She leaned her back on his chest and let him wash her skin. He hummed their song, and she joined in. They didn’t make love nor kissed, but they studied each other’s curves and scars, they remembered the beginning of their relationship and thanked the Maker for each other’s life.

Áine was the first to get ready, she gave Cullen a quick kiss and went to the rookery to talk to Leliana, on her way there, she saw the little ice daisy on his desk and took it with her, an idea brewing in her head.

* * *

 

Cullen got dressed and went to Josephine’s office, the reports he had abandoned the day before would probably be with her. He opened the door and was greeted by a smiling ambassador.

“Good morning, Commander Cullen! Did you sleep well?”

“Yes,” – He said in a low voice and red-faced. – “We, hm… I mean, I…” – He cleared his throat. – “The reports I left on the floor yesterday, do you have them?”

He heard her giggle then hand him half of the pile on her desk.

“I’m giving you this, for now; I’m sure you have your mind on other matters. Don’t worry Cullen, Inquisitor’s orders.”

He blushed again and was ready to leave when an Orlesian noble, who Cullen hadn’t met before, entered the place.

“Good morning Josephine, Commander.” – The short man gave a nod in Cullen’s direction. – “It was a delightful scene yesterday, Commander. I’m pretty sure the girl, whoever might she be, is feeling quite fine today!”

Cullen felt his body redden and smiled at the man in front of him, he turned to bid Josephine farewell and was near the door when the short man spoke again.

“It is a shame though. The girl must be thinking there is a future between you two, but we all know the Commander and the Inquisitor make the perfect couple.” – Cullen halted at his words and slowly turned to face the man; Josephine was already at the noble’s side trying to correct him. – “We all must have our fun, but never deceive this kind of people, we can put ourselves in danger and them in particular as well.”

Cullen’s mind stopped working; he saw the corner of the man’s lips turn up; Josephine held his chubby arm, and her lips were moving, but no sounds came out of it; his entire body was so tense his head started aching, and the knuckles in his hands turned white. He took a step towards the man but a hand held his arm, and he saw someone approaching the short man instead.

He looked up and saw the back of Leliana’s hood in front of him, whatever it was she was saying, it wasn’t pleasant. The color of the man’s face vanished, and Cullen noticed how white his lips were. He left the place and slammed the door shut.

His mind was blank; he didn’t notice he was in his chair, or that he was in his office. The reports were on the table, and the man’s face kept coming in and out of his mind. He looked at his hands, and they were trembling; his entire body was shaking.

He was angry, no he was terrified. He was afraid because the man was right. He saw Áine’s body in his arms again, he remembered the demon’s words.

That morning in their bed, he thought he would give up everything for her; he would do anything for her, but would he?

He thought about Kirkwall, and how many times after times she proved she was not a blood mage, she just tried to help, but his duty demanded him to take her to Meredith, even knowing what she would do to her, and he would probably have taken her if she hadn’t fled.

Then his memory went back to Kinloch, and how he wanted the Rite because the mages were dangerous, and they could be abominations.

Áine was a mage, and although she thought she wasn’t powerful, she had passed her harrowing, she had faced and destroyed a Desire demon, and then fought an Envy demon, and after it all, she was still standing. But if one day, Maker forbid him, she became possessed, would he do what was necessary or would he falter?

He sat there with his body shaking.

* * *

 

Áine smiled at Blackwall when she arrived at the stables and as soon as the big man saw her, he held her tightly in a long hug. They talked, and he told her how everyone missed her. He said he always remembered the times they shared adventures and took care of the horses. He scolded her and forbade her to disappear again.

“I promise I will not disappear like that again before telling you! You can relax Beardwall!”

“Ha! I missed the nickname, Blue.” – He winked at her.

“I missed our talks, and your beard too” – She smiled fondly at the Grey Warden in front of her – “Anyways, would you mind doing me a favor?”

“Not at all, if it is in my capabilities.”

“So, I gave Cullen this daisy…” – His chuckles cut her.

“Oh, the famous daisy.”

“Sorry?”

“It’s nothing. I noticed he walks with it up and down. Keeps it in his pocket, I knew it had a personal reason, and I imagined it was you, but I never asked.”

“Oh, I… hm…” – She stuttered. – “Well, I wanted to make a pendant out of it so that he would have it near his heart. Okay, I know it’s silly but… Do you think it’s possible?”

“Well, it is small, but we could make a little hole in here, you see?” – He showed her a spot between the petals. – “And then we can attach it to your chosen yarn. And no, it isn’t silly.”

She smiled at him.

“Excellent! Do you think he is gonna like it? I mean, it is a daisy.” – She was biting her inner mouth.

“C’mon Blue, I think he is gonna love it. I would.” – Blackwall grinned at her after she gave him one more smile.

“Thank you so much. When can I come get it?”

“I said it was doable but I never said I was going to do it.” – He held the flower in his hand and winked at her.

“I can’t do it! I will break it, I’m sure!”

“Have faith, Blue. Come I’ll help you.”

Blackwall took a lot of different tools and showed her how to use them. When she bent at the table to start, he held her hand and told her to breathe, order that she complied by letting out the breath she was holding. They were silent, he watching her and she working.

“There!” – He patted her shoulder. – “See? It wasn’t that difficult.”

She smiled, and it reached her eyes. She turned the pendant on her fingers admiring her work.

“Thanks!”

“But I didn’t do anything.” – He took two steps back when she hugged him.

“Okay, now I need leather.” – She said walking away.

* * *

 

He was looking out of the window at the valley below. The tents were so small from where he was standing, the little dots moving were the men and women under his command.

Was he a good superior? Was he able to make the correct decision? The correct calls? If he had to sacrifice some of their lives for the good of thousands, would he falter? If Áine’s life was at risk, would he, could he…

“Maker hear me now, for I am lost, and in Thee, I seek comfort.” – He kneeled where he once stood.

> All things in this world are finite.  
> What one man gains, another has lost.  
> Those who steal from their brothers and sisters  
> Do harm to their livelihood and to their peace of mind.  
> Our Maker sees this with a heavy heart.      

> Blessed are they who stand before  
> The corrupt and the wicked and do not falter.  
> Blessed are the peacekeepers, the champions of the just.       

>  You have walked beside me  
> Down the paths where a thousand arrows sought my flesh.  
> You have stood with me when all others  
> Have forsaken me.

> I have faced armies  
> With You as my shield,  
> And though I bear scars beyond counting, nothing  
> Can break me except Your absence.”    

He sat in his chair, his hands folded in his lap. She was the salvation he had been looking for, the second chance Cullen, the man, begged the Maker. Looking back, she was always in the background of his life; in his lowest and his highest, in his worst and his best. Never demanding, but always offering.

And he? What had he given her? Was his love enough to redeem him from the wrongs he had done her? A love he only admitted when he thought he had lost her. Were his thoughts and touches enough to make her happy? Would he one day be the man she deserved? Would he survive the Inquisition to give her a future? Would he even survive the lyrium withdrawal? If he survived both, what kind of future would he be able to offer her? He had nothing after all, only a title in the Inquisition, and she deserved only the best.

His office was suddenly too small. He left to the training grounds.

* * *

 

She bargained for the price of a necklace and was headed toward the infirmary when she almost fell face first on the ground; Sera jumped on her back and held her tightly.

“Took you long enough, yeah?” – The small elf punched her arm. – “But I bet it was worth the reunion.  _Oh Cully, don’t stop_!” – She moaned loud making Áine blush and cover the elf’s mouth.

“What? You? Don’t!” – Áine sounded defeated.

“I don’t care! Just don’t go dying on us again.” – The elf pulled her towards the kitchen. – “Let’s steal some food.”

Áine let Sera drag her and laughed all the way there.

“So, we are going to the Winter Palace tomorrow. Have you seen our uniforms?” – Sera was pouting. – “I mean… they have no pockets! How are we supposed to have fun?”

“As if it would stop you. Everyone knows you already have plans. Maker help us all!”

“Of course, I have. Oh, my friends are going to have so much fun!” – They were inside the kitchen now.

She was in front of Sera, and when she was near the door to the Vault, Sera grabbed some of the chocolate from the shelf and ran towards her. Áine opened the door among curses and ran into the Inquisitor; Sera bumped into her and cursed as well.

“Inquisitor!” – Áine helped Alessa to stand.

“Áine and Sera, of course. It wouldn’t take long for you two to start getting into trouble, right?”

“We are only practicing for tomorrow. No harm is done in having a bit of fun.” – She winked at Áine who winked back.

“I’m glad I caught you Áine. Please, follow me.” – Alessa turned and started walking.

Sera looked at her and shrugged. They followed the Inquisitor up to Josephine’s office, where the ambassador jumped from her chair with a smile and joined the trio. They headed to the Inquisitor’s quarter where Leliana was setting some reports on her table.

“And here you are Blue. I’m so excited; we have something for you. Now let’s begin!” – Leliana pushed Áine to the bed where she sat with a frown.

Leliana sat by her side on the bed; the Inquisitor sat in her chair. Sera sat on the floor in front of her and Áine started doing a small braid on the left side of her hair, and there with the elf near her, she realized how much she loved her, and what she would do to protect her little sister. And Josephine… Josephine took from the wardrobe the most beautiful silver and blue dress Áine had ever seen.

* * *

 

Cullen started drilling the soldiers in a new defense routine. They had to work in formation against incoming melee attacks as well as flying arrows, in a shield wall. The soldiers had to be shoulder to shoulder, holding their shields so that they made a wall in front of them and over; there could be no space in between. He gave them the signal, and they stood in formation, and each time he made sure to check all of the soldiers’ posture.

“Cullen, we need to start using the swords to kill the incoming attackers.” – Knight-Captain Rylen was by his side, aiding in every aspect.

Cullen nodded to his friend, and the man moved around the soldiers, giving them orders. Studying them pay attention to his second in command, Cullen noticed Nevan approach.

“Cullen, is something troubling you?” – The young boy asked without looking at him.

“Everything is fine. Do you need anything?” – He glanced down to look at the boy’s eyes.

“No. I was going to invite you to a game of chess, but I see you are busy. I thought you would take the day off, after all, my sister is back.”

He didn’t know why, but he set his jaw at the boy’s words.

“Even if I wanted, you know her. She would report to Leliana, one thing would lead to the other, and so my time is better spent here.”

“Everyone knows you two deserve some time alone. Time is short these days, and working for the Inquisition makes it more valuable. No one knows what is going to happen, and knowing her as I do, as we do, I’m sure she would do anything to give us more of it.” – The boy chuckled light-hearted. – “Shit, we all saw what she did for you, it wouldn’t surprise anyone if she did it again. She loves you greatly, never forget it, okay?”

A cold shiver ran down Cullen’s spine. Of course, she would put herself in harm's way again for him. Knowing her, she wouldn’t blink before acting if it were his life in the line. She wouldn’t think about the consequences… that he would be left here alone, without her. For a few moments, he stood there remembering how he felt without her, without her touch, or her smile. No, he couldn’t let that happen; not again.

* * *

 

She left the Inquisitor’s quarters, and the sun was almost setting. The sky had an orange hue, and most people were going back to their places for the night.

She passed by Varric and invited him for a game of Wicked Grace in the tavern; she also asked him to invite Dorian and meet her and Cullen there in half an hour. When the dwarf laughed and gave her a sly grin, which made her red as a tomato, she corrected herself to around an hour.

She decided to go to the infirmary to check how things were going, she knew she would leave Skyhold in the morning and wouldn’t be back in less than three weeks, but she had already been away for almost three months, they might need something she could bring from Orlais.

Áine was on her way to Cullen’s office, she passed by the tavern tower and stopped to admire the sunset. She stood there with hands on her back, legs relaxed leaning on her left foot, she had a big smile, and her head was tilted to her left shoulder.

The sun was almost set; it touched the snowy horizon. She heard the voices resonating around the fortress and watched the soldiers lighting the braziers on the battlement’s walls. She took a deep breath and felt the last rays of the sun touch her skin. At that moment she thanked the Maker for giving her the opportunity to admire his work, to be once again with the people she loved.

She thought about Cullen, her chest was filled with lightness, she loved him since the first day she laid her eyes on him, and she knew nothing could take him from her.

They were finally together, and together they could face the world, nothing could stop them from being happy now, nothing in the world could ruin what she was feeling. She laughed at the thought of them together; everything she had been through led to this moment; all the moments she thought she would never have him proved to be wrong.

For many times she was so sure she had lost him, that they could and would never be together, but now looking at the sky and welcoming the night, feeling the breeze in her skin and butterflies in her stomach, she knew he was hers, that he loved her.

The day before when he told her he loved her, she wanted to cry, she already knew he felt that way, but hearing it from his lips… there would never be a moment like that again; she was complete, whole. She looked up at the full moon, and when a shooting star crossed the night sky, she chuckled.

* * *

 

Cullen was sitting in his chair, the sour taste in his mouth and his headache made him restless. The quill in his hand hovered above the parchment, which had ink markings all over it, he wasn’t paying attention to the report about darkspawn activity in the Storm Coast on his table, he stared at the door, waiting for the moment everything was going to change, they had to change.

* * *

 

The door opened, and the first thing he saw was the blue curls, then her smile, the one she had in her eyes; his eyes moved to her soft lips, and her burn scar was the last thing his eyes saw before he lowered them to his table.

He saw her, and right there he knew in his soul that he loved her.

Áine’s right arm was behind her back holding the daisy; she wanted to surprise him.

He looked at her while she approached him humming, his face was stern.

“ _Does he know I took the daisy? Oh, Maker, I hope he likes it_ …” – She didn’t let her worried thoughts appear on her face.

When she was a couple of steps near his table, he stood up and leaned on it. When she got closer, she placed her hand on the table with the necklace inside her fist, and she couldn’t contain her giggle.

“We need to end this.” – He looked at her.

Her mouth fell silent and her smile vanished. No, something was wrong; maybe she misheard him, that was the only explanation.

“I’m sorry, I think it’s best we go separate ways.” – He studied her eyes.

There was a mix of things happening at the same time. She felt her body heating up; her fingertips were tingling, there was a pang in her head and a sour taste in her mouth.

For less than a minute they stared at each other. Her eyes were burning, and she felt a single tear run down her cheek.

“Coward.” – Was the only thing she said in an unsteady voice before she turned and left.

Cullen went after Áine, but she closed the door behind her, leaving him staring at it; alone in the sudden cold place.

There was much he wanted to tell her. How much he loved her, that there would never be anyone else in his life.

He leaned on the door, and he remembered the single tear on her face…She would always be the essential part of his life; she was his life. He wanted to explain the reasons why he was breaking up with her, and he remembered her last word: Coward.

He walked to his chair and sat. His mind was blank, and most of his senses had vanished; there was no sound, no taste, no smell, there was only the odd sensation in his body and her face in his eyes.

He looked at the table, something had caught his attention. The little daisy was in the place her hand had been moments ago. He reached for it, and he saw a leather cord fall when he lifted it up. He studied the little flower, and his fingers trailed every petal.

He instinctively put it around his neck, and the little memento rested on his chest, near his heart. He placed the flower in the palm of his hand, and he wasn’t surprised when a tear fell on it. He let it rest on his chest again and ran his hand over his wet cheeks.

Without noticing, his hand slipped to the spot hers had been on his desk, and he closed it there, trying to hold her hand.

Coward _,_ the word come to his mind again, and he wished she had screamed at him, slapped him, anything but the hurt in her eyes.

“I’m sorry, but if it takes you to hate me for keeping you alive, I will gladly abide by it. I can’t… I won’t lose you like that again.” – He closed his eyes. – “And you are right as always, when it comes to you… I ama coward.”


	34. Mask, Music, Dress, Mistake.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They finally arrive at the Winter Palace. All of the Inquisition's plans worked out. But did Cullen and Áine succeeded in stayed far from each other?  
> How long will Cullen be able to continue with his plans? And Áine, is she hurt enough to hate him?

Here at the Winter Palace entrance, surrounded by Orlesian nobles and their masks, all she could feel was annoyance, but she too wore a mask, in truth, she wore two herself. One of charcoal grey and crimson color for the part she played, branding her as part of the Inquisition. It covered all her face but her mischievous eyes, reminding her of her duty as a spy. The other made of flesh, in the form of a smile, a smile that kept creeping on her face every time honey colored eyes stared back at her in the wind, a reminder that nothing was fine, but everything was well.

Her brothers stood by her side; they were near the palace entrance answering the nobles’ nosy questions about the Inquisitor.  The sound of Alessa and her advisors approaching made them change positions so they could greet them.

Alessa was the first, followed by Josephine and Leliana on each side, Cullen stood in the back. The women talked in whispers, and the Commander had a stern face. When they finally reached Áine, her brothers and she bowed their way. Josephine stopped to give final instructions, and she could feel Cullen staring at her, but she made sure to look everywhere but him. When they finally walked past them, she breathed.

Everyone was inside, and Áine wandered around to know the palace’s layout.  She found Blackwall comfortably talking to a nobleman, and she wondered how he was able to handle all of their nonsense, she looked up and saw Cole in the upper floor, she smiled at him, and he was suddenly by her side.

“He loves you.” – He said in an almost whisper.

“Cole, please, I asked you already. I do not want to talk about him, don’t want to know about him, don’t want to look at him.” – She let out a frustrated sigh.

“He needs you right now.” – He stared at her, the intensity in his eyes caught her off guard. – “He is afraid; he doesn’t want to be here. They are hurting him more.”

“What? Who?” – The muscles in her legs tensioned, getting ready to run to him.

“The nobles are surrounding him,  _asking, questioning, prodding, touching_. He wants them to stop.” – Cole was sad.

“I will talk to Leliana about it.”

“You should be the one talking… tohim.”

“He made his choice and gave me none. He can’t possibly expect me to…” – She looked away, hiding the forming tears – “to just pretend nothing happened. He knew his choice would hurt me and he chose it anyway... I will do what I can and nothing else. And this is the last time I’m asking you…” – She took a long breath. – “Do not talk to me about him, and do not tell him anything about me, never again.” – She walked away.

“He still loves you…” – She bit her inner mouth upon hearing his last words.

She headed to the ballroom where Leliana was stationed. She approached the red-haired woman and stood by her side in silence. She noticed Cullen was a few meters away surrounded by noblemen and women and she restrained herself from going there and taking matters into her own hands.

“I believe you have walked around, yes?” – She noticed the amusement tone in her voice.

“How you and Blackwall can stand this is beyond my comprehension. I haven’t seen Vivienne, but I’m sure she is also having the time of her life here.” – She exhaled soundly. – “I need a personal favor, but I also need it to be discreet.”

Leliana studied her out of the corner of her eyes and with a small smile on her face.

“Oh, let me guess… it involves a certain blonde man, doesn’t it?” – She giggled. – “I will do it, just ask.”

“Cole told me Cullen is not comfortable, he is in fact extremely uneasy. The nobles are prodding him and even touching without his permission. Could you please take care of the situation?”

A noblewoman passed in front of them and Áine bowed in her direction, she took the opportunity to glance at Cullen who had his face and ears red. Still not looking at Leliana, she waited for her answer.

“What happened between you two? You were fine and…” – She was cut off by Áine, who didn’t even try not to be rude.

“Can you do it or not?” – The spy was staring at her boss.

Leliana stared back at her, and for the first time, Áine was angry at her friend.

“Yes, it will be done.”

Áine excused herself and walked around the place to listen in on the people. She knew she should be smiling, but at that moment her mouth was nothing more than a thin line, her jaw’s muscles were tensed.

Far from them, she saw Leliana approach Cullen and the nobles disperse. She said something in Cullen’s ears, and he nodded. Sister Nightingale returned to her place, and Josephine approached her. With a nod, the ambassador let Áine know it was time.

She left the place and went to the room where she was supposed to change clothes and meet her brothers.

Cullen sighed when the nobles stopped surrounding him; he made a mental note to thank Cole later. The boy’s ability was still strange to him, but once again was useful.

Now free of the asking and improper touching, he looked around to have a full grasp of their situation. Celene was still not there, meaning the Inquisitor was yet to arrive. He looked for Josephine and Leliana, and not finding none of them he knew they went to get things in motion for her entrance. He had to admit he was curious about her. The weeks before their arrival were crazy with the preparation of her clothes. He had a small smile remembering how irrational the women were because of Alessa’s dress.

Without thinking his eyes looked for the one who mattered the most for him, but after searching and not finding he gave up and felt a sting in his chest. His hand traveled to the necklace underneath his uniform and held the little memento in his fist.

The announcement was made, and the Empress entered the place. Cullen watched her and her surrounds expecting to catch an assassin on the way, but he shook his head and remembered that was Orlais, and the game always came first. If indeed there was an assassination plot going on, it wouldn’t be easy to be uncovered.

Lost in his thoughts he saw the announcer beckon him, so he approached the man and stood by Josephine’s side.

 “And now presenting: Grand Duke Gaspard de Chalons. And accompanying him Lady Inquisitor Alessa Trevelyan, of the Ostwick Circle of Magi!”

He saw Alessa walking down the steps, and if her name alone was not a hint to her noble uprising, the dress she was wearing sure sent the message.

It was a beautiful crimson red dress with a long skirt; her waist was adorned with a charcoal grey belt the same color as her small mask, which covered only her eyes leaving her red lips apparent. The dress had no sleeves, and her cleavage made Cullen blush. It emanated an aura of power that set the nobles in awe, he glanced at Celene, and without a doubt the most powerful person in the room was Alessa.

After everyone was announced and Alessa exchanged a few words with the Empress, the Inquisitor introduced the band they brought to play during the night.

The boys were wearing all black. Long boots with a pair of pants, their jackets had blue buttons on the right side of their chest and a blue and silver silk band, but Cullen’s eyes didn’t move from her. Her dress wasn’t as grand as Alessa’s, and it certainly didn’t have an aura of power, but what he got from her was grace.

 It was a blue dress with a silver corselet matching her mask. The skirt was long in the back and shorter in the front, showing her high heels. There was no cleavage, but the dress color accentuated her olive skin, and the mask was designed in a way to turn the attention to her lips.

He watched her coming in their direction. He noticed how the fabric caressed her legs every time she walked down a step. The way her hips swayed when she walked. The big smile on her face and how the curls brushed her cheeks, neck, and shoulders. When she approached them and neared the steps he had to stop himself from meeting her halfway and kissing her hand and teasing lips.

He lowered his head when the memory of them together flooded his mind; her smile on his mouth, her laughter, the skin under his touch, her fingers in his hair, his name on her lips. For a split second, he wished they were back at Skyhold, that the conversation had never happened, and glancing up at her, his resolve only strengthened. He needed her, but he needed her alive.

She neared them and stood by the Inquisitor’s side not glancing at him once. He noticed how she made sure to keep some distance from him, and he respected it by standing farther away.

Celene called Cullen over, and he had to stand by Áine’s side, the mint scent of her hair filled his lungs, and he almost gave up his charade and touched her. They were side by side, and the surrounding was getting heavier by the second.

“Áine is the one dancing tonight, and although I’m sure the Inquisitor will give us a chance to see her spinning around with you, Cullen, we can all see she is a woman, so I cannot ask her to dance with Áine, but it would make me really happy to see the Inquisition join the ball.”

Áine and Cullen stared at the Empress for long seconds. Leliana had a big smile on her face. Josephine looked at them with worried eyes. The Inquisitor smirked and lifted her eyebrow.

After several seconds and blinks, Áine widened her eyes and looked at Cullen, who was still frowning at Celene. He looked at Áine and finally understood.

She opened her mouth but he was the one to speak first, and although his ears were red his voice was firm.

 “I’m sorry to disappoint you, your Majesty. As much as I’d like that, I’m not one for dancing; templars never attended balls.” – He explained bowing.

A second later Áine heard herself saying.

“It will be no problem, your Majesty,” – She saw Cullen giving her an inquisitive look. – “I can dance with Finley,” – She pointed at her brother’s direction; Cullen’s eyes fell to the ground. – “we are used to dancing together, and we know each other very well. I’m sure you will be pleased.” – She finished with a bow.

“Yes, I think that will be perfect then.” – Áine took a deep breath straightening her spine.

She joined her brothers while they spoke to Celene and they started playing. She waited for the nobles interested in dancing with her near the band.

Cullen watched one of the nobles with grey hair approach Áine and hold her by the waist, he spun her around the place like a prize he had just won, and Cullen’s face reddened in anger.

“You agreed to the plan. By dancing with them she can gather information and keep an eye on Celene.” – Leliana said loudly enough only for him to hear.

“You’re right, but it doesn’t mean it is pleasant. Look at them! They think she is a prize to be won.” – He rubbed the back of his neck with a sigh.

“We both know she isn’t. She is here to work as are all of us. She knows what is at stake here.” – She studied him up and down. – “You two are more alike than you think. Alistair would be happy to know he has such loyal citizens.” – She smiled at him.

“This has nothing to do with it.” – He sighed.

“You wish you were the one dancing with her then?” – She asked amused.

“Even if I knew how to, she would never dance with me.” – He sadly watched her join hands with the old noble and smile at him.

“You’ll never know if you don’t ask.” – Cullen tried to argue, but Leliana was already gone.

Áine had lost count of how many people she had danced with, and she was amused of how the men and women were willing to give her their secrets so easily, all she had to do was smile and nod, a whisper in the ear made the task much easier too.

She was spinning around for hours, and the scents, smells, and perfumes were making her stomach sick. She excused herself and went to one of the balconies, looking for fresh air.

She had just stepped outside when she started feeling dizzy, and she felt the sour taste in her mouth. She took another step and suddenly everything was black. She reached for something to lean on when she felt arms holding her.

“Blue! Are you alright?” – His voice was full of worry.

She looked up, and honey colored eyes were looking back, she freed herself from his grasp and took a few steps away. She adjusted her clothes, hair and swallowed hard the strange taste in her mouth.

“Don’t ever touch me again.” – She leaned on the parapet. She didn’t mean to be rude, so much happened between them, but having his arms around her was dangerous; she didn’t know if she was strong enough to resist his touch. She started going back inside.

“I’m sorry… you almost fell. Are you feeling alright? Maybe you should rest for a few minutes. You don’t have to go back inside right away; I can keep you company…” – There was concern on his features.

“I’m not here to enjoy the wonderful Orlesian hospitality. There’s a job to be done.” – She committed the mistake of looking at him.

He approached her and touched her hand.

“Blue… listen.”

She set her jaw, and when his hot fingers started tracing up her arm. She headed inside without looking back, leaving Cullen alone in the small balcony and holding back damned tears; the shivers running down her spine and the hot skin where he touched made things more difficult.

She was dancing when the Inquisitor entered the ballroom and nodded at her; she knew they had found what they came looking for. She saw Alessa approach the Empress, accuse Florianne and sent her to be judged at Skyhold. She rejoiced when the Inquisitor reunited Celene and Briala but was sad for Gaspard’s fate.

After everything was done and solved she finally had time to sit and eat, she went to the kitchens, and her stomach was growling. Of course, the first person she saw there was Sera eating as many candies as she could. She picked a plate and started taking some of every food she saw, and she thanked the Maker when she noticed there was roasted chicken left.

She sat by Sera’s side, and they were joined in by Blackwall. They were talking about the night's event and all the gossip they were able to gather. She laughed so much when Blackwall said he got two nobles doing the deed in one of the rooms, that she needed some time to gather her composure. She stood up to get a glass of water when she saw the famous Antivan ham of despair.

Suddenly, the room was spinning, and her legs failed her, she grabbed the edge of the table. She felt Blackwall’s strong hand making circles on her back, and Sera was fanning her face. The Grey Warden helped her to sit, and the elf gave her a glass of water. They asked if she was okay and told her she didn’t look fine, she was cold and her lips were white.

She calmed them by explaining that spinning around with all the noble’s smells and strong perfumes definitely wasn’t a good idea because she hadn’t eaten since the beginning of the night. She took long breaths and stood up visibly better. She made them promise they wouldn’t tell anyone and left for her shared quarter.

“Commander Cullen sure is a handsome man. I heard he is not married… I’ll talk to my father and maybe, who knows, I’m lucky enough to wed him!”

“Unfortunately, I don’t think this will be possible. I heard the Inquisitor and he share the same bed. They make a powerful couple, not mentioning they are perfect for each other.”

Upon hearing the first lines of the conversation, Áine could feel her body heating up, their giggles and smiles made her close her eyes and turn right on the first door, changing her direction.

She crossed the guest wing, turned right and was again in the hall of heroes; she turned left in the opposite direction of the ballroom and headed out into the main plaza. The nobles' laughter and whisperings were irritating her, and a slight headache began to be noticeable. In front of the grand gates of the palace she went down the stairs towards the courtyard and remembering the small balcony on the far-right side, she moved in its direction.

She passed the tavern and Bull’s laugh was loud and joyful, she took a peek inside, and most of the off-duty Inquisition soldiers were present. With a smile, she pressed on and reached her destination. A couple was sitting on the bench, but she ignored them and decided to study the statue.

The woman was a warrior; she looked up at the night sky, a sword in her right hand, its tip sank on the ground, a classic victorious stance.

Áine thought about the Inquisition and how long more it would take for them to defeat Coryphenis, as Sera liked to call him. And then, what would she do? She had plans of course, but every single one of them involved Cullen, she never, not even for a second doubted they weren’t going to be together. It took them years, no, it took him years to finally see her as a woman, and not a mage. It was too long of a wait for him to love her as she loved him.

There was a place in the Hinterlands between Master Dennet’s farm and the crossroads, a place where the templars used to camp. She always thought about building a small house there for them, being able to bathe in the waterfall, live among nature, going for long walks with him and a mabari, because she knew the first thing he would do was to get his hands on one. It was near Redcliff village and South Reach, near his sister’s house, they could travel there in a couple of days.

She sighed and looked around; she was so lost in thought she didn’t notice the couple had left. She turned to the balustrade and leaned on it. Looking down her mind wandered again.

She imagined them teaching their kids how to swim, ride a horse or playing around. Whatever the gender of the baby, she was certain he would be the best father he could. Teach them how to respect others and be open-minded; how to fight and protect themselves and others. She giggled at the thought of them having a little mage running around the house; she wasn’t worried about it; she knew he wouldn’t love the child any less.

His headache was almost unbearable; he thanked the Maker for being able to leave the place after everything that had happened. He wandered with his head low and eyes to the ground. Her smile in the back of his mind.

 _“Maker, why do you do this? What do you want?”_  – He thought, standing there watching the view.

She was leaning on the balustrade, her back was slightly arched, and her bottom was up; the skirt was flying with the breeze and he could see her calf, looking down he saw her shoes, and he thought that he had never seen her wearing high heels. Her hair was on her left shoulder, and he heard a low laugh coming from her.

Without looking around, he went down the steps and touched her on the elbow.

She felt a soft touch and turned only to be greeted with his beautiful smile, his eyes shining like the stars in the dark sky.

They studied each other’s face, both chests going up and down with their deep breaths, but their hearts racing.

She averted his gaze, but he caught her chin between his fingers and lifted her head, he then proceeded to tuck some of her hair behind the left ear; before taking his hand away he caressed her cheek.

She waited for him to say something but he only stood there in silence, studying her face. She walked around him and took a step to leave, but he held her hand.

“Stay.” – His voice was low and full of hurt.

She looked at his face and noticed how tired he seemed.

“Are you alright?” – She tried not to sound as worried as she was.

“A headache, nothing new. You don’t need to worry.”

She bit her lower lip and in a second debated what her next step should be, and besides everything telling her to leave, she neared him.

She touched his left cheek, and he closed his eyes, with both hands she massaged his temples and let her magic do the rest. The song came to her lips without command, and she hummed for him.

His hands held her wrists with a firm grip. He was afraid she would leave him there, not that she would be wrong, but every second she wasn’t around, was like hours; every time he wanted to touch her but couldn’t, was like a poisoned dagger. His hands slowly traveled down her body until they rested on the small of her back.

She wanted to scream, to run and hide; she wished she could hate him with all her heart. Her brain kept telling her to go, but her legs shortened the space between them.

With eyes still closed, he felt her nearing him. He didn’t want to open them and wake up from a dream. Her hand went into his hair, and the other kept him close.

She closed her eyes and felt him pulling her; her lips touched his.

At that moment everything was how it was supposed to be, she was with him. Her lips touched his, and he welcomed her. If it wasn’t for the wet on her face, he could fool himself into thinking nothing had changed.

She felt his fingers traveling up her back, when he grabbed some of her hair and intensified the kiss her whole body trembled; her mind was flooded with memories of him.

Her body reacting to his touch was too much. He bit her lip and sighed on her mouth.

She cupped his face and slowed the kiss, he held her by the waist and their nose brushed. As if sensing the moment was near its end, he pulled her in. With a tilt of his head, the passion was present again.

He held her as if it was the first time after a long absence. He didn’t want her to leave. He wanted to apologize, to beg for forgiveness, to say that he was a fool and her place was alongside him, but the words that came out of his mouth were what his heart wanted.

“I love you” – He confessed on her lips.

“Yet it is not enough.” – She turned and walked to her quarters. The kiss was a mistake.

With the back of her hand she cleaned her tears away, without looking back, she left him there.

“I love you.” – Were the last words he said before she turned the corner and disappeared into the night.


	35. Farewell Ser Templar.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They are back to Skyhold, and a person from Áine's past comes back. They decided to remember the past in the tavern.  
> Everything is fine until Cullen arrives and he and Áine realize how much they are still connected.

_“A mistake it was all a mistake. Maybe they shouldn’t have interrupted him; maybe I was supposed to be his. Would there be emotions? Would I one day be capable of really loving him? Would I welcome his mouth? Crave for his touch?”_

She sank into the lake until her head was under water.

“ _Yes, it would have been better. I would be his, and he would be mine. He wouldn’t leave me, no matter what. We would spend the rest of our days together… forever.”_

She opened her eyes and saw the bottom of the lake; its crystal water gentle with her eyes. With a push of her legs, she moved forward, towards some fish.

_“I should have known… I am a nobody, after all; I have nothing, not even a name. He is better off with her, a noble, not a thief; the Inquisitor, not a spy.”_

She pushed herself up, and the water washed her hair down on her eyes. She studied Bull throwing Sera in the water. The elf’s laughter ringing in her ears.

_“I will miss them… all of them”_

She left her thoughts on Aiden and Cullen behind and swam towards The Misfits.

They were returning to Skyhold, just a few more days and they would be home, no, not home anymore, at least not for her. She had discussed with her family and Leliana, and as a personal favor, she asked the little bird to be sent away, far from the lion.

Leliana studied her eyes, and without a single question she agreed to her request, she sent her and her family to Caer Bronach, she had been against it but the time had finally come, and now Leliana had no more excuses not to send her there. She preferred Áine to be near her, but she knew it would be too much to ask.

After almost a month they were back to Skyhold,  and the day before was the most difficult of all since Cullen decided their future. She took her bath and laid in her bedroll in the shared quarter, her eyes on the ceiling and the tears on her cheeks. It was a long cold night.

But the reason she was crying at that moment was the opposite; they were tears of joy, happiness.

“I can’t believe you’re here!” – They couldn’t let go of the other. – “Maker! This is reason to celebrate. Come!” – Áine held Amell’s hand, and together they headed to the tavern.

Everyone greeted her with a smile on their faces, and because Áine had talked so much about her, she was soon welcomed by her family and The Misfits.

When they arrived, the sun was low on the horizon and the night approached fast. With a peek out of the window the moon was high in the dark sky surrounded by bright stars. They talked about what happened to them since they were separated until the present days.

“So Áine, I heard Cullen is around.” – Amell gave her a side look, and a wicked smile played on her lips.

“Then you’ve heard right. He is the Commander of the Inquisition’s soldiers and if you’re lucky he might come around here.” – Áine winked at her with the same wicked smile.

“Have you finally told him about your feelings?” – The older mage turned to look at her.

“Oh my… you don’t need to worry my dear old friend, I’m quite sure he will be more than happy to see you here.”

Bull, Dorian, and Varric studied her, but no words come from them.

“I see… you have changed and grown, but are still the same stubborn Áine I know.” – She drank the last of her ale.

“Some things never change, and others do.” – She took her friend’s tankard in her hands. – “I didn’t know you liked ale this much, excuse me while I refill it.”

She took two tankards from Cabot, one for her and other for her friend.

“You are drinking tonight, Blue?” – Mother asked with a hint of worry in her voice.

“My friends are here,” – She pointed to The Misfits. – “my family is here,” – She nodded at the old lady and her brothers – “and a lost sister is back! My heart has a reason to sing again.” – She placed the tankard on her lips, and after a deep breath, she drank half of it. “Is there anything else I should ask for?” – She forced a smile on her lips.

“Blue,…” – Dorian placed a hand on her arm.

He opened the tavern’s door, and the hot air greeted him like a slap in the face. The first thing he saw was Dorian holding her arm.

Áine stared at the mage in front of her, and with her free hand, she took his hand away from her arm. She was about to say something when Amell interrupted her thought.

“Cullen!” – She stood up and gave him a tight hug. – “I can’t believe we are all finally together again!” – Áine finished her drink in one gulp.

“Come, sit with us. I was talking to Áine about everything. Tell me what did you do all this time?”

Áine stood up and showed them the empty tankard and then went to Cabot. On her way back she saw that Amell had arranged a seat for him next to her, and with a look at Bull’s direction, the big man exchanged seats with her. Her seat was opposite of Cullen’s... better than by his side, with him so close to her.

The mage wouldn’t stop asking Cullen questions, and he barely had time to answer the ones she had already asked.

“No, I haven’t.” – He rubbed the back of his neck. – “I was in Kirkwall before the rebellion started.” – He shifted on his place when she leaned closer.

“I heard you and the Inquisitor are getting married. Congrats.” – Her tone was more inquisitive than anything.

“What? No, that’s not true. We are just friends. She is an amazing woman, but there will be no wedding.”

“I see!” – She leaned even closer with a big smile on her lips. Áine took another sip of her ale.

Cullen turned to Varric in an attempt to stir the conversation from the topic.

“I guess you are aware of these baseless rumors, Dwarf?”

“Me? Why would you ask me? Sera is the one with friends.” – He chuckled shaking his head.

“Shite! Don’t look at me. I was the first to want to stop these stupid rumors. I know very well that…” – The elf stopped mid-sentence when Áine gave her a death glare – “Well if Leliana is not acting on them, who am I to do it?”

“I hear she is a mage, and as far as I remember you had a thing for mages, Cullen.” – She placed her hand on his arm. Cullen was red and stammered an answer under a deep sigh; Bull looked at Dorian who cursed in Tevene and Sera was about to jump on Amell’s neck.

Áine rolled her eyes and stood up, she lost her balance but leaned on Blackwall who supported her. Cullen frowned at her and opened his mouth to say something, but she grabbed Finley’s hand and pulled him for a dance.

Amell decided to get another drink and Cullen watched Áine dancing. Something was off with her, she was smiling, but her body movements were stiff, her mind was elsewhere.

“So, this is the mage you had a ‘thing’ back in the tower?” – Dorian asked looking lazily at Cullen with his fingers crossed on the table. – “It seems she wants to further that ‘thing.’”

“I don’t understand…”

“Blue hasn’t told her about the two of you if that’s what you’re wondering.” – Varric said with his tankard on his lips.

“What the shite happened between you two? I thought you were all moan-moan?!” – Sera waved her hands around.

“It is ended. There’s nothing else to be said; my mind is set.” – He slouched on his seat.

“What? You gotta be kidding me! Do you know how much she loves you? What would she do for you? Do you…?”

“Those are the reasons I set my mind Sera. It is done, and there’s no turning back.”

“Cullen,” – It was Blackwall’s turn. – “that’s not the answer. Better live one day beside who you love and then lose her than have her at arm’s reach and never being able to touch her at all.” – They studied each other; the table was in silence.

Amell returned to the table at the same time as Áine and handed her a tankard, which she accepted with a smile.

“Is that ale? Since when do you drink ale, Blue?” – Cullen reached out to grab her tankard, but she took it out of his reach.

“I am celebrating. I cannot celebrate drinking juice!” – She held her tankard tightly.

“How much have you drunk? You’ve never…”

“I don’t think this concerns you, Commander” – She stared at him, and her eyes were greener than ever. The tankard on her hand was slowly freezing.

Cullen stood up but leaned on the table with his hands. “Áine you shouldn’t…” – He was cut off by Cole, who was by her side.

“Yes, you shouldn’t be drinking…”

“I don’t care.” – Her voice was louder than usual, and she spilled some ale on the table.

Cullen and Áine stared at each other for a few seconds, their mouths shut in a thin line.

“I don’t think…”

“I’m off duty Commander. Besides, if you have any orders send me them on a letter.” – She stood up, but the room started spinning. Cole held her in place.

“I will accompany you to your quarter…” – He straightened his spine and rested his hand on the sword’s pommel after a deep breath.

“You will do no such thing. I am fine and can find my way to wherever I please.” – She leaned on the table. – “Which reminds me that I need to find a warmer place, my bedroll is too cold for my liking.” – She regretted saying it; it was a childish move.

“Is that so?! I can help you with that. I heard Gregor is interested. There’s also Jasper and Trevor, I’ve noticed the way they studied you on our way back from the Winter Palace, I can go talk to them.” – Cullen’s lips were curved in a mocking smile and his eyes danced with mischievousness.

“I-I… You can’t… I mean… I don’t wanna…!” – She stammered.

Cullen slowly walked to her side, pleased with her response. There were only the two of them in the tavern.

“I can think about at least two or three more men who would gladly warm you tonight. Two of them are right here in the tavern. One of them is talking to Cabot; the other is dancing with a lovely lady.” – He was getting closer to her.

Áine didn’t know what to do. She blinked a few times and rubbed her left arm. She started fidgeting and bit her lower lip. Her mouth opened and closed repeatedly, but no words come out of it. She saw Cullen approaching but was frozen in place.

“Thank you; I can do it on my own.” – She managed to say in the end, not looking him in the eyes.

“Is it because they are soldiers? Do you desire a person with more…” – He took the final step that separated them. – “control?” – His low throaty voice in her ear achieved his intended goal. Her body was trembling, and a low raw moan escaped her mouth.

He placed his hand on her waist and smiled when her body trembled again under his touch. He faced her and tucked some of her hair behind her ear and took the opportunity to brush his fingers on her lips. She was staring at the floor, so he held her chin, and she finally looked at him.

She couldn’t believe he had this kind of power over her, but when she saw his wanting eyes, she knew he needed her as much as she needed him. Two could play the game.

She bit her lower lip and let it slowly slide between her teeth. She trailed his arm up to his exposed neck and with the tip of her fingers she touched his lips.

“Cullen…” – She let his name take longer on her lips than necessary, and caressed the back of his neck with her right fingertips. When he closed his eyes, she raised her left hand to his nape and sank her fingers into his hair.

She pulled him close and rested her forehead on his lips.

“You know there’s no one I want beside you, Cullen” – He rested his hands on the small of her back. – “It is time for me to go. There’s nothing else for a mage like me here, Ser templar.”

She walked away, and he let his hand travel down her arm while she left and before their bodies parted he held her hand, intertwining their fingers.

“Áine…”

She looked at him, gave him a sad smile and squeezed his hand.

“I know you’re not a templar anymore.”

Cullen watched her go with his hand on his chest. Blackwall helped her with an arm around her waist. He knew she was in good company.

Áine laid on her bedroll, the sunlight starting to penetrate the place. She remembered her last moments with Cullen, how close his lips were, his touch.

Amell came next. Her smooth skin with no scars came to view, and she caressed her burned arm and the scar on her jaw; her beautiful, perfect long hair the total opposite of hers, the color blue like sadness, a perfect reminder that she would never be happy, she could never be happy; piercing emerald eyes looking back at her, reminding her that she would never be enough for Cullen.

She sat up and punched the floor when she remembered he saw right through her when she said she was going to look for someone to warm her bedroll. He knew her; there was no discussing that. She stood up and gathered her things. She went to the stable to fetch a horse.

She felt weak and rested her head on the wall, and the dryness of her mouth remembered her of how much she had drunk, and suddenly she was vomiting on a somewhat secluded part of the place, which she thanked the Maker.

She cleaned her mouth with the back of her hand and mounted the horse. She crossed Skyhold’s gate without looking back. Her journey to Caer Bronach would take around a week, and she had already said her goodbyes.


	36. Love me, love me not.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Inquisitor goes to the Adamant Fortress and while she is there Cullen commands the soldiers on the battlefield.  
> After the battle, he discovers that something is missing.

Cullen exchanged a few words with the Inquisitor and saw her enter the Fortress. The sounds of the battle surrounded him, and the Inquisition soldiers fought valiantly against the Grey Wardens.

He heard him before he saw him, his templar training and instinct kicked into action and he turned with his shield up. The Grey Warden attacked with his dagger where his right side would be just seconds before.

Cullen pushed him back and went for his left side, but his sword only brushed the man’s armor. Without pause, he kept the pressure and, blow after blow, with both his sword and shield the man was soon down.

He returned to the battlefield, yelling commands here and there for his soldiers.

“Shield wall on the left; we need to breach the other gate…” – His orders were interrupted by a fear demon.

He lowered his shield when the demon’s claws went for his legs, and with the enemy’s distraction, he cut its head off.

“Shield wall, now. We will push until we have more men inside.” – He walked among his men.

Fighting Grey Wardens was no easy task, they were trained and experienced, and adding mages and demons to the equation did not help at all.

He surveyed his surroundings. The men and women were taking the brute force of the battle, and they were doing a good job, all those hours training were worth the result.

Leliana’s spies were among the men, with their daggers and agility they were weakening the Wardens. The archers and their arrows hitting the enemies where there was no armor.

The Inquisition mages were there in force too. Lightning came down from the sky here and there, a mist of cold air crept its way into the battlefield. The screams of demons and Wardens on fire could be heard from every corner.

As the Inquisition was gaining ground, they were also losing it too. There was a Pride demon advancing on the archers, two Terror demons were near the gate, and their fearlings crawled up on the men. He looked to his left and saw an ice spike from a Despair demon, and another was running among his men. He could see his soldiers fighting a Rage demon in the distance, and they were losing the battle.

He pressed on and Demons and Wardens, one after the other he engaged in battle. He was here to give the Inquisitor time, and he would give her even if he had to lose his life.

He was panting; the fight had dragged on. Demons were, as he could see, an unlimited source of soldiers. They kept coming from wherever it was they did. He looked around, the men still stood, and he was proud of them.

That’s when he saw Finley’s armor. He knew it was him because he was the only one who wore a pink one.

It had been three months since he last saw them; her. He went in his direction but the same way he saw Finley, he lost him. He searched around, his eyes focused. He kept fighting but his eyes always searching.

Cullen was tired, a demon had found a way into his elbow, and his shield arm was not as strong as he would have liked. One of the Warden’s rogue managed to cut his leg and calf, and he thanked the Maker it was not poisoned otherwise he would have succumbed by now.

It didn’t matter how many enemies came at him; he would defeat them all. And with this thought, something bashed his head, and his helmet came off.

He fell to the ground and in the last minute raised his shield. His arm gave in, and the shield flew a meter or less away. The warden raised his sword, and Cullen took the blow with his own; he held the blade with his hand and the fabric of the inner glove torn, letting the blade in his palm. He clenched his jaw with the pain and kicked the warden on the knee, but his foot went too high, and he kicked his thigh instead.

Cullen saw the Warden smile and raise his sword again, there was nothing he could do, and he knew he was going to die, he blinked, and in that fraction of a second, he saw her smiling face. He opened his eyes and raised his sword to take the next blow, but the warden widened his eyes and blood trickled down his mouth. Cullen rolled to the side, and First was smiling at him.

“Long time no see Commander!” – The twin laughed. – “You’re welcome by the way.” – He ran to his brother’s side.

Cullen stood up and grabbed his shield. He examined his surroundings.

“ _She is here.” –_ He thought with an ache in his chest. – “ _No!”_

He kept fighting and looking for her, but it didn’t matter, she was nowhere to be found.

Finley was fighting a Pride demon, and he ran in his direction.

“Hey Cullen, finally decided to join the party, huh?!” – Finley let out a nervous laugh.

“Focus Finley. This is not the time to make jokes!” – Cullen growled at the younger man.

“Humph. She is right you’re no fun!” – Finley shrugged.

Nevan acted as bait while the Twins circled the Demon, Finley charged its back and sank both of his swords in the back of its leg. The Demon screeched and tried to bash him who rolled to the side. Its huge arm was swinging in Nevan’s direction, who was fighting a Despair at the moment and didn’t notice.

Without a second to waste Cullen ran and sliced the Demon’s wrist, in response, it changed the arm movement, and Cullen was thrown to the ground with a strong punch. There was a dent in his armor, and something was piercing his chest.

With no time to assess the situation, he looked at the twins and without a word they engaged the Demon.

The twins attacked its sides at the same time and when it was distracted Cullen and Finley attacked its belly and neck. The Demon fell, its lifeless body shook the ground.

Cullen had a moment to spare and reached inside his armor, one of the little flower’s petal was broken, and Cullen cursed loud.

He didn’t have time to dwell on it though; the fight was still raging.

He yelled more orders here and there. Walked among the men and helped where he could.

They didn’t have much more time; the Inquisitor had to hurry. There wouldn’t be much of an army to go back to if she delayed any longer.

One of the soldiers were in a tight spot and Cullen went to help. He engaged the demon while she engaged the Warden. She had a firm grip, and Cullen didn't need to say anything. Side by side they fought and she killed her foe. He was having more trouble with the Rage demon, and when he dodged its lava grasp, he took the opportunity to cut its hand off, when the Demon screeched in pain Cullen pierced its eye with his blade.

A loud horn sounded from the fortress, and the Wardens stopped fighting.

 _“She must have won” –_ He let out a sigh of relief with the thought.

He spent the next hour helping the injured and counting the dead. He searched for her in every face he saw. Every time it wasn’t her, he breathed slightly lighter.

The Inquisitor returned with the news. The wardens were joining the Inquisition; she had extended them the same deal she had given the mages and Cullen was in no place to argue nor did he want, he had other things in mind.

When everything was done, and every soldier was being treated, he allowed himself some time. He retreated to his tent. Alone in there, he sat on the ground, his body aching everywhere. He took his elfroot potion from the satchel and opened it. He drank the entire flask and lay down on the ground. He closed his eyes and let his memory reach her.

She was safe wherever it was she went to. She hadn’t said goodbye nor left a letter. That day after their conversation, if he could call it a conversation, he went after her to apologize for his behavior, and after looking for her everywhere, he questioned Leliana about her whereabouts. The spymaster’s answer did not please him at the time, but he was glad later. It was better that way.

“She is gone, Cullen. I sent her where she was needed the most. She needs time to think, after all, you have decided both of your fates.” – Leliana organized the letters on her desk.

“She has told you.” – He asked hurt.

“No. But if I didn’t know, I wouldn’t be doing my job right, would I?”

Cullen resented his friend for days, but he then understood it was all his fault, not hers, and he even apologized which led Leliana to laugh and say no harm had been done.

The first weeks were the easiest, every day he told himself it was for the better. She was far and so was her family; there was no contact between them.

His friendship with Amell only grew, she asked if he wanted to talk about Áine and after he said no, she never spoke about her friend when he was around. She was someone he could count on.

It all changed when one day he heard Áine’s name in the tavern and then in a meeting in the war room. She had gathered vital intel for their march to Adamant Fortress. Later that day, in his office, he opened one more report only to find it was hers. Someone delivered it to his office by mistake, and he was sure it had been Varric or Dorian, but probably Cole. The boy hadn’t said a word about her, and when he questioned why, the boy simply stated: “Because she asked me not to.”

The report had nothing but information about Adamant, but just seeing her handwriting made his feelings emerge once again. He took her letters from the nightstand beside his bed and read them over and over, and it became a habit of his.

He tortured himself every night before sleep until he had enough courage and gave them to Dorian so he could hold them for some time until he could breathe again. The moment the mage took them, he said he wasn’t giving them back.

“You have given up on her. This is her; you still have the necklace. Take good care of it.”

He opened his eyes and saw the tent’s fabric above him, he reached for the ice flower on his chest but found nothing.

His body jerked up, he forgot all of the pain and sat straight. His hand traveled his torso. He checked inside his armor and the floor around. He went outside and retraced his way there, he searched and with every centimeter searched and no flower found, his chest tightened and his mouth was drier. His breaths were shallow and fast; he felt his face heating up to the point his vision started blurring and his eyes burned.

He had lost it.

He entered his tent again. He was angry, how could he have lost it, how could he have lost her.

Maker, he didn’t know what to feel or to think. It was a piece of her, and he had lost it.

He took deep breaths and tried to calm himself. He still had her letters, Dorian would give him them back, he had to.

Without thinking, he threw the flask away, and it shattered on the ground with a loud noise.

No, he knew Dorian wouldn’t give him the letters back.

He hid his face in his hands, and he cursed her. He cursed her for everything she had done to him.

She had given him a new purpose, a new light in his darkness. A future he hadn’t thought possible, something he believed he didn’t deserve.

She took his doubts and replaced them with certainty, and she gave him feelings that had been buried away long before. Feelings he was sure he didn’t have anymore.

She gave him everything he had ever wanted, and she took them away.

It was worse than the Circle, worse than the torture because it was an illusion and she was real. She was as real as the Maker had made her. She was real under his touch. She had been his, and now she wasn’t anymore.

She gave him life and then made him an empty shell.

He cursed her again because it wasn’t her fault. He still loved her, and he would always love her.

He cursed one last time, but this time not her, but him. He drove her away. He was weak, and a coward. Yes, a coward just like she addressed him.

She gave him her all, her worries and thoughts, her secrets and fears. She gave him herself and the next day he gave her in return a cold face and a broken heart. And she still loved him. Him an ex-Templar, everything she was supposed to oppose. After times and times, he tried to harm her, she still trusted him, believed in him, and he betrayed her.

He wasn’t and would never be what she deserved, he understood now.

He stood straight and cleaned the tears on his face.

He took his armor off to tend his wounds and was checking them when Amell entered his tent; she had a flask on one her hand and cloth on the other.

“I see you hadn’t forgotten to take care of yourself. That’s good. Let me help you.” – She tended to his superficial wounds and asked about the broken glass on the floor, but he shrugged and said it fell from his hand.

“I’m not a healer, and I think you should see one, you’ve got some nasty cuts.” – She wrinkled her nose.

They left his tent and went to one of the healers tending the soldiers. The place was cooler than his tent because of the open air, but the smell of death was stronger.

Cullen waited for his turn, and in the meanwhile, he checked the soldiers and gave orders where was necessary. He saw the twins and headed in their direction, Amell by his side.

“You guys fought well.” – He crossed his arm. – “Maybe a little more training on the form but the overall was very good.” – He sighed. – “Thank you for the help with the Warden. I owe you one.”

The boy looked at him and smiled while cleaning a nasty wound on his arm.

“Nah. Don’t worry about it Commander lion head.” – Cullen laughed, it had been too long since he heard the nickname. – “Besides, you saved Nevan; I’m sure we can call it quits!” – The boy extended his hand which Cullen shook with pleasure.

“Is Áine around? I would love to have a word with her.” – Amell asked eagerly.

“Nah, she stayed behind. We decided it was for the better.” – The boy glanced at Cullen without stopping tending his wounds.

“Oh… tell her I sent a tight hug, okay?!” – She said with a smile.

“Sure.” – The boy shrugged, and this time he looked Cullen in the eyes.

Cullen nodded in his directions, and the boy nodded back.

Amell held Cullen’s arm and took him to sit in one of the improvised seats. He didn’t want to, alleging that there were people in worse condition than him, but she obligated him to stay put after he offered the seat to another man.

Áine spied him among the soldiers and was glad he was alive. She knew he would survive.

Amell was cleaning the wound on his elbow and leaned a little closer. They were almost the same height, and they stared at each other.

Cullen looked at her and noticed her lips for the first time; they were rosy and full. She had a small mouth that complemented her face. She slowly leaned closer to him with her lips slightly apart, and he noticed her green eyes and the desire in them. He raised his hand and touched her cheeks and saw her close her eyes under his touch.

She watched the scene among the soldiers; she was close enough to see him touch her face. Her heart stopped, and she held her breath. He had moved on. He was alive, and that was what mattered, she made her brothers promise they would help him; that’s the only reason she was there, to make sure he would survive.

His hand moved to her blond hair, and he thought it was so strange. They didn’t wrap around his fingers, nor smelled like mint. He barely had to bend his neck to reach her small lips. Too small for his mouth, they wouldn’t fit. He saw her open her eyes and even the green in them had the wrong shade. The color of her skin was pale and didn’t contrast with his. His hand went down to her shoulder, and he lowered his eyes.

“I’m sorry.”

She couldn’t stop smiling; she didn’t try to stop it. She saw him back away from the kiss and apologize; she breathed again. Amell nodded and continued tending his elbow.

The next minutes were busy, and Cullen helped the wounded the best he could. He would have to meet with the Warden’s leader soon and had no time to spare.

He saw Finley and the Twins head to a group of people who were already mounted on horses, ready to go back to wherever they had come from when he saw raven curls.

“ _She was here.”_ – He thought.

He started walking in their direction, his hand on his chest where the ice daisy was supposed to be, but they were far, all he could do was watch her leave.

“I will see you again someday, Áine.” – He said with a smile on his lips.


	37. What could have been.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cullen keeps dreaming with Áine.  
> As an ex-templar, he knows mages control the fade how they like it, and that is the place humans go when they dream. He suspects things aren't as simple as they seem.

“The twins and her…”

“Áine…”

“The craziest boys I’ve ever seen…”

“Remember when she had blue hair? Curls...”

“…used to smile a lot more…”

“I wonder what happened.”

“… alone all the time…”

“Nevan seems so worried…”

“Do you think the rumors are true?”

Cullen stood up from his seat in the dark corner of the tavern, where he eavesdropped the conversation of the recently arrived agents. They came from Caer Bronach with news for Leliana. The place was a natural route for travelers and merchants, the perfect place for secrets and spies.

When he stood up, the man and woman looked at him and stopped their line of thought. Cullen nodded in their direction and left the tavern with determined steps.

He had been dreaming with her for the last couple of weeks. The dream was always the same, and he would wake up with her calling his name. And a feeling he couldn’t understand.

* * *

 

The sky was dark, no visible stars and the moon shone through the dense clouds. The raindrops on his skin were like needles.

He was in a forest. There were small and tall trees. Strange noises came from places he could not see.

Lost. Lose. Fear. Dread.

A loud sound – thunder – followed by the flash of lightning. A cry? A sound in the night.

He turns his attention to where he thinks the noise came from. A cold shiver down his spine.

His hand grabs the shield tightly. He looks down to see his full armor. His sword in his hand; high.

“When did I unsheathe it?”

His legs move, they know where to go. Through the trees he walks, aimlessly he thinks.

His name? “Cullen!” Someone calls him.

“I’m sorry!”

A whisper. A voice. He remembers it. Who? Whose?

Something is on the ground. He gets near it and crouches to see. A white flower. A daisy.

He stands up and turns his back to it. Legs move forward, but he wants to stops. He needs the flower. The flower? Daisy!

He turns to pick it. IT IS G’one.

He looks up, another flash of light, he looks down.

A hill ahead. Something on top of it.

A sob, a cry, a tear. His hand reaches his cheek; it is wet. He is crying.

“Why?”

He continues. A silhouette on top of the… cliff?

An island. A rocky island. The waves crash on the rocks. The rain doesn’t stop. The ocean is angry. The forest is gone.

“Cullen…”

His name on the wind again. A, whisper, between, sobs.

Pain.

His hand on his chest. Blood. Bleeding. A hole. Small.

He climbs the rocks. There’s an animal on the ground. He is afraid.

He closes his hand around his sword. But there is no sword. He looks at his hands. It is naked. He has no armor. He is wearing a white shirt and brown trousers.

Dread. Fear. Lose. Lost.

He closes his hands. Knuckles are white.

He approaches the animal. He hears it… crying.

Two more steps and then he finally sees. A woman.

She stands, her back to him. Her hands crossed over her chest. He guesses.

He takes five steps – He Counts Them In His Mind – The rain stops. Everything stops.

Something happens, another flash of light /her laugh surrounds him/ her hair starts to become blue.

He knows her.

One more step, she turns when he steps on a dried leaf. Her eyes are wide open.

.His mouth opens her mouth opens.

BOOM. He can’t hear, he can’t see, he can’t feel, he can’t smell.

He opens his eyes; time moves forward again but this time faster. Or is he slow?

The rain is heavy, heavy like his feet {he can’t move}

Her clothes are brown, no, red. She has a dagger. There is blood on it.

Lost. Lose. Fear. Dread. No!

The dagger falls on the ground. She shows him her open belly.

He winces.

She is at the edge of the cliff.

Thunder.

“Cullen…”

He runs…..

But

 

It is too

 

Late.

 

She falls. He extends his hand to grab her. There is no sound again.

Her mouth is open; he knows she is calling for him. He can’t hear it.

The water punishes the rock wall. He can see the white of the foams.

Her hair flies up hiding her face.

Her body slows down right before reaching the water.

Dread. Fear. Lose. Lost.

He blinks.

It is day. He is wearing his full armor.

He looks down. The ground is an ocean of snow.

He is surrounded by white mountains. There is no escape.

He turns and sees the small flower. The only life in that forsaken place.

He kneels near it. A tear falls beside the perfect blue and yellow flower.

Forget

Me

Not.

He picks it up. He holds it carefully in his hand and brings it close to his chest.

He opens his hand to see it.

But

It is a daisy. It is dry and dead. The petals fall on the snow, and he cries.

There’s a pressure on his shoulder, and he turns to see.

It is too bright, blinding him.

He hears his name, coming from her mouth, her voice.

He wakes up.

* * *

 

The first time he had the dream he couldn’t focus on anything else. There was this feeling. He couldn’t explain, it was as if he had lost something.

He knew the woman was Áine, but it had been just a dream. He had the same dream seven more times, and with each time, the feeling intensified.

He had made up his mind; he was going after her.

He entered the rotunda and greeted Solas. Step after step, his determination increased. He went up the spiraled stairs and reached Leliana.

The woman was talking to some soldiers and giving instructions, and she saw Cullen. She finished her meeting and addressed him.

“Can I help you, Cullen? You look awful.”

“I know where she is and I’m going there.”

She studied him and knew him more than enough to know he wasn’t bluffing.

“And what exactly do you want me to do?” – She asked looking at him.

“Nothing.”

“Nothing?”

“Don’t tell her I’m going.”

She was surprised with the conviction in his voice, but not with his decision.

“Very well. When do you leave?”

“Tomorrow morning. I’ve talked to Knight-Captain Rylen, and he will continue the soldiers’ training in my absence…”

“May I ask why?” – She crossed her arms over her chest.

Cullen sighed and started pacing. How could he explain to her his dreams if not even him understood it? His fingers massaged the back of his neck, and he gave her a side look before trying to explain.

“I had a dream; it was very confusing. She was there this I’m certain, but she was hurt… there was blood on her lower belly, where her scars are.” – He knew Leliana was aware of them. – “And there was this feeling; I was terrified, and there was nothing I could do. During the dream, I felt in my heart something was amiss, that I was missing something… something was gone, forever… Am I making myself clear?” – He sighed and then took a deep breath. – “When I wake up the feeling is still there. It is horrible I don’t know what to do.” – He leaned with his back on the wall.

“What do you think it means?”

“I don’t know, that’s the problem. I don’t think it was a simple dream. When humans dream, they go to the fade… Mages have more control over it… I think she is trying to tell me something. Maybe she doesn’t even know what she is doing, because before she…” – He cleaned his face with both hands. – “The way she looks at me. She is surprised; I wasn’t supposed to be there.”

“Before she?”

“She falls from the cliff, into the raging ocean. There’s nothing I can do. I can’t save her.”

“Some of my men will leave tomorrow. I will let them know you are joining them.”

“Thank you, Leliana. I will write to the Inquisitor and explain the situation.”

Cullen was leaving when she called him.

“Whatever it is, she needs you. Be there for her.”

He nodded and deep down he could feel how much his friendship with the spymaster had grown.

The morning came, and they rode to the keep. The trip usually takes around a week, but the men knew of paths Cullen would never have dreamed. They arrived there in five days.

Cullen got off the horse and led it to the stable. He hadn’t dreamed, but the familiar feeling was present again. Inquisition men and women walked around the Keep, the voices low in whispers. They were spies, and it was understandable, but even his soldiers seemed to be hiding secrets.

He looked around trying to find her; he knew she had her raven curls back, which would make things a little more difficult.

Charter was the one responsible for the place, and the one he looked for next.

He asked around for her whereabouts and found her near the entrance to the caves.

“They are back inside. How they keep finding their way in is still a mystery to me. I thought I had already asked for the both of you to get rid of them… two or three times before.” – She stared at the twins.

“We did. I swear!” – First tried to hide his laugh.

“Cross my heart.” – Cullen saw Dudu kicking an imaginary rock like Áine usually does.

“Get inside, and get rid of them, permanently this time!” – Charter slightly punched First’s shoulder and smiled at the boys.

He approached the trio, and the twins eyed him suspiciously. In the end, they took their weapons and entered the cave.

“Commander Cullen, I wasn’t aware you were visiting us. Are you here to check something?” – She raised an eyebrow.

“Not really. I’m here to talk to Áine…” – He was cut off by her.

“If you find her, let me know. I’ve been looking for her all day.” – Charter turned and entered the cave as well.

“Alright! That was very informing.” – He walked back to the Keep thinking.

Nevan’s voice came from inside a closed room, which Cullen knocked twice before opening the door, only to interrupt the boy in the moving for a kiss.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to…”

“Cullen? What are you doing here?” – The boy walked in his direction leaving the blushing girl behind.

He looked at the girl, and Nevan followed his gesture.

“Oh… give me a moment, please.”

He closed the door and waited nearby. He saw the girl coming out of the place without looking at him, and soon Nevan left the place as well.

“So, you and the lady…?” – He waited for the boy to tell him her name but got no answer. – “Does Áine know about this?”

“No. Probably yes.” – The boy scratched his chin. – “What brings you here?

“I came for her. Do you know where she is?”

Nevan gave him an intriguing look and crossed his arms over his chest.

“I don’t think it is a good idea… at least not now. You have terrible timing, did you know that?” – The boy asked Cullen but kept his eyes on the horizon.

“Tell me what happened to her.” – He used his commanding tone and straightened his spine. – “I know something happened, and it is the reason I’m here.”

“That’s the thing, Cullen. Nobody knows.” – He sighed deeply. – “She has kept to herself. We only see her when she is working. Barely leaves her room, and when she does, she goes to this hidden pond, sits there and cries. I tried to talk to her there, but she dismissed me like she dismissed the others.” – The boy looked at Cullen with tears in his eyes. – “I don’t know what’s wrong…” – Cullen saw him clean the tears and suddenly the boy changed to something Cullen had never seen. – “It is all your fault. Since you broke up with her, she hasn’t been the same. She rarely smiles, and her laughs are gone. She even dyed her hair back to her natural color. I wish she had never joined the Inquisition, this way we could go back to being a family. You took everything from her; us; me. Can’t you just go play Commander and leave us alone?” – The hatred in his voice was the opposite of the calm, warm tone the boy usually had.

Cullen stared at him, his words torn his heart because he knew the boy was right. He had said the same words to himself. He had no words to reply; his tongue was tied.

The boy kept staring at him, and Cullen watched his tears falling. He remembered the boy crying when they thought she was dead. He wanted to say something, but his mind was blank.

Then the boy hugged him. Cullen felt his arms around his waist and listened to his sobs. He caressed Nevan’s hair until the boy stopped crying.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean any of it. I’m worried about her, she doesn’t want to tell me what’s wrong and she always talks to me.” – He cleaned his eyes with the back of his hand as she does. – “Please, talk to her. I know she will tell you what’s wrong.”

Cullen smiled at him and squeezed his shoulders.

“I am here just for it. I’m not leaving until she tells me what’s wrong. I promise you!” – The boy gave him a small smile and told him how to find the hidden pond. – “Now go, continue ‘talking’ to that girl, alright?!”

Nevan laughed and walked away.

Cullen found the cave before the sunset. He took a torch from the wall and with a final look back to the reddish sun already partially hidden on the horizon, he entered the dark place.

The darkness in the cave reminded him of the dream, and a sense of dread started taking over his mind. His steps echoed on the walls, and he noticed how shallow and fast his breaths were.

He straightened his spine, and he squeezed the torch on his right hand, after turning a corner he saw light coming from the end of the tunnel, and he was able to breathe normally again.

He extinguished the torch and placed it on a nearby rock. Night came, and he saw stars in the sky. The moon reflected in the pond and he saw her sitting near the waters with her arms around her legs. From where he stood he could hear her low sobbing.

His hand immediately traveled to where the small daisy was supposed to be, and with a sigh, he started walking. He approached her and saw her hand caressing the pond’s waters. Her movements send small waves to the other side, and it was still again.

“One, two, three, four, five” – He unconsciously counted the steps and rubbed the back of his neck. He took a deep breath, and with one more step, she finally turned to him.

He saw her eyes go wide and her eyebrows shot up. Her mouth became an O, and she crossed her arms over her lower belly.

Her tears fell on her clothes, and he noticed she was wearing a black t-shirt. He smiled at the thought until he looked down to see himself wearing brown trousers and a white t-shirt.

“ _These are the clothes she wore when we were last together_.” – The painful thought crossed his mind.

“Cullen… what are you doing here?” – Her voice was low and hoarse. She probably hadn’t said a word in hours.

The familiar feeling washed over him. A cold shiver went down his spine before he addressed her.

“I came because you called me… from the fade.” – He tried to walk, but his legs didn’t move.

“And so, I failed again. I tried to stay away.” – She looked at the ground. – “You have a new life now; you managed to move on.” – She cleaned her eyes. – “I didn’t have the right to drag you here. I am sorry Cullen, I am so sorry, you deserve better. You should marry her; she can give you what I can’t.” – She looked away and embraced herself.

“What are you talking about? I don’t understand.” – He felt the anticipation in the air. He felt he was missing something deep in his soul.

“Cullen I am so so sorry…” – He saw her kneeling on the ground and hide her face in her hands. – “I lost it.”

He took a step in her direction his hand extended to touch her, his lips slightly apart.

“I lost the baby. It was all my fault…” – He didn’t hear the rest of the sentence.

He saw her lips moving; he noticed how the raven curls brushed on her skin, her painful tears running down her face and the hurt in her eyes.

Something was falling, probably him; the time was slow. He kept looking at her, how her hands fell on her sides. He knew she was screaming, but he heard no sound.

His body was so heavy it moved forward, and he planted his hands on the ground. His tears hit the grass, and he knew there was wind because her hair flew on her face hiding it.

He understood then and there why he felt something was missing. He sat and images of what could have been invaded his mind.

She has a small belly; next, it is huge. The little life in there growing strong. The smile on her face; how proud he is. There is a ring on her left hand when he intertwined their hands on her belly. The mint scent of her hair in his lungs, the taste of chocolate on her tongue. Her laughter in the air when they lay on their bed, and he kisses her shoulder.

He sees her taking a nap on the armchair and can’t stop the smile on his face. Suddenly, a little girl enters the place with a doll in her tiny hands, tears running down her beautiful face. He tucks some wild curls behind her ear and kisses her eyes. She shows him a cut on her knee and pouts. He chuckles then kisses it. He watches his little mage run towards aunt Sera.

Cullen opened his eyes and felt the tears running down his face, through the blurry vision he sees Áine rocking her body back and forth, her head resting on her knees.

He had so many questions, but he knew it wasn’t the time. He gathered all the strength he had and stood up; he kneeled in front of her, and his hand hovered her head, he was afraid of touching her; to hurt her more.

She raised her head and looked at him, and he tucked some of her hair behind her ear. He tried to clean her tears, but they kept coming so he gave up and rested his forehead on hers.

He felt her shivering and pulled her into a hug. She slowly placed her arms around him and returned the embrace.

“Cullen…” – He tried to shush her, but she kept saying. – “I am so sorry; it is all my fault…”

“No, please. Don’t say that” – He smelled her hair.

“Yes, it is. I should have known. How did I not know?” – She tried to get away from him, but he tightened the hug. – “I was feeling sick one morning when mother approached me. She asked if I was pregnant, but I laughed it away. I had no symptoms, no cravings, everything was normal. I had gained some weight, but I attributed it to my lack of legwork, I work with Charter, so it is most reports, I barely exercise anymore…” – She was silent for a moment, and then he heard her sobs.

“Áine, listen…”

“Around a month ago, I woke up and was feeling sick. At breakfast, I tried to eat some strawberries, but I almost threw up. I got anxious and decided to check it, and I found out I was pregnant…” – She looked into his eyes, and he ran his hand on her hair. – “I debated for a few days on how I was going to tell you when it happened. I was here one afternoon when I lost it.” – She grabbed his t-shirt and buried her face in his chest.

He closed his eyes and kissed her head. She was alone all this time; she endured all of it alone because he had left her.

He thought she would be safe from the dangers against the Inquisition, but he never thought life could be so hard on her; so hard on her again.

He wasn’t there when she found out she was pregnant, and more importantly, he wasn’t there when she lost it.

He wasn’t there when she needed him the most.

“Áine, I need you to listen to me, alright?” – He held her chin and looked at her face. She kept her eyes shut, her silent tears running down her cheeks.

“Cullen, I am so sorry.” – She started in a low voice. Her hot breath on his skin. – “I cannot give you what you deserve but they can.” – She rested her forehead on his mouth.

“Áine…”

“I saw you and Amell on Adamant. You liked her, and you can still love her. Everyone has heard the rumors about you and the Inquisitor. They can give you a family Cullen; they can give you what I can’t… happiness.”

She looked into his eyes, and right there he knew.

There was no warmth in them, no laugh or mischievousness, only hurt. He finally got what he feared most.

He had lost her.

He opened his mouth to say something, how much he loved and needed her.

“I am so sorry too.” – He held her face between his hands. – “I am sorry I wasn’t here for you. I thought I was protecting you, but I only hurt you more. I am sorry I couldn’t be the man you thought I was. You did everything right and I just…”

She kissed him.

His lips parted to welcome her. She embraced him and kissed him the gentlest kiss he had ever had. Even then she was more than him.

“Don’t.” – She said moving away from him. – “Just leave me here, I beg you.” – She looked at the ground.

He tried to touch her again, but she pushed him away.

“Go! Please.” – She yelled at him. – “Leave me alone. I can’t do this… not anymore.” – She took a deep breath and hugged her legs.

He looked at her and the hurt in her eyes torn him apart.

He stood up and left her there. His sobs echoed throughout the cave. He punched the wall, and his fingers started bleeding.

He reached the Keep, saddled his horse, and left without looking back.

What once he called a heart was broken and lost in a hidden pond.


	38. In a sea of promises, an ocean of desires.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leliana needs someone she trusts to be in charge of Emprise du Lion's Keep. Áine is the one in her mind.  
> Cullen decides to check the Quarry in person.  
> Will Cullen let what he sees there get in their way?

> Leliana,
> 
> I am so sorry to inform you that from this day on I will no longer be part of the Inquisition.
> 
> I thank you for the opportunity, but I feel that there is nothing else I can do to help.
> 
> As far as I know you, I’m sure you are aware of the reasons I have chosen to do so. It is with a heavy heart that I must depart and try to gather the little I have left.
> 
> My family – Mother, Finley, Dudu, First and Nevan – will continue working under your orders, despite the discussion we had about my departure.
> 
> I hope they can do what I can’t any longer. You have my word and vouch for them. They may be a bit loud and full of opinions, but they are loyal and wish to help.
> 
> I don’t know what I am going to do or where I am going, but I will make sure to spread news of the Inquisition’s good work, if I happen to stumble on someone I think is trustworthy and capable, I will direct him/her to Skyhold.
> 
> In a more personal tone, I want to thank you for being there for me even from the shadows. I know that you have helped me the way you can.
> 
> I am grateful for everything you’ve done in my life; without you I wouldn’t be here. And although I am not at the happiest moment, I had great experiences and could enjoy things I would never be able to if you hadn’t intervened when you did.
> 
>                                            Your friend,
> 
>                                                                       Áine.

 The day Leliana received the news her heart cried for the friend she was ‘losing’, but she understood her reasons and made no further questions. In her farewell letter, she wished Áine a good departure and the Maker’s blessings.

That was the reason she was reluctant to contact the mage again, but the situation in Emprise du Lion was direr than anticipated. 

Scout Lace Harding’s report was worrisome, and Leliana had to, somehow, have someone she fully trusted to keep things under control, and no other than her friend’s name came to her mind.

Áine hadn’t sent any news since her resignation letter eight months before, but she had sent two new agents to Skyhold, and with the information they were able to provide, she was capable of narrowing down her position. After weeks and a lot of trouble, her pursuit had results.

Scouts had been sent to find her, and they brought good news with them. Áine had last been seen in Lothering. An apple never falls far from its tree, and as a Fereldan, Áine wouldn’t be outside her home.

>  Dear friend,
> 
> I hope finding me wasn’t as easy as you made it seem. I would be extremely upset if it were.
> 
> Your scouts have contacted me, and I have one request if I may. My return to the Inquisition must remain secret. I don’t want anyone to know I am back, including my family. If my request isn’t considered too much, I will gladly help you in that cold and forsaken place.
> 
> I don’t know what you want me to do about the dragons though, that is Bull’s line of expertise, and I’m sure Dorian is not happy about it.
> 
>                                            Your friend,
> 
>                                                                       Áine.
> 
>  
> 
> P.S.: I missed you greatly.

 Leliana laughed with her reply, and within minutes a raven was leaving Skyhold with her answer.

* * *

 

 “But do we really need to go… again? Everything is frozen in that place, the trees, the animals, the people!”

“C’mon Dorian, you know that’s not true. The place is under a lot of trouble, the presence of Red Templars and cases of missing people have increased, and we are the Inquisition and cannot let it slide.”

“I know, I just wish it could be a little hotter. Skyhold is not one of the warmest places I’ve been…”

“Look, I promise you I’ll take you somewhere sunny…”

“No way, don’t give me that bullshit, I am not going to the Western Approach with you.”

“Don’t lie to yourself, we all know you are going. Especially because Bull has volunteered.”

“Fasta vass!”

Varric chuckled behind his cards.

“There’s no escape Sparkler, at least I haven’t found one… yet.” – He lowered his cards with a grin. – “I think this round is mine.”

“Kaffas” – He gave Alessa a side glance.

“And here I thought you were friends with Cullen… tsk tsk … I will tell him about it.” – She scratched her head.

“I don’t see why Cullen should be mentioned in this conversation.” – The mage rested his hand on the table and turned to look at her.

“He is coming with us. He wants to see how much Samson has fallen.” – She lowered her eyes to the table.

“Hmm… I see. It will do him good to leave Skyhold for some time.” – Dorian looked at the tavern’s window, lost in thought.

“He has been working a lot in the last months… Is he eating properly?” – Varric asked himself. 

Cullen was walking the battlements; he needed some fresh air. Two soldiers talked ahead of him; he could tell they were drunk by the volume of their voices.

“I don’t want to go back… I can barely sleep when I’m there.”

“I know! But you shouldn’t be complaining, you have your wife to warm your nights.”

“The last time we were there, we worked on different shifts, and I rarely spend a night with her.” – He sighed. – “Hey, I saw you talking to the new girl the other day. C’mon, don’t play innocent.”

Cullen was watching the soldiers lightening the braziers on the walls.

“Oh yes, she’s beautiful. She has the most interesting hazel eyes, and I can’t stop staring at her lips.” – He chuckled. – “Her sense of humor is amazing, and I love to hear her laughter.” – He put his hands in his pockets.

Cullen’s mind revisited Áine’s eyes and lips. He heard her laughter in his ears and smiled.

“It’s a shame she is so shy; she never talks about herself.”

“She is a spy; it is understandable. I heard Sister Nightingale chose her herself to be the head of the Keep’s spies.”

“It’s true, but still, I don’t know anything about her.”

“Does it matter? Do you fancy her or not?” – The soldier asked.

“Yes. I don’t care about what they say… she’s special.”

“What do they say about her?” – Cullen saw the man trip on a rock.

“Well, you know she is a mage, right? And people talk about her burned arm...” – Cullen’s interested was piqued. He walked faster to catch up with them.

“Yes, I’ve seen it. But people talk about what they don’t know. She is there for what? A month and a half? Maybe two?”

“I think around two… I’m not certain.” –The soldier adjusted his helmet. – “I don’t really care about that though. When she smiles, it is all that I see. The last time we spoke I told her I was coming to Skyhold and she gave me a quick hug for good luck, the mint smell…”

Cullen stopped.

“Áine…” – Her name reached his lips.

He turned on his heels and headed to his office. He searched every report he had on Emprise du Lion and re-read them, but found no evidence of her presence.

The last he heard of her was that she had left the Inquisition, and he heard it from Sera who had received a farewell letter from her. He was upset because she didn’t send him one, but he knew the reason and couldn’t blame her.

For two months she was stationed at Emprise du Lion, and he didn’t suspect. There were no clues indicating she was back, and Cullen was sure it was a secret between her and Leliana.

Sera would, despite being warned not to, have told him the moment she found out. Their friendship had grown, and he started seeing the troublesome elf as more than a nuisance and colleague, he began to see her as part of the family. How many times had she sent him food or came to have dinner with him in the last months? He had lost count of it. Of course, he still didn’t like her pranks, but he learned that that was her way to say she cared.

He would not let the Spymaster know he was aware of her present whereabouts. If Áine wanted him out of her life, he would respect her wishes, but the possibility of seeing her again, it didn’t matter if it was from afar… He sat in his chair and let his mind wonder.

They arrived in Emprise du Lion, and Cullen understood why everyone complained about the cold. The sight of the frozen river alone froze his bones, he closed his fur coat closely on his body and continued his way to the Keep.

As much as he tried to be discreet he couldn’t; he was caught several times looking around and lost in thought.

The night approached, and he was shown to his quarters and the other facilities in the Keep. He bathed and went down for dinner. His heart beating fast in anticipation of the moment he would see her again.

He was, in the end, disappointed because she was nowhere to be seen, but a piece of information brought hope to his heart.

“Inquisitor, I am Amelia. If you need anything, let me know, and we will provide.” – The woman gave Alessa a deep bow.

“You are the one responsible for keeping this place working?” – Alessa asked touching the spy’s arm, making her blush.

“N-No.” – Alessa chuckled causing the woman to blush more. – “My superior is looking at some leads in the town and left me in charge of the place. But I assure you, she wouldn’t trust me with this if I weren’t capable. She was worried about your arrival, and made sure everything was in place herself before leaving to continue her investigation.”

“I keep hearing about this woman, but I don’t know her name.” – Alessa waited for Amelia’s reply.

Amelia looked around and started rubbing her hands.

“I am sorry Inquisitor. I can’t give you her name because no one knows, we call her Mage.” – The woman was nervous.

“Mage? You call her ‘Mage’? That is very reassuring. I will have to talk to Leliana about it.” – Alessa rested her hands on her hips.

“Leliana sent word she was coming, it had her description, and she also presented us her…” – The woman looked around once more. – “The proof she was one of us.”

“Alessa, if you allow me.” – Cullen turned to them. His heart beating faster because he knew it was Áine they were talking about. – “If Leliana thinks it’s important that this woman’s name is not known, I am sure she has good reasons. Maybe we should wait until we are back in Skyhold unless we want to intrude in their investigations.”

“Well, I am the Inquisitor, and it would be important that I knew…” – Cullen chuckled at her words.

“Has it stopped Leliana before?” – He waited for her answer, and after her ‘no’, he continued. – “Leliana is the Spymaster after all; she has her reasons for doing things the way she does.” – He returned to his meal.

“I guess you’re right.”

Cullen returned to his quarter and got ready to sleep. Thinking she could be walking around the Keep made him restless.

They spent five days in Emprise du Lion, and he wasn’t able to see her once. At every corner, every meal, he knew it would be the time they would meet, but every time his anticipation proved fruitless.

They were leaving the place the next day, and this was his last opportunity to see her one more time. He had lunch and headed to town.

On his way there he kept thinking about the things he would say:

“Hello! How have you been?”; “Hi! You look well”; “It’s nice to see you again.”; “I am glad you are well.”

As much effort as he put on the things he would say to her, it wasn’t enough. He stopped and leaned on the broken wall of a destroyed house; he was at the town’s gate now and could hear people talking.

“I love you. I know I don’t deserve it, but just give me one more chance…please.” – He whispered to the cold wind.

After taking a deep breath, he adjusted his clothes and armor and entered the place. He walked between the houses and among the people, his eyes searching and his ears attentive until he finally heard her laughter.

His muscles tensioned and his breath was cut short. His heart beat in his ears, and there was a funny feeling in his stomach.

He walked toward the sound and heard her laughter again. He was near a window and eavesdropped on their conversation.

“You are trying to tell me, that you single-handed killed a pack of wild wolves, with a simple dagger, during the night?” – She laughed again, and Cullen grinned. – “That is actually impressive soldier, maybe we can head out tonight, and you show me how you did it. I know there’s a pack of wolves near the destroyed bridge…”

“No, ma’am… I mean, I don’t want to make the others uncomfortable…”

“Sure…” – He recognized the tone in her voice.

Cullen stiffed his laughter and turned right on the corner, bumping into a blushing soldier. He could see the door mere steps away when he passed by an open window, his instincts kicked in and he decided to go back and take a look at her.

She was wearing black pants and a blue blouse, with further inspection, he saw that she was barefoot and her blouse had small buttons at the neckline and delicate laces in the sleeves. She turned her back to him and started humming, the familiar melody brought lightness to his heart, and he couldn’t stop smiling. She kept her hair dark and the curls now almost reached her waist.

He imagined himself approaching her and wrapping them around his fingers. He would embrace her and fill his lungs with her scent, then kiss every little part of her face leaving her teasing lips for last. And still lost in his fantasies he saw movement out of the corner of his eyes, a blonde man was approaching her.

Cullen saw the man getting closer and touch her elbow; he watched how she turned to him with a big smile and then the delicate way he touched her face. The man adjusted her hair on her shoulders and said something in her ear, causing her to rest her hands on his chest and nod.

Cullen leaned with his back on the wall and with a blurry vision walked away, back to the keep.

“ _Just make her happy… she is worth every effort_ ” – He thought, wishing he could advise the man.

The meeting was taking longer than Cullen had wished. The things they had discovered in the Quarry days ago, proved to be more troublesome than they had anticipated.

“I heard Michel de Chevin has already won some of the recruits’ respect. As a renowned Chevalier, I can already see him helping with the troops training. I just hope he understands this isn’t Orlais.”

“Hush Cullen. We all know a Fereldan man commands the troops, and no one is stupid enough to judge his skills and knowledge.” – Leliana looked at him with a malicious smile. – “Even if they try… believe me, they won’t.” – She winked at him.

“I thank you for the vote of confidence Leliana. I know deep down you are a human being with a lot of soft spots.” – He chuckled carefreely, joined by Josephine.

“Commander! I wouldn’t say that aloud; she might have to kill someone to prove you’re wrong.” – Josephine continued writing her report without looking at them and with a smile on her face.

“Hmm… you’re not wrong, Cullen.” – She took a dagger hidden on her clothes and started picking her fingernails. – “But this secret is never leaving this room.”

They laughed and started talking business again.

Cullen looked down at the report on his hand and rubbed the back of his neck. There was a knock on the door, and Michel entered the door.

He lifted his head to look at him, and his jaw tensioned. His shoulders were stiff, and he held the clipboard a little tighter than normal. He had been wondering who was the man with Áine since that day, and the answer was there in front of him.

Michel approached him and extended his hand, Cullen caught it with a steady hand and shook it. For the rest of the meeting, Cullen had to take deep breaths and control himself.

Days passed, and every time he saw Michel walking around, he had to remember that it was all his fault and she had all the right to start over. This time wasn’t different from the rest, he crossed the throne room and nodded at the Chevalier, his heart as small as a copper coin.

“ _You need to let her go. You had your chance, and you threw it away_.” – He kept repeating it in his mind.

There was a snowstorm and Cullen probably was the only one outside. He braved it and reached his office, he opened the door and saw Áine standing by the window, watching the snow falling on the valley below.

He closed the door without taking his eyes off of her, and they were finally alone. The only sounds in his office came from the wind on the partially open windows and the logs crackling in the fireplace.

“I’m leaving for the Emerald Graves tomorrow…” – She hugged herself and kicked an imaginary rock. – “I just wanted to see you one more time… to make sure your withdrawal is not causing too many problems.” – He saw her tucking some hair behind her right ear.

They never discussed it, but she knew, of course, she did. How many times had he awakened in the middle of the night with her cleaning his sweat? Or pouring healing magic on his temples?

He will always remember the first time he woke up with a potion on his nightstand with a note from her.

> For the pain.

When she was away, she made sure to leave potions behind in case anything happened. And after he started finding water and fruits on his table every morning after his exercises, he learned that she had agreed with one of the servants to always have fresh water and fruits delivered to him when she wasn’t there.

He didn’t need to tell her; it was one of the many reasons he loved her. She understood him, she knew him. No words were necessary; they didn’t need to say anything for the other to understand.

His fingers brushed against each other, and his lips were trembling. She was there; she was really there.

He steadied his voice and explained it was okay and under control. The headaches were rare now.

“Are you sure it’s under control? Do you have other symptoms?” – He noticed the warmth in her voice. There was true concern in her words.

“You don’t need to worry about it… me…” – He tried to continue his line of thought, but his words vanished in the silence of the room. He wanted to tell her he was fine without her, but he didn’t want to lie.

Cullen’s body started to warm up with the heat from the fireplace, but he could still feel the chilliness of her stance.

“I saw you.” – She leaned on her left side and caressed her burn scar. – “In Emprise du Lion… by the window.” – The silence stretched between them.

Cullen didn’t know what to do; he didn’t know what to say. He was scared she would walk away once again, so he decided to enjoy every second of her presence he could, to commit every detail of her in his mind.

With her back still turned to him, Cullen saw her straighten her body and start to move in the other door’s direction. He couldn’t allow it, no, he wouldn’t allow her to leave before he said everything he wanted to.

He blocked the door with his left hand, and she was trapped between him and it.

She had her hand on the doorknob, and their bodies were so close he could see some of her hair moving with his breathing.

The curls’ mint smell reached his nose, and he took a deep breath, his body tensioned with their proximity. She didn’t move, and he could hear her heavy breathing.

“Michel de Chevin…” – The name tasted sour in his mouth. – “Who is he to you?” – He whispered in her ear.

“Nothing but a friend.” – He heard her wavering voice.

He couldn’t stop it, and his fingertips trailed her right arm up to her shoulder. He could feel the shiver on her skin and heard the gasp that escaped her mouth.

His fingers traveled from her shoulder up to her neck, until he wrapped some of her curls around them. His heart ached, and he pulled them closer to fill his lungs with their smell.

He noticed she didn’t say a word and without a second thought he gently pulled the hair from her left shoulder, and his head slowly went down to have her skin on his lips. He stopped mere centimeters apart, and as she didn’t protest, he narrowed the space until her taste was on his tongue.

He squeezed her shoulder and bit her neck, with the tip of his tongue he tasted her from her shoulder to her ear. When he heard the shy moan escape her mouth, he sucked and licked her earlobe, his hand squeezed her waist and pulled her body near. Her hand traveled back, and he felt her fingers going into his hair, her fingernails scratching his skin.

He pulled her body closer and bit her nape, with his left hand he held her face.

“Áine.”

His voice was firm and full of desire when he whispered her name in her ear, not her nickname, but Áine. And when he heard her moan his name, he knew. He knew that just like he was still hers, she was still his.

His thumb traced her lips before he gently turned her head back in his direction. His right hand trailing down her right arm to reach her hand and finally intertwine their fingers.

When her face was finally in his line of sight he reached her lips with his, but before they touched, his eyes locked in hers and he got lost in a sea of promises.

Only when she whispered his name and her hot breath touched his lips, he finally kissed her, and they got lost in an ocean of desire.

Áine held his hair and pulled his head intensifying the kiss. Her body leaned against him, and he slid his hands under her coat. Her skin was warm, and Cullen caressed it with his fingertips, his left hand going up and his right going down.

He massaged her breast, and she bit his lower lip; he felt her standing on her toes to have her hips against his. His right hand undid the laces in her pants; his fingers were entering it when she stopped his hand, she stopped everything.

“Cullen, I…” – She turned to face him, and Cullen tried hard to steady his breathing. – “If we do this... I don’t want it to stop… I can’t nor want to move on from you…I…”

Cullen smiled and held her face between his hands, kissing her. She took his fur coat off, and it fell silently on the ground. He kept kissing her, and she managed to get rid of his belt, his vest soon was going up his head, and as soon as it was out of the picture, he held her and started kissing her neck.

His hand squeezed her left buttock, and his hand slid inside her pants to feel her skin. He heard her giggle and lifted his head to look at her.

“I need some help here.” – She poked his pauldrons and saw him smile.

“Right… sorry.” – He blushed making her laugh aloud.

She kissed him between smiles and giggles and ran her fingers through his hair. She parted the kiss, and together they took the pauldrons off, and it was tossed behind with a loud crash. Something got broken, and Áine leaned to see, but Cullen held her face and started kissing her again.

Cullen himself took care of the cuirass which he placed on the ground near them, and now free of what was stopping him from feeling her, he gave her a sly smile and caressed her face with his fingertips and palm. She sighed and took a deep breath, her eyes only closed when she leaned on his touch.

She gasped and laughed when he pressed her against the door, his hands grabbed her ass, and he lifted her off the ground. With his hips in between her legs and her arms around his neck, he kissed and bit her lips.

Áine couldn’t believe that after all this time she was here with him, and she wouldn’t allow him to push her away, never again. She drove her fingernails into his skin, and she heard his moan when she pulled him to her. His hips pressing on hers alone were almost making her come.

Cullen placed her on the ground and slowly took her coat off. His fingers brushed against her skin, and he kissed the way up her belly until he had her breast in his mouth. He bit her hard nipple and played with it, she moaned and pressed his head closer, and he made circles around it with his tongue. His other hand kneaded the other one, and she held his head with both hands.

He started his way down and stripped her of her pants; he kissed and squeezed her legs both on the way down and up. Her underwear was white, and he held its sides with both hands, his fingertips slowly took it down, and he made sure to look into her eyes during the process. Her smile was the most beautiful thing he had seen.

He placed her right leg on his shoulder and started sucking her clit. She gasped loudly, and her hand flew to his hair. The view of him down on her, made Áine forget everything. She tried not to moan but failed miserably. She wasn’t in control anymore. She leaned on the door and let him do whatever he wanted with her.

Cullen took her other leg, and now she was sitting on his shoulders, her only support was the door, and she was in the middle of thinking someone could open the door when he sucked her clit, and she jerked her head back, a loud noise escaped her mouth.

He played, licked and sucked her, and as much as she tried, she couldn’t delay her climax. She came in his mouth, and her legs shook on his shoulders. Cullen waited for her to regain some self-control and placed her on the ground again.

He wanted to kiss his way up, but she pulled him and kissed him. He felt her biting his lip and moaned, she kissed his chin and his neck. He noticed what she was about to do and stopped her by pulling her to his lips again.

“No.” – He whispered in her ear. – “Allow me.” – He started playing with her clit again, and her breasts got some of his attention as well.

He licked around her nipples and introduced a finger on her. When she started rolling her hips on his hand, he traced her lips with his thumb, and she placed it in her mouth. He moaned when she sucked it, and she let a giggle escape her mouth, in response, he bit her nipple and introduced another finger on her.

Cullen kissed her, and she held his cock, she started stroking it, and he panted on her mouth. With his moaning in her ear and his thumb playing with her clit she soon had another orgasm.

She laughed, and he kissed her neck. She turned and stood on her toes; her hands planted on the door. 

Cullen pushed her hair to her shoulder to have a full view of her back and traced it with his hands. He held her hips and slowly penetrated her.

She was hot and wet, his cock throbbed with pleasure, and he had to take a moment to breathe. He rested his head on her neck and breathed her hair smell in.

He slowly slid his cock out, and he saw she tensioning. The same way he let it out, he slid it in. He held her waist and squeezed it; he took the opportunity to feel her reaction to him.

He started going faster, and he heard her moan, but when she called his name and grabbed his ass, he gave up all his restraints and fucked her.

He was going fast and steady, her walls closed on his cock, and he grabbed her hair pulling her head to him. He kissed her, and she bit his mouth. When her fingers found his hair, his found her clit.

Cullen was almost coming when he felt her body trembling, and she cursed aloud. He smiled satisfied knowing it was because of him.

He took his cock out and turned her to him, he kissed her and held her hand. He adjusted his fur coat on the floor and lay her on it.

He parted her legs and penetrated her. He wanted to look at her when she came one more time.

It didn’t take long for Áine to come again. His kisses and his breathing in her ear were all she needed, but his strong thrusts and the way he squeezed her just made it more powerful. She felt her body melting and couldn’t help but to call his name when she came.

Cullen heard his name on her lips and felt her body shaking under him. She closed her eyes and lifted her chin when she reached her climax, and he smiled at it.

He was near his orgasm too, all it took was her driving her fingernails on his left ass and pulling him in. He felt it coming with a tingling sensation in his body, so he intertwined their fingers and kissed her. He thrust a few more times and came inside her.

She trailed his back up with her fingers and ran her hand through his hair. They looked at each other and smiled. She traced his features and kissed his lips.

“Cullen…”

“I love you, and if you give me one more chance, I will do my best to make you happy.” – The words blurted out of his mouth.

He saw her smile and then laugh, and laugh again. He blushed and waited for her answer.

“No.” – She said at the end.

He frowned and started moving away. She stopped him and forced him to look at her.

“I won’t give you what there isn’t to give. I am yours, Cullen, always have been. I told you once that there is nothing you can do that will stop me from loving you. Ever.” – She smiled at him, and he breathed again. – “I just want to be with you...”

Cullen kissed her, and she felt his tears on her cheeks.

“Good.” – He said while she cleaned his face. – “I won’t let you go anywhere where I can’t see you!”

“I believe there are no more circles.” – He laughed at her words. – “And I thought you weren’t a templar anymore.” – She rolled on top of him and planted kisses all over of his face.

He caressed her cheek with the back of his fingers. – “There’s a lot to say, but right now, I just want to be with you.” – He leaned on his elbows and kissed her.

He stood up and took his t-shirt to clean them.

“Agreed, Ser Templar.” – She rested her head on his chest, and he made circles on her back with his index finger. – “Do you think anyone will come by?”

“I hope not! And if they do, I will send them away.” – He heard her deep breathing; she was almost sleeping. – “I love you, Áine.”

“I love you too, Cullen.”

He watched the fireplace and listened to her breathing. He felt whole again with her sleeping on his chest. He couldn’t stop smiling.

“I won’t let anything come between us again.” – He promised on her hair.


	39. In the Humming of a Song.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cullen tries to make Áine more comfortable but ends up doing exactly what he didn't intend to.  
> He also takes the opportunity to do what he wanted to do in the Winter Palace.

His eyelids were heavy with sleepy too, but given the place they were and how deep into the land of dream Áine was, he had to keep himself awake in case anyone decided to come by. The fact that he loved watching her sleep, that he couldn’t stop admiring her, had nothing to do with it too.

Cullen heard the wind howling outside the window and carefully stood up to put more firewood in the fireplace. He looked at Áine, and the yellow light danced on her peaceful features.

She was curled up on his coat, but her leg rested in the crude floor, and he wasn’t going to let it happen. He went upstairs and took sheets and blankets to cover her. On his way back he knocked his knee on the nightstand and heard her call his name.

“I’m coming. Just a second.” – He threw the blankets downstairs and descended the ladder.

Áine waited for him near the fireplace wearing his coat, but it was too big for her, and she had to fold it to be able to cover herself. She saw him pick up the blankets and walk in her direction. His naked body a delightful view.

“You were sleeping on the ground, and I didn’t want to wake you… we can go upstairs…” – He stopped mid-sentence under her intense glare. – “Is everything alright?” – He hurried to be beside her.

“Yes… No… I mean…” – She sighed. – “I don’t want to lose you again.” – Running her fingers through her hair she turned her back to him.

“You won’t” – He took some hair from her shoulder and rested his chin on it while holding her waist. – “I’m here, and I’m not going anywhere.”

They watched the flames in the fireplace and the occasional burning ash in the air. Áine started humming, and Cullen closed his eyes listening.

Áine felt him moving their bodies from one side to the other in the rhythm of the song and his arms embrace her. He pulled her close and planted small kisses on her cheek and neck.

When she stopped humming, he started, and his hand held hers. He spun her and placed one of his hands on the small of her back and intertwined the other one. He gently pulled her closer, and she rested her head on his chest while he moved their bodies from one side to the other of the room. Two steps to the left followed by two to the right.

He spun her once again and watched her curls flying, her giggle a blessing. He let her hand go and bowed in her direction, a gesture she repeated allowing the coat to move freely on her skin.

Áine took the hand he offered and felt her body being pulled to him. She placed her arms around his neck when he lifted her from the ground and pivoted around his office.

He stopped, and her feet once again touched the cold ground. His right hand held her right hand, and they bowed to each other, the same was done with the other hands.

The song was done, but the dancing wasn’t over. He stopped humming, but Áine started it again, and they were only finished when they both hummed at the same time, and the song came to an end; Cullen’s mouth claiming Áine’s.

They laughed, and he started going upstairs to their bed, but she organized the sheets and blankets on the floor near the fireplace and waited for him to join her.

The snowstorm still raged outside, they could hear the wind howling and screeching, but that was their moment. Nature could cry and yell, but what in other people’s eyes would be terrible weather and even a sign that they being together was wrong, to them was the opposite; mother nature kept the others away with her unquestionable force giving them a chance to rediscover themselves, to find love again.

Cullen lay down beside her. Resting on his side and leaning on his elbow, he traced her skin with his fingertips. They talked about nothing, didn’t say anything, and still, promises were made without words, a new life was established through fingertips.

Áine held his hand when his fingers reached her belly, and he saw the sadness in her hazel eyes. He watched as the tears started to form and with a smile kissed the tip of her nose.

“It wasn’t your fault. It was nobody’s fault.” – He said loud for her, the Maker and whoever wanted to hear. – “Everything will be fine now; we will be fine because we are here.” – He took her hand to his chest near his heart so she could feel it beating. – “I will always love you,” – He planted his hand on her belly and this time whispered in her ear. – “I’m yours.”

Cullen raised his head and saw her lips curved up and smiling eyes. The tears were shooed away by his touch on her cheek and a promising kiss on her lips.

He heard her deep breathing and thought she was sleeping, so Cullen restarted admiring her, but he was surprised when she addressed him with a lazy voice.

“You dance wonderfully well for a templar.”

Cullen moved his body closer to hers and soon they met in the land of dreams.


	40. I believed you.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Inquisition marches to the Arbor Wilds and Áine gets separated from Cullen.
> 
> She is desperate and doesn't know what to do when she faces one of her nightmares.

Cullen woke up to a low noise, but his brain was still half asleep to fully understand what was happening. His eyes slowly opened to the realization that Corypheus was almost defeated. They were going to march to the Arbor Wilds in a few hours.  

The last couple of weeks passed by in the blink of an eye. The Inquisitor had gone with him, and a few others to the Shrine of Dumat and Dagna created a rune to destroy Samson’s armor. Cullen’s small smile vanished when Maddox’s face greeted him… One more soul to haunt his days.

Groaning he turned to the other side and watched the dark sky outside the window, and the blinking stars took his mind somewhere else. He wondered why he was awake since he hadn’t had a nightmare to wake him up but rather the opposite; he dreamed with something else, someone else and he wanted to go back to sleep so he would see her face again.

Áine was so beautiful in their house – their house. He dreamed they had built a little something for themselves back in Ferelden, and his siblings came over to visit. Mia prodding and asking Áine about every little thing she could think of and Áine answering with a stunning smile. When they left them alone, Cullen saw her through the window bathing their horse and grinned.

There was more soap on Áine than on the horse and her laughter ringed in his ears. He watched her come inside while he tasted what he had just cooked and as soon as her wet figure entered the place, leaving puddles of water on the floor, he heard her asking to taste it as well. He offered her a spoon, but she circled his neck with her arms and kissed him. He woke up before they parted the kiss and he felt warm inside knowing it was a real possibility, that that could easily be their future given the fact they were finally together again… Forever this time.

With a smile playing on his lips, he turned to look at the ceiling and pulled her pillow to his face to smell the mint scent of her hair. A giggle on the foot of the bed made Cullen tense up, and he readily sat up straight; his hand took the dagger from the nightstand.

Áine threw her arms up and gave him a defeated look while walking in his direction. She noticed him studying her from her head to her toes, his eyes lingering on her naked legs.

Seeing her there made his spirit lift, and he raised an eyebrow. She wasn’t supposed to be back in less than two days, not that he complained. She crawled into their bed and sat on his hips, and his hands instinctively traced the skin of her thighs up and rested on her waist pulling her for a kiss.

“Bad breath!” – She chuckled and started to move away, only to be stopped midway her escape. – “Bad breath… bad breath!” – She laughed and tried to get away from him, but he pinned her on the bed by intertwining their fingers over her head and planted kisses all over her face.

“I’ll remember that in the morning.” – He bit her neck and then her earlobe, getting a shy moan in response.

Áine sank her teeth in his neck and heard his disapproving groan, but when he sought her eyes with his, she kissed him, curling her fingers further into his. With his knee, he parted her legs and slowly slid his hips between her thighs, and she couldn’t do anything but smile on his mouth.

His fingers traced her face, and his eyes studied the curves and lines on it. She saw his parted lips and felt his chest rising and falling on hers. Suddenly his lips curved into a bright smile and closed the space between them.

“I’m yours.” – He whispered on her mouth before kissing her again. – “I’m yours.” – He repeated looking into her eyes.

“I’m yours, Cullen.” – She cupped his face. – “Always was,” – She kissed his lips. – “and always will be.”

She pulled him closer, and they made love until the first rays of sunlight indicated a new day.

Áine had spent the last three weeks in the Western Approach, and the colors and sounds of the Arbor Wilds were a more than welcome change. The Griffon Wing Keep’s endless desert and the snowy mountains of Skyhold were no match for the place.

She stood in the middle of the forest and with her eyes shut close she paid attention to the birds' sounds, the running water and the Inquisition soldiers’ shouts in the distance surrounding her. The smell of smoke, flowers, and dirt reached her nose, and she took a deep breath. The cool breeze like silk on her skin. She heard Cullen shout orders in the distance and the soldiers start to march; she opened her eyes and followed them.

Somehow, somewhere she got lost from Cullen. She tried to hear him past the fighting, past the screams and growling. She had to reach him, to see him, to touch him… to know he was safe.

Something was wrong, she could feel it deep down her being.

Áine ran freezing and shattering enemies in her way. She called, screamed and waited for a reply but nothing. There was a natural arch made of light green leaves and branches, and beyond it, she thought she heard Cullen’s voice call her and she ran in its direction.

Past the arch, she saw a stream and lots of bodies. There was a lot of blood in the water too. Her legs started shaking, and she could barely walk. Her staff slipped from her fingertips, and she didn’t feel or hear it falling to the ground. There was a group of soldiers kneeled around someone she couldn’t see, but she saw blood being carried away by the water.

Her mouth was dry, and the nausea was almost too much. Her hand shook and as much as she tried to shape the fade, magic had abandoned her.

She pulled a soldier by the shoulder making way for what made her knees buckle and tears roll down her cheek. She didn’t know what to do, she couldn’t breathe. The soldiers were speaking with the mage in front of her, she heard their voices in the background of her buzzing mind, but she kept focus on his closed eyes and his parted lips.

A drop of blood trickled down the corner of his mouth leaving a red trail on his cheek. A red lyrium shard protruded from his right side and blood flowed from the wound tainting the fresh crystal water with a reddish hue. Áine’s hand touched the warm fragment and heard him groan. The mage tried to take it away, but Cullen complained with a loud grunt.

She held the damned thing with both hands and heard him groaning but she needed to take it out, the mage stopped her, looked into her eyes and said that it could kill him, but Áine had to do something, and with a hard look from her, the mage let her hands go, and she pulled the shard out. The fragment pulsed in her hand and she threw it away into the stream’s water, refocusing her hands on his wound she poured all the magic she could into it.

Cullen’s body convulsed, and she sat on his hips, her hands pressing down the wound and her magic flowing from her to him.

“No no no.” – She repeated several times. – “You promised!” – She shouted. – “You promised we would be together forever!” – She saw his shallow breaths. – “You’re a liar, a big fucking liar! I believed you!” – She began to pound his chest, and the tears came down her face.

The soldiers held her down, but she fought them with what she had left. They carried her away from him, and she shouted and threatened; she cursed him.

“I believed you! I believed you!” – She yelled while they took his body away. - “I believed you!” – She whispered to herself when they let her go, and her knees hit the hard ground.

Two days before she had him in her arms, just two days before. She remembered his smile and the touch of his skin on hers. The way he kissed and loved her. Selfishly she remembered his words and she cursed him again because he was hers and she didn’t allow him to go. Not yet, not without her.

Áine couldn’t accept it, she wouldn’t. Cullen was a big piece of an idiot ex-templar. She told him to rest, she begged him to stop and sleep, but no he was the Commander of the Inquisition, he had to be on the field with his soldiers.

“I told you to slow down. The body needs to rest…” – She washed her bloodied hands on the cold water. – “Why didn’t you listen to me? Why?” – She tucked some hair behind her ear. – “You were always stubborn, weren't you love?” 

 

* * *

“And where is she?” – Leliana entered the tent after giving one more look at the sunrise. - “She couldn’t have gone too far.”

“Our scouts saw her sleeping next to the ruins in the Ruined Archways. She seems unharmed. Do you want someone to go get her?” – Josephine spoke softly from the chair she sat.

“I’ll go.” – The women gave each other a knowing look. 

 

* * *

Áine sat by the statue of a hart and rested her head on its base. Her humming could be heard all around her. The music was interrupted by her sobs and the sudden noise of someone approaching.

She knew she should have stood up, should have turned to face her foe, but she was tired and the image of Cullen’s dying body still fresh in her mind. She felt the squeeze on her shoulder and slowly turned; she was at peace with death.

Dry leaves and dirt entangled in her hair, her uniform stained with his blood. Her body trembled and her arms circled her chest. He looked at her and knew.

There he was. His chest and pants with blood stains, his bandaged torso and pale lips right there in front of her. He was alive.

She jumped from her place into his arms. She cried and sobbed on his neck. She kissed his lips.

“You promised me!” – She whispered on his lips. – “You promised, and I believed you!” – She pounded his chest again.

Cullen could feel and hear the pain in her voice. She hit him, and it hurt, but she needed that… he needed that. She needed to know he was alive and he needed her to know that he was hers. Always.

It took her but a moment to vent her frustration and anger on him, and when she was finished, he wrapped her curls around his fingers and kissed her.

“Marry me.” – He whispered in her ear. Not a question but a wish. – “Stay with me.” – His hoarse voice sent a shiver down her spine and his breath tickled her lips. – “Stay with me,” – He searched her eyes. – “please?” – He asked at last.

“Always and forever.” – She finished with a kiss.


	41. A secret between us.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cullen laughs at the situation and makes Áine worry even more.  
> Her mind is filled with self-doubts and he teases her.

His chest rumbled with the chuckle, but he then groaned with the pain.

“I’m sorry.” – He reached to hold her arm, but she walked away. – “I’m sorry Blue. I didn’t mean it. I’m not laughing at you…” – He stood up with a groan and held her from behind. – “I simply can’t stop thinking how adorable you are being.”

“I’m not being adorable.” – She turned to face him and crossed her arms over her chest. – “And you’re just… you just… stop smiling at me like that.” – She grunted defeated.

He tried to stop the laughter, he really did, but his attempt made matters worse as soon as spit flew off his mouth when the loud noise filled the place.

Áine looked at him in shock. Her eyebrows pinched together when he had trouble breathing and started wheezing. She was torn between helping with the pain or punching him.

“I hate you.” – She let the tent’s fabric fall behind her.

Cullen cleaned his mouth and jogged to be by her side. A shy smile tugging the corner of his mouth.

“Blue, wait! Áine… Áine…” – He finally reached her and hugged her from behind. – “You don’t fool anyone. Everyone knows you don’t hate me.” – He buried his face on her neck and kissed it tenderly.

“Yes, I do. I hate you, Commander Cullen.”  – She tried to get rid of him.

“Ouch…ouch!” – He complained but didn’t let her go. – “I’m an injured soldier!” – He chuckled.

“Let me go then.” – She tried biting him.

Leliana and Josephine watched the scene not far from them, and the ambassador let out a sigh of satisfaction while Leliana giggled. Her brothers whispered approvals, and her mother nodded at them.

Cullen turned Áine to him and smiled with her reaction.

“Where are your clothes? You shouldn’t be shirtless in this cold!” – She hugged him and started rubbing his back getting an approving groan in response. – “Go back inside right now!”

Cullen chuckled, and Áine rolled her eyes.

“I will as soon as you admit you don’t hate me.” – He studied her face and caressed her cheek.

“You are being childish.” – She pouted and averted his gaze.

“Am I?” – He kissed her cheeks, chin and all the surface he could reach. – “Admit it, and I will get inside without another word.”

Áine didn’t know if she laughed or got angry. She bit her inner mouth and smiled at last.

“Alright… maybe, just maybe, I don’t hate you.” – She traced his chest with her fingertips without meeting his eyes with hers.

“Maybe?” – He pulled her chin up to look into her green eyes.

“Yeah, okay. I don’t hate you.”

“Mmm” – He waited for her to continue.

“What? I just admitted it. Wasn’t it the deal?” – She watched Cullen cross his arms over his chest. – “Well… I might like you.” – She tried to touch him, but he deflected her hand by taking a step back.

Áine couldn’t believe he had done that and stood still looking around at the people discreetly watching them. She tried touching him but once again wasn’t able. His stern face watching her.

“I…” – She sighed. – “You know very well my feelings for you.” – He raised an eyebrow and didn’t say anything when she took a shy step in his direction. – “You make me crazy sometimes, and you know it, don’t you?” – She took another step and tugged the corner of his bandages without looking at him.

Cullen silently prayed for her to say the words soon because the urge to kiss her was almost too much. His right hand moved to tuck her hair behind her ear, but he changed his mind and took her hand from the piece of cloth she was playing and heard her sigh again.

“I love you, alri…” – Cullen cupped her face and kissed her.

“I love you too, lady Rutherford.” – He whispered in her ear.

Áine’s cheek reddened and the thousand butterflies in her stomach started flying. She felt herself melting in his arms.

“Do you think your family is going to like me? I mean... I’m a mage…” – She heard Cullen chuckling.

“Blue,” – He brushed her nose with his. – “They will love you just as I do. Maybe Mia will act like she doesn’t…”

“Not helping” – She poked his chest.

“They will love you, I know it.” – He hugged her tight – “You care for me, make me happy, keep me alive.” – He took her hand and placed near his heart. – “They will be more than pleased with this.” – He kissed her hand. – “And the fact that you are smart, strong, independent and down to earth will make Mia simply adore you.” – He gave her a soft kiss.

“Okay. Now go back inside, and Maker put some clothes on!” – She ordered him while pushing him towards their tent.

Cullen wanted to tell everyone that he and Áine were engaged, but they decided to wait until Corypheus was defeated, and besides, he cherished having it only between them. The reaction he got from her every time he called her lady Rutherford was too endearing, and he caught himself daydreaming with what the future held for them.

 


	42. Always and Forever.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Corypheus comes to the Valley of Sacred Ashes to face the Inquisitor in one final battle. Cullen struggles with the thought that Áine wants to go and they argue about it.  
> Sera as close to Áine and Cullen as she is, asks him about their future plans and everyone present in the after party witness a moment that they have kept to themselves.

A few days later after arriving at Skyhold from the Arbor Wilds, Corypheus decided to face the Inquisitor in the Valley of Sacred Ashes. Without their forces, the Inquisitor was forced to go with the inner circle and some soldiers. The rest would remain within the fortress’s walls to prepare for any incoming attacks.

After the rushed plans were done, Cullen immediately searched for Áine and found her gearing herself to go with them.

“What are you doing?” – He asked. His office door wide open.

“Corypheus is here. We are finally killing him.” – She stuffed two health potions in her satchel. – “Everything led to this moment.” – She threw it over her shoulder and reached for her staff. – “Please don’t do anything crazy until I get back, okay. We still have to decide about the wedding details.” – She winked at him.

Cullen watched her get ready and approach him. She leaned on her toes to kiss him, but he shut the door close. Something was building up inside him. The strange but familiar feeling made his head start to throb.

“Cullen? Is everything alright?” – She studied his features.

“You’re not going.” – His voice firm and loud reverberated in the office.

“What?” – She asked taking a step back. – “Of course, I’m going. Cullen, love…” – She ran her finger through her hair. – “This is the moment we’ve all been waiting for…”

“Stop!” – He cut short her words. – “You are not going.”

They looked at each other for long seconds.

“Alessa needs help to fight him, and there aren’t many soldiers…” – She tried to leave the place, but he blocked her way. – “Cullen, you can’t keep me here.” – Her grip on the staff tightened.

“You are not going.” – He tried to take the satchel from her, but she didn’t allow him. – “Áine, give me…” – She walked to the other door.

Cullen followed her and blocked her way out again.

“Don’t do this Cullen. Not right now.” – She tilted her head.

That feeling made his hands tremble, and he couldn’t think straight. He just knew she wasn’t going there. He wasn’t going to allow it… whatever it took. And with the thought he finally recognized it. It was the same feeling he had when she died.

Cullen had chosen the worst moment to test her and Áine was not going to let him do that. She could feel the fade on her fingertips, making their way up her hands. A shiver ran its way down her spine when the place suddenly got colder.

“You are not going. Give me the satchel and the staff, please.” – His tone as cold as the air.

Áine watched him take tense steps in her direction.

“Cullen, you’re forcing me to do something I don’t want…”

“Give them to me!” – He ordered in an almost yell startling her who readied in a defensive position. “I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to raise my voice.” – He massaged his temples. – “I can’t let you go. I just can’t. Call me selfish, call me whatever you want… you are not leaving this place.” – She saw despair in his eyes. – “Please don’t.”

“I need to, Cullen. I’m sorry.” – She started walking in the opposite direction.

“Very well. If you’re going, I’m going to.” – He unsheathed his sword, and the movement was painful. He wasn’t completely healed.

“You can’t go!” – She reached for him, but he dismissed her help.

“I’m the Commander; if anyone has to go, it’s me.”

“Cullen you are too important to go. You have to stay and coordinate the remaining soldiers.” – She tried reasoning.

“If you’re going I’m going. I’ve made my mind.” – He took a satchel for himself.

“You can’t go.”

“Why?”

“Because you are too important for this foolishness. You are needed here.”

“And why you going is different from me?” – He stopped organizing his things to look at her.

“I’m nobody. I’m not important.”

Cullen let go of his sword which reached the ground with a loud noise followed by the sound of glasses breaking when he dropped the satchel as well.

“Oh, love. You’re so so wrong. You are important. You are the most important person to me. Can’t you see why I can’t let you go?” – He cupped her face, and she saw the tears threating to roll down his cheeks.

She dropped her staff and circled his neck with her arms kissing him.

“I’ll stay, then. With you.”

He smiled and rested his forehead on hers.

“Always and forever.”

“Always and forever.” – She repeated.

Cullen walked around the fortress giving orders to the soldiers and the remaining spies in Skyhold. Áine and her family always by his side.

Alessa returned from the battle with all the inner circle but Solas. The elf was nowhere to be found and the Inquisitor ordered to find him. She wanted to know her friend was alive.

It had been a difficult battle Cullen could see it in their eyes, body language, and wounds.

Josephine was able to throw a grand party despite the short amount of time she had to prepare, and the couple asked themselves how she could stand all those nobles and their nonsense.

And there, in a corner of the throne room, where Cullen chatted with Áine and Leliana, he heard Sera call.

“Hey! Cully-wully?” – Cullen’s cheek reddened, and he tried to ignore. – “Blue!” – The elf’s words piqued everyone’s interest, and the place’s conversations lowered to whispers.

“Yes, Sera?” – Áine saw Cullen close his eyes and she turned him to the young girl.

“When is the Commander going to make you the official Lady Cully-wully, yeah?” – Áine wanted to fade step out of the place and disappear into the snowy mountains. – “I mean you two…” – She was cut off by Cullen.

“If you must insist on knowing, Sera.” – Cullen tucked some of Áine’s hair behind her ear. – “She already said ‘Always and forever’ which I took as a yes.” – He kissed her hand and saw her turn the impossible shade of red he loved so much.

And in the middle of cheers and felicitations, they were able to slip away. Finally, alone in the garden, Cullen pulled her close and kissed her exactly the way he had wanted to do since the afternoon.

The place was full of flowers, and their smell surrounded them. The moon and the stars the only witnesses Cullen wanted.

“Áine?” – Cullen tried, but his voice failed him, so he cleared his throat. – “Áine, I need to ask something important.” – He ran his finger through his hair.

“Is everything alright?” – She stood in front of him and studied his nervous expression.

“What? Yes... yes. Everything is fine. I just… I…” – He sighed.

“Cullen. Whatever it is I’m here, and I’m not going anywhere.” – She caressed his cheek.

“Good. It’s all I want.”

Áine watched him take his gloves off and reach for something in his pocket.

And he, with his hand trembling, took hers in his and kissed it with adoration. He looked into her eyes, and the intensity in them grounded him to that moment.

“I need to know if you’re sure.”

“About?” – She asked in a whisper. His behavior starting to plant doubts all over her mind.

“Us…” – He looked away for a split second and then searched her eyes. – “Are you sure you want to marry me?”

She laughed freely. What was he thinking?

“Always and forever.” – She repeated the same promise she had made in the Arbor Wilds.

“Good!” – She saw his expression change and the incredibly big smile on his lips. – “I have something for you then.” – Cullen slipped a ring on her finger and kissed it. – “I love you, lady Rutherford.”

Áine raised her hand to see it in the moonlight. The ring was adorned with small daisies and forget-me-nots. Her other hand covered her mouth, and she stared at him.

“But... How? When?” – The words blurted out of her mouth.

“The day you came back. Before going to the Emerald Graves.” – He tucked some hair behind her ear. – “The day we were finally together again.” – He caressed her cheek. – “As soon as you left my office I wrote a letter to a friend ordering the ring.” – His voice lowered. – “I wanted to give it to you sooner, but I was waiting for the right moment and place… I guess I screwed up when I proposed the way I did…”

“Oh, Cullen.” – She kissed him. – “That moment was perfect, and I can’t think of anything better. I thought I had lost you and was ready to die.” – She saw his eyes widen. – “And when I saw you there, alive… my heart raced, and I thought it was going to stop, and then you asked me to marry you, to stay with you… There would never be a better place and time.” – Áine smiled when his shoulders relaxed.

“Are you sure?” – He felt her lips on his, and he smiled relieved. – “Do you like the ring? It has daisies; they are your favorite flowers, aren’t they? And forget-me-nots because…”

“Cullen.” – She stopped him. – “It’s perfect. Everything is perfect.”

He pulled her for one more kiss, and they walked to his office. Their future together the only topic in their conversation.

 

 


	43. A little us.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Exalted Council comes to keep them apart for months and when Cullen goes back to Skyhold a gift awaits on his table.  
> Will he like what he sees?

Áine stood in the middle of the room, and she absent-minded tugged her dress. A loud laughter caught her attention, and she turned to the noise’s direction with a smile on her lips. She caressed her arm and felt the effect of the goosebumps with her fingertips. The person laughed again, louder, and she knew it was Sera.

The door opened, and Mother watched her from the doorframe, her face contagiously lit in happiness. Áine felt light and had to stop herself from hopping around.

“You look lovely, child. I can’t believe this day has finally come.” – She hugged Áine and kissed her cheek.

“I know.” – She looked at the blue sky through the open door. – “I feel like I’m dreaming. If I am…” – She wrapped one of her loose curls around her finger. – “Please Maker, don’t wake me up.”

Cullen paced under the watchful eyes of the guests and Mia came to talk to him with eyebrows pinched together.

“Are you trying to make a hole in the ground?” – He stammered a ‘no’ in response. – “Then stop pacing and let me take a look at you.”

And while she adjusted his clothes, he looked around and saw many of the guests smiling at him.

They had chosen an open place near a lake to build their future together. Cullen’s duties demanded him to stay in Skyhold, but Áine’s brothers took it as their responsibility to build the house themselves. Áine, of course, supervised everything, and Cullen often slipped away to help as much as he could.

The house wasn’t big or extravagant, but it was theirs and theirs only. Their sweat and dreams, their tears and stolen kisses present in every corner.

He looked at the lake and memories of his childhood invaded his mind, and he couldn’t stop smiling. His family was present, and for a moment his heart ached for the absence of his parents. Turning his gaze to the ground, he heard his nephew’s voice and lifted his eyes in time to see him chatting excitedly with Nevan.

Alone again inside the house, Áine trailed the walls with her fingertips. She remembered the times Cullen came to help build it and all the kisses that were stolen in every room. She remembered all the promises they made while lying exhausted in each other’s arms during the night.

She heard herself giggle and sat in the armchair near the fireplace, the voices coming from the outside were music in her ears.

The guests were scattered in organized seats in front of a gigantic old tree. It’s large branches so heave, they grew to the floor and up again. Flowers decorated the place, and the daisies and forget-me-nots had their presence as well, but they were only in Áine’s flower crown.

Cullen looked behind at the lake and Áine out of the window, they saw the sun almost touching the horizon, and they knew the time had come.

He noticed that the last rays of sunlight sent shadows on the people, and lost in the thought that everything was perfect he saw her.

Áine wore a simple light blue and silver dress, her blue curls brushed her shoulders and her hair adorned with promises they made a long time ago. Cullen found himself breathless.

His lips were parted in awe when she approached him and remained so until they exchanged their last vows.

“… I promise I will be yours and love you…” – They said together. His forehead resting on hers. Their fingers intertwined.

With a deep breath, he placed his hands softly on her face before saying. – “… Always…”

“…and forever.” – She finished with a kiss.

* * *

 “Cullen?” – Josephine called trying to hide the smile. – “Are you here or there with her?”

“I’m sorry, Josie. You know how much I despise these things.” – He took a deep breath. – “If you ask me if I prefer being surrounded by nobles and their nonsense or think about the wife I last saw five months ago… I think the answer is pretty clear.”

“It’s been that long? I thought you saw each other every two months.” – She asked feeling somewhat guilty. – “How’s mother?”

He looked at her and ran his finger through his hair.

“She is… not well, to say the least. Since she fell ill, we decided it would be best for Áine to stay and take care of her. I was supposed to have gone back to visit but with the Exalted Council preparations and the trip itself.” – He sighed loudly. – “Let’s pray everything goes smoothly so we can go back as soon as possible.”

“Don’t worry Cullen you’ll see her in no time.” – Josephine offered him a warm smile.

* * *

 “Where’s Cullen now, Blue?” – Mother asked between coughs. – “When is he coming home?” – The old lady sat straight on the bed.

“He is still traveling. The last letter I received said they were having some problems…” – She tucked a curl behind her ear.

“Don’t worry! It’s nothing, you’ll see. Cullen is a strong man and can take care of himself.”

“I know. I miss him, that’s all.” – Refocusing on the woman in front of her she continued. – “Now, you need to eat…” – Mother cut her off.

“Listen to me, child.” – She held Áine’s arms and squeezed them. – “You’ll go to your house…” – Mother had to shush her. – “You’ll go to your house and will take the gift I know you’ve been waiting to give him. You’ll go to Skyhold and will surprise him. I know how much you want to surprise him.” – The old woman looked down and smiled.

“I can’t leave you…” – Tears rolled down her cheeks.

“Yes, you can. Besides, the boys are here, and they can take care of me. I’m not dying anytime soon.” – She cleaned her tears away. – “Now go!”

Áine went to their house, took the wooden box from the drawer and squeezed it hard in her hands. She threw everything she needed into a satchel and took a horse. The last letter Cullen sent her sitting on top of the table, still closed and completely ignored.

* * *

 The Inquisitor had decided to disband the Inquisition, and as soon as he heard the news, he wrote to Áine explaining that from that moment on they wouldn’t have to wait months to see each other; never again. Thinking about it, he gave the soldiers the last day’s orders and headed to his office.

It was end of summer, and even though the fortress was situated among mountains of snow, the sun shone brightly in the sky, and the crowd took care of their last businesses in the place.

Cullen walked the battlements and stopped to watch the valley below. Most of the tents which once decorated the view were long gone. He sighed, and a sense of completed duty washed over him.

He opened his office door and wished he had walked in just to see Áine standing in the place like so many times she had done before.

Taking his gloves off and lost in memories of her, he closed the door behind him with his ankle and threw them on the table without a second look to walk to his bookshelf and pick up the books he was going to take home.

When the view of his house played in his mind, he chuckled and then smiled running his finger through his hair.

“I’m coming home, Áine.” – He whispered wishing she could hear him.

Cullen picked some of the books and moved to place them on the table. Nearing it, he finally noticed the small wooden box on top of it and sat to analyze it more carefully.

The box had no decoration nor lock, he opened it and saw a note inside, under it a gift wrapped in blue paper.

>  It is a lovely day to watch the flowers.

Cullen read the note two times before setting it aside and focusing on the gift. Unwrapping it, his heart raced. He blinked several times and started laughing loud. In a swift motion, he started to run out of his office.

He ran, and he laughed. His chest rumbled, and he couldn’t care less about the people around him. He heard someone call his name, but he ignored the person and headed to the only place that mattered at that moment. The small gift inside his closed hand.

He opened the garden’s door and entered the place like his life depended on it and there among the plants and flowers he saw Áine talking to Josephine.

She wore a white dress and her raven hair was tied in a messy bun with some of the curls hanging freely on her skin. When she turned to look at him, her hair flew back in the breeze.

They weren’t more than five steps apart, and the first thing he saw was her beautiful smile, and not even a second later, his eyes fell to her hands which circled her belly… her beautiful round belly.

His fingers squeezed the baby shoe in his hand, and he narrowed the distance between them. His lips claimed hers, and she smiled on his mouth.

“Hello, father!” – Áine said, and Cullen’s lips stretched in an even bigger smile.

“Hello, mother!” – He caressed her cheeks before kneeling to greet his baby with a tender kiss.

 

**The end.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can’t believe Áine’s story has come to an end. My heart is filled with joy, and I have no words to express what I’m feeling.  
> It was a little more than a year journey, and for everyone that came along, there’s only one thing to say: Thank you so much!   
> Hope you guys enjoyed it as much as I did.  
> Tight hugs from Brazil.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading!  
> I really do appreciate the fact that you took some of your precious time to read my work.  
> Please leave a comment and tell me your opinion, I'd love to know it.  
> Just wanted to say that English is not my first language and I apologize in advance for the mistakes.


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